Online Dating

Dr. Robert Huizenga
87
25 7

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.” One affair, “I Can’t Say NO!” is characterized by addictive tendencies. Infidelity (as well as pornography, strip clubs, online chatting, compulsive masturbation, etc.) may be a part of the sexual addiction.
Often the spouse or partner of a sexually addicted person intuitively knows of the addiction and the struggle his/her partner has with the behavior.
The partner often “feels for” his/her partner and is in a great quandary about staying in the marriage or leaving the marriage.
If you are a person facing this dilemma or know of someone who is, here are some pointed questions to help move more quickly through the decision making process:
1. Do you really want to save the marriage or are you just plain worn out? Does it seem that it would be much easier to just put up and tolerate the crazy kind of behavior you bump into with him? Are you emotionally fried and think of confronting him with your feelings and thoughts of ending the marriage as jumping into more emotional turmoil?
2. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you think you should hang in there for religious, moral or other “should” reasons? Most spouses who partner with those who can’t say no are very conscientious people. Is that you? Do you want to do the right thing? Are you willing to continue feeling the humiliation and facing the dangers because you believe you should stay in the marriage? Do convictions rather than practical and personal concerns dictate your decisions?
3. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you believe you should stay to protect the children? Do you think you are the only spouse who can care for the children? (You may be.) Or maybe your spouse cares deeply for the children and is a good parent. (That may be also.) Do you think that ending the marriage would make life immeasurably worse for your children? Do you fear for their welfare if you confront his behavior?
4. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you see absolutely no way out and are resigned to this marriage? You may experience a powerful pervasive feeling of being stuck. You may believe that you have tried everything and that it is in the best interest of everyone to stay where you are. Couple your weariness with your sense of being stuck and you may tolerate a great deal of disappointment and pain for the sake of the marriage.
5. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you see yourself as incapable of getting out? Your self-esteem may be at rock bottom. You may think of yourself as incapable of starting over, incapable of starting a new relationship, incapable of making the transition to a new life and incapable of making decisions on your own. It is not unusual for the spouse of someone who can’t say no to lose her sense of dignity and self-respect as he attempts to control, intimidate and dictate.
6. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you need to protect him? Do you see beyond what is there to him basic emptiness and fear? It’s there and you know it? Perhaps you fear what might happen to him if you do indeed leave? Will he be able to cope? What destructive path might he take next? So you hang in there, aware of his underlying pain and hope some day it will be addressed.
7. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you live in the fear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Perhaps you might face violence? You might face the emotional game playing at a new level of intensity? Does it seem wiser to hold back, not confront, not move toward change for fear of what he might say or do? Do you sometimes feel frozen with fear?
8. Do you really want to save the marriage or have you given no thought to how you might start over? This is a little different than the fear of starting over. Perhaps your life has been so wrapped around his or the care of your children that you have given little, if any, thought to you. Have you thought of your desires, your skills, your dreams, your hopes and your future apart from him? Or, apart from your children?
Take some time to seriously and thoughtfully address these questions. Once you do, you may experience a new found freedom to act and move in new ways.Z

Paul and Layne Cutright
710
25 7

Breaking Up, Separation, and Divorce Can Be Devastating –
But May Also Provide the Opportunity for Self-Examination
and a New Beginning

There is nothing easy about ending a love relationship.
Breaking up is seldom the ideal resolution to problems
within relationships, but all too often is the outcome,
despite our best efforts to prevent it. Over the past
two or three decades, about half of all marriages have
ended in divorce, and the statistics for cohabitation
(or living together) are higher than this.

The person who was once your best friend and your
companion for life, the one who knew you better than
anyone else, has now in some ways become your enemy.
You cannot believe that this has happened.
How could that love have been destroyed? The breakup of a
relationship is one of life’s most emotionally painful
experiences.
The depth of pain depends on many factors – how
sensitive you are to
the meaning of your life experiences, how much you
have idealized the relationship, and how much you
depended on your partner to make your life worthwhile.

A broken relationship shatters much that we have
known and dreamed
about. Our relationships, especially intimate
relationships, help us define who we are. Our values,
our views of the world,
and how we define our most intimate feelings are all
embodied within our love relationships. When our relationship
comes to an end, our lives enter a chaotic period for which we
may be unprepared. We suddenly find ourselves dealing
with a host of emotions and thoughts – grieving, despair,
anger, revenge and retaliation, hoping for a miracle,
negotiating, feeling out of control, hoping for
happiness again and not knowing how to get
there, fear, and loneliness – and little of it seems
to make sense. (And where is your partner when you need
him or her the most?)

Most of us have never acquired the tools to deal with a loss
of this magnitude. When we entered the relationship, we put
our energies into building a life with our partner. We put
little effort into learning to be alone again. A breakup
forces us to jump into an overwhelming, and often dreaded,
world of new experiences.

It is comforting to learn that this time of craziness
will come to a close. The sun will shine again. The pain
of a breakup, if it is approached constructively, can propel
people to confront personal issues and to discover who they
are at this stage of life. Many people look back on the time
following their breakup as the best time in their lives.
It may be painful, but it is also a time when a person can
feel fully alive and impelled to look within to determine
their strengths, abilities, and challenges.

The ending of a love relationship follows a predictable set
of experiences. It is helpful to recognize the feelings
associated with each stage of a breakup and to know that
these feelings are normal and expected. If you have
difficulty in handling the negative feelings that
accompany the phases of the process, it will probably
be a challenge to cope effectively as you move toward
the completion of the breakup. If you accept your
painful feelings and explore why things are difficult,
you become better able, as a more integrated person,
to see your way to a happier resolution.

Let’s look at a few of the predictable stages commonly
experienced by those in the process of a breakup.

Denial

Denying the truth of the breakup actually helps us to
postpone the pain, so denial certainly has a place in
the process, at least initially. A problem occurs when
we experience so much denial that we are unable to come
to terms with the reality of the task before us. There
comes a day when “this is not happening to me” is no
longer an effective way of coping. Ending the denial
stage involves a major shift in our thinking about
ourselves, what our partner means to us, and where we
must go from here.

Fear

Most people experiencing a breakup are forced to come
to terms with a number of fears. What will people say?
Whom can I trust to talk to? How can I handle my partner’s
anger toward me? How do I deal with my own anger? Am I a
complete failure? How can I be a single parent?
What about money? Can I do the banking and buy
groceries and pay bills and fix the car? Can I
handle my loneliness? Am I completely unlovable?
Will I ever love anyone else again? Do I have the
energy for this much change? When we are dominated
by our fears and feel unable to do anything about them,
we increase the likelihood that these will be the
very areas where we experience trouble. The best way
to handle fear is to confront it head on, with awareness,
planning, and support – and this takes courage.

Loneliness

The loneliness a person experiences at the time of a
breakup may feel overwhelming. The finality of ending
the relationship, uncertainty about the future, as well
as the knowledge that your partner will no longer be
there to comfort you or to spend time with you, all
contribute to an empty feeling that seems as if it will
not go away. While you were in the relationship, you
defined yourself as being partnered and you felt that
you always had someone there to share your experiences.
And now you don’t. The clue to dealing with this is to
change loneliness to aloneness. Loneliness suggests a
longing to be with another person. Aloneness can be a
time to see who you are – you have the opportunity to
explore your independence and challenge yourself to do
things on your own. It can be a valuable time of
self-exploration and self-enhancement. Aloneness
might not last long, or at least not long enough,
so it can be seen as a valuable opportunity.

Friendship

The breakup is a true test of just who your real
friends are. It is important to draw on the emotional
support of friends during this time. Unfortunately,
many of your friends were those who knew you as a
couple and they may have to choose between you.
Those who try to stay neutral may find it difficult.
Some may feel that your breakup somehow threatens
their own relationships, and some friends may now
find it difficult to relate to you as a single person.
Not only that, but you may find it difficult to trust
others during a breakup. Getting out, feeling free,
trusting wisely, and opening up to others becomes a
major goal of healthy adjustment.

Grieving

It is normal, and indeed necessary, to experience a
period of grieving over the end of the relationship.
You may feel depressed for some time and experience
changes in your energy levels, as well as your sleeping
and appetite patterns. You may dwell on negative
thoughts for a period of time and find it difficult
to find pleasure in everyday events. If your negative
thinking turns into self-destructive thoughts, you
should find a professional therapist who can help you.
As unpleasant as this period of grieving may feel,
comfort yourself with the knowledge that this is most
likely a temporary phase and it is how you are saying
goodbye so that you can move on to a healthier and happier
future.

Anger

People ending their relationships usually say that
they never knew they could have so much anger. The
rage seems overwhelming at times. Think about it
– you have just lost one of the most important things
in your life and your partner may seem like your enemy.
You have a lot to be angry about. Use this opportunity
to look within – explore your anger and find out how it
helps and hurts you. One rule: don’t engage in any
behavior you will feel sorry about later on! Because
it may be difficult to contain your anger at this time,
your partner is not the appropriate target for your anger.
Instead, process your anger by talking about it with a
trusted friend or therapist. Anger is helpful in the
sense that it helps us end the loyalty and trust we
used to feel for our partner, and this allows us to move on.

Think of the ending of your relationship as a journey,
which you take one step at a time. Some of these steps
are challenging. Not only do we have to confront all
of the stages listed above, but we must also deal with
making the final break emotionally, understand what
really went wrong, learn to feel comfortable with
ourselves again, see ourselves as single people,
make new friends, forge new purposes and goals, and
learn again about trust and love. As painful as this
journey may seem at first, it can lead to a life which
is better – and it can be much better.

Dumpers and Dumpees

A breakup seems easiest for couples who decide mutually
to end the relationship. In most cases, however, as
suggested by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti, in their
book, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, a breakup
involves a dumper, the party who takes the initiative to
end the relationship, and a dumpee, the one who wants the
relationship to continue. Sometimes, when one analyzes the
nature of the relationship, it may be difficult to decide
just who is the dumper and the dumpee. In general, however,
the dumper is the one who says it is all over, and the
dumpee is the one in shock who begs the other not to leave.
Dumpees often say they were taken completely by surprise
by their partner’s announcement.

The breakup experience is often very different for each
of the two parties. The dumper usually began preparing
for the end well before the final announcement, and the
actual parting often comes as a relief for the dumper.
The primary emotion experienced by the dumper is guilt.
The dumpee, on the other hand, is usually hit by surprise
and with a great deal of pain. The turmoil of the breakup
itself is usually much more intense for the dumpee, but it
is this pain that can motivate more personal growth. The
main task of the dumpee is to work through feelings of
rejection. Both parties usually experience a great deal
of pain as their relationship comes to an end, although
the pain of guilt is different from the pain of rejection.
For a healthy adjustment it is important to recognize
which role has been assumed, dumper or dumpee, and to
work on the issues appropriate to that role.

How Long Do I Wait Until I Get Into Another Relationship?

