Online Dating

Michaela Scherr
485
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If you’re, single, dateless with no mate in sight, you can still totally spoil yourself and have fun on Valentine’s Day in a number of special ways.
There are many advantages of your singledom. You’ll eliminate:
**The stress involved if you don’t get a card, flowers or chocolates!
**Receiving flowers with use by date expired and in a color that doesn’t match anything you own;
**Having to eat out where you know you won’t like the food;
**Receiving humorous cards that you don’t find amusing and you don’t get the punch-line anyway;
**Making conversation and being nice when you’d rather be reading or sleeping;
**Going away on a surprise weekend away where there are NO shops and the only thing to do involves sporting activities;
Instead, as a single person you can spoil yourself and have a fun time doing any of the following:
Take a leisurely bath with rose essential oil and pink bath salts. Have some relaxation music in the background, light some pink and green candles, and place a few rose quartz crystals in your bath.
Meditate and reflect on all your wonderfulness and how you are continually learning, getting even better (if possible) at living life, remembering your closest friends and all the kind words and gestures they’ve shown you.
Whilst you’re meditating visualize with your mind’s eye a bag you can call ‘life skill toolkit’ or something else you prefer. As you remember all the wonderful things you’ve been told about how you do things, what you’ve done for others (listened and be there for them) place these memories inside your bag and breathe all those really wonderful and cool memories fully all through your body and fully experience the authentic, wonderful you.
Still at home, set up a room of your choice and light pink and red (scented rose) candles (remembering to always extinguish naked flames when leaving the room). Next put on some soothing easy listening music. Bring out your journal or diary or other special paper, then, using a special pen, maybe with pink, gold, blue ink (or other color of your choice) and write down all the really good and fabulous things about you. Once you’ve done that write about all your dreams, your wishes, anything at all really that catches your fantasy. This IS NOT a goal setting exercise, this is for you to access the authentic you and the dreams inside yourself.
Hire your favorite DVD or video. Cook your favorite meal or order in, pour yourself that special drink, turn the lights down low and enjoy spending time with you and only you.
Send a Valentine’s Day card to you, writing only what you want to hear about yourself. You know what you want to hear about yourself so enjoy yourself as you write about how brilliant and outstanding you are.
How can you go wrong with sending yourself the nicest bunch of flowers you can afford, in the colors you love, and the perfume you love?
Treat yourself to a day of shopping where you want to shop, maybe get in a hairdressing appointment, have your nails done; go to a restaurant you’ve always wanted to go to but never had anyone to take you and just chill out.
Valentine’s Day needn’t only be for couples, it can also be for singles to spoil themselves silly quite simply because you’re worth it!

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
168
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Marilee, a client of mine, was commitment phobic. “I’d love to be in a loving relationship,” she told me in one of our counseling sessions, “but I’m not willing to give up my freedom. I have a great life. I love my work and my friends. I love to travel and take workshops and classes. I don’t want anyone telling me what I can or can’t do. I don’t want to deal with someone feeling hurt because I want to work rather than be with him. It’s just not worth all the hassle.”
Marcus, another of my clients, was also commitment phobic. “When I’m not in a relationship, that’s all I can think about it. I really want someone to play with, to love and to grow with. But soon after getting into a relationship, I start to feel trapped. I feel like I can’t do what I want to do and I start to resent the person for limiting me. Most of the time, she has no idea what’s going on and is stunned by the break-up. She thought everything was fine. After leaving her, I’m back to square one – wanting to be in a relationship. This has happened over and over again.”
Commitment phobia has its roots in the belief that when we love someone, we are responsible for their feelings rather than for our own. Once we believe that we are responsible for another’s feelings of hurt or rejection as a result of our behavior, we believe we need to limit ourselves in order to not upset the other person. Then, instead of standing up for our own freedom and right to pursue that which brings us joy, we limit our freedom in an effort to have control over the other person’s feelings. This will always eventually lead to resentment.
“Marilee, ” I asked in one of our phone sessions, “What if you picked someone who also loved his work and his personal freedom?”
“Frankly, I can’t imagine that. Every man I’ve been in a relationship with has wanted to spend more time with me than I have with him. Am I just picking the wrong man over and over?”
“No,” I replied. “But you are not standing firm in your freedom from the beginning. You give a lot at the beginning because you enjoy being with him, but, as we’ve discussed, you also give yourself up a lot at the beginning. You make love when you don’t want to. You stay up later than you want to for fear of hurting him. Then, when you do start to tell the truth, he is surprised and hurt. Until you are willing to risk losing him from the beginning rather than lose yourself, you will continue to create relationships that limit your freedom. You end up believing that it is the relationship that limits you, but it is your own fears and beliefs that keep limiting you.”
In my sessions with Marcus, he discovered that he had no idea how to stand up for himself in a relationship. As soon as a woman wanted something from him, he gave it to her. He just could not bring himself to say no. Then, of course, he ended up feeling trapped.
Marcus discovered that his fear of saying no to a woman came from two sources:
1) He believed he was responsible for her feelings, and that he was bad if he did anything that upset her.
2) He was afraid that if she felt hurt, she would get angry and reject him.
As a result of these two fears, Marcus continually gave himself up in relationships. However, giving himself up created such resentment toward his partner that he eventually didn’t want to be with her anymore and left the relationship.
In order to have both our personal freedom and be in a committed relationship, we need to learn to take responsibility for our own feelings rather than the other person’s feelings, and we need to be willing to lose the other person rather than lose ourselves. Commitment phobia heals when you become strong enough to be true to yourself, even in the face of another’s anger, rejection, or loss. If you want to have a loving relationship, then you need to do the inner work necessary to develop a strong adult self who can be a powerful advocate for your personal f.

Amy Spade
350
25 7

With the romantic feelings in the air, it’s no wonder that a classic theme of weddings is the renaissance or medieval times. There is a sense of chivalry and grace in that period that is easily captured for a wedding theme.
Creating the scene
The first thing that helps a renaissance themed wedding is the actual setting. If there is an older church or an outdoor setting that you can agree upon, it’s best to start there. The renaissance was a time where people were closer to nature, so incorporating something outdoors might be nice.
You could decorate the area with a lot of simple bunches of flowers. Think of the times as simpler and you’re sure to find even more ideas. Ribbons make for wonderful decorations as well. They can be tied to pews or to chairs as a subtle touch of beauty.
Your wedding party attire will also make an impression. The bride may want to wear something long and flowing with bell sleeves and an intricate bodice. Anything that looks like a corset is beautiful, though they’re much more comfortable now.
The groom is a little trickier as many men don’t want to wear leggings or tights, but a luxurious coat with a thick brocade pattern might be the perfect way to show his dedication to the theme. Bridesmaids and groomsmen can have different colored versions of the outfits.
You might also want to ask your guests to come in similar attire. Just make a notation on the invitation and have the entire setting be transported back into time.
All in the details
The ceremony can have a more nature-oriented theme as well. This can include the lighting of candles, as well as the jumping of the broom and sword. This is an African tradition that blends in quite well. This is the signal that the new couple will be working together from that moment on.
To truly capture the renaissance theme, it’s the details that matter. Give your guests small sachets of lavender or some other fragrant herb. Attach some folklore to it as well. Or you can have traditional Celtic or medieval musicians play for the reception.
A feast of roasted pig or lamb would also be appropriate–though you don’t have to eat it straight off the bone, like in days of old. Have plenty of drink and candles and you’re well on your way to a renaissance themed wedding.
Give your guests a hint of the theme by including a renaissance poem in the invitation, or sealing them with wax and your new monogram. Themed weddings are all about the details. Do some research and find some that work for you.

David Kamau
368
25 7

Talk of allure. Online dating, or internet dating, has attracted millions of people worldwide in just a few years of existence. What’s the magic or power behind the phenomenal pull?
If 40 million plus people are doing it, then something is right. So, what draws people to online dating in such vast numbers? Well, here are a few benefits and advantages of online dating over traditional dating:
1. Volume: Perhaps the foremost advantage is the almost limitless supply of people online, all with one common goal: to find a date. The huge numbers of available singles improve the odds of meeting the Mr. or Miss/Ms. Right. And, there are always fresh “supplies” as new people continue to join dating sites.
2. No guessing (in most cases) as to whether the other person is available or not, as they wouldn’t be on a dating site if they weren’t.
3. Wide net: Online dating offers you the opportunity contact multiple prospects at the same time. After exchanging emails and/or phone calls you can determine which if any is worth keeping. If none, just continue your search.
4. Online dating eliminates the awkwardness of first introductions. The first encounter is always the hardest for most people, and getting over it makes the rest of the dating experience much easier.
5. Speed: Online dating is designed towards a fast and efficient initial contact. Once the contact has been made, you can slow things slowed down to find out if you have a match.
6. Convenience: For people who are busy, prospecting online is the way to go. It is open 24/7 and you can also spend the amount of time that is convenient to you.
7. Privacy: You can exchange emails and/or phone calls until you are comfortable enough to reveal more, or to meet in person.
8. Web video chat and conferencing option allows you to see and talk to the other person, making it an almost personal interaction. Sorry, there’s not yet a way to touch or smell the other person through a modem (wink).
9. You already know, to a reasonable degree, what your prospective date looks like as well as his/her age, height, education etc. Compare this to blind dating.
10. Low Cost: The cost of internet dating is far less than traditional dating which usually involves coffee outings, dinners, movies etc.
If you haven’t yet tried online dating, aka internet dating, you should at least give it a try. Most of the reputable dating sites offer free trials. Who knows, the right person could be waiting for you right now!

Lesley Spencer
565
25 7

A marriage is a completely unique relationship that we humans experience.
You virtually become one with another person and share just about everything together. It is a partnership where two people ideally love and respect one another and grow to appreciate and work through differences “till death do you part.”
What it is not however, is a conflict-free relationship. It is almost certain that your spouse will have annoying habits or do things that irritate you. You will not find a mate that is perfect. None of us are. We must realize this and not expect perfection from our spouse. That causes unrealistic expectations that ultimately lead to disappointment. Just as you don’t want your spouse to have unrealistic expectations of you, you do not want to have unrealistic expectations of him.
We also must accept that we cannot change or fix our spouses. We can only change our expectations and ourselves. We can look for ways to be a better spouse. And it just may be appreciated and reciprocated. But even if its not, it will make you a better person and improve your relationship when you release your spouse from trying to fix him or change him. Love him and focus not on his imperfections. You married his imperfections and you married his good qualities too. Remember that.
Many people go into marriage thinking, “This person or this marriage is going to make me happy.” But that is not true, we must find that joy and contentment as individuals and allow our marriage to be the “icing” – an added bonus. We must release our spouse from the responsibility of making us happy. It is not their job. Our spouses are not equipped to meet all of our needs. No man or woman is. Sure they can and should meet some of our relationship needs, but marriage is not intended to complete us — only to compliment us. For me, it is my faith in Christ that completes me and makes me whole.
It is common to sometimes forget to give of ourselves in a relationship and forget to be others-centered. In all likelihood, we would see dramatic improvements in marriage (and all relationships) if we had the mindset of “What can I do for my spouse? How can I nurture our relationship?” In a healthy relationship, having this mindset is contagious as well. When your spouse sees you working on meeting his needs and giving of yourself, most likely he will want to reciprocate out of appreciation and love.
What is the purpose of marriage then? The purpose of marriage is to love one another, to cherish one another, to encourage one another, to be there for one another in sickness and in health, in the good times and the bad. Sound familiar? Maybe reciting those marriage vows privately or publicly isn’t a bad idea. They have meaning and they have power when they are internalized, believed and lived out.
And don’t forget marriage enables us to have and create the family we dreamed of as little girls. The white picket fence life may be a bit of a fairy tale, but happily-ever after does not have to be.
Copyright HBWM.com, Inc. 2006
Z

