Online Dating

Martin Smith
430
25 7

At any age both men and women find dating a challenge. Ladies, you worry about your make-up, whether you look fat, and your hair. Men worry about money, whether they will like the woman, and if their tie (if they are wearing one) is straight. Being liked and accepted is something both men and women worry about.
Your date can be less stressful if you do some things believe it or not. Make your date as comfortable as possible. It may seem like your date is on trial if you throw a lot of questions at them. Make most of your questions open-ended and let the conversation happen naturally. Questions that only need yes and no answers are fine occasionally but they can lead to tension and stilted conversation.
Forcing conversation doesn’t work. “Relax, be yourself and you’ll be fine.” is something people hear a lot. Sharing your interests with your date is fine but don’t forget to listen to them as well. You and your date will probably be nervous so try to relax, if you can. Is one of the most important things you can do.
You should definitely not do certain things on a date. Complaining and groaning about your ex all night will make them wonder what you will say about them, also do not talk all night about yourself. A lot of questions shouldn’t be asked as this is not the inquisition. Don’t be late, pick up your date on time and be ready to be picked up on time.
Don’t forget to say thank you for a good time for your date, it is important. An important part of dating is getting to know your date and your date getting to know you. You might want to try some that you have not done up until now. Alternate who decides where you are going, you could learn something new and you could just learn something very interesting.
An important concern, perhaps the most important is dating safety. With all the ways there are now to meet people, those with less than good intentions find it easier to act on them. Men pay attention because the suggestions that follow are addressed to women but you could be target too.
Go only to public places not isolated ones for the first few dates. You can do things to keep yourself safe besides meeting someone you’ve talked to online, in a very public place. Have friends to the same place and have them keep you in their sight at all times, do not go alone. The nice guy you met at the library may seem sweet but he may not be.
If you feel uncomfortable in any way, listen to your instincts and do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. Learn as much as you can about your date. Do you know where he lives? How does he make his living? Do not consider continuing to date him if he doesn’t want to tell you. Even if your date is the most wonderful person, be careful if they refuse to share personal information.
Offering too much information, I suppose could be a warning sign too. Although date rape drugs are put in alcoholic beverages; it can also be put tea, water, coffee, and soda. They could go in almost any beverage. If you leave the table it is a good reason to have a friend nearby to keep an eye on your table and on your date.
Consuming too much alcohol is never a good idea. If you are driving this is most important but you will want to keep your wits about you. The use of any safety device you can is good but keep it legal. Whether you are male or female a cell phone is the most important tool to have, because your car can be in an accident or breakdown. A cell phone could bring help that much quicker.
Your phone should be programmed so that only one number press is required to reach 911. You can program most cell phones with a particular key that when pressed dials 911 automatically. Cell phones have GPS capability programmed into them. Pepper sprays and high decibel personal alarms are two other safety tools.
Check with your local police and attorney to determine what is acceptable in your community. In many places pepper sprays are banned. Whether dating or not other safety advice is never go anywhere unfamiliar alone. Your seat belt should always be worn. If you are ordered to go with someone with a weapon some suggest that you take a stand right away.
To become safe scream, yell, bite, or kick, do anything you have to do. Aim for the eyes and the groin. Take the heel of your hand and shove it as hard as you can into the assailant’s nose. This next thing is something to do in almost any situation not just dating. Never give anyone too much personal information, be careful about how much you tell them.
I remember when personal safety wasn’t always a serious matter. Over powering someone and covering up crimes has developed new methods. Keep yourself safe by always letting someone know who you are going out with and where you are going.
Z

Bob Curtis
1
25 7

When we first meet someone, regardless of the way or medium that we meet, we are either attracted or not. Attraction, when pursued, eventually grows into levels of friendship and then may cross the barriers we build up, to protect ourselves, and grow into love.
Attraction usually involves an instant decision of like or dislike, based on our own subconscious criteria. If we meet someone in person, we tend to size them up physically. If we meet through letters or phone conversation or internet chat, we tend to size them up, over a longer term, by how well they converse and how interesting (or complimentary) they are while we interact with them.
It is true that people can act however they want, be whatever they want to be, over the internet. But eventually the true person leaks through the cracks and we begin to see their true self. Moral of the story? It’s best to be your real self. You may eventually want to meet the person on the other end of the conversation.
On the other hand, when you do meet the ‘real’ person on the other end, remember that you have grown to like that person because of what’s inside their mind and heart. You have found a potential ’soul mate’ who thinks as you think and feels much the same way that you feel.
No one is perfect. We all have our own flaws and shortcomings. The concept of finding the ‘right’ person is good. The concept of finding the ‘perfect’ person is improbable and discouraging, because ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist.
The way this person looks, their physical appearance, isn’t as important as their inner looks, or soul. What we see is what we get, and hopefully the heart ranks the highest. We fall in love with someone’s soul, not the shape or size of their body. And although a certain number of things can be done to improve physical appearance, that shouldn’t be our main criteria or requirement for friendship or companionship.
We fall in love with their heart. With their inner self. With their true being. And that’s what matters moZZZZZ

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
673
25 7

In my counseling work, I often work with clients who have a deep fear of commitment. These individuals generally say that they want to be in a loving relationship, yet they keep picking “the wrong people.”
Susan, 38, sought my help because she was in two relationships at the same time. This didn’t feel right to her, so she knew that she had to make a choice. Yet she could not seem to decide which relationship was right for her.
Susan had been in a relationship with Shawn for two years. Shawn, 43, was a delightful man, fun loving and sweet. However, Shawn would emotionally disappear for long periods of time, and he was clear that he did not want children – which was very important to Susan. In addition, Shawn was always living on the edge financially.
Then Susan met Calvin, who was totally different than Shawn. Calvin stayed emotionally present, had a job he loved and made very good money, and wanted to have children. Susan was very attracted to Calvin and in her heart she knew that he was a much better choice for her than Shawn. Yet she could not seem to let go of Shawn.
As we explored the situation, it became apparent that Susan couldn’t let go of Shawn because she was terrified of commitment. With Shawn there was no chance of being in a committed relationship – he was not really available. Yet Susan felt “safe” with Shawn. Safe from what?
Susan discovered that she was terrified of really being in love, which was a possibility with Calvin but not with Shawn. In her mind, being in love meant losing her freedom. When she thought of being with Calvin, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her concept of a loving relationship was that, “You are together all the time. I couldn’t just go and be with my friends or take a vacation with a friend. Commitment means giving up freedom.”
No wonder she felt safe with Shawn! As long as Susan felt she had to give herself up to be in a loving relationship, she would not be able to make a commitment.
Douglas, 34, another client of mine, has the exact same problem. When he is in a relationship, he is a very “nice guy.” He tends to try to please his partner because, in his mind, taking care of himself and doing the things he wants to do is selfish. Yet, in giving himself up to his partner, he ends up resenting her and ending the relationship. Like Susan, he is operating under the false belief that he has to give up his personal freedom to be in a loving relationship.
Both Susan and Douglas have a major false belief that is causing their fear of commitment: that loving another person means doing what that person wants instead of staying true to themselves and taking loving care of themselves. They both have a false definition of selfish. They think they are being selfish if they take care of themselves instead of care-take their partners. I offered them this definition of selfish:
Selfish is when you expect someone else to give themselves up for you – to not do what they want to do and instead do what you want them to do. Selfish is when you do not support others in taking loving care of themselves and instead expect them to take care of you.
Giving yourself up is a form of control. You want to control how the other person feels about you by doing what they want you to do. When you do what another person wants you to do from love and caring, with no agenda to get their approval, you feel wonderful. But when you give yourself up from fear of your partner’s anger or withdrawal, you will feel trapped and resentful. To be in a committed relationship, your first commitment needs to be to yourself – to your truth, integrity and freedom.
Learning to take loving care of yourself is the key to healing a fear of commitment. When you are taking loving care of yourself, you will be filled with love and you will have much love to share with your pa