Expect that it will take at least a year before things
begin to feel at all normal again. For most of us,
depending on the length and the nature of our previous
relationship, it will take two or three years. This may
seem like an eternity, but in reality this is a wonderful
and precious opportunity to find out who you are as an
unattached individual. A word of warning is in order
– don’t expect to involve yourself with someone else
immediately! You are on the rebound. To attach yourself
prematurely in a love relationship is unfair to you and
to the other person. You must deal with important personal
issues when your previous love relationship comes to an end.
Living through the transition and exploring these issues
can be painful – and falling in love again may seem like
the perfect way to end the pain. But if you attach yourself
again too quickly, before you have a chance to explore the
issues which led to your breakup and to start to feel
comfortable again as a single and independent individual,
the other person becomes a replacement object, and that
is not what a healthy relationship is about. You will
probably carry into this replacement relationship the
same issues that helped to lead to the demise of your
former relationship – and similar events may very well
happen again.

Your real goal is to discover who you are and to explore
what happened. When you are at the point of being able
to have a happy and fulfilled life as a single person,
then you can choose when, or even if, you should
involve yourself in another love relationship.
When you know that you have that choice, you may be ready.

© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright – All rights reserved.
You may publish this article in its entirety and with
the authors’ resource informintact.

Jill Brennan
63
25 7

Do you ever feel like you catch up with your partner infrequently, often late at night when you’re too tired to speak? Or when your timetables happen to collide? There are work dinners, school outings, sporting practice, dinners with friends, homework to supervise, household chores and so the list goes on. Do you feel like you need to make a date night just to spend some one on one time with your other half? Time when you’re not sleeping?
If this sounds like you then I’m sure you will enjoy these tips for keeping each other close at heart, even if you can’t always be as physically close as you’d like.
Its all about communicating and sharing the little things that make up our lives. Here are ten easy ways to make your feelings known:
1. Birthday love letter. There is something powerful about a letter. A few years ago my husband and I agreed to write a love letter for each other’s birthday. I think I picked it up from a magazine article about Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. Apparently it’s something they used to do in lieu of expensive presents. Obviously it didn’t work for their marriage but we’ve found it has become the part of our birthday celebrations that we enjoy the most.
Writing down all the things that you love about the other person and then giving it to them is a very personal and thoughtful thing to do. In many cases its better than any gift you could possibly imagine and something to appreciate and cherish even when the birthday is a distant memory. You can do it for your children too if you have any and they will never need to doubt that you love them. Of course, you don’t have to wait until it is your loved ones birthday to send them a letter – anytime is a good time to tell them how you feel about them.
2. Sit down and talk about your day. When we can we sit down at the table to eat our evening meal and take it in turns to talk about what we did in our day. Even our two and a half year old joins in. For a long time he would talk about who he saw rather than what he did but now he’s getting the hang of it. The other thing we take it in turns to do is name the best and worst things that happened that day. Sometimes so much happens each day that it helps to pause and reflect on what were the highlights and lowlights.
3. Celebrate all your partner’s successes with them – from a high five to a glass of champagne. Whatever the scale of the success calls for, make it a joint celebration.
4. Allow yourself to be impressed by your partner and let them know. ‘I’m proud of you’ is something that I think everyone loves being told by someone they care about.
5. Never underestimate the power of a hug – train your kids to hug you back. My five year old son Jack loves hugs. He loves giving them and getting them. Sometimes he will spontaneously hug someone if he feels they are a bit sad, although usually he asks first if they would like ‘a Jack hug’.
6. Send them a photo that means a lot to you and tell them why its important – you could use a Show & Tell Card. It’s a new type of greeting card that lets you stick your photo on the front and is blank inside so you can write what you like. Go to http://www.showandtellcards.com for more information.
7. Share an experience. It could be a movie, a new CD, magazine article, or a short story. Talk about what you read or saw and why you liked or disliked it. And do it regularly.
8. Compliments. Everyone loves getting them so never pass up the opportunity to give one of these reliable mood boosters. You can give them in person or write them on a small piece of paper and leave them somewhere unexpected for your loved one to find.
9. Dance. It doesn’t take long to find a great song you both enjoy, put it on and dance around the living room floor – probably 5 minutes maximum but it is a wonderful way to physically reconnect with each other in between dinner and desert or at the end of a long evening or you could make it an unusual way to start your day.
10. Thoughtful gestures. Doing something unexpected, especially when you’re loved one is busy and stressed, is a lovely way to show that you understand what they are going through and that they have your support.
Showing your partner how much you love them need not take a lot of time and you will be rewarded many times over for your effort. Get loving t

Marc Madi
82
25 7

Centuries old Wedding traditions and wonderful Philippine customs make Filipina Weddings (Kasalan) some of the most beautiful wondrous celebrations on earth. The Filipino culture’s high regard for the sanctity of Marriage has given the Philippine Wedding Ceremony many customs and traditions that will be new to the American Gentlemen
Given the dollar peso exchange rate, if for no other reason it is a wise decision to have your wedding in the Philippines. Wedding Ceremony styles, Wedding Dresses, and receptions can differ widely in style and price, but all factors considered you will receive 10 times for your money what you could afford here in the United States.
In the traditional Filipina Wedding the groom is expected to burden all of the cost as opposed to American traditions were it is the Bride’s family that is responsible for wedding exspences. This has given way slightly to some couples sharing the cost as it has here also in the United States.
A few of the cost that will seem unexpected but are in keeping with Filipino Wedding traditions are
1. Hotel rooms for valued guest that journey from distant islands to attend your Wedding. In my case it was the VIPs such as her eldest brother and her Maid of honor
2. Transportation for all those who are to attend locally. We rented a large “Power Cruiser” (Bus) or what would be a fully customized bus complete with sound system and custom paint.
3. Bride’s Maids dresses and Barongs for the groom’s men are usually available for rent at the Wedding boutiques. Unlike here in the US where many of the Bride’s maids will purchase their own dress to keep after the Wedding. Some will not be able to afford the exspence and instead opt to rent them
As customary with Filipinas she will be wearing her wedding ring on the right hand and not the left as here in the United States. For the Filipina, the Bible has stated “the Son sits at the right hand of the Father”. So she will sit on the left and wear her ring on the right. This tradition completely blindsided me as I had already presented my fiancé’ with a beautiful engagement set and placed it on her left ring finger. Just 4 days before the wedding she explained to me I would need to buy her a wedding ring now for her right hand.
Filipino Wedding Ceremonies have some very wonderful traditions different from the typical Wedding Ceremonies here in the United States.
There will be 3 sets of sponsors for the wedding couple, Ninang (male) and Ninong (female). They are usually successful well respected couples choosen by the bride. They will have many task and responsibilities during the actual Wedding ceremony.
Veil Ceremony
The first set of sponsors are responsible for the pinning of the Bride’s Veil to the shoulder of the Groom. This is to symbolize the wedding couple’s clothes as one.
Cord Ceremony
The second set of sponsors will place the ceremonial wedding cord to “Tie” the Bride and Groom together during the actual Wedding ceremony. This is to symbolize the spiritual bonding of the 2 souls.
Candle Ceremony
Then the last pair of sponsors will light two candles on either side of a unity candle, which the wedding couple getting married light together.
Arrhae or 13 Golden Coin Ceremony
Lastly, the groom presents his bride the “Arrhea” also known as the 13 golden coins. The “Arrhae” has been blessed by the priest for a life of faithfulness and prosperity. The “Arrhae” and the Wedding Rings are usually carried by 2 small children, a boy and a girl during the wedding march. The Wedding Dress Couture or seamstres should also create 2 small matching pillows for the presentation of the Arrhae and Wedding Rings.
Do not worry about the cost of the “Arrhae” too much as I did. These are not actual Gold Coins. Often times token 13 golden coins “Arrhae” are provided almost free by the jewelery shop you buy the Wedding ring from in the Philippines
You will also find some Filipino superstitions associated with Wedding Ceremonies and Newlywed couples. The Bride will not wear her Wedding Dress before the ceremony or it will bring bad luck. Also if a bride wants her husband to agree to her every whim she will step on his foot on the way to the altar. This according to superstition will place him under her spell of”Lihi”.
One of the most distinctive qualities of a Filipina Wedding are the cathedrals. They are HUGE. Some capable of holding as many as 600 or 700 people. Often they are gigantic architectural wonders built of concrete and stone with huge arches and towering steeples some times 100s of years old. You would have trouble finding a comparable structure in the United States.
Wedding Receptions are also very affordable in the Philippines. My Wedding Reception included buffet catering for 75 persons, 2 cases wine, 4 cases soda pop, 3 Delux suites at the resort, banquet hall complete with DJ, a Lechon (whole roast pig) all at a luxury Beach front resort for less the $1000 Us dollars.
When we were finished with all the official toasting of the newly weds (about 3 hours), we simply asked the resort staff to move the whole party pool side where our reception lasted late into the night. Make no mistake about it Nothing can quite compare to Filipina Weddings and Wedding Receptions.
Article by Marc Madi. Social researcher, author and publisher. http://asiangf.ZZZZZ

William Martin
415
25 7

Have you ever noticed that it is easier to attract a potential partner if you already have one? Have you noticed that if you are not really looking for a relationship a lot more people show an interest, but if you get desperate they run a mile!
At least that has happened to me sometimes and from asking around it seems to be quite common. Rather than just putting this down to some bizarre quirk of human nature lets look a the cause of this behavior and see if we can make it work for us.
One of the keys to finding a mate is to not particularly need one, or at least not need one ‘too much’. I find that if I need a partner too much that can drive them away. However, what do I do if I really feel desperate?
Another quirk of human nature is that our nervous system has a hard time telling the difference between an imagined experience and a real one. You only have to watch an exciting or scary movie to see how easily we can fool ourselves. This is the key to never being desperate about finding a partner. If we want to find a partner, then the best thing to do is imagine we have one already!
If we imagine we have the perfect partner and get into feeling how it would be to have that right now, this calms down our whole nervous system. It gives us a feeling of being fulfilled and takes away feelings of desperation. Especially if we really get into details; what you will do together, where you will go, what will you say, what will they say, and so on.
Please bear in mind that I am not talking about ‘yearning’ for someone. Sitting around yearning for someone is very different from imagining you already have them. Yearning is a feeling of ‘not having’, which primes us to feel desperate. We need to discourage ourselves from cultivating feelings of ‘not having’ and encourage ourselves to cultivate feelings of ‘having’. You can easily tell the difference as the feeling of ‘having’ is a much better feeling!
You may say that this is just a trick of the mind. Well, the feelings that come as part of the package of ‘lonely yearning’ are tricks of the mind too. Feelings of failure, or feeling that we will never find anyone, are all part of the imagination – they are negative imaginings. That is using our mind and our imagination against ourselves and training ourselves to fail.
If this all sounds strange to you, remember what top athletes do if they want to improve their abilities. They imagine themselves achieving a better time in the race, lifting heavier weights, having more stamina, and the like. They imagine how they will feel to achieve their goals. Athletes don’t mess around with techniques that don’t work, especially when a few hundredths of a second difference means winning or losing. Successful business people do this sort of thing too. They imagine success and then move ahead from there.
By imagining we already have the perfect partner, and how it will feel, we train our subconscious mind to start making that happen. And, because we are more likely to be mellow about it, we are much more likely to make the most of it when the next opportunity comes along. If you are going to try this, and you are willing to spend a few minutes on it every day, get yourself a nice big stick ready… you might need it to keep all the interest potential partners at bay…

