Conjure up an image of divorce. The average person visualizes people sitting in a courtroom, giving testimony, with a judge at a bench presiding over everything. The reality of most divorces is dramatically different. Forget high profile, exciting confrontations in courtrooms built 50 years ago. The vast majority of divorces in Florida are relatively boring exchanges of paperwork and telephone calls.
In Florida, and in many states in the U.S., mediation is becoming a mandatory step. And mediation appears to work. Howard Iken, managing partner at The Divorce Center (www.18884mydivorce.com), a divorce law practice in the Tampa Bay region, observes over 90% of divorce cases settle by the time they get to mediation. Of the 10% that do not settle by mediation, approximately 9% settle some time before final trial. The bottom line is that approximately 1 out of 100 divorce cases go through the colorful confrontation that many people visualize. 99 out of 100 cases never make it to court.
Between the time a spouse files for divorce and the period most cases settle, the legal action consists of very boring paperwork, financial disclosure, punctuated by the occasional phone call. The process rarely varies and the paperwork in each case is similar if not the exact same. One spouse sends a petition, the other sends an answer. Each spouse exchanges financial affidavits, tax returns, paycheck stubs, and other types of documentation. The attorneys act as paperwork mills, churning and spinning out pounds of identical documents into the postal system. Other than copies of documents filed with the court, judges rarely get involved at this stage. All of the documents, legal pleadings, notices, and forms, are oriented toward getting to mediation, the final event in many divorces. If the parties settle at mediation, and the statistics show most do, one spouse will never see the inside of a courtroom. The other spouse usually attends a short, 10 minute hearing that is only a formality. A judge reviews the documents and signs off on the divorce.
“Hurry up and then wait,” divorce attorney Howard Iken tells his clients. Most cases consist of tons of paperwork creation followed by a long wait. The long wait is normally to allow the opposing party time to create and send a similar pile of paperwork. The process seems to work. The benefit: thousands of dollars in attorney fees are saved. Money that could pay for rebuilt lives is not diverted to the bank accounts of each attorney. Cases are brought to an early end. And each party to the divorce ends up having little or no contact with the court.ZZ
Cynthia Cooper
388
25 7
Coincidences, déjà vu experiences, finding a parking space on a meter in downtown Chicago, are all surface indicators of being in the “flow.” But for more revealing insight, examine the quality of your intimate relationships.
Being “on the path” means that you understand the divine nature of man.
That is, you realize that there really is no dividing line between yourself and others. The only division that exists is that which is created by the human ego.
It also means that you realize that you are the physical embodiment of God and in so much as you are God, you must accept that you are Love. Therefore there is no need to find Love. Only fear prevents us from knowing this as truth.
You believe that you have chosen this physical life to deepen your understanding of Love. You know that this is accomplished through the experience of relationship.
With your understanding, relationships become the virtual laboratories where you will either blow things up or create something wonderful.
Each time you become involved, fear will surface to provide you with a choicZZZ
Kam Meng Mok
639
25 7
There had been an old saying, a confident women, is always a beautiful woman.
I don’t know how much will you be agree with that, but the statement should be adjusted to :
A Confident Person, No Matter Guy Or Girl, Young Or Old, Is Always An Attractive Person.
A confident, relaxed and happy person is always attractive.
(And, relaxed and happy personality is the result of confidence)
Now, let’s see what confidence leads to in your love life:
A confident person always feels good about him/herself. When you feel good about yourself, you tend to be more positive about your surroundings, it doesn’t matter how you look like, or whether you are tall, short, thin or fat. You tend to smile more, you tend to talk more with others, and you will not be easily depressed.
When you smile more, you will get him/her to smile to you too. When both of you smile with each other, you will feel easier to start a conversation.
When you are able to start a conversation with others, you lose your fear of not being able to break the ice. Result? You became even more confident!
And guess what? You start to be more daring to talk to him/her! You may start to talk about jokes, (When people laugh, they become closer, you like those with great sense of humor, right?).
And then, you start to talk about things that happen in your life. (When you share your own experience, he/she will share his/her too- remember)
When this happens, both you and he/she are into each others life, and you start caring about each other. Whether or not you and he/she become together in the future or not, it really doesn’t matter. If you can’t become soul mate, you can always become good friends.
What REALLY matters is, you manage to attract him/her and make a good chance of getting your love.
Did you see the chain reaction as the results of your self-confidence?
Did you notice that once it gets started, it leads from one to another, and at the same time, build your confidence even stronger?
Did you realize that subconsciously, you managed to attract him/her?
DO YOU SEE THE POWER OF SELF CONFIDENCE?
But, you problem is, you don’t have the self confidence with you in the first place!
This is how you feel about yourself right now:
- You are not handsome, you are not beautiful.
- You don’t have good body shape, you are big in size, you are too short
etc
- You don’t know how to start a conversation, you are shy
.
- You, you, you
and so on
In Short, you feel that you don’t have what it takes to build your self-confidence.
What do you need?
You need a KICK START!
You need that magic touch to get things start rolling.
You need A CORRECT MINDSET!
Before you read on, STOP all the other things that you are doing now, and READ CAREFULLY!
I am going to reveal to you the most important phrase you ever need to be successful in your love life.
It is not something new, but it will open a new door to your love life.
It is not something cheerful; it actually makes you slap yourself on your face.
And, worst of all, if you don’t read carefully, you become even worse than what you are now.
“YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!”
Confused? Wondering how this will kick start your self confidence?
Read on.
What is the real reason behind your lack of self-confidence?
It is the fear of losing what you have now, it is the fear of coming out from a comfort zone (although it is not that comfort anyway) and face the challenge in front of you.
But, in your love life, what do you have with you that you can’t afford to lose anyway?
You have nothing! (Now, slap yourself)
Are you aware that you have nothing in the first place? Do you know that if you be more confident, the only things you will lose are those things that you don’t want anyway?
The only risk you are taking to be more confident is that you will lose all those sadness and loneliness that you been trying hard to get rid of?
What will you lose to start smiling with others? (Well, I am not asking you to smile all the time; it will make others think that you are insane
)
What will you lose if you approach him/her to say hi, but rejected?
The answer is: NOTHING.
Why? If you don’t approach him/her, what do you have?
The answer is: NOTHING.
Is there any difference?
But, what if he/she start to say “hi” to you?
Get what I meant?
“You have nothing to lose” Be confident, your happiness is just a few steps in front o
Sharon A
23
25 7
You’re back on the dating scene. But you’re worried as it’s been a long time since you were single or looking. Regardless of how exciting and new it all seems, it’s only natural for one to feel unsure and ‘out of practice’ when taking the step of going on dates again.
So, I have compiled the ten best things you can do to gain some confidence, and have more fun during this transition.
1) Get a makeover. A new haircut, wardrobe, or updated makeup will not only make you feel better about yourself, it will also help to mark this time of your life as a new beginning, and something to be excited about. If you look and feel great, it will give you more confidence which is always more attractive to others.
2) Don’t take it all too seriously to begin with. Look at this time as a chance to get used to talking to others, flirting, coming out of your shell. It doesn’t matter if a serious relationship doesn’t develop, as long as you are having fun! Enjoying yourself will put others at ease and more people will approach you.
3) Start out by going out with a group of friends first. This will feel more natural to start out with.
4) When on a date, nerves sometimes can take over, and we tend to talk more, to try to overcome this. Please try to avoid this. Learn to become a great listener. Also, when you do talk to your date, keep the topics light to begin with. Speak slowly, you’ve got all night! Try to discuss subjects you are both interested in, which will help the conversation to flow more smoothly.
5) Always have a ‘way out’ planned in case a date does turn out badly. Take your mobile phone with you, and ask a friend or relative to phone you at a certain time. If you really want to bail out of the date early, you can tell your date after the phone call that you are very sorry, but you’re going to have to cut the evening short.
6) Remember your date is just as nervous as you are. They are obviously interested enough to get to know you better, and are therefore just as anxious to make a good impression. Try to spend your time on dates, making the other person feel at ease. Not only will your date appreciate this effort, but you will be focusing less on yourself and how you’re ‘doing’.
7) Try to keep up to date with current news events before your date. Nobody is suggesting you pore over newspapers for hours on end. However, if you have some understanding of what is going on in the world around you, it’ll give you both a conversation topic that is easy to discuss.
If you have just suffered a painful breakup, try not to focus too heavily on it. Your date wants to know all about you. Not your ex. Of course, if you are going through a divorce, it’s fine to mention it, but keep it to a minimum, and remember your date is not your therapist!
9) Take care of your health. Eat well and exercise. A healthy person is a happy person, and this will reflect well in your self esteem. Know that you are putting your best self forward.
10) If you come across a set back (for example, your date loses interest or you lose interest in your date) don’t worry! Look upon it as practice. Remind yourself that the aim was to have fun and you did. Look forward to your next romantic adventureZZZ
Annette Mavety
192
25 7
Food as a Romantic Experience Part 1
According to Encyclopaedia Britannica:
“The psychophysiological reaction that a well-prepared meal can have upon the human organism. The combination of the various sensuous reactions — the visual satisfaction of the sight of appetizing food, the olfactory stimulation of their pleasing smells and the tactile gratification afforded the oral mechanism by rich, savoury dishes — tend to bring on a state of general euphoria conducive to sexual expression.”
Deriving from the name of the Greek Goddess of love, Aphrodite, the word ‘aphrodisiac’ summons the image of mysterious recipes and potions that evoke passion and desire in those who consume them. Foods are generally classified as aphrodisiacs in today’s society because of the pleasurable taste and effect they have on the body. The intimate emotional union between two people is shown in the sharing of a meal; in ancient times, the evening meal was shared as an enhancer for relationships, especially romantic ones. The aroma, taste and aesthetic qualities of the meal are part of the reason why aphrodisiac foods are so appealing, coupled with the effects of the naturally occurring chemicals that stimulate blood flow and enhance the senses.
Herbs, Spices and Nuts
In Greek mythology, it was said that marjoram was created from Aphrodite’s breath. Because of this, wreaths of the herb were worn at weddings. Even in Victorian times, the herb was popular as an addition to bouquets as an indication of the sender’s love for the recipient.
Mint is another aphrodisiac that owes its classification to Greek Mythology. The god Hades was greatly attracted to a young nymph, Mente. The nymph’s rival, Persephone, turned her into greenery, where she smells just as sweet as when her scent first captivated the god.
Cinnamon is believed to increase passion, especially during the winter months because of its ‘warmth’ as a spice. The link between cinnamon and romance goes back to the Queen of Sheba who used the spice to seduce King Solomon.
The almond tree was said to have been barren until the day St Valentine was buried beneath one. The tree burst into bloom, and the almond has been associated with everlasting love ever since.
The Greek story goes that Phyllis, a Thracian princess, was married to Acamas who was sent to fight at Troy. Hearing false news that he was dead, she died of sorrow, and was transformed into an almond tree by Athene. When Acamas returned, he heard the tale, and embraced the tree. The tree burst into blossom, again showing the connection between almonds and enduring love.