April Masini
650
25 7

If you are ready to start winning in the dating world, follow this simple strategy for success:
Lesson 1: First Impressions
They are immediate, long lasting, and usually permanent. Regardless of how great you are, and no matter how sweet you can be once someone gets to know you, the reality is, your dating success will be based almost entirely upon the other person’s initial sense of who and what you are.
Lesson 2: If you want the part, look the part
Statistics show that how we appear speaks more about us, and is more important, than what we say verbally.
Lesson 3: Act the part
It is a fact that in our personal affairs, as in all our business dealings, we sell ourselves first. Poor attitude, image, and behavior will adversely affect your dating success, just as it will negatively affect your success in business.
Lesson 4: Be the part.
The initial impression you make on a prospective date predicts whether she (or he) will take the time to get to know you. Dating, as well as business, is all about sales. You must think of yourself as a product and the person you want to date as the buyer.
Lesson 5: Dating is about sales and sales is a numbers game
If you want to multiply your success immediately in dating (or just about anything else), learn, understand, and embrace the concept behind “the numbers game.” Accept and follow these tenets:
* You are a product
* You are the product’s salesperson, its packager, and its advertiser.
* The person you’re trying to attract is your customer. They make their buying decisions based upon presentation, packaging, and advertising.
* The world’s best salespeople don’t have a 100 percent sales rate, a 75 percent rate, a 50 percent or even a 25 percent rate. The world’s best salespeople are lucky to maintain a 10 percent sales rate and count themselves lucky if one out of every ten “pitches” results in a sale.
Lesson 6: Confidence = success
The number one quality both men and women seek in a date or a mate is confidence. Confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salesmen must possess in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from someone who has no confidence in themselves or the products they represent.
Lesson 7: Establish a goal
A confident person is one with a plan and a goal. What’s yours?
Lesson 8: Know your target market and give them what they want
Understand to whom you are trying to sell yourself and what they are interested in buying.
Lesson 9: Analyze the competition and do things better than they do
Just as you would study a competitor in business or a rival sports team, study your dating competition if you want to win!
Lesson 10: Take action and follow through
Deal with your fear of rejection. Stop investing your energy and self-worth in outcomes. Instead ofthinking of ‘misses’ as ‘failures,’ think of them as ‘practice shots’. Dating is a process. Stop placing so much importance on what the person you are interested in thinks of you. After all, you don’t know if you would even like them once you get to know them, do you?
Set small goals and accomplish them, one by one. Get passionate about your goals and your life. Enthusiasm is contagious, if you are excited about your life, people will be excited about being with you.
Dress for success. Always put your best foot forward And don’t forget to perfect your sales pitch. If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same result.
Bonus Lesson: Live as if there may be no tomorrow
Realize there are no guarantees, no dress rehearsals, and (usually) no second chances. Make each day “your day,” one in which you did all that you could do.

Ruby Boyd
591
25 7

There are many positive correlations between love, sex and health.
Being so, it has produced many questions…..

Have you wondered if an active sex life can truly alleviate pain?

Do sexually active people have fewer colds and bouts of flu?

Is it true that married people live longer than single or
divorced people?

Can an active sex life help prevent disease and illnesses by
strengthening our immune system?

I have these answers and more, read on….

An active sex life is both stimulating and rejuvenating to the
glandular system. When we make love the pituitary gland, the
thyroid gland, the adrenal glands, the prostate and testes in
men, and the ovaries in women are thoroughly exercised. The net
result is that people in love look and feel better about themselves.

Activation of the sex center in the brain has health effects on other
brain centers. Every cell in the body gets this message and is
strengthened by it.

An active sex life strengthens our immune system. Scientists have
compared the nerve endings of happy, loving and sexually-fulfilled
people with unhappy and sexually-unfulfilled people. Apparently,
large numbers of immune-system cells were gathered near the nerve
endings in the “happy” people. A similar microscopic exam of
“unhappy” and depressed persons showed no such gathering of immune-
system cells.

Scientists theorized that the nerve endings in the “happy” group were
releasing neurotransmitters. These are chemicals, like adrenalin and
acetylcholine, that facilitate the transmission of nerve messages.

Scientists concluded that these neurotransmitters could attract, feed, and strengthen the various immune-system cells. During sex, the heart beats twice as fast, pumping blood to the pelvis, breasts, nipples, and surface of the skin, helping get rid of toxins and bringing in nutrients.

We also breath twice as fast, bringing in more oxygen. Muscles are
tensed and relaxed, alternatively. Of course, not much good is realized by those who rush through lovemaking in ten minutes or less. But for those who spend a leisurely hour or two, the benefits can be
considerable.

You, and you alone can determine the success or failure of your sex and love life; your physical, mental and spiritual health; and almost every other aspect of your life.

Amy Lee Johnson
475
25 7

How can there be a wedding without wedding speeches? The bride’s father is the first to do the honors, followed by the groom and then by the Best Man. At some weddings even the maid of Honor may be asked to speak a few words. The guests wait for the speeches to end before heading for the bar, and joining the celebrations.
It is not that wedding speeches are not fun. They are. Good speeches can add life and zest to wedding celebrations. But these speeches are few and far between. The majority of the speeches fall flat, because the speaker has not made adequate preparations.
Most wedding speeches are today delivered as a ritual. The bride’s father is too busy making arrangements and has not spent sufficient time reciting his lines; the groom is too overwhelmed by the occasion to stand up and deliver; and the Best Man is busy enjoying the attention to worry about the speech.
So, what should be done? Should the guests suffer the speeches in silence at wedding after wedding? Or should the speakers realize the importance of the occasion and do justice to the responsibility entrusted to them?
The speakers clearly must rise to the occasion. They must put in the same effort in their speeches as the families of the bride and groom have done in making the wedding arrangements. They must remember that they have not been asked to deliver an impromptu or an extempore speech. They had enough time and warning to get their speeches ready. Now that the time has come they must not let the guests down.
The best wedding speeches, of course, are those that are delivered at the spur of the moment. But those who are gifted give these speeches. The rest have to work hard to prepare their speeches. They must spend some time putting their thought on paper, ideally at least a month before the big day.
When doing so they should not look for smart one-liners to liven up their speeches but talk about the groom, the bride, the family and friends. The speech should not forget the guests who have taken time off their busy schedules to be present for the wedding. It’s a great family occasion, and the speeches must capture this spirit.
A good idea is to rehearse the wedding speeches. This helps eliminate unnecessary words or sentences. The speaker does not have to stutter to locate a word or a sentence. His thoughts flow smoothly. More important, they are suited to the occasion, and add to overall joy and festivities.