Yulia Mardov
208
25 7

Boys are very complicated… they are not like women as you can read more about women lifestyle at www.womendiarynet, and they do not just want to be used as fashion statements. So if you want a boyfriend, make sure that you like him and are willing to be in a serious commitment with him, or at least you feel you may be if you get to know him better, and won’t break his heart. Below are some things that show ways to get your man by your side as your dating
First, if you do not already know him, then introduce yourself. If he is interested in you enough to want to get to know you better himself, he will add in some women conversation eventually.
Show him interest in his life.
Make it easy for him to be friendly and talkative with you, but not overpowering.
Invite him to a party… but not just to make out with him or anything, be friendly with him alone until he makes it clear that he really likes you, and wants to be around you.
At this point, just be yourself and let things unwind themselves.
Here is some simple women lifestyle personality dating tips :
If the person you like is shy, then be very gentle to him but admire him for his strengths, few men can resist being told how manly they are unless the girl who tells them is one they are very uninterested in.
Do not be afraid, if you feel you can go up to him without him bashing your heart against the wall (whether on purpose or not) and you notice his seeming interest in you, then you are probably okay.
And..
Do not use him… boys may be bad about using women, but they can still be weak around an irrisistable women even if they are not interested in her, which means breaking your heart and merely adding on his horrible guilt, or having a stalker who wants you for the WRONG reasons. So do not parade yourself around boys too much, for both your own good and their own good and your datingZZZ

Amy Spade
359
25 7

After you’ve gotten a basic idea for how you want your wedding to go, you then have to make the guest list. You’ll be including family members, friends, relatives, work acquaintances, and many others. The problem is that you can’t keep everyone on that list, even if you have an unlimited budget.
Why you should keep the number low
Of course, a lot of couples may protest and say that they more people come, the more gifts we’ll receive. And while that’s true, let’s talk about what a wedding really is first. A wedding is a celebration of a couple’s marriage. And those that come to the wedding should be very happy to celebrate it, rather than just coming for the food or drink.
You want people there that have made a difference in your life. Of course, if you haven’t been close with your family, well, you’re stuck inviting them.
You want to invite people whose names you know and can repeat. This is not the time to invite everyone that you’ve ever met. Invite the important people.
If you’re nervous about omitting someone, then stop to think about how much you’d like to talk to them. If it’s not that much, then you probably can leave them off.
How to trim names
When you’ve finally gotten your list together, you should exchange it with your soon-to-be spouse. Let them look at it and start to omit names. Again, family members are not allowed to be scratched off unless there’s a special situation. And even if there is a family feud of some sort, they won’t come anyways.
In terms of friends, you will want to be selective here. Figure out who you really care about, and who you just ‘feel’ like you should invite. How long has it been since you’ve talked to them? If it’s been a long time, you can probably cross them off.
For the work people, you can invite whomever you have a close relationship with. This means that you don’t have to invite your boss, but it’s always nice to out of courtesy. Don’t feel that you should.
Making your invitation list shouldn’t feel like a burden. At the end of the day, you want to look at your list and see all the people that you care about and want to share this happy day with. And it’s your day and your time, so don’t let anyone else talk you into inviting people that you’re not too keen on.Z

Terje Brooks Ellingsen
435
25 7

Music is important in our life. The wedding music is an essential part for a successful wedding arrangement, both during the wedding ceremony and the wedding reception. Music is all about feelings and a wedding represents the greatest of all our feelings; love. The music you choose should therefore reflect this. Here are some tips you can use when you choose music for your wedding.
The arrival of the wedding guests
Live music or pipe in music should be played while guests arrive. The purpose is to relax the atmosphere and make it cosy for the guests. For this purpose slow, smooth instrumental music like cool smooth jazz can be selected. Once as the guests arrive, one or two solo’s should be performed. Songs like “I will always love you” and Baccarach songs like “The look of love” or “This Guy/Girl’s in love with You” might be a good choice.
The Wedding Ceremony
Trumpet sounding when bride is ready to enter. “Trumpet Voluntary” or “Trumpet Tune and Air” (Henry Purcell) would be great or even the traditional “Here comes the Bride” by Wagner. During ceremony, one wonderful song should be performed for example “You are my Everything”. Remember too much music could tire the guests, and make for a lengthy ceremony.
The Wedding Reception
At Reception, choose a great song to walk in on when announced to the guests. Married couple must choose their first dance song which can be slow and romantic or wild and crazy. This is their “special” song. Live DJ’d music is a plus especially if the DJ has good talking skills. This can keep the reception exciting and guests will have a great time, a time remembered for years to come. A nice touch is a song dedicated to the families of the Bride and Groom by the Bride and Groom.
The Wedding Wrap up
One last song just for the Bride and Groom before they leave and followed by at least 15 – 20 minutes of relaxing instrumental music for guests to settle down before they

Michael Myerscough
459
25 7

Should you stay with your partner or leave them? Is all the pain you suffer in your relationship worth it for the good times you have together? Will it really be worth all the pain of leaving them or is it better to stay and stick it out?
In most relationships there comes a point when you have to decide whether your partner really has the qualities you need to stay together. Making the decision to stay or go is almost always a very painful and confusing time as there generally isn’t a quick fix or an easy answer to your questions.
I have a friend in a fantastic relationship who taught me that if it’s hard work it’s probably not working. This was an alien concept to me. I come from a therapeutic background which can sometimes promote the feeling that if it’s not hard work it’s not worthwhile. Years ago I made it my mission to figure out what made relationships work; there seem to be two approaches – one more successful than the other!
Two Approaches to Relationships
The first is ‘don’t expect too much from your relationship and it will work out just fine!’ Some things are always going to be problematic. So what if sex isn’t so important to one of you? So what if one party can’t be relied upon to keep their agreements? So what if you never get to go on the holidays you really want to go on because your partner hates to travel? This may well work for some but it’s just not in my nature. As far as I’m concerned, good enough just isn’t!
The second approach is to insist on great chemistry; to find a partner who isn’t perfect, but is perfect for you. The two primary areas you need to match up in are sexual chemistry and best friend chemistry. You’d think these two would be obvious to most people, but you’d be wrong. People make compromises on these points very early on and then wonder why they spend the rest of their lives hurting.
Great chemistry doesn’t mean it’ll be easy all the time – that would be unnatural. It means that you’re excited and committed enough to work through the glitches as they arise rather than let them stack up. A stack of resentments is so much easier to set fire to.
Working Out Whether to Leave
So the biggest piece of work I have clients do when they ask me to help them decide to stay or go is to get them to design their perfect partner. You may think this strange if you’re already in a relationship – but it’s just as valid now as it is when you’re single. So, what would be perfect for you?
The things you should focus on as you’re already in a relationship should be more emotional and behavioural in quality. Once you’ve sorted out what is perfect for you, you can start to ask yourself questions about your current partner to see if they meet up to your ideal. Does your loved one treat you with the level of respect you expect? Is he affectionate enough for you? Does she make enough time for you? These aren’t necessarily questions that apply to you. Ask yourself the questions that matter to you once you’ve worked out what ideal is for you.
A couple more questions you may want to ponder – If twenty years from now your partner hadn’t changed in any significant way, would you still be happy as their partner? Would you consider your life together to have been more about adventure or more about endurance?
The strange thing is we often know what the problems will be in a relationship many years in advance. The only question is, when will you handle them? We all know the longer you leave them the more painful it gets.
Work out now whether you should stay with your partner or leave them – get a free, 9 page ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ report.
http://www.therelationshipgym.com/should_I_stay.htm
It’s possibly THE most difficult decision you have to make in a relationship, so get all the help you can making iZZZZ

Howard Iken
286
25 7

The stories go something like this: “She took the house, she took the car, and then she took my children away.” For many years the process of divorce was a process heavily biased toward women, to balance out the fact that it was a man’s world. Traditionally, women were considered the weaker sex. They were the sex to be protected and protected they were – when it came to divorce.
This principle was also directed embedded in the divorce law of many states. In Florida and many other states, there was a principle known as the “Tender Years Doctrine.” In short, the law said the place for young children was with their mom. A man’s right’s to become the custodial parent was trampled on and completely ignored. Possession of the marital home usually went to the parent that received the children. Right off the bat, the initial position of the courts was to award the house and children to the mom. Though women did benefit from this system the effect was to short change 50% of the population – men.
Societal developments in the past few decades have remedied some of the power imbalances between the sexes. One of those imbalances that changed in Florida law is the legal preference for women as custodians of children. The “Tender Years Doctrine” was abolished in Florida and custody law was rewritten to be gender neutral. Judges were directed to consider certain factors in a custody determination. http://www.18884mydivorce.com. But none of those factors mention children. In Florida, child custody law became completely balanced and both sexes gained equal rights to ask for the minor children in a divorce action.
Because of this change more men are successfully seeking custody of their children. With custody, possession of the marital home does not automatically go to the mom. Divorce Attorney Howard Iken notices more women still get custody of the children. But that will change over time now that the law is more even handed. In divorce, women no longer have all the power. Now, divorce is more even playing field and men don’t automatically lose everythiZZZZZ

Udo Vieth
392
25 7

Separations are painfull. This is a fact.
Unless you are cold and callous, the loss of a loved one is a numbing experience. In these situations, we tend to retreat into a corner and mope.
That is after the crying is done.
Crying may be the best thing you can do for now. You need time, time to cope with the situation, time to heal if you will. Don’t deny yourself this period of “mourning’ for want of a better word.
You are not a machine, small steps in the right direction are much more important now than trying to force the issue. Any hardnosed activity at this time, may result in more deeprooted problems which may surface later on in life. Try and heal through the situation, and give yourself a break.
What is the best way to cope?
Well that depends to a large extent on the type of person you are.
Some immerse themselves in their work, others just stay at home and mope. Then there are those of us that go to extremes. We binge on things that we normally don’t consider as usefull. Either food, drink, or in some cases sex with strangers.
These are normally not good remedies for the situation, as they seem to reinforce the feeling of loss of control. As such, they are not a coping mechanism, but a distraction mechanism.
The optimum healing activity would consist of what I like to call “Replacement Therapy”. Replace the loss of a love, with another loveable activity or distraction. Love your body, by going to gym, eating more healthy food etc. Love your mind by reading an educational work, or a literary classic. Love your spirit, by learning to meditate, Feng Shui your house, or just spend time sitting at a stream.
I think you get the gist of it. Choosing empowering activities, can grow you as a human being, whilst helping you cope with the situation.
They say every dark cloud has a silver lining. You may just discover the silver lining by adopting a mindset as outlined above. 2 years from now, you could look back on this as the best thing that ever happened to you. Give yourself a fighting chance for that to be your experience by following the guidelines above.
And remember, keep on loving, even if it is only yourself at present.
Written by Udo Vieth.