Fruit
Apples are associated with love, being the subject of many legends and superstitions. In Greek mythology, a golden apple inscribed ‘For the Fairest’ was the source of discord amongst the goddesses, namely Aphrodite, Athene and Hera. To solve the matter, they asked Paris, a Prince of Troy, to choose between them. He chose Aphrodite, who promised him the love of the most beautiful woman in the world. An Old English superstition is to peel one long strip from an apple and throw it over the left shoulder. The letter it most resembles is said to be the first letter of the individual’s true love.
It is thought that the quince is the ‘apple’ that Eve offered Adam, and was also dedicated to the Roman goddess, Venus. Some marriage ceremonies included the consumption of the fruit to secure luck and happiness for the newlyweds.
Grapes are associated with the god of fertility, Dionysus. The act of feeding grapes to a lover has been repeated throughout history and has come to symbolize the decadence and the caring familiarity of lovers.
Strawberries are also considered a food of love- the suggestion that the heart-like shape of the fruit influences this image is a common one. The sweetness, subtle aroma and velvety texture enhance the sensual pleasure of eating, thereby establishing its role as one of the most archetypical aphrodisiacZZZZ
Dr. Robert Huizenga
74
25 7
1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What’s up? Why is he doing that? He’s never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn’t mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!
2. Inform your significant other when you become “unpredictable.” No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven’s sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, “I really don’t know what is going on in me right now, but I’m moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!”
3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here’s a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, “How do I look?” (And she’s wearing a dress you don’t particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, “You look great.” You don’t really mean it and a part of her knows you really don’t mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal – we all have done something similar – but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here’s how to match the words with the nonverbal: “I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She’s not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She’s not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!
4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: “But, I don’t want to hurt him.” A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn’t trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. “Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!”
5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn’t talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can’t trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I’m not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.
6. Let YOUR needs be known – loudly. Be a little – no, be a lot – self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here’s a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to “win him back.” So she begins an all out effort to “work on the marriage.” She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to “be nice” and meet every need he ever said he had. She’s going to “fill his tank with goodies.” Doesn’t work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels “smothered” or maybe even resentful: “Why is she doing this NOW!” She’s hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive – if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine – just doesn’t work. It’s perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn’t say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so “nice and caring?” Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: “I need
x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?” He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, “What about my needs?” You respond, “I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly.” Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn’t you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn’t that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?
7. State who YOU are – loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you’re like most of us, you haven’t given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don’t you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don’t you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You’re concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn’t destroy trust. But it doesn’t create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then
begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.
8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don’t stop, you demand they stop. If they don’t stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?
9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don’t speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won’t fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don’t people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your “quiet center,” remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.
10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.
Katy Terrega
12
25 7
Okay, okay, I admit it; even though my husband and I are old enough to have raised two teenagers, we actually do have a sex life. My children, however, would be mortified to learn that the two of us still have healthy libidos, so, for everyone’s sake, I’d just as soon they remain completely clueless.
The problem, of course, is keeping said sex life private. It’s bad enough having to sneak around like two love-starved.well.teenagers when we want to have a little fun. But now, with two techno savvy kids in the house, we have to be very wary as to what we keep on the computer, as well.
Like many couples, my husband and I have been known to peruse adult sites together – for one thing, we’ve found that it’s a great way to get ourselves in the mood – and we have our fair share of favorite pictures and videos that we’ve collected over the years. We’ve even occasionally put our own e-camera and video camera to use (with very satisfactory results) and edited the final product on the computer.
It’s here, however, that we’ve run into trouble. One computer, two teens, dirty pictures. Can you hear the screams of anguish (on both sides) from here?
Luckily, over time we’ve figured out a few ways to keep ourselves and our kids safe from the shame and horror of discovery. Here are our secrets; hopefully you’ll be able to benefit from our hard earned wisdom and avoid any screaming of your own.
Fake Folder Names
This can work when your kids are young. Put all of your fun pictures and videos into one folder, hide it in some hard to reach place and rename it something completely boring, like “Taxes2005″ or “Favorite Recipes.” If your children do, indeed, stumble across the folder, they’ll be bored to tears and never venture near the file again. Of course, the main disadvantage here is that even children too young to know better have been known to click on files out of curiosity or by accident. And older children are too smart to be put off by “Pictures of Aunt Gertrude” for long.
Create a Separate User Account
If you’re running Windows XP, you’ve got another alternative. Create separate user accounts, along with unique desktops, for each member of the family. (You can do that by clicking on User Accounts in the Control Panel.) Each person can customize his or her desktop, making a little room of one’s own, so to speak. Make it a rule that each member of the household has to stick to their own desktop, however, so that no one accidentally ends up in your space. The disadvantage to this system is that, even though everything seems as though it’s in a separate place, it’s actually all on your hard drive, and a computer savvy teen could find your secret files without too much effort.
Zip or Encrypt Your Files
Both of these methods provide a fairly safe alternative for keeping your secret pictures and videos private. Zipping files is easy; in XP you can simply right click and follow the directions, then password protect the file. Same with encryption software, which can be bought or, in many cases, downloaded free. Then it’s a matter of putting all of your naughty material into one place and following the software specs.
The disadvantage to these two methods is that a lot of time is spent un-encrypting and re-encrypting, which is hardly a sexy way to spend those precious few moments alone. And one big warning: Your file names *will* end up in your media player’s playlist. What this means is that when your teen pulls up Green Day’s “American Idiot,” he will be able to see that someone else has been playing something called “Raging Lust!” Good luck trying to explain that one away.
CoupleBox By far the best way to keep your sexy files away from your all-too enquiring teens, hackers or even computer theives, is something called the CoupleBox ( http://www.couplebox.com .) Basically this nifty new software is a password protected media player of its own, which means that it isn’t just a place to store your files, it actually plays your videos and displays your pictures in an artful way. The big advantage here is that your video titles stay out of all other media player playlists, which is a definite plus if your children are old enough to be listening to music or watching videos on the computer. And your jpg and mpg file names won’t come up on any searches, either. But best of all; it’s fun!
You can create playlists of your own and organize your pictures and videos into favorites and albums. You can even customize your CoupleBox with “moods” which are cute (or sexy) alternatives to that oh-so-boring blue media player you’ve been using. It’s also got super security; as long as you keep your files in CoupleBox where they belong, no one, not even your computer-geek-in-the-making teenager, will be able to access them. The only disadvantage is that while you’re using CoupleBox in play mode you don’t have access to your desktop, which means that you can’t check your mail or surf while you’re watching your favorite sexy movies or looking at those pictures that you took of each other on vacation. On the other hand, no distractions equals more fun, so maybe that’s a good thing!
Just don’t tell the kids.
Dan Ohler
297
25 7
Imagine humungous, bulbous, billowing alto-cumulus clouds building higher and higher in the sky. They are as black as tar at the bottom and snowy white at the top. It looks as if we’re in for a storm.
CRACK, rumble, rumble, rumble. Use your imagination folks. That’s thunder, not a malfunction of my keyboard.
My black and white Border Collie, Tip, catapults from her slumber, ears laid tight against her head, and she’s off, full tilt, as fast as her legs will take her. Where is she going? She doesn’t know. She’s scared and she is just running.
Does she have a safe place at home? Absolutely. She has a nice dog house that she uses for protection from the rain, snow, and coyotes that venture too close to the yard. But when there is thunder, she runs blindly. She is an incredibly intelligent dog, but under these circumstances, the expression “as dumb as a sack of hoe handles” comes to mind.
You may be thinking, “Cute story but what does this have to do with me?”
Ponder this.
Does a similar reaction happen for you? Something happens in your life (the something rhymes with “it”), and you jump to reaction mode, as if on autopilot? You know what I’m talking about: angry outbursts, sarcasm, rudeness, aloofness, running away, or retreat. It doesn’t make logical sense, and it doesn’t get you the results you want, but you do it anyway. You are an intelligent human being, and yet, it still happens.
Why does this occur?
Let’s have a quick look at how the brain works in dogs and in you.
Dog Noodle Notes (about Tip’s brain)
The intense sound of the thunder is a nerve message that goes to Tip’s brain. Her brain stem, the most primal part of her brain, receives the stimuli and determines that this loud sound could be a threat to her safety. A threat causes fear, and the brain stem instantaneously overrides all other brain systems and directs her body to do one of three things fight, flight, or freeze. In Tip’s case, it’s flight. Is she really in danger of losing life or limb? Not a chance, but her brain doesn’t know that.
If I am near Tip, and hear the thunder, there is a split second in which I can catch her attention, and encourage her to make a different choice to go to the safety of her house. If I miss that chance, she’s gone.
People Noodle Notes (about your brain)
As a human, you have the same primal brain stem and it works exactly the same as Tip’s. When you are hurt or frightened (physically, emotionally, or mentally), a message goes to your brain stem, the threat is recognized, fear is created, and you move into the same mode fight, flight, or freeze. You lash out at yourself or others physically or verbally, cry, pout, become argumentative or defensive. You run, or at least leave. You retreat to your own space, and are unable to do anything constructive. You do and say things that you wish you hadn’t, and the consequences of your reactions, over time, can completely destroy your relationships.
I know this happens for you because the “fear” and “reaction mode” happens for me.
What is my reaction? Because of my personality style, I retreat, become aloof, and lose myself in my work. I become sarcastic and abrupt.
Am I this way to customers or friends? No way! I take it out on those closest to me my wife Carol, my sons Jamie and Brad, or other family members, even though they may not have had anything to do with my fear.
Does it make logical sense? Not at all, but it happens, unless I am aware of what is going on and make a different conscious choice.
Just like Tip, there is a split second in which I have the ability to let the message move past the brain stem to the cortex of my brain, which is the logical and spiritual part of my brain. The cortex processes the message, considers consequences, alternatives, feelings, and allows me to make a different choice for myself and others.
The same applies to you.
How can you benefit from this knowledge?
Here’s how.
4 Steps to Use Fears as Friends
These are basic, not necessarily simple:
1. Notice that feeling of fear, disappointment, discouragement, hurt, or anger. It may be: tenseness of muscles, heat, perspiration, scowling, tears, clenched fists, rapid heartbeat, and lack of focus. These are some cues to let you know that fear is present.
2. In that moment, STOP! Take a deep breath or ten. This gives the stimulus enough time to be accepted by your rational cortex. Think about your reactive responses in the past to the same or similar experiences. Were you happy with the consequences and the effect on your relationships? Do you want that to happen again?
3. Wave your magic wand. What is the “best way” for this to turn out, and what actions can you take to achieve that desired outcome? Notice it says “actions you take,” not what someone else should do.
4. Choose and Act!!
You are a human. You have fears. They show themselves as: anger, defensiveness, frustration, or a need to be right. The reactions are not healthy for you or your relationships.
The truth is this: you are the captain of your ship! You are accountable for everything that happens in your life. You always have the power to make a choice – ALWAYS. And ultimately, not making a choice is still a choice.
Use the fears as friends and follow the steps above. You will notice a dramatic improvement in your self-esteem and self-confidence. Watch your personal and business relationships soar.