Rick Valens
84
25 7

How would you describe the ideal girl of your dream?
“Oh, she has got to be beautiful with a nice figure, having a sweet and sexy voice, cheerful, gentle, considerate, kind-hearted, understanding, independent, musically inclined, share a common interest of mine, hmm… knows how to prepare nice food and… ”
Ok, that is enough. Now, do you think such a perfect person actually exists? Well maybe yes maybe not. But if everyone were to nevertheless, really have such a high expectations, love is certainly going to be hardly visible in the air. Don’t you think so too?
So, what makes an ideal partner then? Well before we go on, perhaps it might be good to know what an exact ideal partner are we discussing here? A dating partner or a marriage partner? Or has this question never even occurred to you before?
Ok, let us answer the question again separately. Hmm… maybe we shall get the girls to answer this time.
First question: How would you describe an ideal dating partner?
Common answers would include, “Dashing with a nice body, full of gentlemanliness, caring and considerate, having a good sense of humor, cheerful, fun loving, adventurous, full of fun and excitement, loves me dearly and etc”
Ok now the second question: How would you describe an ideal marriage partner?
Common answers would include, “Mature, got a sense of responsibility, cheerful, caring, understanding, honest, kind-hearted, having a financially stable income, knowledgeable, able to take good care of the family, loves me dearly and etc”
Notice the difference? An ideal dating partner and an ideal marriage partner is usually a very different person, perhaps just very a little in common I would say.
Well in a perfect case, an ideal partner should of course be best, both a dating and a marriage partner. Someone whom you enjoy dating, bringing you lots of fun, joy and excitements; at the same time someone whom is willing to share your problems and unhappiness, accepting all your negative habits and faults; committed to bringing you happiness.
But again, does such an ideal person exist? Can we really have both the pie and the cake? Think about it. Are we somehow setting too high an expectation? Unknowingly rejecting our chances? Losing the opportunity to be in love? Unknowingly bringing unhappiness to your relationship, yourself and your love? Hmm… well, do remember that we are afterall just talking about ideal here. Something, which is good to have, but not a must to have?
So before you are going to start complaining again that life is so unfair to you, ask yourself, “Have you really ever tried? Tried pursuing for happiness?”
Instead of always picking on your partner’s faults making life unhappy for both, have you tried looking at the other beautiful side of them, their beautiful qualities? Appreciating what you have already got? Tried improving on yourself instead, to becoming a better lover; a more ideal lover? Willing to open up yourself, giving both yourself and others a chance? Remember, what you expect of yours or your future partner is equally what he or she expects of you.
Going into a relationship is never a game. It is a long-term investment, an investment of love between the both of you. It is something which both have to genuinely think through and plan far. What would actually come after dating? Marriage is what I should suppose? Sharing the rest of your life, your future happiness with that special someone?
Well, if nothing were to go wrong in your relationship, your dating partner is eventually going to become your marriage partner, your life partner. Can I say so? Ok, to the girls, let me ask you a question. Would you share your happiness with someone that is full of fun and excitement to be with now, but deep down within yourself you know he is not going to be a good husband, someone who would not take good care of his family?
So again, what is your definition of an ideal partner? Someone whom truly love you, willing to share your problems and unhappiness or…? Well, the answer is within you. It has been with you all this while, only you can find the answer to this question. Your happiness belongs to you, nobody can decide for you. Be true to yourself, you should know what you really wants.
©2005 www.loveletterbo

Ross Jeffries
196
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Last week, I was answering a question about how to meet women, anytime, anywhere, and I had so much to say on the subject, I had to continue it on to this week’s issue. So once again the question being discussed is, “what are some good and easy ways to meet women?”
I discussed a bit about 4 different “approach positions” and how a good pick-up either rapidly jumps from one to another or is somewhere between two positions, combining their attitude or “energy”. (I don’t care if you don’t believe in energy… chicks do!)
Since this is one of my favorite topics, let me continue on in this issue and give you some more keys for meeting women.
And this is important as a skill, if for no other reason than to avoid… “Relationship by Default” Syndrome. In case you don’t know, that’s when a woman comes along who accidentally happens to be attracted to you, ends your sexual starvation, but you have to settle because maybe you don’t even really like or want her.
Sad, but for many men so true, because they lack the crucial skill of constantly bringing in new prospects. Anyway, there are some fun-da-mental rules for making pick-ups really effective and part of your daily reality.
Rule #1: Get yourself in the right frame of mind before you walk out the door!
Ok….I’ve harped on this before in my seminars and products. I’ll harp on it AGAIN. And I’ll harp on it till I’m dead and gone and PLAYING a harp: YOUR FRAME OF MIND IS CRUCIAL WHEN IT COMES TO MEETING AND ATTRACTING WOMEN!!!
Understanding that allows you to also see the single biggest and most common mistake guys make when it comes to meeting women, and it is this: They Are Relying On The Women Accepting Them To Make Them Feel Good Instead Of Walking Up To Women With A Good Feeling First!
Listen: YOU must first learn how to produce good feelings in your body and mind, and learn to enjoy the actual process of meeting women (it CAN be done!) BEFORE you can get good results.
Otherwise, you are relying on the WOMAN to make YOU feel good. And in that, case, no matter how clever the lines you say, who really has the power?
She does. NOT a good thing.
So you MUST learn to produce good feelings and states for yourself… BEFORE YOU EVEN WALK OUT THE FRIGGIN DOOR!
Now, listen. I’ve come up with plenty of tools for you to do this and this is so important I’m going to make it a topic of at least 2 issues of this newsletter. For now, just keep the principle in mind: You Must Go First By FEELING Good FIRST Before You Even Walk Out Your Door!
Like I said, there are ways to program your mind to do this, and in future issues, I will go into great detail and show you exactly how to do it.
For now though, one good way to do this is to make sure you have a life going on with things you enjoy, besides women.
Invest yourself in hobbies, find things you love, make sure you get adequate rest, and take care of your diet and physical health
Rule #2: Take into account and USE what the physical dictates and layout of the situation in which you find yourself.
Ok. This is actually a simple concept.
Let’s say you’re a lucky s.o.b., and, like me, you live right by a jog or bike path. Women are constantly skating, blading, running or biking right by you. And let’s say further, that you, like me, are a lazy son of a bitch and have no intention of moving your own fat ass via bike, blades, running etc.
Now, given that physical aspect of the situation and your own bone-deep sloth and aversion to movement, what do you have to do in order to meet and talk to these women?
Well, Buckwheat, what ya first and foremost gotta do is… Ya Gotta Get ‘Em To Stop!
That’s right. That beautimous and buxom babe in the halter top… that luscious blonde with the jog shorts so tight, her “camel-toe” is poking through the sheer fabric… they will never be riding your trouser pole UNLESS YOU CAN GET THEM TO STOP!
With that in mind, I have actually USED the following approach and ACTUALLY gotten it to work! I admit, as you read it, it seems crazy, and it isn’t for beginners. It’s one of those “don’t try this at home” unless you are a pro kind of things.
But it’s an illustration of an extreme example that does and can work and if I’m out there doing something THIS wacky, surely YOU can come up with something relatively sane by comparison.
Anyway…
I merely wait for a nice looking young lady to come jogging, blading or biking toward my stationary position along the path. I then jump out, hold out a hand and in my most authoritative tone yell: STOP! (This is actually pretty funny to watch. I have never had them NOT stop!)
I then say something like, “If you’re that easily stopped… you need a boyfriend who will MOTIVATE you! My name is Ross”.
Now, at this point, I bring into play…
Rule #3: Verbally Pace the Ongoing Situation
I cannot emphasize enough the power of this VERY important rule. Basically, what it means is to verbally describe and therefore ACKNOWLEDGE the situation and reality that she finds herself in with you. In the example above, where I’ve just jumped in her path and yelled “STOP”, what do you think this girl is thinking?
It’s a safe bet it is something along the lines of “this guy is fuckin’ nuts”!
So I better USE that instead of ignoring it.
I say something along these lines, “Look….I know this is a totally nutty way to meet someone (pacing her ongoing belief)… but I knew if I didn’t do SOMETHING to stop you, we’d never get a chance to talk (also completely true…a truism with which she cannot argue) and maybe see how much WE COULD REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER (embedded suggestion).
The principle here is VERY important. And that is… BY DEMONSTRATING UNDERSTANDING, YOU INCREASE RAPPORT!
Now, let me make something critically clear: I did NOT say demonstrate that YOU are “understanding, sensitive” etc.
I said demonstrate “understanding” of her ongoing reality and situation. Not in the sense of apologizing or excusing but simply that you are alert and AWARE of who she is and what she is experiencing. You then proceed to lead her where you WANT her to be!
Now, back to the idea of using the physical layout of where you are going to be meeting women:
Let’s say you are going to meet women in a coffee house or restaurant, two of my favorite places.
It’s important to be aware of the physical lay-out of the place.
As an example, when I go to the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, which has many branches here in L.A., I survey the place and try to find what I call “the catbird seat”.
In case you don’t know, the “cat bird” is the bird in the flock that is always given the high ground and best perch. Why?
Because it is his job to stay on the look out for the cat and warn all the other birds that it is time to take off!
So when I walk into a Coffee Bean (or any other place like it) I always look for the seat in the place that will give me the best view of anyone who walks in the door. This means I can see anyone who is standing in line, and make eye contact with them for a sustained period of time.
If you are sitting in a restaurant, a good idea is to sit at the bar at a spot near the take out order spot, if you can and if they have one.
As an example, the California Pizza Kitchen restaurant chain almost always will have a take out spot or window inside the restaurant, right near the bar where you can sit and eat.
This way, you can easily talk to and meet every woman waiting in the take out line, which can be huge at the right time of day.
Is this simple and is this making sense. I know it might seem too easy, but little things like this can make a huge difference.
One other example before we move on-at a party, the best spot to hang out is right by the bathroom. Women have notoriously small bladders when they are drinking a lot, and almost every girl there is going to have to get into your space sooner or later if you park your horny ass near the bathroom!
Now let me round this issue off by talking about… MY FAVORITE PLACES TO MEET WOMEN!
As I’ve said before and will say again, I usually avoid going to “singles” type places to meet women. That includes clubs, singles bars, etc.
I’m aware that some guys love, even excel at these places, and more power to them, but for the most part, I avoid them.
Why? Well, first of all, I’m now 45 years old. And I just look totally out of place.
Just as important: they are noisy and I don’t want to shout to be heard. My voice is my livelihood and my instrument, damn it. Also they are loaded with DRUNKEN people, and no offense to you if you are bit buzzed reading this, but I HATE BEING AROUND DRUNK PEOPLE!
Finally, it is exactly in these kinds of places that women are extra suspicious and EXTRA on guard. And in a club or bar, many otherwise friendly and nice women believe. THEY HAVE A LICENSE TO ACT LIKE C**TS!
Don’t get me wrong. What I teach CAN and DOES work in these places. I just don’t go there and don’t recommend that you do either.
Ok. So here are some of my favorite places where I go and where I recommend YOU go to meet women:
• Restaurants with attached bars.
These places are often great Tues-Thursday nights, around 6-8:30 PM. Especially upscale places, they cater to a professional crowd. Some VERY nice looking women looking to unwind after work. Also often these places serve as a meeting ground for women having bachelorette parties.
• Coffee houses like Starbucks, Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, etc.
Great from 8-10:30 AM every day of the week. After 9am you are more likely to get women who work in retail, outside sales like pharmaceutical reps, self-employed, students etc.
• Supermarkets- M-F noon to around 1:30 PM.
Women on their lunch hours pop into buy things. M-Thurs 6-830 PM. Sat 10AM-noon, same for Sundays.
• Shopping Malls
This is a no-brainer. If they have a good food court and are near offices, then noon till 1:30 PM, M-F. Hit the food courts and forget most of the rest of the stores. Other good times: Tues-Thurs 630-8PM and Sat afternoons.
• *Self-Improvement seminars
If you live anywhere NEAR a major U.S. city, chances are Tony Robbins will be hosting an event. Now, I don’t think Tony is the best seminar investment…MY seminars would fall into that category.
However, his seminars are LOADED to the gunwales with good-looking, SUGGESTIBLE women. And hell, you don’t even have to actually sign up. Just find out where they are being held, hang out in the lobby of the hotel and swoop in on the women during the coffee, tea and dinner breaks.
• Yoga Classes
Unbelievable amounts of hard-bodied, open-minded, amazing looking and obscenely flexible women. Take a beginners class if you’ve never done it before and you’ll met lots of women, who are also VERY suggestible and open to “new ways” of thinking. Especially look for a studio that is located near a coffee or tea place, because many women will head over to such a place after a class to refresh themselves.
OK, that’s it for now… look for the next issue where I will continue on this theme of how to meet women, anytime, anywhere, USING YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR!
Until then,
Piece and peace,
Ross
P.S. Want real success and power with the women of your choice, instead of the women you have to settle for? Your Speed Seduction® Home Study Course is waiting for you! Just go to http://www.seduction.com/products/rj87.asp today! Notice: this newsletter, and all contents are copyright 2004, Ross Jeffries. This newsletter may be reprinted, reposted or republished in any format or forum, without prior consent, provided it is given away for free, all links and notices are kept intact, and that proper credit is given for authorship. In the event you are reading this newsletter from a third-party website, you may subscribe for free at http://www.seduction.com.
Straightforward Inc
822 Eagle Point Road
Van Alstyne
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Unittes