Ben Jamieson
271
25 7

Planning a destination wedding or beach wedding in the Caribbean and want as many people to come as possible? Then try making your wedding plans as attractive and as economical as possible.
There are several ways to cut costs on travel arrangements for you and your wedding party, we’ve uncovered a few known ways, and a few unknown ways, but it seems that the key to finding these deals lies in the terminology you use. By simply searching out “Group Travel Rates” in search engines you can uncover a world of discounts and tools that could shave thousands of dollars off of your wedding expenses.
Here are just a few that we uncovered:
Flights
Most US carriers and some international carriers offer up to 10% discount off normal fares for groups of 10 or more flying to the same destination. For added convenience some airlines offer insert tickets to add to your save-a-date envelopes to inform guests of this saving.
Some of this information is hidden in layers on airline sites so we’ve done the work for you – short cuts to the information you need:
US Air: http://www.usairways.com/travel/group/weddings/index.htm
American Air: http://www.aa.com/content/businessPrograms/groupsMeetings/weddingTravel.jhtml
Northwest Air: http://www.nwa.com/grouprequest/group_travel.html
You can also save on flights by choosing to have your wedding in off peak seasons, most airlines will tell you when these are.
Resorts
If your opting for a “weddingmoon”, then you’re probably looking at going to an all inclusive resort. Many all-inclusives offer FREE weddings to folks staying at the resort ie. Couples booked in to Sandals for five nights get a free wedding which includes: the ceremony, flowers, a Caribbean wedding cake, champagne and hors d’oeuvres reception for the couple and 4 guests plus a wedding planner dedicated to help make your day perfect. The down side of these deals is that you might not be the only couple partaking and the resorts can sometimes feel like conveyor belt weddings. For this reason all inclusives are now offering alternative wedding packages that can create an exclusive feel to your special day. Enquire with each resort.
Boutique or a la carte hotels are also onto the destination wedding trend and many have created websites and services specifically geared at the beach bride. Wyndham and Marriott specifically offer wedding packages and group rates for a set number of hotel rooms. A wedding planner is complimentary, as is a wedding gift and The Marriott even offers free parking if you start your honeymoon off with a nights stay at a Marriott nearby your airport location.
Wyndam Hotels is offering huge incentives to brides in the form of “event awards”, free honeymoons and low cost airfares. In addition to this they offer seasonal rates and discounts for weddings throughout the year. The Hilton offers a free nights stay for your one year anniversary and free spa treatments for the bride and groom on your special day.
It’s definitely worth scrolling through some of the major hotel chain websites to see if offers are available for when you want to get married.
Villas
Villa’s or apartments can offer your guests a cheaper alternative to resort type accommodation and is well worth adding to your itinerary sheet as a courteous option. Once you’ve decided on the location for your beach wedding, head of to a beach wedding website such as the Beach Wedding Guide at http://www.islandbrides.com/ and search their directory for a listing of villas and accommodation in your chosen region. You’ll be able to save your favourite finds, and contact them all from the site to find out who will give you the best rate.
You can help your guests even more by giving them all your other guests contact details and email addresses. This way, they could hook up to share villa’s with multiple rooms lowering the cost even more.
So, with a bit of thought and ‘insider knowledge’ , its possible to save hundreds, if not thousands on your beach weddingZZZ

Karl Augustine
476
25 7

More often than not people decide to get a divorce before they really think about the effects of divorce. People usually decide to get a divorce based on emotion rather than logic which can hinder their long term happiness. Still, there are those that make their decision about getting a divorce by taking into account the effects that divorce can have on everyone involved. Some effects of divorce can be positive depending on your situation even though ‘divorce’ is usually seen in a negative light. The effects of divorce are far too many to list here so let’s concentrate on effects of divorce that seem most apparent and that address making a decision about divorce.
Obviously one of the most common effects of divorce is how the divorce will change the money flow for the people involved in the divorce. A change in cash flow affects the freedom we have and it can change the lifestyle we have. A change in housing, work, travel, shopping, etc., make people stop and think about how deeply “money” will have on their life after divorce. While a “change in money flow” is a consideration and a true hard effect of divorce, there’s other effects that might carry greater weight in the decision making process.
An effect of divorce that some people need to consider is the change that children will need to go through if a divorce occurs. Children can be strong during this time, but it is up to the parents to make sure the transition is as painless as possible. Some people actually stay in unhappy marriages solely because of the fact that there are children involved. The change children go through as an effect of divorce is complex…if you are curious as to how to ensure this transition is as painless as possible for your children, educate yourself and possibly seek professional advice.
‘”Fear”, as an effect of divorce?’
Yes, fear is a real live effect that divorce can have on some people. Fear of loss…fear of the unknown…fear of lack of self confidence…fear of change…fear of a depreciation in emotional health…etc. The list goes on and on. Combating fear is a difficult thing to do but in conquering fear you will be one step further to your goal of emotional health.
Not all seemingly negative things or events in life are truly 100% negative. If you’ve been divorced, are currently going through a divorce, or are deciding about getting a divorce, you have a rare opportunity to use the experience to grow emotionally and increase your inner-strength.
The effects of divorce and how you label them (positively or negatively) will be determined by how you act while going through the divorce and what your focus is after the divorce is over. You should want to look back and identify the positive effects of divorce as they pertain to your own situation. Having “positive self reflection” when the dust settles is a goal that, if attained, will make you feel good about yourself. When you’re looking back on the experience of divorce or the decision process of divorce, you want to be able to answer the following question positively. “Did I grow emotionally and personally during this tumultuous time?” The effects of divorce are far reaching…look inward and plan accordinZZZZZZ

Giuseppe Notte
147
25 7

Be honest. It has happened to all of us. There was this girl… A girl you might have never even talked to… But still… You couldn’t help but think about her all day… And the more you thought about her, the less courage you had to go up to her and invite her for a get-together.
The above situation repeats itself from time to time. Back in high school with the girl who went one class below you, at university with that wonderful woman who always sat in the second row or later with the lady who works at the room next to yours.
And the damn feeling, this one-sided “love” keeps reappearing and making your life a misery. The more you idolize these girls, the further they go from your reality, and being with them one day in the future becomes nothing more than a mere fantasy.
Lesson #1: In a relationship but more importantly, when going out for the first time with somebody, it’s always the person with less emotional involvement who dictates and chooses. This means if you go out with a girl, and you let your happiness depend on how the date goes, you are ruining your chances before you had any. The more you stress yourself about a certain girl, the more emotionally involved you become and as a result, you are almost GUARANTEED to get rejected.
Lesson #2: Girls like to look up to their men for something. If you ask some girls who are in love with their partners, they will always adore him for something in his personality. It doesn’t matter why, but a woman has to look up to her man. If you idolize a girl and put her on a pedestal, she will sense it instantly. She will feel that SHE IS THE ONE IN CONTROL. As soon as this happens, you are NOT A CHALLENGE for her anymore. The result? You get rejected.
Lesson #3: When you have to work hard for your chocolate, it will always taste sweeter. If you walk into the supermarket and choose one from the huge collection of sweets, there is no challenge in it. But when you have to work hard to get that “one special” chocolate… Now that’s a CHALLENGE! It’s the same with women. If you are not that easy to get, if she senses that you might leave (and don’t come back) in any moment, she will be challenged and likely to become attracted to you.
Have you ever seen 8 guys drooling over the same woman, fighting for her attention? Which one of them do you think has got the girl? The 9 th, who was watching from a distance while showing no interest towards her. The girl thought: “Why doesn’t he come here like all the other guys? Doesn’t he like me? I must find out why…” In the end, it was the girl who approached the guy and wanted something from him. Now that’s the POWER OF CHALLENGE and CURIOSITY. Never underestimate it!
When you think you “love” a girl you have never even talked to, you keep going round and round in a vicious circle. You keep playing with the thought of being with this “one special girl” in various situations. This projection of pictures in your mind creates a lot of energy. This energy wants to explode and unless it can do so (by being with the girl you dream about) it will create a lot of stress and tension inside you. It’s an endless loop. If you try to ignore the feeling with force, it will reappear and become even stronger.
Realize that this is not “real love”; it’s just a form of LUST TO POSSESS. You don’t even know this girl; you are just driving yourself around in this circle. The solution? First, admit this feeling to yourself, then carry on with your life. Don’t ignore it; just notice that it’s inside and you can’t do anything about it. Try to watch yourself from “the outside”, from a neutral point of view. And the second step is to focus your energy on something else. Like going out and meeting other women. As soon as you kiss or get closer to another girl, this “one special lady” will be of less importance to you.
Lastly, there is a secret. Even the biggest badass players get this feeling from time to time. They just learn to deal with it, and thanks to their skills, it’s easier for them to get other women and focus on them instead. You can do yourself two big favors. First, learn to get over your fear and approach the woman you are longing for. That way even if you get rejected, it happens sooner and you haven’t wasted weeks or months from your life. The second is to learn how to get women. Not only for knowing how to deal with this girl, but with that skill, it will also be easier to heal your wounds and get over her.
I teach both of these in a book I’ve written. It’s an e-book called “All About Women: The Encyclopedia Of Seduction”. Apart from the above, I cover each step of the seduction process, from A to the Z. From understanding the way women think, to learning to be a Man who attracts girls with his presence, approaching women the right way, secrets of making your dates successful and effective, improving your sexual life and a lot, lot more… Whether you are ugly, bald, young, old or broke, the techniques I teach will work for you like charm!

Ted Ljungqvist
209
25 7

Some dating manners
When it is time to meet in the real life it usually feels a little nervous. But when people get prepared everything usually gets a little easier. The following articles I am going to publish here are some thing I believe people should have in mind when they are taking the next step in Internet Dating. Meet in real life that is.
Smiles can take you far!
Seek eye contact. You just Can’t say this to often. Then be brave enough to keep up the eye contact a few extra seconds so the other person can get a confirmation that you where looking at him/her and didn’t just took a look around. When you eventually have let down the eye contact you really should try to pick it up again a few seconds later to show the other person that you are looking for a serious flirt. This is where the smile comes in hand. If the other person that you are now flirting with is looking at you to and if you are not smiling you are not very wise. A smile in this situation is probably better then buying her ten drinks in the bar
Next step is probably the most critical and daring. It is to be brave enough to take the first step. Usually it’s enough to just say Hi to get a nice conversation started. But my advice is to be on the safe side. Prepare yourself with 2-3 questions or comment and maybe finishing comment if the situation should make you feel uncomfortable so you can excuse yourself and walk away, maybe to come back later to go for it again.
Ted Ljungqvist
www.youngpartner.com
Feel free to use this article on your own site or anywhere else for that matter, but ONLY if you link back to youngpartner.com
Thanks

Richard Miltenberger
307
25 7

First impressions are important! The first impression a friend has of what kind of wedding you will have is the little card that comes in the mail: the wedding invitation. If you want your wedding to be impressive, you must have a nice invitation. However, the budget of most weddings is usually taken up by the few expensive items, like the photographer and the caterer, while the invitations are left by the wayside.
Alright, nice invitations are a must, but who has the money for those? The reality is, cheap and discount wedding invitations don’t have to be poor quality, quarter-fold deskjet material anymore.
You can print non-streaking, nice looking invitations with a recent model printer and computer software that is relatively inexpensive. If you want a more modern invitation, with images, downloading clipart is a good way to go (clipart.com or google images). For a more formal look, pictures and clipart aren’t required, use any computer program or online templates.
First of all you’ll need card stock paper or something similar. Don’t use ordinary inkjet paper, as it is flimsy and feels cheap. For paper styles, use Vellum, Deluxe Parchment, Strathmore Natural White, Strathmore White, Laid Natural White, Laid White–something that feels heavy and sits well in your hand . Colored papers can be used as well, as a secondary matte behind the invitation and they can be tied together with white ribbon. The matte should be thicker than the paper on top of it.
Secondly, choose the proper wording for your sort of occasion (see our wedding template). Choose a font, downloadable off the internet, or one of the many choices on your card making program or word processor. Then, center the writing on the page for a formal look.
A border helps keep a collected feel, but is not necessary. Gold or silver borders are appropriate, but would require special stationery. Black is fine.
Think about adding creative touches, such as a video CD, hand made paper, or an engagement photo–being unique is one of the advantages of making your own wedding invitations.