Christine Smith
545
25 7

Emotional abuse can be defined as the systematic tearing down of another human being through such methods as rejection, isolation, terrorizing, put downs, and more. Most people don’t consider emotional abuse a serious matter, they think of it as one form of misunderstanding in a relationship. They also think that it only qualifies as abuse when a woman is punched or slapped around. Unfortunately, the wounds from verbal abuse can run just as deep and take longer to heal than the black eyes and bruises of physical abuse.
When a person endures such behavior for a prolonged period of time, they can become a shadow of their former selves. The bad thing about emotional abuse is that it is gradual, so much so that the woman involved may not even realize that she is a victim of abuse. Everything may look normal, but the relationship just isn’t right.
What most people don’t understand is that an emotionally abusive relationship doesn’t start out that way. In the beginning, your partner was probably caring and attentive, sweeping you off your feet. Once you were convinced that “he was the one,” things slowly began to change. Maybe there was a little comment about the house being dusty, so you made a mental note to always keep the house clean. Maybe he just picked at his food, so you began to go out of your way to only cook what he liked.
Over time, you began to shift your focus from your needs to keeping the peace and making him happy. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing to an extent; we all try to do things to please our mate. It becomes a problem when your whole focus in life revolves around keeping him happy. Your relationship becomes dysfunctional when you begin to feel that everything wrong in the relationship is your fault and that if you can somehow fix your flaws, then everything will be okay.
When you begin to believe that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, or just aren’t plain “enough” for your partner; you begin to lose all sense of yourself. It no longer matters what you want out of life, and you’ve forgotten what it means to be happy. You end up being a robot; merely surviving from day to day as you feelings become numb from dealing with the emotional abuse.
Here are some things to consider to determine of your relationship is heading towards emotional abuse.
• The main issues in your relationship always remains unresolved.
• You quit bringing up subjects to discuss with your partner because you think nothings going to change.
• You feel that you are the one who should do everything just to find peace in the relationship.
• You cannot express your opinions freely because you’re afraid it might be wrong or it may trigger his anger.
• You are holding yourself not to get angry because you don’t want to pick a fight with him.
• You give in to his sexual demands just to gain peace.
• You do all ways to please him but in the end you still get unnoticed?
• You are being blamed for his misfortunes in life?
• You are always told to clean the house.
• You are being blamed for him having his affairs with other woman because he said you are not meeting his needs.
• You live on a strict budget but he spends his money freely with everything he wants without considering you.
• You feel like you’re not an equal partner; that his needs and wants always come first
• You always think that he is right and you are wrong.
• You often feel like you’re just not good enough.
• He say “I love you but…,” making his love conditional on something you do or don’t do.
• He often has outbursts over trivial things.
• You find yourself second-guessing your every move so that you don’t anger him.
• He continually questions where you’ve been, who you were with, and whether you’re having an affair.
• He makes snide remarks and rude comments about your close friends and family.
If you experience these things you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship. You probably feel a sort of emptiness and unhappiness about life in general. While everything may look normal on the outside, the continual struggle to be perfect and keep your man happy is probably wearing you down.
If emotional abuse plays a part in your relationship, you need to remind yourself that you aren’t to blame for the situation. You deserve just as much happiness and stability in your life as your partner does. Seek help from friends and other counseling centers if you need to get advice about elationship.

Relationships and marriages are seldom easy all the time. No matter how perfect a relationship is, your and your partner are bound to hit some bumps, or long stretches where you have trouble of some kind. If you meet a couple that seems to have no problems getting along, it could be that they discovered a simple little secret early in their relationship. Simply, show love and affecting in tons of little ways, and don’t save it for just those big times when things are going badly, or you need to apologize for something major.
On your way home, why not stop and pick some wildflowers for your wife (or girlfriend if you’re not married) from the side of the road. Maybe she had a hard day at work, maybe the kids have been driving her nuts, or perhaps you’ve both been a little less intimate recently. Picture it now, she’s at home frazzled and expecting you to come in, and then you arrive with a big bunch of wildflowers you picked JUST FOR HER; you will have made her day no matter how bad (or good) it had been. It’s like a second chance to start fresh with one small, yet powerful gesture.
If your spouse spending a lot of time out of town, or feeling like those proverbial ’ships passing in the night’ because of work, kids or other commitments, give this a try. Find a sun catcher, charm or porcelain figure in the shape of a star, wrap it in a small gift box and place a small note on it that says “Wish I were there.” and slip in into their suitcase, briefcase or even purse. When he or she finds it and knows you miss them, but thought enough to share that simple thought, it will re-awaken those deep emotions.
Try making small, simple changes in your tired routines to inspire some fresh intimacy. It won’t require as much effort as you think. Put a Post-It note on the TV that says “Wouldn’t you rather turn me on?” with saucy signature. If your partner is reading a book, sneak out the bookmark and replace it with a note like “Guess where I hid your bookmark?”
When you first got together as a couple you likely did lots of small things that would make your eyes twinkle and heart flutter, do them again! If you’re out for a walk, shopping or just watching TV together, be intimate. Hold hands, link arms, or just slip your arm around her. Whisper something sweet and sultry into her ear and just gaze lovingly into her eyes. If she looks at you suspiciously or asks what you’re doing, just answer that you’re amazed at how much you love her.
Adding a little more romance to your marriage can be as simple as these simple, small acts. If you take steps to break the monotony of a relationship you can make your partner feel more appreciated and loved. You will feel the same in return!

Heather Jaillett
242
25 7

Are you tired of the same old routine first dates? Need a change from the dinner and a movie routine? Why not do something that gives you some insight into each other’s personality and is interesting? Not that I’m totally against dinner and a movie as a first date or even a tenth date. There is the benefit that you don’t have to think about what you’re going to say next for at least 90 minutes (even longer if it’s a Kevin Costner epic). I just think that a change needs to occur when I’ve seen all of the movies playing this month at the local megaplex. Another downside to dinner and a movie is that it can be inconvenient for those of us who work the nightshift. So I am offering the following ideas to inspire you to get out of the dating rut, whether it’s your first or tenth.
For the romantic, a picnic is an ideal choice as long as the weather cooperates. For inclimate weather you may have to get creative in your location, but don’t give up hope. Traditionally, picnicking is something that established couples do, but don’t be afraid to suggest it early in your romance. In addition to having as simple or elaborate meal as you choose, you can bring along a Frisbee or ball to play catch. You can also take a walk. For the less ambitious or weather bound, you can people watch or share a paper (Sunday papers work especially well). Another benefit is that daylight dating adds a little bit of safety, and you can always have an escape excuse if things aren’t going the way you planned (Examples: I’m babysitting for a friend, I’m having my teeth cleaned, I have to have dinner with my parents – you get the idea.). People also seem to be more honest about themselves in the cold light of day, which is always refreshing. Finally, there is the benefit that you can always continue the date into the evening if things are going exceptionally well.
Another great date place is a theme park. If you live near one of the larger ones, like Disneyland, it can be expensive. Call and ask about local resident discounts, and if you have friends that work there ask if they can get you a passes at a reduced rate. Don’t overlook the smaller carnivals and festivals in your area. It can be significantly less expensive and equally entertaining. These sort of places have a little of everything, so you should be able to find something the two of you can enjoy. This is also a great choice for that first date with his or her children.
Sports and hobbies are also excellent dating opportunities. Are you a member of a club? Invite your next date to a club activity. Mountain biking, hiking, in-line skating, tennis, or any joint hobby can be excellent first date material. They provide an activity that you both have a common interest in. Also, there is no better way to bring out the dark side of people than competitive sports. Wouldn’t you like to see that up front? You can also impress your date with your skill, or get a few pointers from him or her.
The whole point though is to do something that is interesting and allows for you to get to know each other better. Even if you don’t click on a romantic level, you can always have an enjoyable afternoon that won’t leave you feeling like you should have done your laundry instead.Z