Nathan Patmor
167
25 7

I read the other day that the majority of American’s regularly have sex in just a few positions. Well, if that’s true, its time to shake things up! This article is on g spot positions. These are our favorite ways of hitting the g-spot during sex.
If you like boring, normal sex, that lasts just 5 – 10 minutes, don’t read this page. If you’re feeling more adventurous, and are ready to blow your mind then please, proceed!
So, the first step in hitting your g spot during sex is to know where it is! For a refresher course, check out this page on the g spot location. You also may want to try a finding the g spot exercise first.
From here on, we’re going to assume that you (and your partner) know where your g-spot is, and how to best stimulate it to give you pleasure.
Now that that’s all taken care of – lets focus on g spot positions. The first step is to recognize that the g spot, or g spot area, is small and not always in the same place. So, throughout your sex you’ll both need to be communicating. What works, what feels good, what doesn’t, a little to the right, a little to the left, etc.
In the beginning, as you explore different g spot positions, its likely best if you agree not to have orgasms. We’ve found this makes it easy to have a sense of exploration and play.
And, without further delay, here are our three favorite g spot positions. Enjoy!
Ride ‘Em Cowboy (Woman on Top)
I have to say there’s something so sexy about a woman being on top, in charge of finding what feels the best. Really, this position is ideal because it allows the woman to control the depth, intensity, and speed. It gives you the ability to play, and explore, and notice how much more pleasure comes from subtle differences.
As you are on top, experiment with what feel’s best to you. Move, shift, tell your partner what feel’s good, rock back and forth, take it deep, keep it shallow, etc. This will likely work best if you are already aroused and hot. (This is true with all these g spot positions)
Now, as the guy in this position, you’re not just laying back passively (thought that is fine to do – just not now!). What will help your partner most is if you tilt your pelvis as much as possible. The more you can do this, the better.
You’ll also get a great workout! : )
Unfortunately, if you are anything like me, you’ll get super tired super quick. In the beginning we used to use alot of pillows to try to angle my hips. Lately, we’ve really been enjoying something called the wedge, its a liberator shape. This small shape puts your pelvis in the perfect tilted position without you having to do any work.
I know it sounds crazy, but the small, subtle positioning this enables, makes all the difference. If you want to find out more about liberator shapes, their website is www.liberatorshapes.com.
Doggy Style (Crouching, Man Coming from Behind)
This is one of our favorite g spot positions. Not only do you have great g-spot access, but there’s just something so primal andsexy about *&#*! from behind.
Now, guys, in this position you can take it easy and let her do all the work. In this case, ladies, use your thighs to press back and find the depth, thrust style, and position that works best for you.
However, guys, if you want to be more active, you can easily adapt this position. Push your woman down, and lay more on top of her (still coming in from behind)
Now, for the best g spot stimulation, position your legs outside of hers and put more of your weight forward, so you are riding her from up higher.
This puts your penis on more of a downward angle, and helps you hit her g-spot more directly. You can also experiment with having her legs more open, or more closed to see what feels best.
We’ve also been using the liberator shape – the wedge – in this position too. We found if we put that underneath my girlfriend, it gives her hips a particular tilt that totally amp things up.
Your Highness (Man Kneeling or Standing, Woman’s Legs on His Shoulders)
We love this sex position. With many g spot positions you can’t look each other in the eyes. With this one, we recommend it. Also, when you want to hit the g spot, having your legs high and wide is the secret ingredient. Sometimes putting your feet on your partner’s shoulders can be the most comfortable (its also just super sexy!)
Now, you can do this position in lots of ways. You can do it off your sofa, a chair, or your coffee table (we won’t tell!). Or, you can modify it to work off your bed by kneeling vs standing. The only real key to this position is that your partner is angled upward, with her legs spread wide or on your shoulders. You can achieve this combination in lots of different ways (be creative!)
Well, these are our three favorite g spot positions, and I hope you try them out and enjoy!ZZZ

Frederic Madore
158
25 7

When contemplating this question, it might occur to you eventually that dating could actually be both. After all, teenagers and those in their adult years have gone through this rite of passage called dating, and this is a natural activity, just as social interaction is part of every person’s life.
While all our actions go through the cause and effect wheel, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy a good date as much as your next-door neighbor.
There are probably a lot of questions in your mind -should you be a first-timer teen, or someone who’s gone back to the dating pool -regarding dating. But don’t fret! Here are some basic pointers on how to go about dating the hassle-free way:
Contemplate your reasons.
Just why are you deciding to whirl into the world of dating? It could be that you are looking for that special someone, make new friends and acquaintances, get intimate with someone, or simply experience what it’s like to date. You could even be doing it for more complicated reasons -to try to forget your ex, find someone to marry, to hook up with that person you’ve been attracted to for years. Whatever the reason is, just make sure that it still borders on the healthy and positive. Date for the right reasons, reasons that will enrich your life and let you have fun. Most all, do it for yourself, and not just because you are being pressured into doing it.
Find your prospects.
If you’ve already gone through the first tip, then we’re already in business! The good news is, this dating step is relatively easier. The advent of the world wide web has ensured that you can go online and sign up for dating and matching services in a matter of minutes. You’ll find that there are quite a lot of people out there who are also looking for people to meet, date and have fun with.
Prep up your online profile and advertise, advertise, and advertise some more! Chances are, after wading through all the email from your prospective dates, you’ll have quite a handful that you will want to meet up with. And if you’re not an internet fan, you could also try the old-fashioned way of having your friends set you up with common friends. This has the added advantage of meeting up with someone who’s not actually a total stranger -and if you have any awkward moments during the date, you could always start off the conversation by talking about your mutual friends.
The big “D”.
It’s finally time for what you have started to refer to as “The Date” -and you find that you’re actually nervous. Don’t panic. Things are about to get more exciting. But first, some practical dating concerns:
1. It would be best to set the date in a place considered common ground. This way, you have the security of being able to get away in case something goes wrong. His or her pad may be totally romantic, but make sure to make safety your first priority. There are still a lot of odd characters out there, after all.
2. It’s also the best time to make sure you’re clean and presentable. Even if you don’t have the funds to splurge on that fabulous outfit, nothing beats over-all, good hygiene. Fashionable shoes can only do so much if you didn’t even bother to brush your teeth. Dress as the occasion calls for. After all, getting ushered out of that fancy bistro for not following the dress code bombs out your date before it even begins.
3. Even before you start being charming to your date, make sure you extend the most gracious gesture of all, which is to arrive on time. This is one of the most basic dating etiquette you must adhere to. Not only does this ensure that you don’t end up with a grumpy date, you’ll also be able to let your date know that you put in some effort by being there on time.
4. All you need to be successful in dating is to be as courteous to your date as you, yourself, wish to be treated. From here on and after, matters would already depend on how you interact and, more importantly, if you two have any chemistry. But for now, best relax and try to have as much fun as you can.

Alison Edwards
523
25 7

Dating can be stressful but first dates can be particularly painful and nerve wrecking. Follow my simple tips to getting ready for a date and before you know it you’ll be breezing through first dates with you’re only concern being what to wear on your second date.
1. Don’t stress!
First of all, try not to stress yourself out. Tell yourself, it’s only a date and if it doesn’t work out, so what?
2. Easy on the wedding plans
You may laugh but don’t start planning your wedding! We’ve all been there; dreaming that this could be the one, that you’ll fall in love after a whirlwind romance and get married… and all before you’ve ordered your starter! Obviously, it’s good to be positive but just take each day as it comes in the early stages otherwise you could be heading for disappointment.
3. Listen to music
Listen to some music whilst you’re getting ready; whatever gets you in the mood for a night out and relaxes you.
4. Soak in a bath
If you have time, take a long soak in the bath with a small glass of wine to relax you. I emphasise the word “small”; you don’t want to turn up drunk or smelling of alcohol.
5. Subtle make-up
Girls, try to keep your make-up subtle. The majority of men don’t like to see make-up caked on and if you do happen to snuggle up to your date, he won’t be too impressed if you leave make-up on his collar. As a basic rule, if you’re going for smoky eyes, keep your lips natural with a lick of gloss and if you’re opting for the red Monroe pout then keep your eyes natural.
6. Hair to go
You don’t want a high maintenance hair style that has you running to the toilet every two minutes to check it’s in place so stick to what you know suits you and what you feel comfortable with. Also, easy on the hair products in case your date decides to run his fingers through your hair and gets them stuck!
7. What to wear?
Don’t wear anything too revealing on a first date as it could give out the wrong impression. Remember you can still look sexy without revealing all your goods; less is more!
Decide what you’re going to wear in advance so you’re not in a last minute panic with a bedroom floor covered in reject outfits. The main thing is to feel comfortable in what you’re wearing so you look relaxed; fidgeting with straps and pulling down your hemline every few minutes doesn’t look good.
Your choice of outfit will obviously depend on where you are going; if it’s fancy restaurant then you can glam it up but if it’s a lunchtime date or the cinema then dress it down accordingly.
8. Killer heels or comfy flats?
As for shoes, heels look great but only if you can walk in them so only wear shoes that you are comfortable in. Also, don’t wear new shoes in case you get blisters on the night. Again, your choice of shoes will depend on where you are going so dress for the venue.
9. Fresh breath
Don’t forget to clean your teeth and rinse with a mouthwash. It may sound obvious but so many people forget. Also, keep a packet of mints or chewing gum in your bag in case you need to freshen up later.
10. Aroma, aroma!
Once you’re ready, don’t forget to squirt a bit of your favourite perfume behind the ears and on your wrist (these are the strongest pulse points). Don’t go overboard, the key is to have an aroma about you, not to overpower him with your scent.
11. Arrange transport
Book a taxi or arrange for someone to give you a lift so you get to your meeting place in plenty of time. I wouldn’t advise accepting any offer to pick you up or take you home until you’ve got to know him.
12. Keep the conversation flowing
Give some thought to what you’re going to talk about. Obviously, you can’t plan it word for word but think about things you want to find out about him and questions you could ask to keep the conversation flowing. If you know a good joke, it’s always good to throw that in at some point in the evening to lighten the mood.
13. A kiss goodnight – no more!
Don’t feel pressured into going back to his place or inviting him into yours and certainly don’t feel pressured into having sex! I think it’s best to end the evening with a goodnight kiss so you both leave each other wanting more and more importantly eager to arrange that second date. If you can’t trust yourself to resist his charm go unshaven in the nether regions so that way you won’t be tempted to go any further than a kiss!
14. Watch your drink
Don’t drink excessively! It’s easy to drink faster and more than you would normally because of your nerves but try and pace yourself and if you do feel yourself getting more than tipsy, drink some water.
Also, if you don’t know your date well take your drink with you when you go to the toilets; with so many drinks being spiked in bars these days it’s better to be safe than sorry.
15. Tell a friend
Tell a friend or family member where you’re going and who with and let them know when you’ve arrived home safe.
16. Have fun
Finally, don’t forget to enjoy yourself and have fun! ZZZ

Paul Kevin
656
25 7

Not all the Gay sites that now proliferate on the internet are well put together and you cannot always rely on them for a pleasant experience! Whilst all the Gay dating sites will clearly not be the same we should consider some basic requirements.
Gay dating sites differ in many aspects including the facilities they provide, the demographics they cater for, the way they allow contact between the members, membership fee, the option of matchmaking and many other aspects. You can choose the best Gay dating site for you by considering these areas to ensure that they meet your requirements.
If you are interested in meeting potential gay partners of a particular age, race or creed then you can look for those sites that have the selective search facility. Many of the sites simply put a list of other people looking for someone, which can create some problems in getting started. However, there are sites available through which you can search using pre-defined criteria. This kind of facility increases the efficiency of the whole process and generally these sorts of sites will attract more people and therefore increase the possibility of finding someone from those who register with them.
Another factor that is important when choosing when deciding which site to use is the nature of and extent to which contact is allowed between the members. Of course it entirely depends on how you want to deal with this issue. There are sites that strictly safeguard personal information like telephone numbers and addresses. However, there are sites that have the facility of private chat rooms that allow sharing of personal details when you feel comfortable doing so. Clearly choosing a site that allows intimate contact may work in your favour as well as against you. The restrictions placed on contact are put in place as a safety measure and it may sometimes restrict your access if you really want to make contact with a potential partner. You should carefully consider the different options available to you before you register yourself with a site to ensure that you are completely happy with the way the site operates.
There are others features that are equally important in choosing a Gay dating site. There can be hundreds if not thousands of profiles available on a gay dating site and it can be tiresome to work your way through them to find a match for yourself. However, some sites offer matchmaking facilities through which you get qualified gay prospects that match with your specific profile. This saves your time and you can get on with the business of meeting potential partners as soon as possible. It is important to analyze the kind of profiles that are displayed on a site before you register. It is important because some sites have pictures enticing you to join the site and then you find that none of the people really exist!
Most importantly, you will want to choose a gay dating site that is user friendly. Some sites are difficult to work with whereas some gay dating sites are smooth platforms which enable you to easily interact and chat with others. Additional features like dating tips and articles can increase the value of the site and many people (especially new users) prefer these kinds of sites. If the sites allow a trial period then using them before paying for it is preferable. For a perfect gay online dating experience it is essential to find a gay dating site that meets your needs!