David Kamau
609
25 7

Which dating site? With thousands of dating sites all over the web and more popping up everyday, finding the best dating site for you can be overwhelming. This article will give you some tips on how to test the sites and find the good ones.
Side bar: This article is not about touting certain websites. It is about helping make your search easier by letting you know what to look for, and narrowing the field down to one or two good sites.
There are two common ways to select a dating site. One is to follow the advice of a friend or family member. Not a bad way, but also error-prone. Remember we are talking about the best dating site for you.
The second, and recommended, option is to do some good old fact-finding through research. Don’t panic, this article is about making it easier on you.
What Is the Best Dating Site?
The best dating site is not the biggest, nor the most features-laden. The best dating site is the one that best fits who you are or matches your personality/need(s).
Types of Dating Sites
There are, basically, three types of dating sites:
1. Popular or General
2. Specialty or Niche
3. Community or Special Interest
Now let’s now briefly describe each for a better understanding:
1. Popular or general dating sites: These Cater to the general public and all ages, ethnic groups, religions, sexual orientations etc. Usually they will have huge databases, often running to the tens of millions of members.
2. Specialty or niche dating sites: These cater to specific interests such as religion, ethnicity, age groups etc. Their members have something in common.
3. Community or special interest dating sites: These are similar to specialty or niche sites (#2 above), but cater to even narrower interests. Examples; Catholic (not “Christian”), swingers (not “adult”), Filipino (not “Asian”)… you get the picture.
So, which way to go? The first step towards success in finding the best dating site is to be clear on what you are looking for. You do know yourself, don’t you?
If you have some online dating experience, consider specialty or community sites. But if just starting out, your best bet is to go with popular/general dating sites. Why?
Because popular dating sites serve most interests and you’ll get faster results. This will give you some experience as well as a feel of the features. Subsequently, this helps build your confidence while also learning online dating “lingo” and sub-culture.
What to Look For In a Dating Site
The top ten things to consider when selecting a dating site are:
1. The number of profiles: Online dating is a numbers game. The larger the database the better your chance of meeting the right person.
2. Features: These include search and safety.
3. You should be able to search by age and gender as well as height, hair color, vocation etc. if this is important to you.
4. Privacy: Most high-popularity dating sites provide you with an email address specifically for online dating.
5. Availability of chat rooms and private chat rooms so you may talk with your prospect(s) once a contact has been initiated. Web video would be an additional benefit.
6. Some top-rated dating sites will alert you when someone has responded to your email or expressed interest in contacting you. Not the most important feature but nice to have all the same.
7. Relationship intentions: The site should cater to the kind of relationship you seek.
8. Location: The site should have a sufficient number of members in your geographical area, especially if you are not for long distance relationships.
9. Detailed profiles: If a site allows members to skimp on details about themselves, chances are they are doing it. This makes it a mere photo contest.
10. Cost: Don’t just go for the cheapest or free sites (there’s a price to pay for that), but if they are way above average they should give a very good for this.
Signing Up for a Free Trial
Having narrowed your search to one or two dating sites using the above guidelines, it is not time to commit yet. It is time to sign up for a trial run, which most highly popular dating sites offer. Make sure it is a real trial run and not just a tour. What’s the difference?
A tour is just that, a tour. You get to browse pictures of seemingly (may I add unrealistic) happy couples who have “found” happiness using that particular dating site. Don’t buy into this. It is crap and a complete waste of time.
A trial run lets you enjoy most of the site’s features without paying, for a period of time. But note that the trial is geared towards getting you to become a paid member; therefore you’ll get a teaser here and there. Just stick to the trial till it’s over.
Take full advantage of the trial run. This means initiating as many contacts as you possibly can. And post your photo immediately on sign-up. The point is to find out if the dating site is a good fit for your personality.
When the trial period ends, be ready to sign up for full membership or opt out. If you opt out, take heart that at least you didn’t waste your money or time. And you now have some experience. Find another site and do another test. The best dating site for you is out there waiting to be discovered.Z

Richard Akindele
324
25 7

While a major debate is raging against proposed background checks in America, Belarussia wasted no time in placing an outright ban on online dating within its shores.
This ban is an interesting development for a simple reason, it clearly shows that freedom of speech does not exist in Belarussia. Furthermore, it shows that the government cares little about economics, since online dating has been shown to generate substantial income. Any wonder why people can’t wait to leave the country?
The government seems to have instituted this regulation for a noble reason, which is to keep its citizens from migrating en masse. However, wouldn’t one say that the government is barking up the wrong tree on the problem? The proper question to ask would have been why Belarussians would want to leave home in the first place. A real solution would be to fix the economy so that people wouldn’t have a reason to seek emigrating to other countries in search of a better life.
Belarussians must feel a wave of deja vu over them once again. In the old days of Soviet communism, Russians couldn’t obtain passports for International travel. The only way at that time to leave the country was to get married to a foreigner. The Russian block has broken ground since then following Mikhail Gorbachev’s effort in bringing the cold war to an end.
Belarussians have been able to travel freely to other countries, as long as they could show they had sponsors in the destination country.
Unfortunately, the latest move against online dating throws Belarussians back almost 20 years. Just when the people are beginning to see some light at the end of the tunnel, the government changes horses in midstream.
Why is the government so alarmed about its people relocating anyway? A good guess would be that a typical Belarussian abroad would be able to financially assist more people back home, than he or she could living in Belarussia.
Keeping people in a place under duress does not hold water as a solution against emigration. As long as the imbalance between the world economy and Belarussia’s economy remains, human osmosis would continue to occur.

Dr. Robert Huizenga
94
25 7

Do not use what you find on your cheating spouse as ammunition for revenge. Sure, you may have wonderfully violent fantasies of what you would really like to do to him/her and the other person. This is very normal. But, don’t act them out.
Using what you find to extract revenge will only lengthen the time of pain and anger. It will undermine your integrity as a person, lower your personal standards and make you exceedingly unattractive.
Resist the temptation to sling the mud!
Keep what you find to yourself.
The obvious signs of a cheating spouse disturbed you. You spy because the truth will set YOU free. The quickest cleanest way to break free from the extramarital affair is to set your focus on you as you navigate your way through the difficult weeks and months.
The sooner the two of you can face each other, without outside input or influence, the better off you and the relationship will be.
There usually is no reason to share new found information about cheating husbands or cheating wives with family, friends, children or the spouse of the other person. A concern about sexually transmitted diseases or health risks might be an exception. If it is important to share such information, do so without much fanfare or drama.
And of course, if you pursue legal action, any information obtained through spying might be helpful to your attorney. Some “evidence” does carry weight in particular states or districts.Z

Amy Spade
372
25 7

If images of white dresses are dancing in your head, then you must have been recently engaged. Of course, many women have had an image of their wedding in their head since the time they were born, but will the real life live up to your dream?
Capturing a personality
Although it may seem that all wedding dresses are alike, there are many ways to capture individual styles. White may be the traditional wedding gown color, but more brides are choosing off-white or a light cream as an alternative. This can show your fashion consciousness, while still remaining true to the traditional coloring.
If you’re a bit more vibrant and outgoing, you may want to do something daring at your wedding. This thought may be accentuated if you are looking to do a themed wedding as well. Try a different color altogether. Do something wild like red or purple. While they might not be the standards, they will definitely liven up a wedding photo.
And if you’re looking for a theme for your wedding, you will want to study related dresses to the time period or culture. If you’re looking for something that is renaissance inspired, then you may want to look in costume shops for styles that can be turned into wedding gowns.
Using your body type
If you’re looking for something that is flattering, then you’re going to need to try on a lot of dresses before you do. But this is a good thing. Many times, brides find that their dream dress doesn’t always look like the dream in their head.
For women who are shorter in stature, you may want to select a gown with longer lines and seams. Although your high heels will help to create a taller look, the cleaner and simpler the dress, the more it will elongate you. You should pick something that doesn’t have a lot of detailing because it may cause the eyes to look at one particular area rather than you as a whole image.
For the taller woman who is looking to create a less lengthy style, you will want to find a dress with more detail toward the bottom of the dress. This helps to draw the eye away from the height.
All in all, whatever dress makes you feel beautiful is the one that is right for you. So, don’t let convention or tradition stand in the way of your dream. Short or long, detailed or not, your wedding dress should reflect everything that you are feeling on your wedding day.