Roy Barker
154
25 7

Perhaps you don’t meet people in the course of your daily life, or you’re not connecting with the right type of person. First of all decide what you have to offer to a future partner, by working out what sort of things interest you. No one is going to like all these options, but they are ways of widening your circle of friends.
1. GOLF
Golfing is a male activity, get lessons and join them on the course. Men network on the golf course all the time, take it further and progress to flirting. Even if you are not good at sports, the men will most often be encouraging of your efforts.
2 GO TO A SPORTS BAR ON GAME NIGHT Why watch big sporting events at home when you can hang out a sports bar complete with big-screen TV, electronic sports games? This is a particularly good way to meet people if you are sporty yourself, impress the guys with your knowledge. Sport is a participation event and it is a lot more fun watching in a group than alone.
3.VOLUNTEER TO WORK FOR A NON PROFIT ORGANISATION. People who are prepared to give a little of their free time are often very caring people, capable of passion and commitment, there are loads of group activities, that mean you can widen your circle of friends, with the same interests. There is always the possibility of a relationship progressing to a date .
4. JOIN A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN.
If you are politically inclined and have an interest in which you are prepared to give up some time, this is a good way to find a date. Not only that but you can be sure if you have both joined to fight for the same cause, then you have at least one thing in common. If it does not work to find a date than you have lost nothing, but will have at least widened your circle of friends.
5. EVENING CLASSES
You do not have to be academic here, it is not necessary to study Physics. Find out about something that you have always wanted to learn. Take the time to study another language, or do something “arty”. Art classes depending where you live, cover a very wide base from sculptor, to water colors. Men can always be found in a class about car maintenance etc.
6.TAKE SOME CRITICISM FROM YOUR FRIENDS.
Marketing yourself to find a mate is not always easy. Take some advice from friends who have embarked on a successful long term relationship. If you are always attracting the wrong sort of person, ask a friend why they think that is the case. If you have a healthy emotional life, you should spot fairly on in a relationship that someone is going to hurt you. Realise your own worth, some women do really believe that they are not worthy of being loved. Boost your self esteem. If low self esteem is a problem, then try and look at the tip below.
7 ENROLL IN A SELF-IMPROVEMENT WORKSHOP
Men sometimes tend to be more into self improvement than women. However, any body who has taken the steps to enrol and participate in this type of activity are probably sensitive, the chances are they are also looking to interact with other sensitive people. It’s a great way for men to find out how women think. Be positive you may not meet the man of your dreams but will probably have boosted your self esteem.
8. JOIN A GYM
Even if you are fit and healthy you can always find men in a gym. If you are not fit, then getting fit is a great way to boosting you self esteem. Being fit gives you a better outlook on life and you feel much better. You are also more relaxed when you look your best.
9. READ “IF THE BUDDHA DATED,” BY CHARLOTTE KASL.
Buddha means the enlightened one, or one who is awake. Kasl gives you the best advice about how to make, but very significant changes in your life. Part of her advice is to literally make room for a partner in your life. If you have a single bed get a double, if you have only one pillow buy more. She also has some great tips for attracting new people in your life. This isn’t mandatory by any means but it will appeal to you once you start reading.
10.STAND BACK AND TAKE STOCK
Men are not lost souls, they are not hiding away. You will have far more chance of connecting with someone if you are personally fulfilled. If you are into sports big time consider competing in a marathon. Take a creative writing course, change you career. Make yourself happy, and have some fun
11 JOIN A HISTORICAL SOCIETY.
Even small towns have historical societies, which will search and record the local events in your area in the past. Most of the will probably be male .
12. GET COOKING O. K. so you know how to cook, often men do not and they will join a cookery class. This is a good one – believe me.
13. LEARN HOW TO PLAY POKER. Most poker players are men, find out how to play, and then join a game.
14.GO TO A BOOK SIGNING
Here is were you can guarantee that you will find someone with similar interests and intellectual pursuits.
15. MAKE MEN FIND YOU
Since the earliest days of mankind, a woman can show a man she is interested in him, the smart one’s let him think he is doing the chasing. This is the twenty first century and you can show a man you are interested in him. Catch his eye and then immediately look away, but then look back at him. If he finds you attractive, he will think he has fond you, and will most often make a move.

Rion Williams
680
25 7

Are women actually interested in you when they first see
you? Or is it that they are interested in what they are
seeing as a reflection of their own ideals and expectations?

And what about when women reject you or don’t even give you
a chance? Has this hurt you before even though other guys
will tell you not to take it personally or to just ‘keep on
approaching and you’ll get over it’?

Well I’m going to help you deal with this ‘rejection’ and
set it more straight right now (for free).

What’s really going on are many different things and on
different levels.

I want you to be able to differentiate a woman’s response to
you so that you can understand it so that it doesn’t hurt
you or even affect you but rather that you can learn what
hasn’t been working and take advantage of what does work.

When a woman sees you for the first time, she is
extrapolating every little detail about you to determine
whether you might be a fit for her.

These usually accurate judgments she is making off of the
smallest details about you will help protect her or open you
up to having a chance with her.

In the future I will get deeply into getting yourself to the
point where you are communicating that you are everything
she could want even if you don’t have the best looks or
money, age, etc.

But for now, this data that she is judging off of you is
either working for you or against you. You may have had
women blow you off or flat out reject you after you
approached and started talking or they never even gave you a
chance before you approached.

Is this something you should take personally?

I don’t want to give you a shallow answer, I want to give
you the MEANING behind it; the schematics and reasoning so
bear with me and it will be worth it.

Does a woman even know you when they she first sees you?

Then how can you possibly accept any kind of rejection?

Just because you approached her and she rejected you does
not mean that you have a low character or are undesirable.

Does it?

Here’s the bad news; some of the readers on this list may
actually have a low character and the women ARE judging
accurately (albeit without knowing more b/c they feel they
don’t need or want to find out more).

This can all be changed so that any man can not only more
accurately portray more of what she is attracted to but
actually BE that man in congruity.

The primary key is for him to get in touch with his own
natural/ universal character and stop relying so much on
his limited independent or social character.

The rest of the guys probably do have a higher independent
or social character but just aren’t being themselves when
they approach a woman. They’re using a pick-up persona or
player front or they’re just being a nice guy (overly nice
and not their true self).

Otherwise they’re just not in touch with their
natural/universal character in order to spark attraction
anyways.

Too many guys these days (and it’s being taught) are
focusing on the social and even independent (I’m a nice guy)
parts of their character when it comes to attracting women.

This sets a man up for rejection because these two areas are
the least important and are what women respond to the least
when it comes to attraction and her wanting you; it’s just really
hard to see through it when women have become the rulers of
the social ‘matrix’.

Natural order is flipped around in our social behaviour patterns
so you just have to see through all of the social influence and
deal with her biology; the one thing that doesn’t change and is
what is the essence of what she desires that (healthy) men
would realize.

So if you are focusing on your social ‘pick up game’ you’re
going to have to get real good at it and then because of
your high character, the charts work in reverse so that
eventually she may feel a spark of attraction. In other
words:

You have to talk her into it and let her realize that you
are a man of high character.

This takes longer because you started on the wrong end of
the character continuum in your communication and portrayal
of yourself to her.

Like I said it also sets you up for failure because you have
to get all of the words just right and her temperance is
wavering.

Hopefully this will help you understand why men are
rejected more and perhaps yourself in the past sometimes.
Understanding it is key to putting it in it’s place and then
changing to do the more effective things.

When you are a man of high natural/universal character and
communicate this with your body language (often enough
alone), the universal/natural part of the woman knows to
respond to you and you don’t have to use words.

She is prewired to know how to respond and be attracted to a
man that has a strong connection to his universal/natural
(which used to be almost all men but people were more
localized then).

Today, very few men are in full touch with this and those
that are, are the guys that are scoring the most with women.
It’s that simple.

When you can get in touch with the natural/universal power
that is greater than you (and is your inheritance) you can have
that power to create attraction (naturally) and make it a part of
your own character…add it to your game and it will make ALL
the difference.

You won’t even have to deal with rejection anymore because
you’ll be able to read and communicate with women on the
nonverbal level (the unspoken), that which was formerly
invisible.

So back to the rejection issue…when a woman sees you and
you aren’t effectively communicating that you are a man of high
character (either incongruently or because you just aren’t
there yet), she most likely won’t give you a chance.

The key is to understand where you are on the character
continuum.

If you ARE a great (nice) guy, then remember that she is
just judging her initial impression of you. You may have a
high independent character and be a great guy so just
separate that from the fact that you were currently LOW on
the natural/ universal part of your character and that is
the part she was disapproving of, not YOU.

So don’t take it personally. When you do develop a high
character across the charts not only will you never have to
deal with rejection again but when you play it by certain
rules (your rules) SHE will be the one who is rejected or
disqualifying herself to you and you will have the power by
far.

You will always have the last word.

All you really have to have even if you have a low
independent and social character/status is a strong
connection to your natural ability (esp. if you aren’t good
looking, poor or are much older).