David Steele
334
25 7

To celebrate the first printing this month of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World, I ask your indulgence as I share some of the journey that brought this book from idea to reality eight years later. In 1997 I was a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice burning out on working with couples on the verge of divorce. I discovered the emerging field of personal/life coaching and became excited about applying coaching to relationships. In trying to figure out how to do this I had an epiphany- SINGLES BECOME COUPLES! In my twenty years as a therapist on a mission to lower the divorce rate, it had never occurred to me to work with singles. I knew very little about how singles could successfully find their life partner, so I started reading all the self-help books I could find on the subject. I was appalled at how much bad and misguided advice for singles that I found. It seemed that most books for singles were written by lay people (non-relationship professionals) that narrowly focused on “hooking up” (how to flirt, how to “get” a man, etc) and had little to offer about how singles could find and have a successful, sustainable, and fulfilling relationship. So, I scratched my head, sat down with a legal pad, and asked myself “What do singles need to know and do to find their life partner?” Starting literally from a blank slate, drawing upon my own life, my training as a therapist and coach, and my years of experience specializing in relationships, I started mapping out some disconnected concepts and ideas such as: • Need to start with a Vision
• Must be clear about life purpose
• Make relationship choices aligned with Requirements, Needs, and Wants
• Dating Traps- ways that singles set themselves up for failure
• Attraction Venues- the people you meet depends upon where you meet them
• Need a Relationship Plan- “when you fail to plan, you plan to fail”
• Need to be self-aware, conscious, and informed about relationships
• Four steps to finding your life partner- scouting, sorting, screening, and testing
• More than one kind of dating relationship- recreational, committed, “mini-marriage”
Whew! My creative juices were flowing, and before I knew it I had written a transcript and went to a recording studio to create a cassette tape to promote my relationship coaching- Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life That You Love. I gave this tape to everyone that came to my weekly singles events (conducted with my new business partner Marvin Cohen), and was astounded by their feedback. They loved it! I heard comments such as “This tape saved my life!” Wow… I figured I was on to something. Many of the concepts and ideas resonated strongly with singles, such as dating traps, requirements, and such, but the one that seemed get the most response was “Be The Chooser.” Right then, I knew I had to turn this stuff into a book. How? The prospect was scary- I’d written and published many articles, but I’d never written a book before. So many pages! Then I thought, “Well, a book is not going to lower the divorce rate by itself. Singles really need coaching and support to make effective choices.” Then I had a blasphemous thought for a budding author- “If you could ‘get it’ from a book, the world’s problems would be solved!” So I rationalized that I didn’t need to write a book, and instead used these concepts and ideas to create a “Relationship Success Training for Singles” (RESTS) and started offering classes, workshops, and individual coaching using this step-by-step program. Other professionals liked what I was doing and I got the idea to train and license them to use this program, which led to Relationship Coaching Institute (RCI). As I trained more and more of my colleagues in using the RESTS program with singles, and Marvin and I continued our work with singles locally, I received lots of feedback and ideas for refinement. After working with the original RESTS program for a couple of years, Marvin and I collaborated on a revised edition (which earned him co-author credit) and then again a few years later yet another revised edition. My master plan was to make relationship coaching as ubiquitous as McDonald’s by training and licensing my fellow therapists and coaches all over the world through Relationship Coaching Institute. But it became clear that if I really wanted to lower the divorce rate, a book would reach more people than I was able. Overwhelmed at the idea of putting all these ideas into a coherent book, I asked around for referrals and hired Cindy Barrilleaux and Garry Cooper to help me put together a book proposal, which ended up being a two year project due to my juggling my practice, RCI, and other projects, such as a side trip into helping RCI coaches build successful practices by developing two practice building programs and writing two books on practice-building. Then, I needed to find an agent. Again, with juggling my commitments, this ended up being a two year process. My initial excitement about finally landing a high-powered New York agent fizzled out quickly when the agent stopped returning my calls after the book was rejected by ten publishers. The feedback from the publishers was mostly complimentary about the content of the book, but pessimistic about its prospects in a marketplace “saturated” by other books for singles. I knew this book was different and needed, but they didn’t get it, and my agent apparently gave up trying, so I let her go and decided to self-publish. So, about half the book was written in the form of the book proposal, and I needed to buckle down and write the other half. I had high ambitions for this book to be a best seller and wanted it to be fun and enjoyable to read as well as informative. After reading “One Minute Millionaire” and getting caught up in the story that illustrated the concepts, I decided to include stories of real singles that have used the RESTS program to help them find their life partner. However, I knew my limits- I was not a story-writer! After reviewing more than 50 applicants (lots of hungry writers out there!) and interviewing ten finalists, I hired Rachel Sarah. Rachel and I worked together for (yet again!) two years. First finding and interviewing singles who graduated the RESTS program, then working through all 16 chapters one at a time to weave the stories throughout the book and flesh out the content of each chapter. We developed a routine where she would interview me and write a draft, then I would edit her draft and add to it until I was satisfied with the chapter, then move to the next chapter. In addition to doing a great job writing up the stories of the singles we chose to feature in the book, Rachel was great in helping me to continue forward momentum while I was (still!) juggling all my other commitments. To sum up, here is an approximate timeline-
1997-Present: Design and test concepts with Marvin Cohen and RCI coaches
1999-2000: Write proposal with Cindy Barrilleaux and Garry Cooper
2001-2002: Get agent, crash and burn, decide to self-publish
2003-2005: Finish writing with Rachel Sarah, get self-publishing guidance (Jim Donovan), hire editor (Melanie Rigney) and designers (Cathi Stevenson and Judi Lake), decide upon printer and fulfillment house (Fidlar-Doubleday) and publish! As you can see, it’s been a long journey and I’ve had lots of help.
How did this book write itself? Well, I did put a lot of writing and work into this book project, but it seemed to write itself because-
1. I had the help and support of talented people who believed in this book project
2. My passion and commitment to this project provided plenty of energy and motivation
3. Through RCI I had solid experience with singles testing the ideas in the book, and training/collaborating with many other professionals
It seemed like I was more of a sculptor chipping away to allow the book to take its own shape, rather than an author writing a book from scratch or a painter starting with a blank canvas. So this month, October 2005, I’m celebrating the completion of an eight-year journey, grateful to be blessed with this mission, hopeful this book will make a significant contribution in helping singles find their life partner and lower the divorce rate; and as I work with my publicist Penny Sansevieri, I’m very aware that my commitment to the success of this book is just beginning. And you know what? It’s a good book! I enjoy reading it, especially the stories, which really bring the material to life. I’m not too macho to admit that I get choked up every time I read the way the stories end in the epilogue. It’s especially poignant for me because I know these singles having interviewed them, and it feels wonderful that the strategies in this book really made a difference in helping them finding their life partner and live a fulfilling life. It’s not often in the helping profession that we get to learn the results of our work a year or more later, and to really know that our support actually had a successful outcome down the road for our clients. Enjoy th!

Caterina Christakos
29
25 7

Most of us walk around caught up in our own thoughts. We don’t look at people as we walk down the street and we have the radio blasting in the car so we don’t even notice those single, sexy individuals in the cars next to us.
Tip #1 Get out of your head and into your environment.
Instead of saying that there aren’t any available guys out there, why not take your head out of your book at Barnes and Noble and notice if anyone is noticing you?
There are probably plenty of attractive men out there dying to ask you out. Your body language may be part of the reason why they don’t.
Tip #2 Have open body language. This means no crossed arms. No hiding behind books. No hunching your shoulders.
Tip #3 Make eye contact. Instead of looking down when a cute guy looks at you, meet his gaze. The right eye contact can be sexier than the hottest verbal conversations.
Tip #4 Smile more. Studies have proven that a smiling face is thought to be friendlier and more attractive than someone who goes around with a tight jaw. Relax your jaw and allow your lips to be at least partly parted at all times. Notice the difference in how many more people smile, look your way and approach you.

Michaela Scherr
331
25 7

Forget Christmas, the New Year is fast approaching and with it comes another 12 months of doing what you’ve always done. Now I’m not sure about you but I know that next year will be different for me.
For a start, I’m not going to undertake a million and one things with deadlines impossible to keep (though I suspect my interest in new projects will get the better of me). Many amazing and interesting things in this world grab my attention, making it easy for me to get sidetracked.
My intention for the New Year is to transcend all previous successes and achieve things previously not considered. I’m curious to know where it will lead me (there’s that sidetracking issue again). It’s a scary thought but exciting all at once.
Yes, next year sure will be different and amazing.
If you’ve come through a year filled with boredom, sameness, heartache, yearning, and wish life to be different then consider whether it’s now time for you to give yourself a stern talking to about creating change for your highest good.
Some questions you could ask are:
Are you willing to repeat this year, next year?
Has the past year provided you with contentment, happiness, success and new friendships?
If yes to the last statement, congratulations! Some years are like that, absolutely fabulous years where you wouldn’t change for the world for anything – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
If the statement is not true, ask:
How are you going to change things?
Do you have strategies in place that will ensure you become successful in your endeavors?
Are you thinking this is another ho hum time of the year when arbitrary New Year’s resolutions are made?
Maybe all you want is to go with the flow, and that’s okay if deep down that’s what you truly want.
What if you motivated challenged or dared you, not by others, by you only?
There have been many times when I’ve dared myself to do things I wouldn’t normally do and have never looked back. That’s when I become comfortable with the uncomfortable, for a short while anyway.
Anyone can dare themselves to achieve greatness and it might just be what’s needed to kick start the New Year. You never know where it can lead you.
I’ve listed 7 Dares to choose from should you motivate and dare yourself into initiating an action designed to change your next 12 months in the most amazing way. They are:
1. Dare to be different.
2. Dare to discover who you really are.
3. Dare to let go of the past.
4. Dare to step out of your comfort zone.
5. Dare to ask more questions on how YOU do business.
6. For those on the dating scene – date only those that respect all parts of who you are and accept nothing less.
7. Dare to achieve more.
It’s possible one or more points above will resonate with you, in which case write down your preferred challenge in a journal or diary and keep note of how your dare is going. Include who, what, where and when you needed a little external guidance. This will enable you to reflect on your journey as you prepare for the New Year next year.
The road toward contentment, happiness, and success is often challenging, which makes it all the more scary yet exciting – you’ll really know you’re alive then! The upshot is that you achieve what you set out to do, and you can tell the world you did it your way!ZZ