You know that relationships are vitally important. Treat them with care. Genuine happiness is impossible without them. Don’t be a thunder dog!
Copyright 2005
Bob Grant
616
25 7
At least once a month one of my clients comes into my office
upset about how her date went the previous weekend. Either
she feels she did something wrong or worries that the guy
didn’t seem to be too interested in her. For the next 45
minutes we dissect the evening in question and I offer
suggestions on how to salvage a second date or I
congratulate her on discovering that he wasn’t worth another
chance.
Many times though the problem lies with my client not
understanding the purpose of a first date. Too often women
(and men) concentrate on such things has compatibility,
attraction and past relationship history. All of these
things are important but not for a first encounter. They are
too in-depth for a casual get-to-know-you conversation. The
only thing a woman really needs to be concerned with is
conveying her femininity.
This is the easiest and most reliable way toward making a
good first impression. The three keys to a great first date
are; wear a dress, smile often and allow him to speak first
at the start of the date. Those three things will make him
feel masculine and he will naturally find you more
attractive because the first date is about being a girl, not
revealing everything about yourself.
If those suggestions seem silly or sexist then I am afraid
you don’t understand men. Men like women in dresses because
it radiates softness making a man want to hold and cuddle
her. Smiling at him always makes him feel more attractive.
Letting him speak first conveys respect which is every man’s
greatest desire, even more than being loved.
Show him that you have the ability to be the woman he has
fantasized about and he will beg you for another date Once
you have gone out 3 or more times then you are free to let
him get to know you has an individual. Since you have shown
him that you are every bit a woman, he will be much more
motivated to get to know you as a person.
Charles Tran
576
25 7
The XX Winter Olympic Games are in full swing in Torino, Italy, with athletes from around the globe vying to bring home the gold. Back at home, those in the dating game face equally stiff challenges the difficulty in meeting the “right” people, synchronizing overfilled calendars to schedule a date, and creating that medal-winning first impression.
Although I’m in a long-term relationship and thus have removed myself from the competition, I understand the hurdles faced by those in the dating game. As the founder of lunchSpark (www.lunchSpark.com), an online lunch networking and dating community, I’m trying to bridge the gap between the virtual and real worlds. The site is equal parts meet-and-greet and restaurant reviews, and moves ahead of traditional online network and dating sites by taking the connection to the next level: meeting over lunch. When it comes to dating, lunch is a fun, casual way to connect, without the stress of traditional evening dates.
Just as every Olympic athlete has a unique approach to his or her chosen sport, those in the dating game have their own strategies for coming up a winner. The following quiz will help you define your style in the Dating Olympics.
Select the one answer for each question that most reflects your feelings.
1. Does the concept of speed dating a round robin where you spend three minutes with each of 20 potential dates appeal to you?
a. Sure! It’s a great way to immediately know whether or not you click with a potential date
b. No way! I can’t get a sense of who a person is in only three minutes.
c. Definitely! I know exactly what I’m looking for, and speed dating would let me compare each person to my mental checklist.
2. What’s your feeling about blind dates?
a. I have nothing to lose, and I’m intrigued by the mystery of a blind date.
b. I love the unexpected, and can always find a way to have fun on a blind date.
c. I can’t stand blind dates. I want to be the one to choose who I go out with.
3. What type of first date most appeals to you: meeting for coffee, lunch, or dinner?
a. Dinner I like the variables and the open-ended nature of an evening out
b. Coffee A coffee house is a great place to start a conversation that can last anywhere from a few minutes to more than an hour.
c. Lunch I like knowing what to expect, and the beauty of a lunch date is that is has a finite beginning and end.
4. How would you characterize your dating experiences over the past year?
a. I love to date and have been on dates with at least a dozen different people.
b. I haven’t gone on many traditional dates, but have met lots of fascinating people in a variety of settings.
c. I’ve gone on several first dates and have had a great time, but things haven’t worked out in the long term.
Scoring: Add up the number of times you chose answer “a,” answer “b,” and answer “c.” The letter you chose most often corresponds to your style in the Dating Olympics:
A – Downhill Racer: You hurl down the proverbial dating mountain with a devil-may-care attitude. Your goal isn’t to establish a long-term relationship; rather, your enjoyment comes from the thrill of the chase. By trying to beat the clock to the finish line, the dating game’s Downhill Racer sometimes misses the scenery along the way. By all means, enjoy the ride. But be sure that you see the people you date as individuals.
B – Halfpipe Hopeful: Just like a snowboarder dropping into the halfpipe, your approach to dating is laid back. You value both substance and style, and take the time to get to know your dates. Your bottom line, though, is having fun. It’s true that dates shouldn’t be work; they should be fun. At the same time, the tendency of Halfpipe Hopefuls to hang out and have a good time can hurt their chances of building a solid long-term relationship. There comes a time when you have to make a commitment, or the good ones will get away.
C – Ice Dancer: An Olympic figure skater must control every element of his or her program, and each movement is carefully orchestrated. Your efforts to control your dating experience can serve to protect you both emotionally and physically, but you’re a person, not a machine. Strong boundaries are crucial for a successful dating experience, which is why meeting for lunch can make for a perfect first date. Check out lunchSpark (www.lunchspark.com), relax over lunch, and you’ll open up and allow yourself to
Jeff Rose
496
25 7
In most traditional relationships, women expect their man to give them gifts of jewelry, and the men do so. Today, more women are paying special attention to giving jewelry to their men than ever before.
Giving jewelry to your spouse or romantic partner has always been a popular gift. Often holidays like Christmas, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day prompt men to run to the jewelry store for something shiny and expensive. Imagine how much more valued this gift would be if given without a major holiday attached to it. Why not give your partner jewelry for no particular reason, other than love?
Diamonds are always popular when it comes to choosing jewelry, other gemstones or simply silver and gold can be just as popular. You probably know that each month has a gemstone that represents it, and those gemstones each have a symbolic meaning. If you really want to blow your partner away, select your jewelry for it’s significance to a particular month (birthday or anniversary for example) or for another more personal meaning.
Here’s a brief look at the gemstone for each month and their meanings.
January garnet, represents faith and stability and is available in many colors, except blue
February amethyst, represents sincerity and happiness and is royal purple in color
March aquamarine, represents hope and bravery and is a blue-green or sea-green color
April diamond, representing joy and innocence
May emerald, represents peace and tranquility and is always green
June pearl, standing for wisdom and pureness
July ruby, represents passion and nobility and is always a beautiful red
August peridot, stands for patience and has a yellowish-green color
September sapphire, represents honesty and hope and is available in a variety of shades of blue
October opal or tourmaline, represents confidence and sweet love
November topaz or citrine, stands for friendship and faithfulness and both are brown through orange or yellow
December turquoise, represents understanding and success. In 2002, the AGTA added Tanzanite as another December birthstone
As with any gift from the heart, presentation can count nearly as much as the gift. How would you feel if your beloved just tossed you the diamond ring and said “Gotcha something?” Now, what if they went to some amount of effort to present it to you? There movies and personal stories everywhere about how people have presented a special piece of jewelry to their spouse. Believe it or not, food is one of the most popular methods! People tend to place rings in champagne or other clear beverages or bake it into their special person’s favorite pie or cake. What is often left out of these stories is the precautions you need to take. Make sure your loved one doesn’t actually eat your gift, or worse, choke on it. Next, check with your jeweler about any physical precautions. Champagne will actually dissolve pearls and if you baked a ruby it may crack!
Giving the gift of a lifetime is a significant investment, and you shouldn’t enter into it lightly. Do your research, make sure you know what you’re buying, and how to make a good decision. You can visit the website for the Jewelry Information Center at www.jic.org for free advice on a variety of jewelry relapics.
CD Mohatta
624
25 7
Love gives life and a break up takes away a life. Why a lover can not live normally after a bad break up? What if one also feels betrayed after the breakup? These questions are as ancient as the civilization.
Exploring romantic love-
Let us explore some more about romantic love and break-ups. A person who becomes totally involved with love loses his/her identity. The whole being revolves around the love. All the ambitions, all desires, all pains, everything in life gets related to love. Such lovers feel destroyed after the break up. If love is only a part of life one can survive easily after the break up. But will any poet call such kind of love as true love? The definition of true love means you give your self totally away to your beloved. You dream, eat, enjoy, and cry, laugh, work, what ever you do is all centered around your beloved. You live in that love. And hence you die once you are betrayed . If you are in true romantic love, you can not live for a day without your lover, hence it becomes impossible to live for a life time. The pain of separation and of betrayal becomes so bad, that the sadness kills the essence of living.
Betrayal -
For those who have been betrayed in love, it becomes impossible to understand about how their lover could betray them? It is like a child stabbing the mother. Imagine the pain of the mother who brought up her child with nothing but love, care and took every pain to see that her child was happy. The betrayed lover feels something similar and even more. So what is to be done?
Remedy -
Is their any remedy for such people? Turn to God for help. Pray. Look at the most suffering section of the society, such as children suffering from cancer and try to do something to help them. Find out those who are facing unimaginable hardships and do something to make their life better. Take your thoughts away from your own pain and look at others undergoing much worse pain. Contribute in some way to help this world become a better place. That is the answer for betrayal and a bad break up.
Simon Heong
272
25 7
Have you ever noticed this?
Whenever a guy is with an attractive woman, he would naturally want to attract her attention. Nothing new, right?
You will then notice, if she’s really a ‘hot’ one, the guy will not only want to attract her attention, but he’ll also want to try to impress her in whatever way he can.
He might be thinking that he wants to be different from the other guys. And what will he do? Well, even though his mindset is right, I would say that most likely, without him realizing it, he won’t he will do the obvious.
He’ll be nervous as hell ie. he will naturally tend to talk faster, more abruptly, fidget & move about more, etc when he’s with her.
Notice that some guys will even have their own lil’ ‘interview’ thing going on in their head.
They’ll have sort of like these pre-set questions that they’ll be ever so ready to pound the girl with; lame questions ie. “how old are you,” “where are you from”, “what do you like doing in your free time,” “how’s is your mom doing,”how’s your dad doing?”…
Know what I’m talking about?
They’ll just keep asking these questions non-stop thinking that this will actually keep the conversation going but honestly, don’t you think an attractive woman gets asked the same ‘ol questions all the time?
Same goes with the age old concept of being the nice guy who’s there for her all the time, who does all the sweet things for her, buying her gifts and doing all those stuff that your parents normally teaches their kids on dating.
Now, don’t you think that 90% of guys do the exact same thing all the time?
You see, when you do this, she can basically sense that you’re being needy and insecure. Why do I say needy?
‘Needy’ because it gives her the impression that you need to do certain things; you need to practically ‘work’ your way to impress her.
It also projects a sign of weakness in your part. That you’re just insecure about yourself.
Trust me, doing so will seem way too ‘normal’ for them.
They won’t stick around when they sense this.
And women are extremely good in their intuition. I can’t really explain why. Nor can they. But it’s just something that they can just feel.
So, whats the best way to spark the attraction with women then?
Simple.
Do the UNEXPECTED.
Do the unpredictable that catches their attention.