Ivan Greindl
72
25 7

(Because violence or infidelity are not the only ones…)
1. « Making a mountain out of a molehill »
Do you want to live in peace with your beloved? Then, first, control yourself. Loosing your temper, showing constant anger, or shouting for pointless reasons is obviously very harmful. Try to throw back quarrelsome, authoritarian attitudes: you can contain your reactions: stop being so sensible (or hypersensitive, if you prefer) at the slightest contrariety. In particular, distrust your interpretations : immediately assigning a negative meaning to a sentence, a gesture which you didn’t understand well, leads to misunderstandings – which kills off your agreement. Means # 1 to break your love relationship: aggressiveness and verbal violence.
2. « Unjustified attacks of jealousy »
Is your wife always attracting men’s attention? Faint flattering whisperings? Admiring, if not always discreet, comments? Feel flattered ! Keep smiling ! It is a tribute to you, one more proof of your good taste, of the good choice you have made. And, especially don’t hold it against her. Do not blame her for a ‘provocative’ attitude: charm and beauty reveal themselves even in the most modest women’s behavior. As for you, Lady, if ‘he’ unconsciously turns his gaze to a passing young lady, do not take this gesture of innocent admiration as a harbinger of adultery! Do not ask him : ‘- Do you want her photo?? ‘ He wouldn’t understand you or would find you unfair. Means # 2 to kill your love relationship: unmotivated jealousy.
3. « Ignoring the omnipresent dangers of routine »
Thanks to your steady efforts, you have seduced your beloved, you have ‘conquered’ him/her. One day, you decided to join your fates. Marvelous! At least, at the beginning … Why thus would you take the risk of loosening the pressure? Of stopping your efforts? They are the key to your happiness! Never forget to continue: just as all you wish to see going on long enough (your house, your garden, your car) -, you’ll have to take care of your love. Think, each of you, of making small unforeseen and frequent pleasures to your beloved, to have some attentions for them, to express your tenderness, to break the daily rut by a touch of excitement. Among others, in your moments of intimacy. Means # 3 to certainly break your couple’s harmony: to let yourselves being trapped by routine !
4. « Giving top priority to your work, over your couple and/or your family »
This error is more usually a men’s one, — and often unintentional. A way to put this problem right is to share activities and fields of interest with your beloved and both of you, with your children. Another additional way is to fix appointments with your partner and to respect them. This way, you demonstrate the importance and the place you grant him/her in your life. According to your profession, customers, patients, students, shareholders or seniors colleagues do not always have to pass before your couple ! In order to live a long-lasting relationship, you have to remain available for your couple. To work for living? Well, yes: one too often needs to. But, to live for working work? NO : please, live to love, to bring moments of happiness to your beloved ones, to create! Means # 4 to destroy your life as a couple: to forget your true priorities.
5. « Letting dialogue fade, losing true communication »
Many couples share the same bed, certain meals, TV programs; they sometimes go out together. But, they’re not always lucky enough to share a purpose, fields of interest or higher values. Therefore, each of them pursues their own life, their own personal fate, only attentive to their own concerns, preoccupations or interests. By speaking less and less together, they stop sharing ; there are no more exchanges ; their roads, formerly convergent or parallel, eventually move apart. Without any more true communication, their couple imperceptibly loses any real contact. Means # 5 to disintegrate a couple: to imitate these old pairs whom you sometimes see at restaurants: they’re facing each other, indifferent one to another; they don’t look at each other anymore, don’t speak to each other anymore. (What could they say?) How cruel and distressing!
6. « To let yourself go to make comparisons… »
Obviously, your ‘ex’ (or someone among your acquaintances) said or did certain things better; was more this, less that: « (s)he, ‘at least’ … » Who is perfect on Earth? If you sometimes make a comparison, then only make positive ones. Otherwise keep for yourself your disappointed, bitter or disenchanted reflections. Obviously, we agree, you and me: to gather in the same person the tenderness and the kindness of your N°1; the sensuality of your N°2; the ‘class’ of N° 3; the cheerfulness and practical intelligence of an office colleague, – would certainly be ideal : a truly delicious miracle. Well! In fact, you can work this miracle, – by setting the example! You particularly appreciated these qualities in the past? Maybe during a previous relationship? By showing them yourself, you’ll fast discover how contagious they are: “Give and thou will receive!” Take advantage of it to explain to your beloved what would please you; express your expectations, without vain shyness; speak to them about your desires. Keep in mind that you chose your partner; the qualities they’re missing are probably compensated by others. Your tenderness, your encouragements, your frequent concern to value him / her, will round angles, making these comparisons soon become useless. Means # 6 to make ‘creak the springs’ of your relationship: not being able to refrain from comparing (aloud).
7. « Calling your children to witness »
All couples sometimes face difficult moments, arguing occasionally, exchanging reproaches, – in all or in part, justified. These are adults’ concerns ! Involving your children, even unintentionally, hurts them. Besides, this is the easy way to raise, bit by bit, a wall of incomprehension, of “un-love” and soon, of hatred: between the partners and later between them (or one of them) and their children. You certainly feel this is not a good way to manage a healthy couple’s relationship. Means # 7 to break up your couple: directly or indirectly blackening the image of the other parent in the eyes of your children. Witnesses of situations or facts, the implications, the origin or the motive of which they cannot understand, how could they judge them clearly?
8. « A quite inopportune haste »
If you have acknowledged the happiness to live a passionate relationship (at least at the beginning…), you will remember these delicious moments during which you were both active, and which both of you loved to prolong. Alas, time passes; concerns accumulate; your children, your work, your various responsibilities ‘devour’ every minute of your time. Soon, these embraces which, since always, have plunged those who love each other in shared delights, are abbreviated and then become less frequent. It even happens to these lovers, to forget to take time for the ‘after’ tenderness-cuddle ! They don’t take time anymore to give each other some compliments, some words of love; to exchange small positive messages in order to remind themselves how much they love each other, how much they value their relationship, how much they appreciate each other’s presence. Means # 8 to slide on the slippery slope of a break-up: « Hurry ! » Fulfilling embraces are an essential food for your tenderness. And – you know it – to make love the nice way, it’s necessary to take plenty of time. To hurry at these moments is hurrying the outbreak of tensions. 9. « Being too often untidy-looking »
Hygiene and body care dashed off, a constant disorder, indifferent dress sense, excess weight perfectly disdained …: there are so many ways of letting your partner guess that you hardly care to please them. Heavy error: carelessness marks a lack of consideration to your better half, and this can hurt them deeply. Respecting oneself and the Other also involves slight concessions connected to one’s own look: the image which one gives of oneself has to be positive. This quality not only has to be considered a female one. Men often lose sight that women too like to be at the arm or in the company of a partner of whom they feel legitimately proud. Means # 9 for enticing your partner to imperceptibly begin to “look around”, – becoming more vulnerable to temptation: making no effort anymore to look neat for them. To have got married and settled down doesn’t guarantee fidelity for life; to believe it would be giving evidence of naivety.
10. « Show yourself possessive »
Living as a couple can’t be a chain. You want to continue to feel well together? For a long time? Well, your beloved is not a child anymore: give them a free rein, rely on them ! Each partner in a relationship has to preserve at least a part of their personal life, of their opinions, of their tastes. Always imposing on your partner your own way of life is a constraint which is not acceptable anymore in our time. Living together never means surrendering one’s own personality; having to comply in all with the desires and requirements of the other is, on the contrary, a very effective way to awaken feelings of rebellion. This leads one to become secretive, it leads to lies and unfaithfulness. Important decisions imperatively have to be taken together. (In the West at least, we can take this luck for – theoretically – granted.) To live a harmonious relationship naturally involves common activities and relations, sharing a social life, solidarity in the face of tasks and responsibilities, an ideal, a fulfilling tenderness, etc. From that point to never losing sight of your better half, to keeping a constant watch on them – even if it is sometimes unconscious -, there is a big step. It is essential not to cross that line. Means # 10 to ruin your relationship: completely restrain her / his independence, keep her / him “under your heel”. Your better half is a whole human person. As such, (s)he appreciates to be with you, – not to you. (At least, in current daily life.)
You can take my word for it : implementing these suggestions will lead your couple towards haand preserve it from a lot of nuisance.

Alan R. Stafford
449
25 7

Managing the Regret in Your Life
What are your regrets? No matter who you are or what kind of life you lead, you’re certain to have had regrets in life. Regrets happen to everyone. It is a feeling we experience when deep down inside we’re sorry for doing something.
Often, we regret things that are the same or very similar. These can include actions such as:
 Saying something hurtful to a loved one
 Betraying a lover’s trust
 An argument with a friend
 Losing your temper with a child
Regret is a very trying emotion, because it sticks with you from the first moment and seems to go on forever. Over time, we carry more and more regret with us every day.
What makes us do such regretful things? The answer to that question is simple; we’re all human. Being human means that we’re prone to bouts of thoughtlessness and carelessness.
Even worse can be the regret that we feel for not doing something, instead of regretting something we did do. These regrets can be even more difficult to handle.
This is also caused by our being human. Just as we are sometimes thoughtless and careless, we’re also sorry for the lives we did not live to their fullest. Among the worst of this type of regret is losing someone you love without having said goodbye.
On occasion, seniors are requested to answer surveys. These questionnaires often ask seniors to reflect on their lives to identify how they’d have changed their lives if they could. In almost every case, the answer is the same. There is a regret there about things that they didn’t do, or didn’t do often enough. This is far more frequent than wanting to change things that they did.
Among the most common responses, were that the seniors wished that they had:
 Played more
 Laughed more
 Trusted more
 Volunteered more
 Donated more
 Sung out loud
 Danced to the music
 Made friends with the neighbors
 Tried “strange” or exotic foods
 Done something trivial…just because
 Reveled in a sudden rain shower
 Tried that restaurant that they kept saying they’d try
 Told friends how much they mean
 Tell loved ones how much they’re loved.
There is a lot of wisdom to be learned from people who have lived longer than we have. You can wear your seatbelt, and still laugh at bad drivers instead of getting frustrated. You can get good grades and do well at work, without obsessing your entire life about it. You can tell your family how much you love them…even when you sometimes think you don’t. Deep down, you know you do, so tell them every day.
Most importantly, don’t forget that there’s nothing wrong with taking your time every now and again. Instead of rushing everywhere and getting frustrated and stressed with every obstacle, take your time and enjoy life. This doesn’t just apply to trips in your car, but to everything in life. Instead of thinking only about your destination, slow down and enjoy the journey that takes you there. Z

Charlie Taylor
105
25 7

Scotland has been a favourite holiday destination for many years. And now it has a growing reputation as a favourite destination for couples from around the world to tie the knot.
Here are the eleven main reasons:-
1 There are no residency requirements. Couples from anywhere in the world can get married in Scotland. You don’t have to live here. You don’t need UK citizenship. All you have to do is complete the necessary legal formalities and you can marry within 24 hours of arriving here.
2 You can get married anywhere – absolutely anywhere – in the country. On a beach, in a castle, up a mountain, in a hotel, by a loch… your choices are limitless.
3 You can opt for a civil or a religious ceremony. The civil ceremony is more restrictive as regards your choice of venue because they have to be licensed by the local authority. But there are now so many venues licensed for civil ceremonies that, in practice, you will always find somewhere to match your dream.
4 A religious ceremony, conducted by a minister can be held anywhere. I have known them to be held on boats, in lighthouses and even on cliff-tops! Obliging and occasionally daring ministers can always be found.
5 Ceremonies can even be conducted by non-religious celebrants, including certain officers of the Humanist Society.
6 The choice of venues is staggering. From sophisticated Glasgow to traditional Edinburgh; from the rugged, breathtaking beauty of the Highlands to the Ayrshire coast; from imposing castle to pretty little village church, Scotland has it all.
7 You can fly into Glasgow, Prestwick, Edinburgh, Aberdeen or Inverness airports and be close to your wedding venue from the start.
8 So many people around the world have Scottish ancestry and love to search out their roots
9 What better clothes to wear at your ceremony than the kilt, made especially for you in your own tartan
10 And what better accompaniment as the bride enters the wedding venue than a Highland wedding tune played on bagpipes!
11 And after the ceremony, what better way to toast the health of the bride and groom than with a single malt whisky from a Scottish quaich in the country where it is made!
The truth is, there are lots of reasons for you to hold your wedding ceremony in Scotland. If you are in love, Scotland is the place for you. If you believe in romance, Scotland is the place for you. If you long for the mystery of the lochs, the glens, the castles and the mountains, Scotland is the place for youZZZ