Kenna O’Carroll
618
25 7

Planning the perfect Celtic ceremony involves combining traditions with making decisions. Education on the historical wedding traditions of the Celtic community will help the both of you plan a ceremony that is sure to be everything you dreamed. Making the necessary decisions in wedding planning can be simplified if you know your choices. Lets get started in planning your beautiful and traditional Celtic ceremony with the words to the most widely used Celtic wedding song.
THE WEDDING SONG
THERE THEY STAND HAND IN HAND, AND EXCHANGE WEDDING BANDS. TODAY IS THE DAY ALL OF ALL THEIR DREAMS AND PLANS. AND ALL OF THEIR LOVED ONES ARE HERE TO SAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES, IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH MAY THEY KNOW THAT RICHES ARE NOT NEEDED FOR WEALTH HAVE THEM FACE PROBLEMS THEY’LL MEET ON THEIR WAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
MAY THEY FIND PEACE OF MIND, COMES TO ALL WHO ARE KIND MAY THE ROUGH TIMES A HEAD, BECOME TRIUMPHS IN TIME MAY THEIR CHILDREN BE HAPPY EACH DAY GOD BLESS THIS FAMILY WHO STARTED TODAY
IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES, IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH MAY THEY KNOW THAT RICHES ARE NOT NEEDED FOR WEALTH HAVE THEM FACE PROBLEMS THEY’LL MEET ON THEIR WAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
AS THEY GO, MAY THEY KNOW EVERY LOVE THAT WILL SHOW AND AS LIFE GETS SHORTER, MAY THEIR FEELINGS GROW WHEREVER THEY TRAVEL, WHEREVER THEY STAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES, IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH MAY THEY KNOW THAT RICHES ARE NOT NEEDED FOR WEALTH HAVE THEM FACE PROBLEMS THEY’LL MEET ON THEIR WAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
Traditions
The ancient and symbolic ceremony of hand-fasting was often performed by our Celtic kinsmen. To include this beautiful tradition into a wedding, either a rope or a length of fabric will be needed to wrap around the couple’s hands. Decision in the type of “wrap” could include anything that has meaning to the both of you. It could also be created to compliment the colors or theme chosen for your wedding. Some couples have used the remnants of their personal baby blankets or a cherished scarf their grandmother wore. In some families the wrap or rope is passed down through the generations. Whatever your choice of “wrap” the tradition is significant in that it means the bride and groom are becoming one and united. This symbolic tradition is often referred to as tying the knot. In your ceremony the two of you will face each other, join right hands to right hands and the left to the left hands and the chosen fabric or rope will be wrapped around the interlocked hands. A decision can be made to either have the person performing the ceremony or a family member perform the wrapping.
Another widely utilized and very meaningful tradition is the use of a bag piper. The piper has been used in a variety of ways in Celtic weddings. The piper can be presented as a musical accompaniment, standing next to the groom, as the bride walks down the aisle. Other couples have chosen that the piper lead both the bride and groom into the location of the wedding. Locations can be churches, outdoor gardens or other places and will be discussed later in the “decision” section of this article. Whatever your choice of the piper’s role, a bag piper will make the ceremony rich in Celtic heritage and custom.
While the traditions of hand fasting and bag pipers are the most commonly practiced rituals for a Celtic wedding, there are several others to consider.
* Carrying of a horseshoe by the bride is a custom dating back as far as 3-400 years. Carrying an actual horseshoe is a bit cumbersome and heavy. Many brides today choose to have the emblem of the horseshoe sewn inside her dress or embroidered onto the hand-fasting wrap. The symbolism of the “shoe” is what is important. It is meant to bring good luck to the couple.
* The “Grushie” custom is performed by the groom. He is to toss a handful of coins into the crowd at the wedding reception or line of recession as he and his new bride leave the church or have been pronounced as lawfully married. It is best to make sure the coins are small or ones that have been especially made for this purpose. Heavy coins could injure someone.
* The custom of a barefooted bride and groom symbolizes a grounding or connection to the earth. This very old custom was performed for those Celtic peoples that wanted to honor mother earth. I still think that this tradition was designed to honor but for comfort as well. Unless of course you’re getting married on a ground laden with sharp stones or rock.
The above mentioned Celtic traditions are by no means the only ones. They are however, whether you choose to use one or all, certain to give your ceremony the atmosphere of love and at the same time an honoring of our Celtic heritage.
Decisions
Every wedding is full of having to make decisions. Deciding which tradition(s) you want is just a start. The next step is to decide on a location. No matter what traditions you choose to follow, there has to be a place to perform the marriage ceremony. After choosing a location, the bride and groom should decide who is going to make the rest of the decisions. Making wedding arrangements can often run into a “He says, She says” endless problem. Knowing who is going to be responsible for each task in ceremony preparation can often decrease a great deal of stress and arguments. The following are some suggestions on who should do what. Of course, depending on the couple, these can be rearranged to suit who may be better at performing or deciding on specific matters.
Both the Bride and Groom should:
* Decide on the location of the wedding.
* Decide who is going to perform the ceremony. Not all licensed clergy are aware of the traditional Celtic wedding vows or exchanges of commitment.
* Choose the rings that will symbolize your love for each other as well as rings that are reflective of your Celtic heritage. This task does not have to be agonizing. I have found the website http://www.celtic-weddingrings.com to be a great place to start in researching a Celtic knot work design suitable for my fiancée and I.
* Choose the remaining male attendants (groomsmen, ushers) together.
* Choose the male wedding attire. Both of you should do this so that the groom can wear a color he likes and one that suits the color theme of the wedding and the bride’s dress and flowers. This is done by both because the groom does not know (well he shouldn’t anyway) what color(s) are in the wedding gown or on the gowns trim and embroidered work.
Just the Bride:
* Needs to decide on the wedding gown. You may need to consult with a dress designer or company that specializes in Celtic wedding attire. If your wish is to have a dress that reflects your Celtic heritage, many options are available to you. Many Celtic brides choose, somewhere on the dress, to have the Celtic knot sewn or patterned into the gown. The “knot” is symbolic of love, commitment and life. This would compliment nicely with the hand-fasting ceremony too.
* Chooses the maid or matron of honor and other attendants.
* Plans the flower arrangements, wedding favors (name cards, catering, stationary to name just a few). When you choose your attendants be sure to have them help you with these too.
Just the Groom:
* Needs to plan the honeymoon. How about a trip to a Celtic land? What better place to go than where your Celtic roots began.
* Needs to choose a best man. A best man is a male friend or family member you feel cares the most about you. This is an important choice because you will need some help with the time consuming tasks that always come with planning a wedding and honeymoon.
Planning your Celtic wedding will be one of the most important events you will ever oversee. Someday, whether it is 30 or 60 years later, the both of you will remember your wedding day as a blessing. It is the day the two of you announced your commitment to each other. It is a day your Celtic ancestors looked upon you in spirit and smiled.

Dan Ohler
598
25 7

I believe that life is a game, and games are meant to be fun. Teasing, cajoling, and bantering can be great ways to add to the fun – or are they?
Where is that fine-line between fun, and degrading criticism?
Picture this:
It was a warm summer day. A group of friends were playing volleyball on the grass. There were children and adults running, swinging, bumping, and laughing. It was great fun. We were having some great volleys back and forth – quite impressive for a group that don’t play the game regularly.
“Great serve!”
“Way to go!”
“Cool teamwork, eh?”
“Good try. Hey, you’ll get it next time.”
Another group of visitors arrived, and two of them joined in. These two were vocal, except their words were of a different tone.
“Use those big feet to fly over there, will ya.”
“Serve it to Sally, she always misses.”
“Just aim for Tom’s big nose.”
“Look out. There goes the locomotive.”
These words were said in fun, but the atmosphere changed. Words of encouragement were tainted with remarks that were cutting in nature – not just by these two individuals, it was contagious. Within ten minutes, people were dropping out and wandering elsewhere. Fifteen minutes later, the game was done.
Why? Were participants physically exhausted?
I don’t think so.
Words are very powerful tools. They are similar to dynamite. They are small and seemingly insignificant on their own. However, when put to use, they can create amazing and wonderful things, or destroy wonderful things – depending on how they are used.
Appropriate humour is a beautiful, creative form of word art. It adds spice to life. It encourages us to think creatively, and to look for the “bright side.” It encourages us to look for alternatives and solutions, and to deal with life’s stressors in a positive way.
Humour builds rapport, confidence, and trust. It helps create a bond between people. It is an important ingredient in love.
Inappropriate humour is cutting, demeaning, and degrading. It tears people apart and destroys trust. I don’t believe that this is the intent – to hurt others. It happens out of a lack of awareness.
• What is the tone of your humour?
• What are the underlying messages in your words?
• Do they build yourself and others up, or tear yourself and others down?
In First-Aid, there is a procedure to save yourself if you are on-fire – Stop, Drop, & Roll. It makes sense to me that the same process can keep you from being burnt by delivering inappropriate humour.
(Drum roll, please!)
Ladies and Gentleman, presenting: Stop, Drop, & Roll for Appropriate Humour:
1. Become consciously aware of when you are going to deliver words meant to be humorous. Stop in that moment – don’t say it yet. I’m not suggesting that you need to give up spontaneity, but at least pause for a brief moment.
2. Drop the words into your conscious mind and heart. Think, sense, and feel.
a) Are the words: positive or negative, enabling or disabling, supportive or manipulative, kind or tactless, respectful or disrespectful?
b) How would you feel if these words were said to you, possibly at a time when your self-esteem was low?
c) Are they about the person, or the situation? Words about a person may be taken as an attack. Whereas a situation is a chain of events, removed from the person, and often involve a multitude of other people and environmental conditions.
d) What is the most appropriate way to say the words to show love and compassion, yet still tickle the funny-bone?
3. Roll with it! Let ‘er rip! Have fun! Use intonation, body language, and energy congruent with your purpose of making the situation light, and having fun in a loving, caring, respectful way.
Will you become a famous stand-up comedian, featured across the nation in every comedy bar? Not likely. However, you will be loved, honoured, and respected wherever you may be, because you love, honour, and respect others.
There are millions of slapdash, unemployed comedians. Don’t allow their numbers to go up by one.
Instead, amplify your business or job by using your appropriate humour. Use it to intensify your relationships wherever you go.
I challenge you to consciously become aware of your fun-intended words, and to practice Stop, Drop, & Roll for Appropriate Humour.
I guarantee that it will become much easier, spontaneous, and satisfying as you learn your own style. Your family, associates, and clients will appreciate you for it too.
Will it improve your effectiveness and productivity?
It works for me, and I know it will do the same for you.
Now, shut this thing off, and go have some fun!
Cop© 2006

Trent Brownrigg
184
25 7

Remember the words from an old song…
“Be sure it’s true when you say I love you, it’s a sin to tell a lie”.
The concept of “sin” has lost its meaning for many in our modern era, and even “love” has lost a significant portion of its importance.
If you still believe in “falling in love” then you will realize how difficult it is to say, “I love you” in a meaningful way. Three little words that can change your life forever. The words, themselves, have lost their meaning because of overuse, especially when it’s not really true. Everybody says them, for many different reasons, even if they don’t mean them.
However, when you really want tell your partner of your love it’s such a hard decision to make for many reasons. Will your partner return your love? Will your partner simply accept your declaration with indifference? Will he or she feel threatened? It is such a common problem that even “The Seinfeld Show” had an episode on it.
So make it easy on yourself and plan the declaration so that as much as possible you eliminate the problems. The first step, of course, is to be certain you really are in love. If you so enjoy being with your partner that you want to be with him or her to the exclusion of all others, if you think of him or her every day when you are apart, you are probably in love. If you have even a small doubt you should wait a little longer.
If you are certain then plan a special occasion for it. Make it a significant moment in your life – one to remember with fondness for your whole life. Arrange an intimate dinner at your favorite restaurant and make it as romantic as you can. Give him or her a small gift because you love being with them, or you are so glad that you met them.
After dinner while holding your partner intimately gaze intently into their eyes and say, “I love you so much it hurts when we are apart. I hope that we can stay together forever”.
Do not be disappointed if your partner does not return your declaration. They may not yet be ready and might need more time to state their feelings. Continue to share with your partner the highs and lows of your partner’s life. Care for your partner’s happiness and be on guard to protect his happiness.
Under no circumstances should you ever ask your partner, “Do you love me”?