For example, in this case, what you can do is to project a lack of interest in the girl whether or not she’s there.
You see, I’m here telling you that it’s perfectly OK to have relaxed moments of silences when you’re with the girl.
It’s ok if you have nothing to say sometimes. Often times what you should in fact do is to project a very laid back, relaxed, and confident air about yourself when you’re with her.
You must project to her that you’re really comfortable with your own self first and not just looking to pick up someone, and to impress someone.
You have to show it to her that you don’t need to impress her.
She’ll have to be the one to do the impressing.
Think of it this way, if she’s a real attractive woman, she probably gets ‘hit on’ at least 3-5 times a day — EVERYDAY.
I know for a fact that these guys will most likely act the same pathetic way and will try to impress her like the rest of the pack.
She knows it and it eventually becomes HER reality. She has become used to having guys hit on her.
Now, if you suddenly come along and act as if you’re not intimidated by her beauty, and you just act as if you’re not one bit interested in her…
.. and you just might not even acknowledge of her existence at times. Imagine how things have changed now?
When she most EXPECTS you to hit on her, you don’t.
Don’t you think she’ll even take a little notice of you then?
Think about this. It’s some powerful stuff.
Talk to you soon.
- Simon Heong
Paul Ajao
530
25 7
Bridal bouquets are the most popular accessories for brides to walk down the aisle. But what if you want to be a bit different? Here are 5 alternative ideas that will work for both brides and bridesmaids:
1) Wrist Corsage
This is a small arrangement of flowers that is secured to the wrist. Roses, orchids and other small-headed flowers work best.
The great thing about a wrist corsage is that both of your hands are free – ideal if you’re going to be hugging lots of guests.
Bianca Jagger looked very chic having chosen a wrist corsage instead of a bouquet when she married Mick Jagger.
2) Pomander
A pomander (also called a kissing ball) is a round ball shape of flowers that has a delicate ribbon handle. This is easy to carry as the ribbon just slips over the wrist. Roses are the most popular choice for pomanders but you could also use gerberas or carnations.
Pomanders are often carried by bridesmaids and flowergirls, but can look spectacular for the bride herself.
3) Hair Decoration
Hair decorations can be both elegant and stylish. You can choose one large flower such as a lily to form the focal point of your arrangement. This type of arrangement is worn on the side of the head.
Alternatively you could go for a circular ‘halo’ arrangement, such as Audrey Hepburn wore at her wedding. She had a halo arrangement of white roses that was worn on top of the head.
In addition to flowers, you can incorporate beads, jewels and feathers into your hair decoration. Have a quick chat with your florist and you could come up with a unique design that suits your personality and complements your bridegroom’s boutonniere.
4) Prayer Book
Another choice instead of holding a bridal bouquet is to hold a prayer book or bible. Some brides like to decorate the prayer book with a small arrangement of flowers and/or ribbons.
You could use a cherished bible that was given to you as gift, or you could buy a new one as a symbol of your new life and how you plan to lead it.
5) Lantern or Candle Holder
These are great for church weddings, especially if it is an evening ceremony. Candles are very romantic and will add to the ceremony. Use non-drip candles and a lantern design that fully encloses the naked flame to reduce the risk of an accident.
The base of the lantern or candleholder can be decorated with a small arrangement of flowers to match the colors of your wedding theme.
Heather Jaillett
243
25 7
It doesn’t matter how you got to be single in your mid-thirties. What does matter, however, is that you have certain priorities in order so that you can protect yourself and those you date from getting hurt. There are too many reasons to list on why you’re on the market at this stage in your life, but you should be clear on your goals, both long and short-term. You don’t want to be led on or trapped into something you didn’t want in the first place.
The very first things you need to consider are your short and long-term relationship goals. If you are a confirmed bachelor (or bachlorette) you definitely don’t want to be dating someone who is determined to settle down and start a family. Age is often tied to this as well. A twenty-something may be looking for a good time or to tie the knot. While a boy toy or trophy can be fun in the short-term, if you are looking for a serious relationship you may want to look elsewhere.
There are a lot of things to consider when dating either above or below your age bracket. If you fall for someone who is a lot younger, you may get hurt because they can lack maturity that comes only from life experience. Twenty-somethings are often still trying to figure out where they fit in, and are still forming their goals. Another problem is children; they may or may not want them. If you get really serious, as in any age bracket, you need to discuss each other’s views on children.
On the other hand, if you date someone much older than you there are some problems to be aware of as well. Older people tend to have already decided what they want out of life, and generally are not too excited to change course. If you really want to settle down, don’t go chasing after the man or woman who has no intention of a long-term relationship. Also, there are certain generation gaps that have to be considered. Your older lover may not appreciate going to see your favorite rock group in concert. With consideration and understanding, however, many obstacles of dating older and younger people can be overcome.
Another thing to consider is your financial position. Have you dedicated the last ten years to getting ahead in your career and the rewards that come with that? Are you willing to give up half of your money in a divorce? You will have to decide what is important depending on the person you are dating. Even people who aren’t married have had their lover run off with the bank account. Protect yourself, and if necessary, seek the advice of an attorney before you propose or accept a proposal.
Finally, if you have children you need to consider the type of people that are entering your life. Do you want to bring any and all of your dates to meet them, or are you going to wait for someone fairly serious? You also have to try to uphold the values that you want your children to follow in their lives. You are a role model, and how you conduct yourself does make an impression on your children.
In short, be smart about what you are doing. Don’t leave yourself open to be taken advantage of. Most of all, though, have fun and good luck in pursuing your romantic endeavors.
Michael Axon
538
25 7
Online Dating
5 Vitally important Questions you should ask your Online Dating E-friend?
Online dating can be very entertaining and gratifying.
Since its inception, online dating has continuously brought people together even though they may be worlds apart. Online dating makes bridges to connect people together, enjoy each other, and build dreams together.
However, it’s not always possible to instantly find somebody with whom to share the rest of your life with.
Online dating is a continuous, systematic process. It entails careful selection of words, pictures, and representations of the person involved in order to get the best results. Moreover, from the time you first find someone you think you could be interested in, remember the process will continue as you both get to know each other through a series of messages, chats, and other forms of communication.
Along with this comes the careful selection of words used and messages conveyed in order to establish natural, free-flowing, yet enlightening conversations. These are not just mere exchange of words and phrases but a way of getting to know each other.
Hence, it is extremely important to know which questions to ask so that you can get a better sense of who the other person is on the other side of the virtual screen.
Here are some of the questions that you should ask your e-friend in order to assess their personality and attitude. These questions will help to provide the necessary information regarding an individual’s personal convictions and preferences.
Those who are involved in online dating just have to keep in mind that when asking these questions, they should make it appear very natural so that they will not sound like they are being confrontational.
In addition, be sure that you are also prepared to answer the same.
1. What is the major error that people make when dating online for the first time?
This question will illustrate some idea about how the other person views the opposite sex. In this way, one could get an insight on the attitude of the other person and his or her personal beliefs on some important matters like dating and relationships.
2. What are you looking for in a guy/girl?
With this question, an individual can get hold of the qualities that the other person is looking for in a companion.
However, one should take note of how the other person tries to answer the question. If the reply is passed off with a joke or some other attempt at humour chances are they have not yet thought about the answer.
3. What is a really successful relationship?
One could get a good view on how the other person values relationship. It would be better to hear the other person provide an answer regarding how the two persons who are involved in the relationship should work together as they grow.
4. What is your view on online dating services?
Through this question, a person will be able to know if the other person had some serious negative experience concerning online dating or the other way around. In addition, through the answers of the other person, one could guess if he or she is still willing to consider online dating or not.
5. Did you fail on your last relationship?
Most people would certainly blame the other person in the relationship. Others blame themselves too much. It would be better to hear some answers like they (the couple) equally share the blame and that it is just time to part ways.
The point in asking these questions is to establish a solid foundation by finding out the kind of personality and attitude the other person has. Keeping communication open is what matters most.
The problem with a lot of people involved in online dating is that most of them do not have any idea how to carry the conversation. They do not know what questions to ask and how to assess the answers that they get.
Remember that asking some reliable questions will give you an edge and you’ll be more confident when the time comes to meet in person.
For More FREE Online Dating tips and advice & FREE Weekly Online Dating Newsletter please visit www.the-online-dating-handbook.com.
Andy Carloff
364
25 7
No lover ever feels alone, when they are in the arms of their beloved.
No child ever feels neglect when they can rely on their friends for promises, no adolescent feels the blistering stings of indignity when they listen to their soul more than they listen to the crowd, and no person must suffer through the anguish of life so long as they believe in who they are.
Contraception, or birth control, is something that has evolved over the ages in every culture. In every age, though, it has allowed people to accomplish the greatest pleasure without the greatest responsibility. The principle of contraception is this: that one may enjoy sex, without having to worry about some of the problems derived from sexual activity, such as sexually-transmitted-diseases or pregnancy. Yet today, like in any age of Western Civilization, there is always a front to contraception. On religious or moral grounds, or both, there are numerous claims that contraception and birth prevention are cruel or uncivilized. That, on some mythical or mystic principle, we ought to abstain from sex, unless we are willing to take the consequences of birth — or, unless we are going to throw those consequences on to a child who the world did not want. I will say this: birth prevention, in any form or means, works to prevent children from entering this world that are not wanted. It prevents the spread of life-threatening and debilitating diseases. Passion and reverence, kindliness and lust, it allows two hearts to come closer, just for a few brief seconds in this eternity, so that they may physical enjoy love that took either days or decades to build up. Promiscuity is not a problem, unless it is done in an unsafe environment. Then the problem disease will be upon those who were unsafe. This is but their own dilemma. But to create a child, without having a world ready for this child, is force this dilemma on to someone unable to understand it and unwilling to acknowledge to it.
Every creature on this planet is born with a brain and a mind in this brain. Like any brain, these minds will produce a various string of emotions: kindness and aggression, love and hate. Those emotions which instill an individual with depression or anger, they cannot be denied, no matter how devastating their effects are. The expression of love should never be denied. Holding another in the embrace of your warmth, in a shower of touches, lips touching every part — as emotions are arroused and desires are formed, sex usually becomes an inevitably, and to deny it is to deny everything humane and kindly in our Universe. It is a desecration of love’s sweet sentiments, embittered only by the limits of our natural world: we may touch, we may physically show another what love means, but we may only be one together in our hearts — we can believe that nothing will seperate us forever, only in our minds. Contraception, birth prevention, will allow men and women to engage it sex, be it promiscous or long-term, and enjoy what physical love means. This knowledge, this understanding of love as it exists in palms covering thighs, breath over neck — sweet touching in a storm of bliss — this knowledge is something that should be denied to no creature. No person should die not knowing what affection means — no person should live without some memories of passion emboddied in experience. Contraception will give to us the right to do as we like with each other, without the fear of STDs or pregnancy. Love is a valuable thing, perhaps most valuable of all. To allow it to wilt in our heart, grow gangreen and die, without experience, is maybe one of the greatest crimes.