So if you’ve been focusing on the social character and using
techniques and pick-up lines to develop your character to be
able to pick a woman up…just consider working on your
natural/ universal character instead; it’s what matters so
much that a woman will HELP you pick her up by giving the
right signals when you do have a high character. You won’t
even need pick up lines then.

In fact it’s not until recently that we actually had pick up
lines or a need to study this. You just have to
differentiate the forced reality from the natural, timeless
reality of attraction and female response and separate out
all of what doesn’t matter (such as her fickle independent
character when it comes to attraction and don’t deal with
it).

Prevent rejection and isolate the possibility of it by
understanding the model magnet system and charts. She
isn’t rejecting you, she’s just placing a perception onto you
and judging you initially to see if you meet her expectational
response/ideal.

I like to say;

She can’t sleep with a man of low (m.m.) character just as
much as you can’t sleep with an ugly, fat chick.

And if you’ve taken one for the home team, that’s about as
often as she slept with a man of low character (despite his
looks).

So make sure that you not only communicate the right things
but BE the man of the highest character that you can.

It’s more important than your social character/status or
your own inner game and personality, it’s about your
connection to the universal power of masculinity and secure
inner strength.

The feminine energy in her will rule over her fickle
independent behavior and her body just may not be able to
resist. This can all happen within a few seconds of her
seeing you.

At this point women will be approaching you like crazy and
throwing out all kinds of signs because this kind of man who
is in touch is so rare these days. The works already cut
out for you.

What would it be worth for you to turn the tables, never get
rejected and live that kind of lifestyle with women no
MATTER your looks, age, income or social status?

It’s not a trick. It’s real. And it’s every man’s
inheritance but he has to embrace and accept it. I am the
messenger because this power is greater than the greatest of
any man in history’s own independent character.

You don’t have to be a superstar pick up character, you just
have to be a man of (natural) character and you’ll be able
to catch women’s interest just by walking in the room.

And when you’re already spurring attraction in her and she
can trust you by your body language, there’s less of a
chance you’ll get rejected anyways.

And if you’re living in a dominant reality where she is attracted
to you and wants to be plus take the natural approach you can
prevent rejection entirely.

Kim Olver
153
25 7

One of the things that works to keep relationships alive is spending quality time with each other. In this day of the information age, it is becoming increasingly difficult to carve out the necessary time to nurture our relationships. What with long work hours, helping kids with their homework, transporting them around to their extracurricular activities, getting dinner, cleaning up and going through the bedtime routine, what time is left?
Unless you orchestrate the time for your relationship, other less important things will crowd in and take what precious little time you do have. Pick a night that will be “date night” with your partner and make a game out of being as creative as you can be. Try to see how many things you can do without spending money.
To get you started, I’ve come up with some suggestions to help you for the next year. What follows are 52 ideas for how to spend creative time together without spending money. Feel free to add or modify any of the items on the list to suit your particular relationship and circumstances.
WINTER
1. Take a drive to look at the Christmas decorations.
2. Play cards—perhaps strip poker.
3. Watch a movie together.
4. Go outside and have a snowball fight.
5. Get some finger paints and create your own body art with each other as your canvass.
6. Go sleigh riding.
7. Go ice skating.
8. Work out or exercise together.
9. Stage your own improvisation show.
10. Sing to each other.
11. Review or create a photo album or scrapbook of your memories together.
12. Play a board game—perhaps chess, Scrabble or Twister.
13. Go to a book store, get coffee and read for hours.
SPRING
14. Work on a remodeling project together.
15. Plan and complete a yard work project together.
16. Do the spring cleaning together—room by room. When done, reward yourself by making love in the room you’ve cleaned.
17. Put on old clothes and mud wrestle after some drenching rain.
18. Give each other a massage.
19. Play catch—football, baseball, softball or Frisbee.
20. Go to a car dealer and test drive the car of your dreams.
21. Shoot basketball together.
22. Dance together.
23. Take a shower together and wash each other—everywhere.
24. Take a free adult education class together.
25. Go to a mall and have a contest to see which one of you can get the most free samples.
26. Go rollerblading or bike riding.
SUMMER
27. Build a campfire and roast marshmallows.
28. Go swimming or skinny dipping.
29. Give each other a manicure or pedicure.
30. Go somewhere crowded to people watch.
31. Go to a free outdoor event, perhaps a concert.
32. Lie on a blanket outside and watch the clouds or stars.
33. Go on a picnic.
34. Watch a fireworks display.
35. Be creative and engage in sexual role plays. Be anyone you’d like to be for the night who is also exciting for your partner.
36. Sit by the water somewhere.
37. Do a prolonged strip tease for each other.
38. Have a water balloon fight.
39. Sit outside and read poetry to each other.
FALL
40. Go for a drive together.
41. Go window shopping.
42. Incorporate food into your love making—chocolate syrup, whipped cream, fondue, strawberries—anything you and your partner enjoy.
43. Call or write to someone you haven’t had contact with in a while.
44. Cook something together.
45. Spend an evening just talking with each other. Talk about the things you have done, plans you have for the future, important people in your lives or current events.
46. Take a bubble bath together.
47. Go to a free movie or museum.
48. Take a drive and find the potential in old houses and their properties.
49. Create an imaginary story together—either orally or in written form.
50. Take turns being each other’s genie in a bottle by fulfilling your partner’s every wish and fantasy.
51. Play in the fallen leaves.
52. Create an exciting scavenger hunt that ends in your bed.
Now you have 52 suggestions for things to do with your partner for every week of the year divided by season. Certainly you don’t have to follow my suggestions. Feel free to add your own or to repeat your favorites as often as you’d like.
The main point is not to see how kinky you can get. The idea is to keep your relationship alive by making time together a priority. It is important that you find things to do as a couple that you can both enjoy. If you have vastly different interests then you can enter this with the spirit of taking turns and each agree to happily participate in the activity chosen by the one whose turn it is that week.
As long as you make a habit of making your relationship a priority and allocating time each week for rejuvenation of the feelings that attracted you in the first place, then you stand a good chance of staying together for the long haul.
Please don’t let insidious boredom enter into your relationship through the back door. This is what frequently happens when we are busy placing other things ahead of our time for each other. You know what I mean—the job, the kids, our friend in crisis, etc. There will always be a competing interest for the time you’ve set aside for each other.
Other than natural disasters, threat of death or major crises, do not allow your time together to be invaded by any outside forces. Make sure to create opportunities for you to do things together without outside influence. With more than 50% of today’s marriages ending in divorce, make this small investment in the longevity of your relationship. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. What’s stopping you? Start today.
Z