Kate Zabriskie
706
25 7

It starts out innocently enough with someone in the break room saying, “Isn’t it a shame about Jack?” Clueless, you reply, “What about Jack?” “Don’t you know about his wife?” When you answer in the negative, your colleague seizes the moment to fill you in on all the gory details of Jack’s wife’s ongoing affair with none other than your boss’s husband, and poor Jack is now in rehab because he started binge-drinking to drown his misery. Of course, since your boss’s husband is the party of the second part, you just have to know if she knows about her husband’s infidelity, which would account for her showing up to work lately looking like a subject in a sleep-deprivation study and biting everyone’s head off for no good reason. And before you’ve finished pouring your coffee, you’ve enabled a gossip to perpetuate the vicious cycle of rumor mongering that too often contaminates a workplace.
The consequences of participating in office gossip are far ranging and always affect at least two or more people. First, consider the person who is the gossip spreader. Why is this person presenting the information? Can any good come from it? Will the information benefit you or the office in which you work? What’s in it for the gossip?
If the answers to these questions are fuzzy, you can probably assume the news bearer is reveling in knowing something others don’t yet know. Such “news,” whether accurate or not, provides a momentary feeling of superiority and control that the gossip probably lacks otherwise. If this person’s work performance isn’t sufficient cause for recognition, then the next best option is to stake a claim as the one with the latest inside dirt.
Unfortunately, a gossip isn’t satisfied just possessing the information. After all, knowledge that isn’t shared is wasted, right? How would others know the value of this soul unless the intelligence is disseminated? This is where others get implicated without necessarily being willing participants. Even the “innocent” are drawn in to the gossip’s web by merely listening. For a few fleeting moments, this person has everyone’s undivided attention, and this is “reward” enough.
While gossips themselves might not immediately suffer for their loose tongues, eventually they will be found out. The consequences may include poor performance reviews, no pay raises, reprimands from supervisors, or possibly dismissal because of their involvement in destroying office morale or committing slander.
Gossips are usually proactive in sharing their wealth of information, so others have little trouble knowing who they are. Smart coworkers will learn to avoid them any way they can, even though this is not always easy or possible. Even if you yourself don’t initiate gossip, just listening to it takes a toll and carries consequences. Guilt by association immediately comes to mind. If several people are present when a gossip leaks a juicy tidbit, you may be credited as the source at some later point just because you were present. People’s memories aren’t always accurate.
Of course, the one who suffers most is the subject under discussion. Even if the rumor proves to be just that, the damage has been done. Those who have heard the gossip will be unable to completely erase it from their minds. The consequences for this person might be devastating.
Since no one benefits from gossip, here are three easy steps you can take to avoid this career-killing behavior:
1. Don’t do it yourself–ever. No, you aren’t talking about people for their own good. You’re gossiping. If you really want to help someone, talk to the person directly.
2. When someone tries to gossip with you, you can:
* Walk away
* Change the subject.
* Directly state, “I’m not comfortable talking about __________.”
* Directly state, “I don’t like talking about other people because I don’t like them talking about me.” That’s a conversation ender for sure.
* Reply, “I hadn’t heard that about __________. Let’s go ask him/her.” (Watch a gossip disappear when you say that. Gossips are notorious cowards and dread confronting their subjects.)
3. When someone is gossiping about you, you can:
* Go with the direct approach. Say something such as, “I heard that you’ve been saying the following about me.” Then briefly summarize what you have heard. Next, say, “While I wasn’t there to hear you, I would appreciate your coming to me directly with any questions or comments rather than talking with our coworkers/friends/family/etc.”
* Go with the indirect approach. Say something such as, “I don’t know if you’ve heard the rumors going around about me or not, but they’re really disturbing. If you hear of anyone talking about me, I would appreciate it if you would ask them to stop.”
Just remember, if you don’t gossip, you don’t have to worry about someone betraying your confidence and telling other people what you said.
Remember, too, to distance yourself from gossips since you are known by the companyeep.

Dr. Tim Ong
495
25 7

A couple of days ago, my seven year-old daughter performed in a dance concert. It was her first public performance and we were all very proud of her. She was very excited about it. We know how much she loves to dance.
Her routine was the first performance and we all thought she did rather well and were happy for her. At the end of the concert, my wife presented her with a present, personally wrapped up by her with a beautiful blue coloured wrapper.
To our surprise, my daughter not only did not say thank you to her mother but actually complained about her present. She said she did not like the colour of the wrapper and did not like the present inside it. She was grumpy all the way from the concert hall to our house. This was so unlike her.
The next day, she was still upset. When we invited her out to the shopping complex for a movie, she declined, claiming that she wanted to stay and rest at home.
I knew that something was bothering her and it was not just about the present but I didn’t know what it was. Anyway, the rest of the family went for the movie and had a nice time. Then it struck me that my daughter may have been upset not so much with her present as with herself. Perhaps she had felt that she did not perform as well as she could have. She does have very high expectation of herself and is quite a perfectionist when it comes to her dance.
Once we returned home, my daughter was at the door to greet us. I knew she wanted to talk and took the opportunity to ask her once again why she was upset. I advised her to tell me the real reason why she was upset and when she couldn’t say it, I asked her directly whether she was upset with herself because she thought she did not perform as well as she could have – and she said “yes”.
Once she acknowledged her real feeling, I was able to console her. I told her that we all loved her performance and that it was more important for her to gain experience from her first public performance than to demand a perfect performance from herself.
Then I told her how much her mother has painstakingly chosen a present for her and personally wrapped it up in a beautiful wrapper for her, and that because she had not acknowledged her true feeling to herself and everyone else, she had instead taken out her anger on her mother’s present. In this way, she not only upset herself even more and felt bad about it, she spoilt the occasion for everyone in the family. Perhaps she had reacted unconsciously. We all have this tendency to deny our feelings and lash out at something else instead – children and adults alike – and some poor innocent person unwittingly gets the blame.
I then helped her to realise why it was important that she honestly acknowledge her feelings. The outcome would have been more desirable and the unpleasant feeling would have been resolved much earlier and easier had she been honest about it in the first place. In addition, her mother would not have been hurt by her reaction to her present and she would have had a wonderful day at the movie with us.
By not acknowledging her true feeling, she reacted in a way that created a chain reaction of anger that was directed at everyone in her path and basically created more problems for herself and everyone else. These problems could have been avoided or would not even have existed had she been honest about her feelings from the beginning.
I thought this was an important lesson for her and for everyone, and was glad to have the opportunity to talk to her about it.
P.S. About an hour later after our talk, she came over and whispered a “thank you, daddy” into my ears and I could see that she was back to her normal self again. It was as if a burden has been lifted from her little shoulders.ZZZ

Amy Spade
460
25 7

Having a little bag that you can carry (or have someone in the bridal party carry) with you throughout the wedding day can keep you from worrying about things that may happen, and dealing with them when they do.
Medicine
Although everyone is feeling wonderful on the wedding day, it’s amazing what a few nerves can do to the body. Headaches, upset stomachs, and dizziness can all rear their ugly heads right when you are feeling the most pressure.
And that’s not just the couple.
You may want to keep on hand a few things to keep everyone feeling good, or at least keep them upright throughout the ceremony. A chewable or liquid antacid is a great way to calm any nervous stomachs. Crackers and ginger ale are good though too. For headaches, you can keep some acetaminophen on hand. This is usually gentler on the stomach than ibuprofen, and can be taken without food.
If the bride or bridesmaids should feel dizzy, then have them immediately sit down. Dizziness can be caused by a lot of things-low blood sugar, nerves, and more serious conditions. If the bride or groom should faint, smelling salts can help to revive them.
Bandaids are good too for sore feet in too tight of shoes.
Beauty fixes
For the women, you may want to have a few beauty tools to keep everyone looking their best. Spare lip gloss and balm are good to keep the lips looking good. A translucent face powder will keep the nose and forehead from shining. Always keep a small bottle of clear nail polish as well. This is good for fixing rhinestones that have fallen off dresses to sealing tears in stockings.
A small brush and mirror can also help, while hair spray and extra deodorant are also nice to have on hand. Bobby pins can help most hair crises, but a curling iron can be an asset too.
Miscellaneous
It’s amazing what you may need and never think of. For example, did you think to bring extra straight pins for the corsages or in case the bouquets fell apart? A small sewing kit is good to in order to fix up any small emergencies.
Stain remover and chalk are also good to have on hand. If there should be any stains that need removing, the stain remover is there. If there’s something on the bride’s dress, then you can lightly cover it with the chalk-it works great and won’t hurt the dress.

David Silva
4
25 7

Every marriage has its ups and downs, its rough periods. Even in the best of circumstances, there are going to be difficult times.
People change.
Circumstances change.
Emotions change.
Over time, the natural ebb and flow of everyday life places incredible pressure on a relationship.
Almost unnoticed at first, you begin to think thoughts that had once been unthinkable. “I love him, but I’m not in love with him. Not anymore.” “I’m not attracted to her, not like I was in the beginning.” “Maybe if we separated for awhile …”
The skies can darken in a hurry.
But if you survive these darkest of times, you may find you emerge with a stronger, more trusting relationship than you ever imagined possible.
Here are a few tips that might help you toward that goal …
== Have a clear understanding of your expectations. Couples rarely take the time to discuss how the little things will work. What does romance mean to each of you? How will the finances be handled? How will your children be raised? What role will religion play in your relationship? What makes you feel loved? What hurts you? How will arguments be resolved? How will decisions be made? What do you need from your spouse, what does your spouse need from you?
== Don’t fight unfairly. There will always be disagreements. Deal with the matter at hand. Don’t drudge up all your hurts and disappointments from the past. Those are different matters, to be handled separately, at a different time. Keep focused on the issue under discussion and avoid muddying the waters with generalized personal attacks (“You’re always nagging.” “You never do anything unless I tell you to do it first.”)
== Face the issues that are facing you. Hiding from reality never leads to a happy ending. If you’re experiencing financial problems, admit it, get it out in the open.
== Be honest with yourself. Take a step back and give yourself a good long look in the mirror. If your behavior is undermining your relationship (whether it’s the way you communicate, or how you treat your spouse, or your personal destructive behavior) own up to it.
== Take the initiative. Understand that waiting for your spouse to change first will likely result in no change at all. Actions come first. Thoughts and feelings follow. Change your behaviors and watch your spouse’s behaviors change in response.
== Rebuild compatibility. Time has a way of unveiling the differences between couples, especially when your marriage is in trouble. Seek out those interests you have in common with your spouse. Look for opportunities to share activities together. Perhaps it’s ballroom dancing, or photography, or camping, or trips to the beach.
== Remember what it was like when you were dating. What was it that first attracted you to your spouse? What made you first fall in love? How can those feelings be rekindled?
== Keep your sense of humor. Life is challenging enough without having to live with a brooding, angry spouse. Laugh out loud the way you did when you were a kid. Happiness is a choice. Exercise it.
Marriage is a sacred vow to love your partner for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till … well you know the rest. Unfortunately, for many people, the pressures, challenges, and monotony of married life have doused its wonderful positive aspects.
Maybe it’s time to rekindle the magic.

Kimberly Webb
255
25 7

You have been dating for a few weeks and everything is going great. You have a lot of things in common and you can’t wait to show her off to all your friends. But wait…before you invite her to poker night, take a minute and think about it. Your buddies are great, but what kind of message are they sending to your respective partner? Take out a pen and paper and start jotting down the names of all your friends. Then go through the following list to find out who to invite and who to give a rain check for another day.
The College Buddy- He has been there for you since freshman year. He was with you at every frat party and every early morning class. He remembers every girlfriend and every fling you ever had. Beware of introducing him to your girlfriend however, the last thing that either of you wants is to be reminded of your assorted list of girlfriends and one night stands. Save the meeting for another day.
Your Roommate- The two of you share a bathroom and a fridge together, and probably a lot more. He understands your quirks. He will probably be the first to admit that your feet smell and you can’t cook anything but pizza and cereal. This buddy should be invited to your initial “meet the friends” party however. He will no doubt be around when you bring her home, so it is a good idea to get this meeting out of the way early on. You can pick the date and gain a little control over the situation. Nobody likes to meet someone for the first time when they are in the shower or some other equally embarrassing situation.
Your Married Friends- You had to sit through their four hour wedding, so now its payback time. They all have houses, wives, and maybe even a few kids. You normally see them at backyard cookouts and other get-togethers. They are probably a little more stable than your single friends and understand women a little better (at least we hope). For this reason, I would highly recommend inviting them to meet your new girl. It will help her see that you are capable of settling down. If they have some pictures of you playing water tag with the kids at the last party, you get bonus points.
With a little bit of planning you can make the meeting great for everybody involved. Pick a nice public place which will make everyone feel more comfortable. Good luck and relax, you will do great and your friends will love her!Z

Dr. Robert Huizenga
100
25 7

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.
Outrage can be intense: “How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don’t spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?” On and on.
Cheating husbands and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesn’t make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.
Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.
You saw clearly the signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.
Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It’s intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.