Robert Johanssen
133
25 7

Soulmate. Once upon a time we wondered if we were ever going to meet our own. We ask if the one we are with right now is the one truly meant for us. There are just too many stories about people finding “the one”, their “match”, their “twin soul”, that at times it almost feels too magical to believe, yet we keep on believing. Love, indeed, moves in mysterious ways. If you want to know if it’s possible, it is. You can find your soulmate.
Soulmates are believed to be our “love match”, the other twin of our soul. If you have episodes of yearning and longing, that’s because you haven’t met yet the special someone who can fill up your loneliness. If you got fears, he definitely has ways to subside them. He can put an end to your uncertainty; he spells happiness. Soulmates rather complement us than complete us.
The first sign in discerning if HE is the one is when your heart and mind tell you that HE is so. You will know it even if you don’t know how. That’s the joy that soulmates bring to everyone.
Knowing each of us has a matched soul is a beautiful thing to think of. The universe is so huge that the journey in finding our soulmates seems like a blanket of overwhelming adventure. The thought seems mysterious but tugs inspiringly at the heartstrings. It makes us want to wake up each day with that burning desire that we might just stumble to them. The scenario can get really delightful, what with a not so perfect world that we have, finding your soulmate in the most strange times is perhaps the most beautiful thing that can happen to any individual.
So, the question is, how do you find your soulmate when you have no place to start and you have no hint at whom to look for? Simple, it only takes affirmation and awareness, and at the right time you will be able to recognize the “one”.
AFFIRMATION
Believe that you will meet him. While it is true that you don’t have to go on searching literally for your soulmate, it takes a positive affirmation to help you attract the energies of the universe that may lead you to him. As with the Christian principle: Ask and you shall receive. Maintain a conscious effort of believing and anticipating that one day soon you will meet. It can be an everyday exercise you can practice that can fuel you to live your life with passion for love.
AWARENESS
It would help a great deal if you can keep your eyes and heart open for possible encounters with a soulmate. Know in your heart that you wish to meet him and imagine in your mind what a dream it would be when that happens. Anyone can pass for a soulmate so try not to discriminate people in advance. Good for you if you have the gift of discernment, but who are the chosen few who have this talent? The strategy is to be in control. Cling on to that aspiration that your soulmate is not too far away. Be aware of signs that surround you because who knows, he could also be looking for yoZZZZZ

Angela Oliver
610
25 7

A bridal shower is a great event leading up to the wedding where wedding attendants offer gifts and celebration to the bride and groom. There are lots of things you can bring to a bridal shower to have a wonderful time. The bridal shower invitations themselves are a huge part of the shower. But there are some traditional guidelines for invitations that should be followed. The bridal shower is typically thrown by the maid of honor, unless other arrangements have been made. Whoever the host may be, it is important to be familiar with the traditions.
Who should be invited to the bridal shower? A bridal shower can be just a women’s event or can be co-ed. It is up to the bride ultimately and whoever is hosting the shower should check with the bride. Typically the bride will invite all the women who are invited to the wedding, as well as the bridesmaids, mothers, and grandmothers.
Where should be the location of the bridal shower? Typically the shower is held at the house of the maid of honor, or at a restaurant. Again, the host should check with the bride to see what is most convenient for guests and family. Some showers are long distance, where everyone meets without the guest of honor who may be in another location. The guests call the bride and describe the gifts and then wrap them up to await the brides arrival before the wedding. If the bridal shower is to be held at a restaurant, previous arrangements should be made with guests about payment, and with the restaurant for reservations.
Should you request an RSVP for the bridal shower? It depends on the type of party and type of setting. If it is important to have an accurate head count for the caterer, and RSVP is necessary. If it is more casual type of shower, RSVP may not be needed. This is completely up to the host.
When should the bridal shower be held? Bridal showers are typically held two weeks before the wedding. However, with people having to travel long distances, it is sometime more convenient to have the shower a day or two before the wedding so everyone is able to attend. Having the bridal shower sometime before the wedding gives the bride and bridesmaids more time to prepare the week before the wedding.
What is the bridal shower theme? There are lots of themes for bridal showers. And invitations can be made to incorporate any of these themes. Whether it be lingerie, kitchen, hardware, there are invitations to coordinate with any theme. The theme of the invitation should also reflect the style and personality of the bride.
For the maid of honor, the bridal shower can be the biggest task before the wedding. All these factors are very important when choosing invitations for the bridal shower. Choosing the right bridal shower invitations that coordinate with the theme, and sending them at the right time is a great way to start a perfect bridal shower. And choosing all the right information to include in the invitation is just as important. And sending them to the right people will make the bride happy.

Ross Jeffries
193
25 7

One of the most common questions I have gotten in my 11 years of teaching Speed Seduction® is: what are some good and easy ways to meet women?
Recently, someone sent me an email, where, among other things, he said, “I hate going to clubs and bars, and at 35 years old, I feel out of place in them anyway.”
Now, this is one of the most common questions I get. And it’s good to see a guy up there in his 30s still pushing for what he really wants.
Personally, as a 45 year old geezer who is as close to ugly as you can get without getting your face banned by the FDA, I still go for and GET women in their mid-20s (occasionally I will pull a 21-22 year old) and I never set foot in clubs.
But clubs or not, there ARE master keys for a guy of any age, to be meeting women, anytime anywhere. And believe me, this skill IS important.
You see, so many guys who are fixated on one girl, convinced SHE is the woman of their dreams whom they must have would actually dump her in a heartbeat if they knew they could go out and meet 10 hot women that same day they were pining over their ‘dream girl” (who probably isn’t giving them any anyway).
Hey…I’m sorry if I seem flippant here. But the reality is the skill of meeting women anytime, anywhere, is crucial to avoiding what I call…Relationships By Default!
You see, it has long been a theory of mine that MOST men don’t really wind up with the woman they really want. For most men, “dating” is such a form of roll the dice/crap shoot/gambling that they usually wind up settling for the woman who accidentally was attracted to them instead of the woman or women they really want.
Does this sound familiar?
Hey-I’m sorry if this seems harsh to you, but I call ‘em like I see ‘em.(And wow, did this ever get me booed and even physically attacked when I used to spout it on talk shows way back in the early and mid 90’s.
Anyway, enough rambling. What I’m about to introduce you to is light years ahead of anything else out there, primarily because IT DOES NOT RELY ON CANNED LINES.
Yes, lines can be useful. Yes, lines can work. And I’ll even give you some that are actually quite good.
But the key to remember is, with any line, it is the ATTITUDE that will determine how well the line works.
The Incredible Power Of Attitudes And Approach Positions
Basically then, there are 4 different attitudes or “approach positions”
The first one I’d like to talk about is one of my very favorite, and I call it “The Blurt Out”.
The Blurt Out pretty much is what it sounds like; you “blurt out” whatever is actually going through your mind when you first spot the lady who has your attention, without any “editing” on your part (OK, here’s an exception: if your first thought is, “Damn, I have to touch those breasts!” it’s probably best NOT to blurt that out!!
What I like about the Blurt Out is that it is coming from a place of vulnerability and sincerity. It’s almost like you are thinking out loud, so women tend to automatically react without suspicion and be much more open and friendly to your approach.
The Blurt Out also works because you are implying something about your confidence, without saying it. What you are implying is, “hey, I’m a sincere guy, with real guts. I’m telling you what I really think, and I’m putting my head on the chopping block and handing you the axe. Will you be a horrible person and a coward and chop my head off or will you be as cool as me and be open to talking?”
The Blurt Out tends to work best with women in motion; either women who are walking directly toward you or women with whom you are walking parallel/side to side.
Just as an example of the Blurt Out in action, I once met a very hot 24 year old Canadian chick. I was in a parking structure for a shopping mall. She was walking up the steps, as I was walking down.
As I passed her I blurted out exactly what I was thinking in that moment, which was, “Wow…you’ve got style to burn!” just as if I was thinking out loud. She turned around, walked back down the steps and SHE initiated the conversation and later invited me to go get a beer.
That’s the key to this approach, again. Just blurt out whatever you are thinking when you see her. Even if your thoughts happen to be shy or fearful, express what you are thinking, as in, “I realized if I kept hesitating, I’d never get to meet you and I’d kick myself for a week. So I had to come up and say SOMETHING…I’m…Your Name Here”
Can you see how totally sincere and disarming this approach could be? Especially for very good looking women who keep having all sorts of bullshit thrown their way.
The Blurt Out Plus The Implied Compliment
With an implied compliment, you don’t actually say that YOU think the woman in question is hot or stylish or beautiful. You just imply it by how you state it.
Here’s an example: walking around an outdoor mall, I spotted a woman who just walked incredibly gracefully. So I walked beside her and said, “It’s just that I really admire women who carry themselves with grace and power…so I had to say “Hi”.”
See the implied compliment? I didn’t say it directly, I implied it. I said I admired women with who carry themselves with grace and power. Since I was talking to her, that must mean I think that about her.
But HER mind had to fill in the blank and apply the compliment to herself. Since this was an ACTIVE process involving her own mind, it wasn’t perceived as coming from an outsider, but rather something she herself thought. And so it goes in without resistance!
This is a sneaky way to communicate, but you’ll learn a lot more about the power of implication to move the thoughts, imagination, and emotions of women in ways you can’t yet dream possible!
Approach Position Two: Observation, Comment or Question
The second approach position or attitude is what I call the “observation, comment or question”. You can combine these with a sense of humor or just do them straight up, and they work best in a setting where neither you nor the woman is in motion, so you have some time to make your observation.
The biggest advantage with these is they are non-threatening and you don’t have to rely on anything canned to fit the situation.
(By the way, when thinking of something to say, one of the key questions I’ll ask myself is, “What can I notice, observe or intuit about this person that I can use to make a connection? A good way to send your mind in the right direction).
Observations, comments and questions of course depend on the situation ongoing, and I usually quickly follow them up with something funny, often a put-on (which is our third approach position or attitude, so we’ll get there in a minute).
Real life example: I was in a gas station, filling up my car. The woman next to me was putting gas in her giant white Mercedes. I said, “How do you like your Mercedes?” (See…simple question!)
Her response, “I love it. How do you like your SAAB?”
Ok, she’s answering back, so I know at least she’s friendly.
I said, “I like it.”
Then I jumped right to a put-on, which is an easy thing to follow up any comment, observation or question.
I said, “It’s too short.”
She said, “What? The Mercedes. I think it’s pretty long.”
I said, “No, it’s too short.”
She said, “What is?”
I said,” Life…to hestitate…when you meet someone you think is incredibly attractive.”
She smiled and said, “Thank you!”
I then playfully hit her on the shoulder and said, “I was talking about ME!”
This got MORE laughter and then names were exchanged, and shortly thereafter, phone numbers as well.
My point: observations, comments and questions can be followed up with almost anything and combined with almost anything.
A favorite question opener of mine actually combines a question with a compliment, as in, “Do you do a martial art? You carry yourself with discipline and elegance…it’s a very rare and attractive trait.”
By the way, when it comes to compliments to pick up women, I prefer to IMPLY them or combine them with a question and I prefer to strongly compliment a woman on how she moves or her “energy”. For some reason these are lot more acceptable and less threatening and perceived as more sincere than direct comments about her looks.
Approach Position 3: The Put-On
Now we come to my favorite “approach position” the put-on.
The put-on is simply a humorous approach where you pretend something to get her attention. For example, if a woman is walking in my direction and is wearing a t-shirt with a logo or design, I will look confused, point at the shirt and say, “I don’t get it”.
Usually, the response is, “Don’t get what?” To which I always say, “The shirt. What’s it mean?”
At this point, I almost always get an explanation from her about the logo or symbol, to which my response is to pretend to disagree and argue in the most ridiculous way.
Example: sitting in a yogurt shop, a young lady with very large breasts walked in. She was wearing a tight t-shirt with a slogan that said, “Free the Afghans!”.
I pretended that I thought the shirt was about Afghan DOGS.
You know…the shaggy haired, long-legged dogs you sometimes see accompanying models in photo shoots?
I said, “Who is holding a bunch of dogs captive? Why do you want to free them? Do you want more dogs to be strays?”
She tried explaining, and I kept misunderstanding. Then I made a joke about being so good looking I didn’t need to be smart. Then I introduced myself.
If you want a good idea of the overall attitude for this approach, think of Bugs Bunny, or Groucho Marx, or Leslie Nielsen from the “Police Squad” movies.
One more example of a put-on approach. I was sitting in a local café and seated behind me was a very attractive young Asian woman. I observed that she was thinking very hard, talking to herself, trying to figure out her economics book.
So I turned to her and said, as seriously as I could, “Could I ask you not to think too loud? You look like a loud thinker, and I have very important writing to do.”
My friend, who was sitting across from me, said she couldn’t stop looking at me after that and could not go back to studying!
I turned to her a minute later and said, “Look…I asked you nicely not to think so loud! Don’t make me call the management!”
At that point, SHE began a conversation.
There are many, many ways to enjoy a put on. And you can combine it with an observation as in this last example; my observation about this girl was that she really was, “thinking loud”-she was having trouble trying to figure out what she was reading and so she WAS talking to herself, internally, in her head, which is a way of “thinking loud”.
Approach Position 4: Genuine Intuition
The final approach position is what I would call a genuine intuition. This is more rare and harder to do. But did you ever find yourself just looking at someone and you just KNEW that person? Like something deep inside you connected with something deep inside them and you just KNEW them?
In this case, when this happens, go with your intuition and tell them what you observe. It’s close to an observation, but the difference with this position is, it really isn’t something you could pick up with your physical 5 senses.
This is advanced stuff that will come in time, so I wouldn’t worry about it for now. But as an example, I was once sitting in my favorite coffee place. As this beautiful blonde woman walked in the door, I saw an image of her on stage, singing. So as she walked by I just said, “How long have you been a singer?”
It totally blew her away. And a long conversation followed.
So if you have a strong intuition, just run with it and give it a shot. It’s a bit risky, but when it works it has an incredible impact.
Ok. That’s it for this issue. Next week we’ll continue to take up this thread and tell you more great ways to meet women, anytime, anywhere. Until then,
Peace and piece,
Ross
P.S. Want real success and power with the women of your choice, instead of the women you have to settle for? Your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course is waiting for you! Just go to http://www.seduction.com/products/rj87.asp today! Notice: this newsletter, and all contents are copyright 2004, Ross Jeffries. This newsletter may be reprinted, reposted or republished in any format or forum, without prior consent, provided it is given away for free, all links and notices are kept intact, and that proper credit is given for authorship. In the event you are reading this newsletter from a third-party website, you may subscribe for free at http://www.seduction.com.
Straightforward Inc
822 Eagle Point Ron Alstyne
TX 75495
United States