With every social, political, or economical question, there is usually some talk of rights. Of what right do people have to do something, or of what right do others have to deny them their hobbies and interests? The most cherished right on this planet is a person’s right to their mind, to think what thoughts they may, judge theories weighing evidence in a way they wish, and form their own conclusions. To read any book that catches their heart’s interest. After this comes a person’s right to their own body, to do with it what they wish, and inolve only those who are consenting and willing. If a person so decides to engage in sexual activity, in what right is it different than a person who decides to engage in watching a play, writing poetry, or humbly residing in nature’s serene abode? There is no difference, as these actions do not cause suffering, nor do they destroy anything. They only serve to enrich the very natural belief that intellectual pursuits can lead to the soul’s contentment — that inner beauty exists only so much as we know it to exist. To say that a man may not engage in sexual activity — to find a lover and bombard them with the affection built up over weeks of loneliness — is the same to say that a person may not travel through forests and grasslands in their never-ending quest to appease their need for beauty, or that every stanza of a poem is a sin against nature. Let men and women have their rights, and do what they will with each other. They harm none in their own hobbies and pursuits. Whatever claims as to their actions being disgust or vile are not up to the observer, but to the actor. To this end, I believe that men and women ought to be allowed the right to worry-free sex, with the aid of contraception, protecting their bodies, and those that are to come in the following years.
Like a screaching howl in a night camp, there will always be the argument that it is unnatural, that it wasn’t meant to be, that it is simply not right. Every sincere lover has had to suffer through these claims, and every grave marked with the blood of lovers “not meant to be” is a testiment to the beauty of truth and the reality of humanity. I will never travel through this world without these histories of people who lived and died by what they believed, only to be forgotten in today’s mass scurry to find something to fill the pain of meaninglessness. I will never hear a story of lovers, without instantly having thoughts of kindliness, respect, intimacy — there will never be memories of love without tears of longing — never a kiss given for affection that was forgotten. In this understanding of our minds, almost a completely different world from the one we must live in, we hear this argument, that sex with contraception is unnatural, that it breaks the laws of nature. I care not. Unnatural or natural, if an act brings two empathic hearts together, then I will stand by it. If by saving another’s life, or preventing another’s suffering, if by doing a humane and kind act, if by doing this I end up breaking a law of nature, I will hold no regrets, and my idea that hope is very real will not faulter. If it be natural for slavery to exist, in the human or animal world, in a pair of Nike shoes or in a McDonald’s meal, if it is a natural act to kill and maim, I will forever remain in an unnatural ideology, as I will stand by compassion and justice for a thousand years before I abandon them to some claim to naturality. So, cast your arguments, like throwing stones so they may sink into the ocean’s deep abyss. The lovers of the world will take no heed to what is natural or not. They will do what their hearts tell them, what they should do, and the intelligent ones will use contraception, irregardless of what social laws tell them. And love will survive beyond these petty rules, so that while our world goes on in the rat-race for wealth and property, the criminality of it all will slowly fade away, as does the world, while two lovers become their own world.
There is, in this matter of social and ethical consideration, an argument from the religious. The Catholic doctrine, for example, dictates that the sex organs were made for reproduction and not for pleasure. In all honesty, there are few things more foul than this: to believe in such an ugly god, that he must condemn acts of pleasure, joy, happiness, and warmth, on account of the “purpose” of organs. I’ve already given my opinion on whether or not it is natural or unnatural for contraceptives to be used: I don’t care — if an act puts a smile on the face of one soul in this fading Universe, then I cannot condemn it. Any person who endeavors to create happiness for those around them, is a person deserving of my admiration. The priests and clergy can speak for a thousand years on this matter, for all that I care. When the acts of love can be permitted without worry of pregnancy or disease — when it is no crime to express with your body what your heart believes — when it almost seems that the stars flicker even more brightly, when another’s touch reaches deep down, and it doesn’t take words to speak your soul — when this occurs, every humane person will celebrate and lovers in every land will have a reason to rejoice. With the invention of contraception came the expression of emotions which have been as old as the beginning of sentient life. Like every great revolution in culture which has approved humane ideals, religion has stuck its ugly head out of the shadows, and proclaimed that contraception is an abomination. This is but the very definition of treason to justice!
Contraception needs no defense from religion, but I will give one: religion has been the defender of every cruel and malicious crime enacted on the innocent beings of this planet. It knows no race, no gender, no species, no family. It only knows how to exploit. It can be difficult to see how contraception is immoral from a Secularist view: it only works to prevent the sad reality of neglected and battered children. What can be said of a religion when it affirms all that disgusts our heart? Little more can be said of it, other than it is revolting and merciless. I have argued for compassion and humanity in all regards of life, but when a religion opposes compassion and humanity, it is unworthy of devotion; in fact, it was quite unworthy of devotion from the moment it had no evidence to support itself with. There is no evidence to support the ideas of the supernatural, so I will not portion my soul off to the church just to suffice a dogma. The reason to believe in the gods does not exist — nor does my belief in such a being exist. This, though, is not the point. The fact is that contraception, by all objective and worldly consideration, is a good thing. But once religion grasps its sickly, pale hands around it, it becomes something vile and cruel. Upon discovery, religion will villify and incriminate a source of inspiration and dreams. Religion will take art and masterpiece, and turn it into a vulgarity. If anyone needs evidence of this, simply take into consideration the human body. I can speak until the last human being is standing on the matters of religion’s iniquity, but the matter remains: religion is no authority on the matter of goodness, but rather, it is subject to the heart’s humane sentiments. Every time religion holds contraception as something to despise, it is one less reason to believe in the gods, and one more reason to admire free love for its champion ability to survive. If there is one religion I abide by, it is the religion of love, to which contraception is the patron saint.
People will engage in sexual activity with each other. It is simply their nature. And under no regard, will they ever be different, unless their hormones undergo great alterations. No force will ever dissuade a person that they desire sexual activity. Since human beings live in our society, sex is only an inevitability. Providing contraception will allow for humans to engage in sexual activity in a safe environment, without worry to disease or pregnancy. Not only does it show respect for each other, but it also shows respect for the unborn. There are millions of children, if not billions, who exist in this world — and no person ever spoke positively of their coming into being, their parents never dreamed of what their child would be. These children are the unwanted children, and some thinkers have gone even so far as to say that their lives hold no meaning, have no worth. I will argue the position of a Humanitarian, and I will say this: every conscious being holds worth, so far as it exists, so long as it is capable of crying and laughing. That a person may go through life and enjoy their travels, their journey to discover who they are, and that one day they may look back on where they came and how they became who they are, and in looking back, they find not pure bliss nor unavenged crimes, but rather, a rightness in their being — a knowledge that they lived up to justice’s expectations, to the romantic truth that emotion is supreme. If a person can do this, then they have value. I could care less what their parents had intended, or unintended. The fact is this: this person exists now, and I will give them my respect, and hold to them the same obligations I hold to any other person, that they are to give the rights they afford for themselves to all who may feel.
A child who is born without the intentions of their parents is still a child, and I will never shun them for who they are. Many of my personal, close friends were “mistakes,” their own ancestry made up of rape victims and prostitutes. They are no less noble, no less kindly, and no less loyal. I cannot truthfully offer them a single complaint on their character. Similarly, there are many individuals who exist without the intention of their parents, and they continue to exist without any awareness of Capitalism’s onslaught on to our rights and the government’s never ending compaign to abolish Democracy. Whether or not someone was born with the intention of their parents, it is irrelevant in their character. But this I will say, no child should live in the knowledge that they are no more than a “mere mistake.” If individuals are going to become parents, it ought to be under the conditions of purpose and not accident. A status quo of this world will read as follows: plague and famine ravage the continents, economic and political super powers continue their battle to gain wealth and power through the means of war and slavery, all the while the general populace is left feeling helpless and powerless, as these powers go on in their conscienceless search for gold and glory. To bring up a child in this world is but no simple task, and there will never be a time where the raising of another individual is effortless. But, to thoughtless bring a being into existence in this world, with the constant battle against the government and the struggle for the peoples’ right to Democracy, to throw in a helpless babe into this is but truly a crime, and I will offer no grievance to these mothers and fathers who never once thought about the future of their child, as it shall be behind the bars of society’s oppression, or behind the very real bars of prison.
Contraception, or any means of birth prevention, cannot be objectively labelled as immoral. Use of contraception will simply prevent suffering in this world, by not bringing children into this world that we cannot support. The goal of contraceptives is not to eliminate the human species, but simply to allow for sex to occur between the willing, without worry to disease or STDs. If contraceptives are banned, then lovers will weep with each other, whereas they would have enjoyed their own bodies and the pleasures of one another. Though it may be written in every biology book that sex can be a source of great pleasure, we must not ignore what the psychology book speaks of it: that sex, physical affection, can be a great source of intimacy, of expression of emotion. When individuals are capable to speak with their soul, using their body as nothing more than an instrument to their mind, then we are truly living in a free world. And for a second, with our breath on the soft, tender skin of our beloved, all of the tyrannies and all of the suffering in the world seem to stop tugging at our spirit, and just for those few fleeting moments — which we will remember till the end of our days — we find peace and tranquility, as our heart is pushed closer to the warmth of another’s.
www.punkerslut.com
For Life,
Punkerslut
Mary E. Mazzullo
583
25 7
When you live far away and need help – What do you look for when searching for a Wedding Servcie to help you?
This is a BIG DEAL. You live in Arkansas, and your dream wedding is at the Beach. You need to find someone you can trust, to help make the best decisions, and guide you in the direction that will make YOUR wedding dream a reality.
The first action you can do, is call the Chamber of Commerce that is local to where you will be married. Tell them what you have in mind, and ask for suggestions of who they know comes well reccomended. You may even receive the names of two services. That is even better. Then you can compare properly.
For instance, here are examples that immediatley brought up Red Flags for me. I will just go point by point to guide you about how you might also compare Beach Wedding Services.
Example #1
Sunrise Special – $590.*!!!!
(Available Sunrise-10:00am, Monday-Friday)
This special package for the budget-minded includes your ceremony on a public beach, minister, planning, wedding coordination, and photography package.
(*Saturday and Sunday dates are available for an additional $75)
Packages do not include the gratuity to the minister. The gratuity to the minister on all packages is $100.00. It is payable directly to him prior to the ceremony.
* Why only weekdays? If they are a reputable service, do they really need to gouge couples who can only be in that beach town for a weekend wedding? Why should a weekend ceremony be more expensive? Don’t the majority of couples want to be married on a weekend? If this service is busy, then they will do just fine by the quantity of ceremonies that they are able to help couples with, and not by charging more for doing less.
*So, to BEGIN with, this ceremony on a Saturday morning would be $590.00 …plus $75.00… $665.00.
*Oops – No, wait…then you add the Gratuity for the Minister, and this package now increases to $765.00.
*Weddings on Public Beaches in the major majority of instances, does not include a fee anyway, so that is not a savings to you, and is listed only to “fluff up” the package look.
*Planning? If this is a Minister Only ceremony, what planning is involved? Well, just the planning by the wedding service that tells you what time sunrise is, and where to meet the Minister on the Beach!