Martin Smith
16
25 7

At first dating is fun but as you go on it’s so easy to fall into a rut. A night at home with rental movies or a dinner out or a movie is all you ever seem to do and you are getting bored. The boredom most likely is not because of whom you are with, it could be that you have fallen into a comfortable rut.
There are so many options of things to do but sometimes people are afraid to try something new. I don’t like it, now what? What do I do if I like it and she doesn’t? Fun and excitement can be apart of your life again don’t give up. Since you and your dating partner have common interests let’s take a look at all the various kinds of dates that you create.
Let’s take a look at general types of dates and try to expand on them. There are movie dates, dinner dates, and dancing dates. At best, they would make a very short date, by themselves. Do you think a dinner and a movie or a movie and dinner at club that has dancing is a good idea? Going to one of the many movies or going to clubs that cater to various genres could be fun.
How about a game of billiards? If you both have connections to a Church, church activities could be interesting for you. Concerts by Christian singers and/or bands hold concerts all over the place. You could try attending something similar to a Billy Graham Crusade or a rally. A Church or Temple will be able to tell you what is available for young people or young adult couples, if you are not Christian.
If you go to any type of concert it could be interesting, you might find a type of music you never thought you’d like. Another idea might be going to the theater. Something that is even more fun are dinner theaters. Shows like Disney on Ice and Stars on Ice are fun, and so are plays. Going for ice cream or a walk on the beach is a simple date.
Are at least one of you, if not both of you athletically inclined? Running together could be fun. It might be interesting to try hiking in an area you’ve never been to before. Dusting off your bikes and going for a ride instead of using your car, especially with gas prices so high.
Aside from the fact that it is fun; it is physical and it gets you to where you want to go. A walk in the summer rain, horseback riding, and roller blading can be fun. You don’t really just want to stay home do you? Rent a movie you haven’t seen or rent a favorite romantic movie. Try playing games such as Chess or backgammon or how about Jenga which is a puzzle game, they can be fun.
Do you like intellectual stuff? Lectures and museums are interesting and a lot of fun. Do you know of a planetarium nearby? A way of not having to go outside is to go to a planetarium. A day trip can be fun, and for New Englander’s Boston, Massachusetts is a good bet.
Boston boasts of the Science Museum, the Children’s Museum and the famed Freedom Walk. The Freedom Walk will take you by the original Cheers bar. For something fun and educational, go to the zoo. A visit to the Public Gardens or Art Exhibits can be very relaxing. Is your guy into automobiles?
Stock car races are an option as are monster truck rallies. Do you enjoy any crafts? A craft fair may have lessons in crafts such as scrap booking which is something a guy could get into that isn’t just a ‘girly’ activity. Try cooking together it can be fun.
Try taking classes together, such as a cooking or pottery class. Learning something about another person is the whole point of dating. Try bringing your date along once or twice if you volunteer visiting nursing homes. Trying all these different things will help you both decide on things you both enjoy.
Sometimes though it is a good idea to do something you may not like a whole lot so that your date at least knows you care about them and the things they like. Dating can be disastrous but it can have its perks too. You may have only one date or a first date over and over. A wonderful relationship is possible if you are mutually respectful of the others needs and interests of the other and can compromise without resentment.
If dating doesn’t lead to a marriage this is a possible. Wonderful friendships can be developed. Work on one date at a time. It is important to learn to trust and respect one another. Live life and enjoy each other. Have fun and enjoy your life. Although dating is a challenge understand that before you kiss your prince, you may have to kiss a bunch of frogs.

Dakota Caudilla
160
25 7

When it comes to buying the perfect engagement ring, we know that it’s as important as the marriage proposal, and it’s also as important as the wedding reception itself. Since this engagement ring is going to be something that reminds you of something sweet, a cherished moment in your life, the engagement ring should be absolutely nothing short of perfect.
It’s not hard to find an engagement ring of your choice. You can find fabulous engagement rings on the Internet or by visiting a local jewelry store near you, but this is a fact – when it comes to buying engagement rings, it’s not WHAT you know about engagement rings, diamonds and the quality of gold that matters, it’s WHO the engagement seller is and his reputation in the engagement ring sector.
Regardless of how successful the engagement ring seller is, a dishonest engagement ring seller will always try his or her best to fool you about the quality and price of the engagement rings he or she sells. This is to ensure highest possible profit. Even the most experienced and established engagement dishonest ring retailer will try to do this.
However, there’s a handful of honest engagement ring sellers who will give you a fabulous deal even if you know NOTHING about engagement rings. Their focus is not to fool you once-off. But the most important trait that an honest engagement ring seller has is that he or she is trying to give you value for money and build trust and a long-term relationship with you. They want you to take the engagement ring home, show it off to your friends and relatives, and then give good reviews about where you got the engagement ring and what a great deal you got for the engagement ring. It’s in their interest that you buy one engagement ring, and come back for the wedding ring. It’s to their benefit that you trust and have confidence in them that you recommend the engagement ring store to your sister, cousin, aunts and uncles so that they will buy their engagement rings, wedding rings, and jewelry from them.
All jewelers and engagement ring retailers have access to the same pool of diamond and gold resources in the country. The difference is in the seller and how much profit they want to make from you for the sale of the engagement ring.
Finally, be sure to shop around a little bit more before you buy the engagement ring. Most jewelry shops carry the same or similar (if not better) design of engagement rings and you can find different pricing for them somewhere else. And have fun shopping around too!Z

Julia Tanner
417
25 7

Anywhere that you feel safe and secure is a great place to swing, in my opinion. And clubs can be that great place.
Not only are you in an environment that is totally supportive, but there aren’t games to be played or expectations. You come when you’re ready to come, and you play as much as you want.
Are These Places Dirty?
Unlike a lot of the sex clubs, swingers clubs are filled with clean cut, professional men and women. The general age of members is anywhere from late twenties to mid-fifties, so you’re sure to feel at home with one of the age groups.
Many of the swingers clubs have dress codes that are strictly enforced. Of course, they may have theme nights from time to time, but most of the time, it’s completely option.
But a lot of fun.
And as for the ‘dirty’ part, it depends on what you’re using for a definition. If you’re talking about breaching sexual borders and allowing couples to mingle, then yes, they are ‘dirty.’ If you’re talking about the physical presence of dirt, then no, these are high-class establishments that have to follow health code rules, just like everyone else.
Are The Clubs Safe To Go To?
Swingers clubs employ a staff of security to help you in case you should feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
The staff at most of the clubs are easily available if you have any questions, plus many require you to call ahead to have an on-phone interview. This ensures that you are a couple that will fit in with everyone else, as well as follow the rules that you are given.
If you do get turned down for a club, then you may want to revaluate why you want to try swinging in the first place. Or try another club.
Where Can I Find Swingers Clubs?
Word of mouth and local advertising are the best ways to find local swinger events. In some cities, there may not be clubs that are listed, but through the local adult video store, you may be able to find listings for swinger parties.
Be very discerning about which events you choose to go to. Call the coordinator and ask a lot of questions. If they hesitate or refuse to answer things, then you may want to avoid their party.
Do I Have To Do Anything?
This is the biggest question of swingers clubs-do you have to participate in the sexual fun?
Of course not.
Many couples go to meet other couples at a later time. Or some other folks just go to watch couples mingle with one another. The level of your participation is up to your comfort level.
Most clubs have polices about not pressuring other members, so you can feel at ease from the time you walk in to the time that you leave.
A swingers club can be a great way to celebrate your sexual identity without having to ‘do’ anything. Many couples find that this is the perfect method to sample the swinging life to see if it’s something that will work for them.
And without names, you can be anonymous as wellZZZ

Rod Froseth
686
25 7

These cheap date ideas are by no means second-rate. If you’re a real romantic, you know that romantic living need not be expensive. Rather, it’s simple, but a little involved as you’ll see in these 21 cheap romantic date ideas.
What makes a date romantic is not how extravagant the price tag is but how much you reveal of yourself and how creatively you interact with one-another. Most free romantic date ideas are far more enjoyable than their pay counterparts. These cheap date ideas require something of your creative, and sometimes wild and risky side. One or two are downright outrageous. You’ll enjoy!
Cheap Date Idea #1
Pay your local library a visit, and ask the librarian where you can read aloud. Choose an engaging mystery or steamy romance and spend the afternoon reading aloud to one-another.
Cheap Date Idea #2
Take two pads of lined paper, some nice pens and visit a quiet coffee shop. Order two cappuccinos, and write the stories of your lives. After one hour, read them aloud to one-another. Then ask lots of questions.
Cheap Date Idea #3
Take a digital camera, go to a downtown or busy area of town and make believe that you are paparazzi, gathering as many candid shots of interesting people as you can. Next date, see number four.
Cheap Date Idea #4
Upload your paparazzi shots which you took in number three to a computer either at home or at an internet cafe and write fantastic or crazy news stories incorporating the photos. Email them to a friend or post them on a free web site and send friends a link.
Cheap Date Idea #5
Take some nice watercolor paper or sketch pads with brushes, paints and pencils and go to a town square or park. Situate yourself at a table or bench and find something beautiful in your surrounding to paint or sketch. Sign and exchange your works and post them at home or work.
Cheap Date Idea #6
Here’s a romantic date idea for when you don’t know one-another well. Go to a cemetery where your relatives are buried, plant flowers and share with your sweetheart some stories about your family history.
Cheap Date Idea #7
Take bicycles or roller blades, pack a lunch and choose an easy trail ride or wander through some country roads. Stop often when you find something interesting to look at or just to rest and talk.
Cheap Date Idea #8
Visit an art museum, conservatory or botanical garden and pretend it’s your first date. Unless of course it is your first date, then you won’t need to pretend. Stop to sit on every bench, hold hands and kiss.
Cheap Date Idea #9
Get tickets to a local high school or college musical or drama performance. Ask the stars of the show for their autographs on your program. Afterward, go for a walk in the dark.
Cheap Date Idea #10
When in season, go to a strawberry patch or apple orchard and pick a few baskets of your own. Have a cup of coffee and enjoy some of your freshly-picked fruit. Finally, return home with your produce and create a special fresh-fruit-in-season dessert.
Cheap Date Idea #11
Visit an invalid or elderly person in your neighborhood, and plant some flowers in their yard or flower box for them. Stop in and share a cup of tea to brighten their day.
Cheap Date Idea #12
Stay Home! If you’re married-with-children, send the kids out to a babysitter and just stay home. Order some Chinese take-out, leave the TV off and spend some really intimate time together.
Cheap Date Idea #13
Make a trip to the grocery store and pick up some creative pizza ingredients. Take your groceries home and assemble your masterpiece pizza together. Choose a CD of music from your youth, light candles and enjoy.
Cheap Date Idea #14
Check with your local parks and recreation for the schedule of summer dramatic and musical performances in the parks. Prepare a picnic supper, take in the concert, then go for a quiet stroll after the show.
Cheap Date Idea #15
Get your school district’s community education program literature and choose a class on a subject about which you know absolutely nothing. Attend together. You’ll be surprised at what you’ve been missing.
Cheap Date Idea #16
Check your yellow pages for the locations of two or three used book stores. Visit them together and unearth some literary treasures. Stop at a coffee shop and examine your finds over a cappuccino.
Cheap Date Idea #17
Pick up your Sunday newspaper and look up the local parade of new homes. Get in the car and visit three of the most expensive homes making believe that you’re really rich. Be careful that you don’t sign anything! Afterward, stop at a service station to pick up their 3 for $1 hot dog special and a Coke.
Cheap Date Idea #18
Call your local college or university and inquire about their film society’s schedule. Take in a screening of a foreign or art film and join the discussion group afterward. You’ll enjoy the departure from the usual theater and DVD fare.
Cheap Date Idea #19
Take your digital camera, choose 10 or 12 unusual or even bizarre locations and ask a stranger at each location to take a picture of the two of you. Go home and prepare an album of your day out or post them on a free website and send friends a link.
Cheap Date Idea #20
Go to a second hand clothing store together and select an outfit for each other without the other knowing what it is. Exchange outfits, and change into them. Go out for an inexpensive romantic dinner and find out how merciful (or not!) the other is.
Cheap Date Idea #21
Here’s our simplest, yet most traditional and romantic cheap date idea. On a hot August night, take a stroll to your favorite ice cream shop. Get a cone or sundae and stroll down the city street to check out the shop windows.
Add your own, but mostly be together. Enjoy your dates!
Rod Froseth