Amy Spade
451
25 7

The trick with having a wedding party is that eventually you’re going to have to choose someone to be the ‘best’ something. Women have it slightly easier because they can opt to have a Matron of Honor as well as a Maid of Honor, but even so, it’s a difficult decision to make.
Any tips?
Ladies first
Many women feel the pressure of having to choose their ‘bestest’ friend for the honor of being Matron or Maid in their wedding. They feel like they are leaving one of their friends out or hurting their feelings. First of all, realize that the duty of being in the wedding party is enormous. The Matron of Honor has a lot to do before and during the wedding itself, so you will want to choose someone that you think can handle it.
If you’re the bride, you may feel that you have to choose a family member as well, but that’s not necessary. You might include them as a part of the party, but if you have a really close friend that you want to bestow the honor upon, then do so.
Find someone who isn’t overly busy or committed. If they live in the town that you’ll be married in, that’s great too. Even if you’re out of town, you’ll get to be able to visit each other and she can make arrangements while you’re at your home. You also want to find someone who isn’t financially burdened. The thing is that gowns, showers, bachelorette parties, and gifts all cost money, so you don’t want to stretch them.
And then the men
Just like choosing the Matron or Maid of Honor, you don’t want to choose someone that ’should’ be the Best Man. This should be someone that you can count on to plan the bachelor party and get the other groomsmen to stay on schedule. Of course, your best friend may fit this bill, so the decision might be easy. Again, don’t pick someone who doesn’t have a lot of time or is financially strapped.
Picking someone to be your right hand person is an important decision and an honor for the person that you ask. Although you may think that they are the right person, they may decline the offer and the extra work. In that case, you will need to find someone else to fill the role. ZZZ

W. Aris
50
25 7

If an outsider attacked your lover, would you stop him? Would you defend yourself and your spouse against an attack?
A cheating lover who breaks a promise to be faithful is literally attacking your relationship. If you suspect this is happening, you owe it to your love to defend it. Otherwise you will either never really be able to trust your mate, or you won’t even realize that you’ve been a sap until your partner walks out the door…forever.
If you’re worried that your mate is cheating, keep your head together and start collecting evidence. Whatever you do, don’t let your partner know you suspect until you have some good, solid facts to back up your suspicions. A cheating lover, backed into a corner, usually finds an excuse to leave the relationship precipitously. And a faithful lover does not need to ever know there was suspicion.
Here are seven proven, tried-and-true ways you can catch a cheating lover:
1) The single biggest tip-off is in sudden behavior changes that continue sporadically. A work routine that has changed, such as staying late at the office or long lunches could be a tell-tale clue. Call him, just to see if he’s there. Even drop in on him, once you suspect him, at the office, bringing some cookies or a present for an excuse.
2) Does she pick on you, looking for things to criticize? This may mean she’s building a case to justify leaving the relationship for good. Does she create a fight then leave the house in a huff and stay away for hours? Warning!
3) Are there changes in his appearance? Does he take more interest in it, dressing better and being more careful with grooming in general? Has his style of dress gone from conservative to, say, Mobster Mannequin or Lounge Lizard? Time to open your eyes… and keep them open.
4) Does she seem to suddenly get a lot of cell phone calls she avoids taking in your presence? It’s probably the other man.
5) Is he suddenly going out with his male friends, supposedly? Ask him where he’s going, and go there to check. But be surreptitious; stay in the shadows!
6) These days, there are lots of high-tech gadgets and methods for capturing an adulterer. You can actually track every keystroke in a computer, for example, every call on a cell phone… and you can do these things without a trace. Installing spy-cams is an option, or hiring a private detective.
7) Have you noticed an abrupt and lasting change in your sex life? Is he holding out on you physically? Do you find his excuses downright lame? This is red-flag time.
A monogamous relationship is a serious commitment and accusing a partner of adultery is a serious charge. An open mind, balance and neutrality are the watchwords.
Now. Memorize this article and fight back for your relationship… the smart way.

Caterina Christakos
34
25 7

Conquering a woman’s heart is for many men more or less some kind of a minefield. Certainly, women contain every ingredient needed for making a Molotov Cocktail, and the key is to handle them gentle enough not to set them off.
Applying to animals and humans alike, instincts gave women the privilege of picking while men the “honor” of doing their best to convince them that they are the best choice possible. Although it might not seem such an easy job, it comes with our own nature. More than that, as the Bible says, women were created from and for men.
Don’t let yourselves fooled by all those saying that they have the secrets needed to get any woman and become modern Don Juans. The only secret I can think of is being yourself. The rest is, believe it or not, pure and simple human psychology.
Just to give you an idea of how simple it can actually be, I’ll just list a few of the things needed for the “big conquest”. Before attempting anything, every man should keep in mind that the times when males stood up on a heap of dirt and showcased their powers are long gone. You don’t have to prove her anything! Instead, make her want to discover your qualities.
PATIENCE. This is not a hit and run thing and showing some patience tells the woman that you could represent more than just a waste of time. Forcing a woman into something she does not want to do is a major mistake that will most likely cause irreparable damage to the relationship.
HUMOR. Aside the relaxed atmosphere they create, funny guys inspires optimism and positive attitude. After all, do you like a woman that always complains about something?
WITS. Without some activity in your brain she could take off before you know it. Nevertheless, a savant attitude will most likely make her feel bad and underestimated. Keep in mind that women fight for equality and never try to show her what an undiscovered genius you are. After a couple of minutes of relaxed, humorous and subtly witty chat she will figure you out by herself.
SENSITIVENESS. Despite some opinions, women DO like sensitive men. Nevertheless, there’s a big difference between a sensitive man and a weak man. Let her feel that she can rely on you, that you’re always on top of the situation but you can listen to her problems and maybe even help her out sometimes.
GOOD LOOKS. You don’t have to be Brad Pitt to be considered good looking. What matters most is the way you let her understand that you take care of yourself. A clean and tidy person will most likely have a clean and tidy relationship.
PUNCTUALITY. Men are NEVER allowed to be late while women HAVE to show up a little late so the man knows she is still to be conquered. More than that, it is the woman’s way of letting you know she was preparing herself to look her best for you. You should never come up with excuses for being late, even if they might be true. Any excuse is just as pathetic as the next one, so if you think you can’t make it in time simply let her know with some time in advance.
The list could go on and on but the idea behind everything is the same: always be yourself, treat her as your equal and understand her as a human being and not as a good catch. Women always sense these things even if you don’t say them out loud.

Jeanne King, Ph.D.
635
25 7

Kind, compassionate Dr. X looks at his bruised patient-a victim/survivor of domestic violence-and confidently breathes a sigh of relief thinking, “Thank God, she admitted it. Now, all she needs is a barracuda attorney to get her and her children to safe waters.”
Not necessarily so! A barracuda attorney could usher her, and her children, from the frying pan to the fire. This is an ugly secret that many people only know from having been there or from watching another get burned.
One of the most dangerous myths about family violence is that family court will protect victims of domestic abuse. In truth, this court can be used as a vehicle for the continuation of the abuse dynamic.
Abuse is fundamentally about control, and so is litigation. Two parties fighting in a legal action are essentially battling for control, and the perpetrator thrives in this arena. When there is a gross disparity of income between the parties and when the perpetrator controls the family finances, the perpetrator can easily control the litigation because he who pays is in the driver’s seat.
He can taunt, torment and terrorize his victim through financial starve out tactics, legal-psychiatric ploys, the threat of custody litigation. Abusers know that nothing will devastate their victim more than seeing their children endangered, so they use the threat of obtaining custody to extract agreements to their liking. And, such behavior can go on indefinitely.
When we couple the pathology of a batterer with an economically driven industry, we end up with the most perverted self-sustaining abuse dynamic imaginable: victim/survivors tied to their perpetrators and helpless abused children placed in the hands of their batterers. Sadly, this occurs nationwide for women whose children are sexually assaulted, women whose children are physically beaten on a regular basis and children who run away. These children and their protective parents are not guaranteed protection in family court.
That does not mean they won’t get it; it means they cannot assume they will get it. Yet, patients and their healthcare providers often unknowingly believe that protection from the court is automatic.
Domestic violence requires a specialized intervention and family court is not the forum in which to obtain it. Family court is about splitting up the property and separating the people, without holding anyone accountable for their behavior during the marriage. And without accountability, domestic violence continues.
Doctor, you are the gatekeeper for domestic violence in your community. You are the one who has the opportunity to see domestic violence in the early stages of its progression. And once you’ve seen it, you make the referrals. Refer your patient to a domestic violence specialist first-and also to the appropriate parties, given the regulations of your state and organization in which you operate.
Z