Giuseppe Notte
75
25 7

You are on the first date with a girl you have a crush on. Your palms are sweating, you are trying damn hard to come up with something funny to say, only to have long silences in your conversation. She gets up after an hour and says: “Sorry but it’s getting late. I have to go home to feed my dog.” Before you could say something, she has left already.
I’m sure the above situation has come up in your worst nightmares. The most crucial part of your interactions and the key to success with women is the first date. If you do it well, it will be easy to get down and dirty quickly.
Most guys do something boring on the first date. Going to the movies together, sitting at a cafe, having an expensive dinner at a restaurant – the list is endless. It’s easy to use this to your advantage: by putting in a little bit of fantasy, you will be way ahead of the crowd.
Here is how:
When I go out with a woman, I take her on an “adventure date”. This word has multiple meanings, as you will see. We do something exciting and romantic in the same time. Something that brings you as close as it’s possible on a first date.
Let’s see an example:
A friend of mine takes his girls on an exciting outing. They visit one of the local sightseeing locations and end up at an abandoned ruin of a castle. By then it’s usually getting dark – don’t worry though, my friend is there to hug and provide safety for our just-a-little-bit frightened girl
Another example:
We have a hill in my city with a castle and some monuments on the top. There is a tunnel crossing the hill. A tunnel, which ends in a bridge. The bridge is illuminated at night giving a wonderful sight.
Usually, I take my date on a short walk among the monuments. As it is getting dark, we go on a tiny little road down the hill. A road, which leads us to a place that only a few people know: the top of the tunnel. And below us it’s the entire city giving a wonderful and romantic sight. This is the point where I go in for the first kiss with the girl.
Don’t think that you need special places or monuments to go on adventure dates. You can even do them indoors:
When the weather doesn’t allow going outside, I bring my girls to the local shopping center. We sit to a cafe and talk a bit. Then I stand up and invite them for a walk around. We visit a few shops while shopping some clothes for me. Then we play bowling or go to the local bookstore. It’s funny to laugh at the various love and sex advice books together with the girl.
The above are just examples, it’s easy to come up with your own ideas. All you need is a little bit of fantasy and to know your city a little. Check out a local city guide paper for some examples or ask a friend who knows.
The key of adventure dates is not in the adventure itself, but in sharing activities with the girl. If you sit to a cafe and stay there for 4 hours, it will be nothing more than a conventional date. But if you sit to a cafe, then visit other places as well while being together, she will lose her sense of time and feel like you’ve known each other for a while. In that state, it’s much easier to go in for the first kiss and get further.

Cheryl Lewis
108
25 7

Has it been a while since you have been out on a date, or maybe you haven’t been able to get a second date after your first date fiasco, this article is written as a refresher course into dating etiquette and for your learning more about what your date might like.
Rule number one when you are on a first date is to always be you. Don’t try to portray yourself as someone you are not. If you put forth a ‘fake’ personality, career, or even an untrue past, the future between you and your date will be a doomed failure from the start. If you are truly going to be honest in a relationship, you will be together because you and the other have built a relationship based on real facts, thoughts and ideas. False starts create doubts in a relationship that are difficult if not impossible to overcome.
Another steadfast rule in the dating world is do not try to focus the entire date about yourself and your world. Keep your date interested in conversation about worldly happenings, local happenings or even by asking them about themselves. Continual conversation brings about a great date for the both of you. Focus on today without focusing on where you will be tomorrow with this person; if the relationship is meant to be it will happen naturally. This brings together the honesty in the relationship through conversation. The sharing of real events, thoughts and ideas in both of your lives is how a second date is brought about because of the attraction to want to learn more about the other person by spending more time with that person.
Combining the rules
Using the two major rules as discussed above and implementing small special effects to your date will bring out the best in a budding relationship while creating lasting memories for the two of you. These ’special effects’ in a first date can be very small gestures of kindness that portray the real person in you. While there are, many traditions that have changed over the years the following are a few you may need to acquaint yourself with. These new ‘traditions’ include the arriving in separate cars (for safety reasons), double dating (again for safety when not knowing the other person very well at all), and in going dutch on a date (creating the ‘equality’ feeling if needed), there are still a variety of personal effects that you can use to impress your date.
When you are discussing going out, ask if he / she would like to use one car – opting for whichever the both of you feel most comfortable with for the time being. You could also suggest that the two of you take cabs if you are going clubbing on a first date, resulting in not having either party on the date having to worry about drinking and driving.
As you arrive on your date, whether you are going for a walk in the park, going to the movies or going to dinner, let your date know if you like how they look, how they dress, or even if you like something about where you are going. Complimenting the other person on their appearance creates a feeling of inner confidence for that person, which brings confidence to your date because the person will feel they can compliment you in return in regards to what they like about you, without making you feel embarrassed as well.
There are a variety of simple gestures you can also use throughout your time on your date to make the two of you feel at ease. These gestures include: simply walking side by side, looking at each other when asked a question that involves the both of your input, and compromising as needed on your first date. Compromise about what the two of you do with your time together, let the date be something that the both of you would like to do or see while on your first date. Good examples of a first date might be walking through a fair, going window-shopping in the mall, watching fireworks, dancing, or you could even go to a concert that you agree to see.
When you are on a date, do your best not to finish sentences for someone when they are speaking to you in conversation. You may not realize this could appear rude when you finish a sentence for another but the conversation meaning could be altered, differed from his or her original thought. Keep the conversation balanced by asking questions about the other person’s life, ideas in life, and thoughts about what is going on in your surroundings.
No matter what sex you are, if the other person on your date is walking behind you, hold the door and allow them to walk ahead of you. Common courtesy in a relationship is the basis for a great friendship that is possible to bloom into more if nurtured.
While it may mean that you will have to restrain yourself, do not try to keep you date out longer than what they want to be. There are some very good reasons why a person may need to be home by midnight that you may not be aware of. Some of these reasons could include: early shift the next morning, they only have a babysitter for a certain time, they must have the car back by a certain time, they don’t feel comfortable in their neighborhood after a certain hour, they worked an early shift that day, or maybe the other person isn’t feeling well at that particular time.
One or both of you can inquire about contacting each other again, with numbers exchanged if easily agreed upon. If you find yourself in a situation where one is hesitant to give out a phone number, the other (who asked) might make an easy come back in conversation saying: ‘We don’t have to worry about it right now, I’ll just talk to you later when I see you…’ using wherever you met as a starting point in seeing that person again. As your date is nearing a close, be sure to ‘Thank’ the other person for spending some time with you, letting them know you had a good time with them if you did. Your being polite is a great trait to be remembered by when another is thinking about your date and the time you have spent together.
Using a few of the small gestures as listed here and using some of your own creative ideas, while you are on a first date, will increase your chances for a successful first date. Combining the special gestures and ideas into your first date while implementing your ‘real’ side and your ‘honesty’ in conversation will be the basis for a solid relationship. Remember, the reason for going on a date is to learn more about a person and for growing friendships between people, not to be looking for love around every corner or in every person that you may enc.