Jay Timms, BMT; Lawrence Stoyanowski, M.Sc.; MFT, Darren Wilk, MA.
601
25 7

Call it a fight, call it a discussion, call it whatever you want. But let’s be honest. The truth is that in every marriage there is fighting. No matter what you think, there is no such thing as the Cleavers or the Cosbys. That being said, if it happens in every marriage, why is it that there are some couples who seem to enter and exit the ring gracefully while others seem like there is never a break between rounds? The reason is that some people have learned the secrets behind fighting well and others are just swinging away hoping to connect.
Whether you have been married 20 years or 20 minutes, learning to fight well can be the difference between being one of the most rewarding experiences of marriage and the most challenging.
What fight do you want to fight?
Let’s clarify what was said previously. Everyone fights, but you may not actually know it. Even if you are in the relationship. There are basically 2 types of fighters; the Screamers and the Sweepers.
What does a screamer sound like?
This is the couple that nobody doubts is having problems. They are the ones that fight over the smallest things, and these small things turn into World War III. The fights turn brutal fast and leave deep wounds that are still raw as the next fight starts. They fight about the same thing over and over and never seem to solve a thing.
How deep is the carpet you sweep under?
These couples do have conflicts, but they keep it quiet. From the neighbors, from the family, and even from themselves. When a conflict arises, these people will quickly and effectively avoid the conflict and will work around it. When they come into therapy, generally these people will talk about conflicts that were never resolved 10 years ago that their partner didn’t even know was a problem.
Why do so many couples fight?
Here is the problem. There really are 3 things working against you in this relationship.
What family tree did you fall from?
First is that neither one of you grew up in the same family. Maybe your family was the kind of family that was loud and outgoing, always doing things together, and constantly moving, whereas your partner came from a family where spending time together meant that they were in the same room together listening to the same clock ticking in the corner. It may not have been quite that extreme, but you get the point.
Are you a fruit?
Secondly, no two people in the world have had exactly the same experiences and thoughts as another person. Our experiences tend to form who we are and how we see life. Therefore, no two people in or out of a relationship will ever see their relationship exactly the same. It is like trying to compare apples to oranges.
What planet are you on?
Finally, there is one overlying theme that hangs over all of us in traditional relationships. One of us is male and the other is female. Period. Although we are not from different planets as you may have heard, society expects different things from us and we therefore have different goals and expectations about relationships and our roles in them.
Knowing that there are such strong, lifelong habits and traits that we are dealing with, it should be
Why do we loose control?
When we fight, something interesting happens in our bodies. For most people, fighting isn’t just an exchange of words. It is an emotional event that happens and is felt throughout our bodies.
Emotion types
There are two types of emotions. Primary and secondary. Secondary emotions are emotions that come after the main emotion occurs. In essence, it is a reaction to the reaction.
When people come into a session, most often we hear “She pissed me off”, or “He made me so mad”. That is not the real emotion. That is the reaction to the emotion. The primary emotion is hurt, disappointment, or rejection. It is important that this distinction be made.
Chemical Confusion
Part of the problem when we fight is that too often we are dealing with the secondary emotions. We have felt something strongly like rejection or betrayal, and then our bodies automatically go into defensive mode. Our brains release chemicals that put us on alert and do not allow proper functioning of brain processing.
What we need to realize is that people who work off of secondary emotions do not actually see reality because their brains cannot function properly with the chemicals that are being produced. Our natural response is to retaliate without thought. How can you fight effectively when your brain is not functioning? You can’t! That is why you need to be able to see clearly enough to fight.
This is just not natural!
Why is it that fighting well is so difficult? Even the most practiced couple makes mistakes at times and seems to go backwards. What needs to be understood is that it is not natural to have the kind of conversations that will make marriages work. Our natural reaction is to fight or run.
So what we are doing is trying go against what our animal instincts are telling us to do. What needs to happen is that we need to transcend that instinct and move to a higher level and do things that feel difficult and unnatural.
Other Topics in this Series
1) Check Out Time
2) Kitchen Sinking
3) Sucker Punch
4) Setting the Rules
…and many more
Topics discussed here are not intended to replace professional counselling. For further information, more articles like this and downloadable audio files relating to marriage topics, see www.bestmarriages.com. ZZ

Frank Stone
289
25 7

I know some of you are probably saying to yourselves “I can’t afford a videographer, I’ll just have my uncle Bill do it for free.”. Well actually Videography is not as expensive as you might think, and your uncle Bill should be a guest at your wedding having a good time and not having to work.Videography is one of those businesses that has benefited greatly by advances in technology. The equipment has become more readily available, better quality, easier to use, and more adaptable to the wedding environment.
Videography is one of those things that you get what you pay for. On the other hand, you don’t have to pay a huge amount to get a great video. I have been a videographer since the old days when Super VHS cameras where the main camera in the industry. At that time the editing decks were
also more expensive and more limited in their abilities. Today any good videographer worth his money is using a digital camera and a digital editor. There are a few things to consider when choosing a videographer; Price,Equipment, Choices, and last but certainly not least, personality.
Like I said before price is a big factor in everyone’s life, especially when it comes to a big ticket event like a wedding.
You have hundreds of expenses, and countless choices as to what stays in and what goes out. Let me tell you that some times some people spend way too much on a photographer, and nothing at all on a videographer. That is not a very good choice. Photography is a very important things to have, don’t get me wrong, but if you do some shopping around you can afford both. The beauty of video is that you don’t have to rely on your recollection of the event by looking at motionless soundless still shots. You pop in your DVD, and instantly you are back at your wedding day.
You can see yourself and your guests laughing and having fun. If any of your relatives are in another country or state and couldn’t make it to your wedding, you can send them the entire wedding on DVD instead of picking just a few pictures. We also specialize in making photo montages on DVD or VHS which are also very popular to send to relatives. On one DVD you can put hundreds of digital pictures. If you shop around a little you can find a professional videgrapher that will create a fantastic video for you at a reasonable price. We have packages starting at $350 and going up from there depending on how much you want done. I will warn you that some videographers think they are Spielberg and will want to charge you $5000. If your budget can accommodate that then that’s wonderful, but most people cannot. Most professional Videographers using
3 chip digital cameras as we do, and using computer non-linear editing software as we do, will charge you anywhere between $500 to $1000 for a wedding. Anything above or below that I suggest you give it a second look. If its too cheap then its someone just breaking into the business and you wont be happy with the results, and if its too high then you will probably be over paying.
The next thing you should look at is Equipment. Are they using the latest digital equipment or some dusty old cameras from the disco days and over charging for their work. Believe it or not there are still some Videographers out there using the old VHS cameras and selling themselves for top dollar. It’s a case of caveat emptor (let the buyer beware). Find out what type of equipment they are using. The standard in the industry today is to use a 3 chip digital DV camera. DV Format is the best and Digital is obviously better then analog. The 3 chip refers to the inside of the camera having 3 separate computer chips that split up the visual spectrum and create a sharper and more vibrant image. For editing non-linear computer editing is the only way to go. Anything else is old and will not give you the most for your money.
Choices comes down to what will this company do for you. With our company for example we have packages that are suited to just about every budget, but since everyone is different we are able to customize each package to suit the needs of the client. With some companies the packages are written in stone and cannot be modified and there are no substitutions.
Personality is an easy one. Talk to the person who is actually going to shoot your wedding. Meet them, ask them questions Do you like them? Can you get along with them? Remember your wedding day is a very stressful day. You want to be surrounded by people whose personalities you can get along with. I believe you need all the professionals at your wedding to be team players. They all need to work together to make your day wonderful, yet get their individual jobs done. You don’t want to be pulling out your hair because the person you hired to do a job doesn’t know what to do. Hire someone who you feel comfortable with and who has experience. I myself have over 15 years experience as a wedding videographer and I can assure you that I have seen everything there is to see under the sun, and the only way to get through it is to keep a cool head.
In short, I just want to encourage you all to keep the video in your budget. Hire a professional company that is knowledgeable, and is reasonable priced, and that you feel comfortable with, and you will have a great video that you and your future kids and grandkids will enjoy. Best of luck.

Sharon Alger
9
25 7

So, you’ve decided to join a dating website. You’re hoping someone out there will find something interesting about you and try to get to know you better.
Many members worry about appearing ‘desperate’ or over keen. This can mean putting in less effort into a profile in a bid to ‘play it cool’. Of course, nobody wishes to be seen as desperate. However, keep this in mind: how will others know what you want, if you don’t ask for it? How will they ever appreciate your finer qualities if you remain tightlipped?
Therefore, to be successful in the online dating world, your profile is highly important. Members search through a large number of profiles on these sites. If there is little information about a prospective date, then they are more than likely to skim over an empty profile as quickly as possible. Look at this as a great chance to sell yourself!
The first aspect of your profile to consider should be your photo. No matter how much emphasis people put on the importance of personality, the old expression, ‘it’s nice to put a face to a name’ couldn’t be more apt.
Physical appearance plays a big part in the real world, when first becoming attracted to someone. Also, it helps to ensure that people will remember you. The golden rule when posting photos on dating sites is obvious – BE HONEST. We’ve all heard stories of people who’ve posted a photo that is ten or twenty years old. Or worse still, a photo of someone else entirely! Now, if you never intend to meet someone, then this is not a problem. But let’s be realistic – you wouldn’t be on a dating site if you weren’t hoping to meet someone!
A misleading photo causes all sorts of unnecessary problems on a first date. You will have your date questioning your honesty. You want to turn up for dates relaxed, with your best attitude put forward. Still not convinced? Just think how you would feel, if you were deceived by a photo, and that should be incentive enough for you to be accurate.
So what if you’ve gained a few pounds? Aged a bit? Give yourself some credit, you’re still a beautiful person, and sure to be someone’s ideal ‘type’. So, try to get a recent photo of yourself, looking the best you can. Avoid shots that are so dark or distant that no one can see your face. People will only see either an insecure person, or someone who has something to hide and move on. Just think how frustrated and disinterested you’d be if you came across such a picture.
Let’s talk about location. How much information is right? Obviously, for safety reasons you aren’t going to put your address into your profile. Apart from this, put as much detail as you feel comfortable with. At least, put the state you live in. at most, your suburb. Anything in between (such as the city your suburb is located in) is also fine. We all know this, but it bears repeating, do not put your phone number on any public site.
It will save everyone a great deal of time if you are open and honest about your sexual preference.
Talk about your interests and hobbies. Don’t just leave it blank! And don’t worry if they don’t seem interesting enough. This is who you are. If you are honest and forthcoming with this information, you will be more likely to attract the type of person you are after. For example, if you were the district running champion in high school, but never intend to run again, don’t put it in as a hobby! To put in hobbies you have no interest in, in the hope of appearing more impressive, will only attract people you have nothing in common with in the here and now.
So, if you like quiet nights in, say so! Try to paint a rich and detailed picture of what the real you likes to do.
You also really need to share a part of your personality with your audience. What are your beliefs? What are you looking for in a person? Also, if you feel you have special qualities such as a sense of humour or kind nature, try to write your profile in a way that sincerely reflects that.
You are now ready to make your first attempt at creating a winning profile! Remember, you just need to keep it honest and current. You need to show you’ve made some level of effort to let members know who the real you is. And when in doubt, remind yourself: give the sort of information you yourself would be wanting to know about when looking at other members. Good luZZZZZZ