And if their “package” includes a Photographer, then the service is only to let their staff photographer-and they should have many more than one, (if they are of a size to be able to provide services to two couples who may wish to be married on the same date and time),know where to be at what time. If they don’t have an experienced staff of Beach Wedding Photographers, then another Red Flag – Why Not? Why must they depend on outside photographers (who if they have a good business, may already be scheduled), and how many have they gone through in the past 4 years? You want to have your ceremony when YOU want it, and NOT when the only photographer on call, can work you in. The point being – this is NOT planning that should cost you. This is simply the responsibility of the wedding service co-ordinator/owner and staff if they have it. It is why they make a profit ~ to take care of the planning, and the scheduleing of needed personnel for your ceremony.
Example #2
License must be obtained through the appropriate channels. Please call for details. The fee for planning help, travel to your site, and performing the ceremony is $295.00. A $75.00 deposit is needed to hold the date and the remainder is due 30 days prior to the ceremony. If you require a rehearsal there will be an additional fee charged of $150.00 and upward. The deposit is non-refundable. Checks should be made payable to “Owner’s Name”. A date is not confirmed until the deposit is received. Penciled in dates are held approximately 10 days until confirmed. Thank you. There will be a $75.00 consultation fee for meeting with brides in Ocean City before the wedding. Packages do not include the gratuity to the minister. The gratuity to the minister on all packages is $100.00. It is payable directly to him prior to the ceremony.
Well, of course – you knew that!! Marriage licenses are issued by government offices. There are only a couple of states, where anyone besides the courts can asssit in the issuing process. What if you don’t want to call them just to ask this question, if you may not be using them? There should be clear guidance and instructions available for you to read.
So….let’s look at this again.
The initial fee is $295.00 (planning for a Minister Only – for what?) Travel to the site – Don’t they have to travel within a reasonable area anyway?. A $75.00 deposit. Important to hold the date and time. $150.00 for a rehearsal? $50 MORE than the gratuity? Just schedule him TWICE and save $50. The deposit is non-refundable. Never? Under any circumstances? If the military service sent your fiance’ (with proof, of course) to go overseas? On top of all that, a $75 consultation fee??
This MINISTER ONLY rehearsal and ceremony could cost you: $295.00, a consultation $75.00, plus $100 gratuity, plus a MINIMUM of $150.00 for a rehearsal, comes to a
Grand Total of $620.00!!! Wow. That’s heavy.
As an aside…why is the check to be written in the Owner’s name and not to the business? It would be perfectly appropriate to ask that a check be written in the Minister’s name if it is to be his gratuity – but to an owner rather than the Business Name?
Check for Testimonials. Pictures and names, and Audio testimonials all will help you decide. Make sure the testimonials are up to date. If one Minister is referenced and thanked, be sure he is still on staff. He may have moved from the area, or even passed away. If the referrals are not for a Minister who would be performing your ceremony, they are not valid anymore.
Just use your common sense.
If you are responded to quickly, and all of your questions are answered – if you are welcomed to ask more anytime – if the person on the phone gives you help and suggestions, even if you have not sent in a contract yet – if you feel comfortable with the personality on the other end of the line – then you should use your own best judgement. Go with the business who fits what you are looking for – the way You want it to be.
Have a Wonderful Wedding on the Beach!
You may be asking yourself, “What does BBW mean?” BBW stands for a Big Beautiful Woman. And, unless you are brand new to the world of online dating, you have probably heard the phrase before. Over the last few years, many dating sites have started catering specifically to BBW’s and the men/women who admire and want to meet them.
What type of woman would be considered a Big Beautiful Woman? Almost every woman. Contrary to belief, not all BBW women are fat girls. Of course, if you took Hollywood’s definition of a beautiful woman, then anyone over 100 pounds is overweight!
I like to think of her as a beautiful woman who is proud of how God made her. She exudes confidence. She is healthy, but not obsessive. She is a curvy woman who is comfortable with herself and proud of it. Some of the most confident and successful women in Hollywood would be considered BBW’s. Some examples include:
Queen Latifah
The Model Emme
Cybill Shepherd
Kathy Najimy
Kirstie Alley
Camryn Manheim
Megan Mullaly
Delta Burke
Oprah Winfrey
Jennifer Lopez
The late Marilyn Monroe
As you can see from the list above, many of the women are by no means fat. That is the point. A BBW woman is a woman who looks like she should. Marilyn Monroe was, and in some circles, still is the sexiest woman who ever lived. However, she was a voluptuous woman, who by today’s standard might be considered overweight.
This is why BBW dating sites have flourished. Many men are tired of women looking like brooms with long hair. Men naturally like and want curves. Why do you think Jennifer Lopez is considered one of the sexiest women in the world? Because of her curves. It’s time women were celebrated for who they are. If you are a single Big Beautiful Woman, log on to the Internet and explore the many BBW Dating Sites the web has to offer. You’ll be surprised at how many men are looking for someone just like you.
Z
Amy Spade
514
25 7
After reading everything in this book, you may be concerned that you don’t have what it takes to plan your own wedding. Perhaps you feel that you’re too busy or that you’re just not creative enough. That’s okay.
Finding help
Wedding coordinators and planners are professionals at making your special day memorable and stress free. They know the ins and the outs of planning a wedding. And since they’re local for the most part, they also know what your city is like. They will know where the good places to have a reception are, or where the best catering can be found.
They do the work for you and come back with options for you to select from. You work together until you find something that suits the both of you. They’ll help you work within a budget, make all the calls that you need, and even remind you of things that only you can do.
They’re really a day planner for your wedding day creation.
For the busy couple that doesn’t have the time, or needs to travel a lot, a wedding coordinator or planner can provide a sense of security and ease. A good one with attend to your every need and desire in a beautiful wedding, while also relieving you of going through the motions.
Not for everyone
One of the main reasons that couples don’t always enlist wedding coordinators is that they do charge a fee for helping throughout the process. This makes sense because it is their time and their livelihood. However, if it’s an investment in your sanity, it may be well worth the extra check.
Another thing that you may want to consider before hiring someone to help you is whether or not it will make you less stressed. Those brides and grooms that enjoy planning and being in control of tings may find it hard to relinquish that to someone else. They end up calling the planner constantly, making additional plans without their knowledge, and other destructive behaviors. This is why sitting down with a few different coordinators will help you to choose one that complements your personality and your wishes.
A wedding coordinator or planner will be with you from the first step to the last, helping you navigate the details and doing the busy work. If you’re concerned that you’ll fall behind on the wedding planning, or you just want someone else to handle it, interview a few wedding planners and see if there’s someone who can help.
Barbara Morris
247
25 7
So, Ashton Kucher, 27, and Demi Moore, 43, got married with her kids and ex-husband in attendance.
It’s great! It’s Bizarre! She’s a cradle robber! It’s a giant step for older women!
Which one is it?
How about “A giant step for older women.”
Well, almost.
It’s not unusual for older female celebrities to hook up with much younger men. Fame and fortune are powerful magnets. But men are visual creatures. What happens after her beauty fades? Not to worry. Loss of a youthful appearance is no longer an issue. With the variety of cosmetic procedures now available women with ample financial resources can look younger than springtime until the day they die.
To a shrewd, future-oriented man, an older woman with money promises long-term benefits. If her age is really “up there” he can look forward to a bundle upon her demise. If the relationship or marriage doesn’t last, he’s likely to win a hefty settlement. So, what does a younger guy have to lose?
What’s significant about the Moore-Kucher union is that it has driven one more nail in the coffin of the “older woman younger man” taboo that “common folk” older women seeking younger men but not endowed with fame or money have to deal with in their quest for a suitable partner.
Sometime ago I gave a talk to a group of older women. After my presentation, a woman I’ll call Betty, came rushing up to share that she was 84, single, dating, and never tells her age. Furthermore, she had no use for men older than 60, and prefers them younger than that. “I can’t stand old geezers. They’re all dead. They are living but they are dead, if you know what I mean” she explained in a confidential tone of voice.
I could understand why Betty preferred younger men. She looked fabulous — a trim figure, she was intelligent, her eyes lit up when she spoke, and she had beautiful smooth skin. Clearly, she had it goin’ on. She could easily pass for 60. Why would she want to put up with a cranky old codger her age?
Here’s the problem: When Betty finds someone with potential, and age comes up, Mr. Potential is gone. I suspect that if Betty had money and celebrity, it would be a different story.
Let me relate a personal experience: At the pharmacy where I work, a customer I’ll call Mr. Smooth, in his mid-fifties, made it clear that he found me interesting, even though he knew I was married. One day the local paper ran a story about my new book and mentioned that I was 76. Before that, my age was mostly unknown because I never talked about it. The public disclosure of my age raised eyebrows, and whispers began at work. “She’s HOW old?” Formerly friendly male coworkers began looking the other way. Sheesh! Be seen talking to an old woman? The guys will think there’s something wrong with me.
Back to Mr. Smooth. He must have seen the story in the newspaper because soon after, he appeared at my prescription counter. Glaring at me with disdain and disgust, he blurted out, “I can’t believe you are as old as you are. I just CAN’T believe it!” He turned around and strode away never to be seen again.
A woman’s age matters to most men. Except when she’s 18 and he’s 81. Then it’s a different story. Society accepts it with a knowing look and a wink. If the relationship produces progeny, that’s really, really cool –until the kids lose their father before their sixth birthday.
Betty has it right. She knows what she wants. She knows what she has to offer. She’s not allowing antediluvian age taboos to stand in her way of finding happiness. Withholding the number of years she has lived, and maintaining a youthful demeanor and attitude, she refuses to bear the stigma of “invisible older woman.”
Joan Collins, Susan Sarandon, Tina Turner, Carol Burnett, Mary Tyler Moore, Victoria Principal, and now, Demi Moore, have defied convention and chosen younger men.
Eventually it will become chic for a fabulous older woman who doesn’t have a bank account or celebrity status to have a relationship with a fabulous younger man.
How can I predict that? Think about this. We are living longer, healthier lives. Yesterday’s 60 is today’s 40 for many women. Dr. Helen Harkness, in her book, Don’t Stop the Career Clock reinforces that reality with her perception of aging chronology that makes sense for today:
Young adulthood: 20-40
First midlife 40-60
Second midlife: 60-80
Young-old: 80-90
Elderly: 90 and above
Old-old: 2-3 years to live
Dr. Harkness’s vision of the stages of aging may take a while to catch on with mainstream thinking, but it will happen. In the meantime, fabulous older women looking for a guy who is still alive and kicking should not tell their age. Happyng!
Ron King
201
25 7
While bachelor parties are a tradition dating back to the 1800s, bachelorette parties have become popular only recently. Bachelorette parties seem to be more about the bride-to-be bonding with women friends than the male tradition of enjoying a final night of freedom before marriage.
A New Tradition
Some brides choose a night of frivolity, such as male exotic dancers and lots of alcohol, much like the groom’s bachelor party. But the majority of women opt for other activities. The theme of most bachelorette parties is to tease the bride in a fun way, while sharing a memorable evening with her best friends.