Roy Barker
155
25 7

Unfortunately there is no magic formula for surviving a dumping. However, to find someone you want to spend your life with, you have to move on and plan a realistic time scale to move forward. Dating tips are just that, as everyone is an individual, and what works for one does not work for another. However there are fairly standard steps you can devise to succeed. There is no reason that you have to spend the rest of your life going out on your own, and eating solitary TV dinners.
1. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
You may have been dropped, but it may not be your fault. You may have a holistic approach to your emotional life, but maybe your date did not. Even if you accept that the break up is coming, it still hurts, it is traumatic. Age is not a great help here, it is always difficult to accept rejection.
2. WALLOW AND GRIEVE FOR YOUR LOSS.
Accept the fact that the first couple of days are the hardest mentally and that once you have survived that you are on a roll to picking yourself up, and dusting yourself and getting back into the fray. If you feel like bawling your eyes out, and eating buckets of cookies, that’s O. K. for a couple of days. If you need to get help and support from your friends then ask them to help. The most damaging thing that you can do to your self esteem is to go back and contact your ex. That means e- mail, text and telephone, try and let it go. You are trying to pick yourself up to start again, there is no point in going back. You have to try and bury it with dignity, and whatever you have to do to achieve that, then go for it. If it means moping around, then mope. If it means having a makeover, then do it.
3. BURY ANY EVIDENCE OF YOUR EX
Whilst you are feeling annoyed, angry or disgruntled, and let down, destroy any painful reminders of your ex, such as photos. Try not to listen to music that meant something to both of you, it is OK to wallow in your grief, but do not rub salt in an open wound. This does not mean that you will never listen to that music again, you may even speak to your ex again, but give yourself an even money chance to heal now.
4.MAKE A LIST
Where you have taken down the photographs of your ex, replace it with a list. Draw up a list of the things, that really annoyed you about your ex. No I don’t believe you – there has to be something!, if you are thinking he/she was perfect, you are idealizing him. The more humorous this list is the better you will feel, give yourself a laugh even if only through a veil of tears. Part of the pain of being dumped is that it is something that is outside your control, you may accept that the relationship was pear shaped, and maybe you wanted to end it, but being dumped meant someone else did it to you. You will survive this, focus on the bad things, and try and accept that you perhaps should have wanted out anyway. There are occasions when you think that everything was hunky dorey, and it comes a bolt out of the blue. That is tougher to accept, but accept it you must. Strange things happen in life, but there is no way that you can make someone love you. The reasons people fall in love are as diverse as the people who do it, but there is no way you can make someone do so. If you have done this then attempt to learn a valuable lesson, don’t invest time in going down that road in the future.
5. SURVIVE THE FIRST WEEK
Right you have managed the first couple of days and you are now thinking what next. Find the hope levels inside you, underneath the layers we all have different hope levels. When Pandora opened the box, all the evil in the world came out, but left inside the box was hope. It is our ultimate defence that we believe that a situation will get better. If you are struggling to find hope then dig down deeper. Hope stops you wallowing in your own misery, if you need to mope, do it in the early on, and then set a time limit. Wallowing for too long a period of time, makes you feel worse, and reduces your self esteem. Set realistic time limits to move on as fast as possible. Yes I know it hurts, we all know that because it has happened to every single one of us at sometime or another. If you still have a desperate need to wallow then say to yourself – yes I can every day from say 3.00. P.M. – 3.30 P.M., but focus on getting your head back together in the remaining times of the day. Force yourself to get out although it may be the last thing on the planet that you feel like doing. Try exercising during the week, and see how much better you feel afterwards.
6.PAMPER YOURSELF AND BOOST YOUR COMFIDENCE.
You have been through the mangle, but don’t let yourself be destroyed. Think about all the things that make you a unique person, as well as the reasons why you deserve to be loved in your own right. Everyone has the right to be loved, so don’t lose the sight of this fact. Have a manicure and a pedicure, go and get some retail therapy and enjoy yourself. Even if you are a guy buy yourself something that you have been wanting for ages. Go on treat yourself. Make yourself feel important and valued as a person.
7 GET BACK IN THE DATING ARENA
After a month your psyche should be starting to heal, think about your gaols, what do you want out of dating, and make it happen.(at least in terms of dates rather than a long term relationship.
8. ENJOY YOURSELF
Don’t start taking dating too seriously, it is meant to be fun not a sophisticated type of torture.

You must realize at the very outset that there are some actions which irritate and put off a woman. As we proceed further on, we will give you many options to choose from, with regard to such aspects of men’s behavior which turn off women and ways to avoid display of such manners.
1. Clingy/Needy Behavior
When you display a clinging, “I –need-you-all-the-time” attitude. These arise mainly out of a constant fear of loss or a feeling of insecurity in men. If you give out a feeling to the woman that without her you will perish, since you feel so very insecure, it is surely going to put her off. Like calling her a million times, feeling envious of her friends, resenting all or anything that she does with anyone else other than you, are activities which completely thwart a woman’s sense of freedom and she will vanish at the first available opportunity.
2. Pushy
When you display over-aggressive or bullish behavior. Especially when it comes to a sexual relationship, some men bulldoze their way and force women to indulge in such an act. And of course, later wonder why they never derived any enjoyment out of it.
3. Bragging/Boasting
Women truly hate this. She might be temporarily impressed with your bravado, but with your continuous narration of “I” stories – she will surely get bored. And most of all, don’t you think you should hold her interest by giving out details part by part and not the whole thing in one go.
4. Angry or Violent Temper
Train your mind to learn to control your moods and temper adequately. A controlled behavior is the sign or a refined person. And a woman can not have faith in someone who loses his shirt or blows up frequently. She will be in awe of you but you can not win her confidence.
5. Insensitivity
This does not mean saying rude words to her; it means not being able to express to her that you are being light-hearted and in a fun-loving mood.
6. Boring
Men appear boring mainly if he is bashful or diffident and he is incapable of displaying his true character, his persona.
7. Passive and Indecisive
Women feel very secure when her man is able to take prompt decisions, stick to his decisions and displays other leadership qualities. You then give out the signal of being in control of situations, being able to provide for her.
8. Be a Good Listener
Stop looking at her mammary glands for a change and listen. You then make her feel important.
9. Stop being Stingy and Mean
This does not mean that you flood her with expensive gifts all the time, but if on a date and in a café…be prepared to foot the bill. Chivalry still pays.
10. Don’t be Boorish
Some men think if they act rough and bristly with women, they will give some sort of a macho image, or gather a kind of sympathy, so that the next step she will take is restore him mentally and co-operate with his attitude. Think again.
11. When you Try Too Hard
When you pose to be the eager-beaver. Desperate to please. She starts to get wary and skeptical.
12. Sex on Top of Mind
It is perfectly alright to have sex in your mind. It is natural and women have that thought too. But if you approach her with this as the sole agenda of meeting her, she will run for life, and you will not even get a second chance.
13. Learn to Relax
Women find it a pleasure to be with a relaxed, calm and behaviorally controlled man. Practice the art of self-discipline
14. Stop Acting Defensive
If for some reason, you find the woman in a foul mood, stop acting defensive and giving her your story. Be sympathetic and understanding. Master your own mind to keep emotions from flying off.
15. Develop a Positive Frame of Mind
Negative attitudes are a real no-no for most women.
This article may be re-published with appropriate attribution to the author including name and website © CopyrigZZZZZ

Layne and Paul Cutright
720
25 7

All partnerships, and all relationships for that matter,
go through five predictable stages. Knowing these stages
is like having a map that will help you to accurately
assess where you are and where you can go.

All partnerships, and all relationships for that matter,
go through five predictable stage. Knowing these stages
is like having a map that will help you to accurately
assess where you are in your partnerships, see where you
have been and where you can go. This will also
allow you to deal effectively with the particular
concerns of the stage you are in. For example, upsets,
disagreements, miscommunications and misunderstandings
are a predictable, inevitable and unavoidable part of
the second stage. If you don’t know that, you could
easily misinterpret what is going on in the relationship,
make inappropriate choices and miss important learning
and growth opportunities. Each stage requires a different,
yet overlapping set of skills. Mastering partnership is
about mastering these skills.

STAGE ONE – ATTRACTION

This stage of relationships is characterized by a
fascination with another person, organization
or project and a desire to learn more about them,
as well as a desire to share yourself. It’s fun
and it feels good. This is the time when positive
possibilities are sensed and explored. This is
the stage people wish would last forever.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR SUCCESS IN ATTRACTION:

1. Be interested, not merely interesting.

2. Look for and focus on the best in others.

3. Acknowledge/compliment others on the good you see
in them and their accomplishments.

4. Help people to relax with you – put them at ease.

5. Know what the most important things are for people
to know about you and weave those things into your
conversations so you feel they “get” who you are.