The Nightclub Scene
This is 1 of the most popular bachelorette activities. Parties often start with dinner at an elegant restaurant, followed by drinks and dancing at popular nightclubs. Hiring a limousine to drive everyone together from destination to destination is a great idea. First, it allows all the women to travel together and party in transit. Second, it adds a touch of class to the evening. And perhaps the best reason is to ensure that everyone arrives safely at their destinations.
The women in the bachelorette party will often create a veil for the bride to wear on that night. The style of the veil isn’t important, so long as it is conspicuous and calls a great deal of attention to the bride. It’s also typical for this type of party to send the bride on a scavenger hunt. The other women get together ahead of time to create a list of activities for the bride to accomplish or objects to find. This type of bachelorette party is a great way for the bride to enjoy a night of dinner, dancing, drinks and fun with her best friends.
Retreat To A Spa
Spa retreats have become quite popular as bachelorette party ideas. The bride-to-be and her friends get together at a spa to enjoy relaxing massages, facials, manicures, pedicures and other treatments. A steam room, sauna and/or hot tub adds an extra element of relaxation.
Some spas provide great meals from a selection of healthy dishes. This type of bachelorette party lets the bride relax and connect with her friends while leaving behind the stress of planning a wedding. Many brides get so caught up in the details of wedding planning that they forget to enjoy the wedding. A spa retreat bachelorette party is a great solution.
Exotic Dance Lessons
A little more risque, but lots of fun, is exotic dancing lessons. These parties are becoming more common now that pole dancing classes are beginning to spring up in health clubs. For these parties the women gather at a private home or a dance studio, and a professional dancer comes in to teach them the art of exotic dance. This can be a great way for friends to let loose and have fun.
Night Of Feature Films
Another unique bachelorette party idea is for the maid of honor to host a movie night. The hostess rents plenty of movies to select from, and stocks up on movie theater style goodies or creates a menu of hors d’oeuvres. This could be the bride’s last chance to sit around with her friends watching “chick flicks” for a good long while. This is a fun, safe, and relaxing way for the women to get together to talk and have a good time.
Female Bonding
Although a new phenomenon, the bachelorette party is quickly catching on. It does not have the same feel as a bachelor party — instead of a last night of freedom, it a night to bond with women friends.
Giuseppe Notte
126
25 7
Guys who have lower self confidence when it comes to women like to think that they don’t “deserve” to get the kind of women they want deeply inside. Well, if you belong to this group I have good news for you. Just keep reading!
I usually put women into 3 categories: in the first there are ugly or average looking girls. In the second category there are girls with “supermodel” looks. And I named the last category, “girls you really like”. The first needs no explanation. The second category changes by time and fashion: currently, it’s girls who are 180cm tall, who weigh 50kg and who have mostly blonde hair and a certain type of face. When we talk about “hot girls” we like to talk about girls in this category. But what about the third?
Have you noticed that there are certain women you have “a thing” for? These girls don’t resemble the actual trend in supermodels. At least not in 100%. They are taller or shorter. They might have a bigger nose or smaller lips. They might not have the biggest boobs. But there is one thing in common: you will have a “fetish” for these girls. A little thing or feature on their body, which attracts you like a magnet.
Let’s see my case as an example. I love shorter (but slim) girls who have a very fragile body-type. Are these girls 180cm tall as the current trend in supermodels dictates? No. I also love girls with exotic faces or certain exotic features on their faces. Do these girls have a baby face like supermodels should? No. Do I still like these girls? Of course! If I am with a girl like this, am I getting the kind of women I want? Of course!
I’ll share a secret you will like: Oftentimes, these unique types of girls you find attractive will find your type attractive as well! When I was younger and less successful with women, I have noticed getting signs of interest from these girls I had a thing for.
Later I realized that it was somehow made to be this way: I respond to their looks and they respond to mine. As I talked to many guys since then, I had to realize that I am not alone: most of the guys experience this! I don’t know if there is a logical reason behind this phenomenon, but it’s not important at all. What matters is that you can attract the kind of women you have a thing for damn easily!
I don’t say you should restrain yourself from going for supermodels. But do not let the trends dictate which kind of girls you should date and which kind you shouldn’t. The above is the type of women, which could give you a lot of joy and happiness.
Finally, if you want to know how to seduce the kind of women you want, there is an e-book I’ve written. I cover each step of the seduction process, from understanding the way women think, to learning to be a Man who attracts girls with his presence, approaching women the right way, secrets of making your dates successful and effective, improving your sexual life and a lot, lot more… Whether you are ugly, bald, young, old or broke, the techniques I teach will work for you like charm!
Udo Vieth
387
25 7
The uncertainty of your partners fidelity can literally ruin your life.
If you are a commited member of a partnership, the suspicion, that your partner may not be as commited or even straying, can weigh heavily on your mind.
Thoughts of what they may be doing right now,scream across your consciousness all the time. You can’t focus on your work, or any other activity. Like a cancer destroying your body, these thoughts, are destroying your mind.
Chinese water torture would be a relief compared to what you are going through. You need to stop it- right now.
Do whatever you need to do, to preserve your sanity. Think about how you want to handle the situation, when you confront yor partner. Keep your cool. If emotions get to take over, you may say things, or do something that is stupid and that you will regret later.
You might decide to gather proof first. Look out for telltale signs, changes in behavior, change in shedule etc. A sudden loss of sexualappetite with you,should send off warning bells.
If at all possible, try and get some help, to see you through this time. Friends or professional help is important. Get some information and facts about your options, and how to handle the situation.
Unless you want to go absolutely mad, resolve the issue some way.
An affair need not be the end of a relationship, thoughit very often is. Either way,the level of trust that existed before the incident, needs to be reestablished.
Counseling and a renewed look at your mutual value system is mandatory. A permanent dissolution of the partnership may not always be the optimum solution. Always try and get an unbiased opinion, before making any huge decisions.
Whatever happens, remember that true love can conquer all.
David LeVine
197
25 7
I want to share with you the key to finding the Right One and getting married the quickest way possible — guaranteed.
It’s not hard, doesn’t cost any money, and takes only about one minute a day. You already have all the tools you need to make it happen, you just need to apply this for one minute every day.
What will guarantee that you find the Right One and get married the quickest way possible? A key ingredient is to believe in yourself, and I am going to show you why it works, and how to do it the right way.
The word “manifest” means to turn a thought into a thing. Everything you see around you — cars, houses, the table, a pen — were all once thoughts that someone turned into a real object. When you manifest something, you make it appear in the real world. Now as a single person, you have an idea that you want to get married, and what you want to do is manifest that idea into reality, to be standing under the marriage canopy.
A key underlying force that allows you to manifest an idea into reality is to believe you can do it. We can all relate to times where the situation looked bad, but through sheer will and determination people beat insurmountable odds.
Consider a life-and-death scenario of being out in the wilderness alone. Gordon Smith, an instructor who spent 26 years in the U.S. Army’s Special Forces, says: “If you have a guy with all the survival training in the world who has a negative attitude, and a guy who doesn’t have a clue but has a positive attitude, I guarantee you that the one with the positive attitude is coming out of the woods alive. Simple as that.” http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/69/fighttosurvive.html
This heightened motivation of people in dire situations appears to be the force that gets them through. But that’s not the whole story. The amazing thing is what happens behind the scenes, the real secret to success. There is a stronger metaphysical component at work here.
Remember the Six Day War and the Yom Kippur War? The tiny State of Israel was surrounded by hostile Arab countries numbering over 200 million people. What happened? The Arab countries should have wiped Israel off the map in short order. Instead, Israel beat them all. Miracle!
We call it a miracle when we see a dramatic change in reality. In those wars we see an obvious change of reality — how God changed a pending defeat into complete victory.
On a smaller scale, you can use the same principle to guarantee that you will get married quickly. Let’s explain:
When you believe in something, the sheer force of your will can give God reason to support your goal. Based on your belief, God actually changes reality to make the thing that you want come about. For example: You want to get married, and if you believe with total conviction that you will find the Right One, then God can take your will and actually change reality to cause your soul mate to come to you.
Let’s look at the source of this idea, a story in the Talmud (Taanit 8a) about “The Weasel and the Pit.” In the story, a young man promised to marry a certain woman. She asked: “Who will be the witness to this pledge?” The only things in the area at the time were a pit, and a weasel walking by. With no other option and in all sincerity, the young man said that the weasel and the pit should be the witnesses.
Time went by, and the young man forgot his pledge. Then he began experiencing serious hardships — each time involving a weasel or a pit. In the end, he realized why these things were happening, and resolved to keep his pledge. He married the woman, and the misfortunes stopped.
Rabbi Chaim Shmulevitz gives insight on how this works. Obviously, the weasel and the pit have extremely limited powers. Yet when the young man initially designated them to be his witnesses, God took his sincerity into account and actually changed the reality to give the weasel and the pit the ability to uphold the promise.
The same principle is true for you. If you really believe in something, God may change reality so that it comes about.
However, this powerful idea is a double-edged sword. Just as it can work to your benefit, it can be to your detriment by bringing about something that is bad for you. Let’s say you meet a really great person on a date, and decide that you absolutely, positively must marry this person.
In reality, though, you may be temporarily infatuated with this person, and in fact they are really bad for you — and marrying them will be a disaster. Yet if you will it hard enough, and are over-insistent, it is possible that God will allow you to marry that wrong person.
That’s why, when you are dating, you should always ask God to help you marry the “right person” and not any specific person.
To summarize, there are two ways you can use this principle positively:
1) Believe in yourself.
If you truly believe that you will find the Right One and get married, then God can change the reality to make it happen.
2) Ask God to bring you the Right One.
The key here is to ask for “the Right One,” and not “that one.”
On a practical level, you need to make your belief real, by manifesting this idea — everyday, once a day, for one minute.
Here’s how to do it:
1) Say out loud: “I am ready to get married now. I am ready to meet him/her today. I am committed to being a giver in the relationship, rather than a taker.”
2) Make one small effort to find them: Check for the newest members on a dating website. Call a matchmaker. Signup for a Speed Dating event. Call a friend and tell them what you are looking for.
Small, consistent steps is the key to success. “By the inch it’s a cinch, by the yard it’s hard.” Meaning, if you take one small action every day, your small efforts turn out to be significant over time. You don’t need to work hard, just be consistent.
The more consistent you are, the more you reinforce your belief. By saying positive statements and making small efforts, you send a bigger message to God, who can make it happen.
One of my mom’s favorite sayings is, “Think big, be big.” And it is very true.
“Think marriage, get married.”
Andy Balasis
379
25 7
Gay people find it very hard to meet up with each other as many people keep it a secret about what their sexual orientation is, this is to save themselves from harassment or prejudice. Although in this day and age they really do have nothing to worry about.
Many gay people find that the internet is a great resource for finding gay partners. The internet allows you to be who you want to be without prejudice so you can openly admit to being gay and not suffer any of the repercussions. A lot of internet dating sites have hundreds of gay members and they organise what is called ‘meets’.
Meets are events that gay people can go to and find other gays. It is simply a get together for both men and women who are interested in finding either a short or long term partner. These meets make it so much easier for gay people to find someone as no one is worried what anyone thinks of them as they are all the same!