6. To simply “be” with others without an agenda

7. Keep your word to build trust.

8. Be authentic.

9. Look good and smell good!

10. Speech acts to learn and master:

Greeting

Making requests

Declining requests

Making promises

Making apologies

High performance listening

AVOID:

1. Lying.

2. Jumping to conclusions.

3. Moving too quickly into a commitment conversation.

4. Expecting people to read your mind and anticipate
your conditions for satisfaction.

5. Stereotyping or categorizing.

STAGE TWO – POWER STRUGGLE

This is the stage where people start testing each other.
It is one of the most difficult stages for people.
Who is going to get whose way and how? Distrust from
your unresolved past manifests and there is often a
fear of loss of control and heavy judgments of the other
person start to show up. Many relationships never
move beyond this stage and many end here.
This stage is really about building trust.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS:

1. Know and identify your feelings.

2. Speak congruently with your emotions.

3. Communicate without blame.

4. Self-reflection – observe your thoughts,
feelings and behaviors without judgment.

5. Own/take responsibility for your mistakes
without self-invalidation

6. Observe your automatic interpretations
of others and events.

7. Be present to someone else’s upset without defense.

8. Know and articulate your requirements for trust.

9. Be able to restore trust when broken.

10. Use current upsets to resolve the past.

11. Ask for help.

12. Forgive yourself and others.

13. Make correction without invalidation.

14. Don’t control others or make their choices for them.

15. Don’t sacrifice – be generous.

16. Practice spiritual attunement to find the highest path.

17. Take the initiative – be responsible for your own needs.

18. Turn your complaints into requests.

19. Be clear-headed and rational while feeling intense
feelings or while in the presence of others intense feelings.

20. Control your temper.

AVOID:

1. Giving ultimatums.

2. Blaming others.

3. Gossiping or participating in gossip.

4. Being mean, attacking, hurtful or hypercritical.

5. Saying things you’ll regret.

STAGE THREE – COOPERATION

This is the stage where you learn to trust one another
and to resolve upsets to your mutual satisfaction and
benefit. You learn to share power and appreciate each
other’s unique abilities and gifts. However, it is still self oriented – “What can I get out of this relationship?” rather than
“What can we create with this relationship?” Beware of
false cooperation in which one person acquiesces to the
other in order to “keep the peace”. This is still
Power Struggle, only in a more subtle form.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS:

1. Know and articulate the essence of your desires.

2. Expand your capacity for compassion.

3. Read others emotions.

4. Assess trustworthiness in others and assume
trust rather than suspicion.

5. Inspire high level of trust from others.

6. Care deeply about others.

7. Feel connected with others.

8. Generate enthusiasm.

9. Find and define a common path.

10. Know and articulate how others affect you,
e.g., their losing/winning, problems/thriving.

11. Make choices for long-term gain – overcome
the need for instant gratification.

12. Competency with creation techniques,
e.g., visualization, goal setting, etc.

13. Know and articulate your changing conditions
for satisfaction.

14. Neutralize competition while inspiring cooperation.

15. Ability to articulate higher path, especially
during stress.

16. Be diplomatic and cordial even when worried,
upset and during stress.

17. Facilitate conversations for:

Speculation and possibility

Planning and design

Commitment and action

AVOID:

1. Making assumptions.

2. Sacrifice – it always leads to resentment.

3. Withholding important communication out of fear.

STAGE FOUR – SYNERGY

This is the stage where there is a realization
of a power greater than that of each individual.
There is also a commitment to a specified focus
and use of the power. Extraordinary satisfaction,
intimacy, and a deep sense of mutual trust,
empowerment and ease characterize this stage. It is a highly creative, high performance relationship. It also possesses a high
level of acknowledgment and appreciation. The relationship
emanates joy and power in this stage.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS:

1. Regenerate creativity.

2. Balance work and play.

3. Be alert to and neutralize complacency.

4. Fine tune and evolve specific talents.

5. Dance and surrender during the times of chaos
before new beginnings.

6. Let go of ego and attachments.

7. Be as committed to the larger process you
are involved in as you are to your own individual part.

8. Practice letting the relationship “breathe”.

9. Anticipate temporary Power Struggle when you
uplevel commitment and prepare for it.

AVOID:

1. Taking the relationship and people for granted.

2. Becoming overly intoxicated with the glory of
synergy and get out of balance in your life.

3. Expecting synergy to last without nurturing
the relationship.

STAGE FIVE – COMPLETION

This is a stage many people fear and avoid dealing
with altogether. There are four ways relationships
can be completed: drifting apart, expulsion/ejection,
conscious completion or death. Sometimes completion
is only about changing the form of the relationship,
not necessarily the end of the relationship altogether.

ESSENTIAL SKILLS:
1. Accept and flow with change.

2. Acknowledge and integrate the value and learning
from the relationship.

3. Spiritual attunement.

4. Own up to mistakes without self-invalidation.

5. Make apologies.

6. Redefine your common path – change form.

7. Articulate the highest spiritual thought about the
relationship.

8. Know what you need to feel complete.

9. Generate a safe space and a conversation to
make sure everything that needs to be said or
done to feel complete is communicated in a spirit
of love and dignity for all parties concerned.

10. Allow for a healthy expression of fear,
anger, grief or any other emotion.

AVOID:

1. Feeling victimized.

2. Taking things too personally.

3. Resisting change.

4. Misperceiving that others are the source of your good or happiness.

© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright – All rights reserved.
You may publish this article in its entirety and
with the authors’ resource information intact.ZZZ

David Chandler
25
25 7

Why do I need to use a condom?
Condoms are the only form of protection, which can both help to stop the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) such as HIV and prevent pregnancy.
Choosing the right condom
A number of different types of condom are now available. What is generally called a condom is the ‘male’ condom, a sheath or covering which fits over a man’s penis, and which is closed at one end. There is also now a female condom, or vaginal sheath, which is used by a woman to fit inside her vagina.
What are condoms made of?
Condoms are usually made of latex or polyurethane. If possible, you should use a latex condom, as they are slightly more reliable, and in most countries, they are most readily available. Latex condoms can only be used with water-based lubricants, not oil based lubricants such as Vaseline or cold cream as they break down the latex. A small number of people have an allergic reaction to latex and can use polyurethane condoms instead.
Polyurethane condoms are made out a type of plastic. They are thinner than latex condoms, and so they increase sensitivity and are more agreeable in feel and appearance to some users. They are more expensive than latex condoms and slightly less flexible so more lubrication may be needed. However both oil and water based lubricants can be used with them.
It is not clear whether latex or polyurethane condoms are stronger – there are studies suggesting that either is less likely to break. With both types however, the likelihood of breakages is very small if used correctly.
The lubrication on condoms also varies. Some condoms are not lubricated at all, some are lubricated with a silicone substance, and some condoms have a water-based lubricant. The lubrication on condoms aims to make the condom easier to put on and more comfortable to use. It can also help prevent condom breakage.

Frank Duru
151
25 7

Honour and respect are two of the most important elements in Asian culture, and they shouldn’t be overlooked when it comes to dating. For instance, traditionally, Asian women are taught at a young age to know their place around men, treat them with respect and accommodate them, while men are taught to protect and provide for the women. Although these traditions have become a faded practice in Western culture, respect still plays an important role in the Asian dating scene.
If you are Asian and are seeking a serious relationship with a man or woman from your ethnic culture, you will need to take into consideration that every move you make could be watched carefully by your partner’s family, who may very well act as the third party to your date. With this in mind, here are a few tips you will want to think about when you begin dating:
Make an Impression -Be on your best behaviour. Listen to your date, create casual conversation, and be accommodating and thoughtful.
Treat your Date with Respect – Remember the saying “treat others as you would like to be treated”, well this is when it really counts. Be considerate and patient, even if you find the topic of conversation to be of little interest to you. You should acknowledge what is important to your date and respect it.
Give them space – You don’t want to come on too strong in the relationship, as this could either scare off your date, or make him or her jump to wrong conclusions. Creating a comfortable dating experience is the best way for you to discover if what you have found is an acquaintance, friend or potential lover.
Every once in a while visit the planet Earth – Be careful not to be mislead into believing that your dating relationship is something more than it is. Remember, not everyone is seeking a long term commitment (which could include you) therefore, before you let your imagination run wild from misinterpretation, make sure you take a realistic look at the relationship that is developing.
Above All have fun – Let’s face it, the whole point to dating is about having a good time, and enjoying the other person’s company, so don’t be afraid to loosen up. Let your personality shine and take pleasure in your dating experiences.
In the end all that should matter when it comes down to dating, is that you and your date enjoy one another’s company, are comfortable together, and share similar interests and values. If you find that there is no chemistry forming, it’s time to say goodbye, and move on, regardless of how much your family may like him or her. After all, it is you who has to make the choice when it comes to your love life, for only you can determine who truly makes you happy. Therefore, grant yourself the respect and honour of making and standing by your dating decisions.