Meets are fantastic events, any company that holds them is making a great effort to show that it doesn’t matter who you are you are still entitled to be with someone and not be alone, and that it should not matter what your sexual preference is. While dating sites are the most typical sites to offer this service you can find specialist websites that specialise in this sort of thing.
Gay meets are there for all gays, lesbians included. It is simply like a large party where no one is or should be afraid to be themselves. To find your nearest gay meet or party just simply log onto online gay club, gay personals, lesbian dating at www.onlinegayclub.com and start searching, you never know what you could find.Z
Ian Basford
572
25 7
Online dating is fun. You could meet new friends and expand your social circle. Better yet, you might find the match you’ve been looking for.
If you haven’t tried online dating yet, here are eight simple guidelines for your success.
1. Start slow.
Try searching on reputable online dating sites. You should look out for someone who is too good to be true on the first time. You should trust your instincts.
2. Protect yourself.
You should not reveal your true identity until you feel comfortable about doing so. Do not instantly give your full name, contact numbers, home address, and other details where others can check your profile. Get a free email address, such as Yahoo or Hotmail, and use this until you feel confident enough to give your “real” email address.
3. Exercise common sense and caution.
Practice caution in easily trusting other people. Use common sense in making decisions. Take your time in determining the person’s integrity and motives. Pay attention every time you communicate. It is human nature to trust first, but try to be objective to begin with.
4. Ask for a photo.
Ask for a photo of a prospective match, not just because you want to see if they are good-looking. If possible, ask for several photos in different settings: Formal, casual, outdoors, and indoors. In that way you would have an idea of what he or she looks like.
5. Do not just chat online.
An electronic chat would not suffice. Talk on the telephone to assess the social and communication skills of your date. Avoid calling from home. Try calling from a cell phone or a telephone booth. Only when you are completely comfortable should you give your home number.
6. Meet only when you are completely ready.
Meet only when you feel secure and ready to meet your online date. Do not feel obliged or persuaded to meet the other person, even if he or she insists, if you are not yet ready.
7. Check for danger.
If you decide to finally meet, pay close attention to any violent displays, intense frustration or moves to control or pressure you.
8. Meet only in a secure place.
When meeting your date, especially for the first time, meet him or her in a safe place. Tell a friend who your date is and your plans for the night. Set a time during your date where your friend can call you and ask if everything is okay.
It is better to be safe than sorry. Online dating has some perks and can be genuinely rewarding, but it is important to remember that it can have its pitfalls.
This article is free to re-publish.Z
Alan R. Stafford
487
25 7
What do you do when your marriage becomes routine? For many of us, the everyday routine of work, childcare, and bill paying extends to our lovemaking with our spouses. But, no matter how long you’ve been married, there are plenty of ways to spice up your love life. Let’s start in the bedroom the hub of hubba hubba!
Gentlemen, start your engines
Decorate your bedroom with pictures of yourself and your partner. Choose pictures that bring back happy memories of times you had as a couple. For instance, your wedding, a special date, or a vacation. Avoid hanging pictures of relatives: family pictures belong in the family room. It’s a real turn-off to see your grandparents and in-laws scowling at you while you’re naked and ready for romance.
Speaking of mood: mood lighting can work wonders for a bland bedroom. Soft lighting helps to warm the atmosphere and it makes people look sexier too. You want to be able to see what you’re doing, without blinding your partner or having to grope around clumsily in the dark. Install a dimmer switch for a bedside lamp. Some people like to buy black lights (UV light bulbs available at Lowe’s or Home Depot) because the bulbs create the appearance of a sexy tan on your bodies.
Roses, orchids and other scented flowers can fill your room with romance. Scented candles-especially lavender and pumpkin-are a type of aromatherapy that many people find arousing.
Lock you door! If you don’t have a lock, get one. It’s almost impossible to lose yourself in the moment if you’re worried that you will be found out any minute by an intruding child.
Ladies, start his engine
Now that the bedroom is ready for action, it’s time to use it! Ladies, sometimes it’s best to take charge and turn him on for a change. Why should he have to instigate everything? Here are a few tips to get his motor running.
Make the first move and continue to direct the action. Men get tired of having to call the plays all the time. Having a woman take charge will be something out of a fantasy for him.
Arrange a night out, but keep your plans a secret. What could make your man feel more special than to have his loved one plan and pay for an intimate evening together?
Another way to show your partner that he is desired is to play up the little things.
Leave little love notes in his lunch box and on his pillow. His coworkers might give him some grief at first. But, every other man will be wishing his wife left notes for him.
Demonstrate a bit more affection in public. No need to embarrass him or make him feel uncomfortable. But mini massages, kisses on the cheek and toying with his hair are ways to let him feel that he is desired. Let the world know you’re in love. Let the world – and your man know that you just can’t keep your hands off him. That’s a real ego boost for a man. He’ll appreciate it and feel flattered.
Dress up once in a while. Toss off the flannel and turn up the glamour. Strut your stuff and remind him how beautiful you really are. When you were dating, you dressed to impress and to attract. Dress tonight like you dressed when you were dating
Every couple has their own ways of showing affection. Also, every couple needs to be comfortable with new ways of demonstrating romantic gestures. So, try some of these suggestions. See which ones work best for you-and for him. Doing the things you did when you wanted to get married might just be the things that help you stay married. Turn back the romance clock, and turn on the fun.
Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach
I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work
www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com
Click here to ask Alan a question
about your biggest relationship issue
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm
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©2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success s
Amy Spade
212
25 7
WRITING OUT A DETAILED BUDGET
Although love and happiness are the finer details of a wedding, you have to face the facts and figure out a detailed budget. Now, what you include in this budget will depend on the type of wedding. So maybe you should start with that first.
Extravagant or Modest?
If you’re the kind of person that’s been dreaming of your wedding since you were born, then you may want to have all the things that the royal family may want. However, you will need to have a considerably larger budget. Symphonies and real dove releases are not cheap.
Sit down with your soon-to-be spouse and figure out what is really important to you. Or you may want to each write out what your idea of the perfect wedding is, and then compare notes. You will probably find that many things match. And for those things that don’t, you will need to figure out if they’re necessary and something that you both want.
It seems that many couples split right down the middle in terms of a budget. One person is usually more lax, while the other tends to count every penny. Use this to your advantage. After you’ve figured out what kinds of things you’re including in the budget, then you can determine if there are inexpensive ways to accomplish them.
This is your first lesson in compromise. Some things will work, others will not.
Who’s paying?
When it comes to the bill, most of the times, the bride’s family will be writing the checks, but in these modern times, it can be any combination of relatives or even the couple as well.
When you’re starting to make out your budget, you want to figure out who may be paying to see what kind of limits you need to impose on your plans. Although it may be fun to plan out the wedding first and ask for the dough, you may find that your ideas don’t quite match those with the check book.
So the best advice in planning out your detailed budget is to figure out what things you simply can not imagine your wedding day without. Then figure out how much money you are able to spend (thinking carefully upon extending your finances into debt-it’s only one day!) and see what else you can fit in.
Weddings have a funny way of working themselves out and being beautiful without a lot of drama, so relax, this part really isn’t that bad.
Lisa Gonzalez
79
25 7
Women around the world know what a “bootie call” is, some of us have been in the predicament and the rest of us only hear the sad stories of those who have been sucked into world of bootie-calls only to be heart broken. What most of us don’t hear about is how to avoid the entire bootie-call situation to begin with and that’s what you’ll learn to do in this detailed article
that’s not for the faint of heart!
A dear friend of mine, I wont mention names because she knows who she is suffered a great deal and it was all thanks to the bootie-call syndrome.
Yes, there is such a thing as a bootie-call syndrome, it’s a disease with symptoms and treatments, so it deserves no lesser of a name.
Allow me to set the scene to explain what happened to my friend, pay attention because it could happen to you.
After a string of miserably failed relationships basically due to just bad boyfriends my single friend fell into a state of depression. She felt that she would never find that perfect companion, there was no one on this earth intended for her, she felt worthless, unattractive and after a couple of years living the single life, she was tired of being alone.
One afternoon my friend and a co-worker went out for lunch at a restaurant-that’s where it happened!
A man sitting a few tables away stared at her, when she would catch him looking at her she would look away as not to draw even more attention to her but the damage was already done. Each time she looked his way, he was looking at her and the more she would look him, the more signals he was sending her way by winking or nodding his head.
Let me point something out quickly, a “normal” single lady (if there is such a thing) wouldn’t have given this bozo the time of day but under the circumstances, my friend thought it was cute behavior.
My friend and her co-worker sat and giggled over lunch, whispering about this man’s actions until he strolled over to her table using every corny pick up line in the book. Commenting on her eyes, her clothing, her smile and how he even liked the sound of her name.
To make a long story shorter, a few days later my friend phoned me in tears because she slept with this man. She felt like a tramp, she was ashamed and hurt by what she allowed herself to do. My friend had never given into such temptation for someone that she was simply attracted to, she wasn’t even sure that she was attracted to him but she only knew that she was carried away by the attention he gave her.
And that my friends, is exactly the basis of a bootie-call and it happens to many unsuspecting women every day. If not monitored closely, it can evolve into the bootie-call syndrome and be emotionally devastating for a woman.
Luckily my friend realized what she had done and some time later when this man eventually did call, she gave him a quick boot!
So what can you do to avoid this trap? It’s simple really but requires discipline and the steps are outlined below.
Understand that love takes time.
Don’t get carried away with a moment, love does take time and fifteen minutes isn’t enough. If you’ve been single for a while, don’t “settle” for whatever comes along. You should know what you’re looking for, this is called your standard and you should never lower your standards.
Know that you are worthy.
Just because you’ve had a few failed relationships doesn’t mean you are not worthy of love. Don’t give up on having a deep, meaningful and loving relationship even if you’ve been single for five years or more. You possess qualities that someone will love, for that someone you’re looking for and that you will one day find.
Don’t speed up the process.
If you meet someone, you like them, your extremely attracted to them, everything is going well, you don’t see yourself being able to settle down with them and you feel the need to breed-don’t rush. Sometimes even the best of people can get wrapped up into the bootie-call syndrome without ever meaning for it to happen. If the feelings are purely attraction then end the relationship.
Market yourself.
There’s no better way to feel good about being single than marketing yourself. Get your nails done, get your hair styled, buy a new outfit and go take some pictures! Join an online dating service, post a profile, choose some respectful venues to post ads in search of your soul mate, tell your friends you want a date, join a singles club, hang out with friends every chance you get, don’t sit around at home and most importantly, be happy with yourself. No one can love you, until you love yourself and dealing with the aspects of being single is the only way to truly accomplish that kind of happiness.
Mr. Right can’t find you if he doesn’t know where to look.
Putting it all together!
When you know the dos and don’ts, this type of scenario is less likely to happen to you. My friend had to step back and take a long look at what happened. Then she made the appropriate changes, since she has in fact met a man who is madly in love with her and they are planning to get married next summer. Being single is hard enough without allowing yourself to make things harder, avoid a bootie-call if you want more.ZZZ
