Online Dating

Tracy Jones
173
25 7

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14
Any way you look at it, dating can be tricky…especially when religion is involved. Being raised in a Christian home where tradition runs deep, you may find yourself in the midst of a major battle when your heart is given to someone with different beliefs. There is, of course, nothing wrong with dating a non-Christian, just keep in mind that you marry who you date. If this is understood, and you are truly willing to accept and deal with the repercussions, all the more power to you. All we suggest is that you consider a few things before jumping in.
What kind of dilemmas would you face in the future? Can a non-Christian help you spiritually, or will they gradually pull you down? It’s easy to compromise your standards and beliefs in order to stay appealing to that person, but is that really being true to yourself? It shouldn’t even be an option to alter everything you’ve based your life around because your beliefs have helped shape you into the person you are, the person that they fell for.
Then there’s always the issue of children. What kind of foundation will their lives be built on? Would they be encouraged to attend church and live the principles that you live by, or will they be brought up in the middle of a constant tug-of-war? It general, it just seems to be easier on everyone, especially kids, when both parties follow the same rulebook. Then again, there are those occasional exceptions to the rule.
We’ve all heard different stories of Christians dating non-Christians who eventually do turn their lives to God. They later marry and have strong, happy relationships with values centered on Christ. Or, there are those couples that just don’t let religion get in the way. Both are willing to compromise and let the other partner have their freedom to worship and live in a way that suits them. As promising as it sounds, though, it’s not always realistic. Many couples involved in “dual-faith” relationships will find themselves buried in conflict and heartache at some point, causing them to break up or divorce.
It’s to be expected that meeting new people, especially people that you’re compatible with, is going to be challenging. But, consider carefully whether short-term gain is worth ending up with the wrong person. Falling in love is easy, but it’s hard to imagine ever voluntarily walking away from the relationship because your partner’s beliefs contradict your own.
The bottom line is that it’s up to you who you date, because you’re the navigator of your future. No matter who you end up with, you’re bound to run into problems now and then. That just comes with the territory. From there, it’s up to you what happens. You’ll either choose to stick at it and work through the rough patches, or you’ll decide it’s too hard and back out. If it makes your decision any easier, just remember this advice: when a Christian and a non-Christian jump into a relationship, the scales are uneven and likely to tip! http://www.christianmingle.com/campaign.html?cat=link&src=articlecityCOM&adid=sitecat&newurl=index.html

Martin Hahn
366
25 7

A lot of people probably has purchased one of the books written by the famous couple Florence and Fred Littauer. They discussed an ancient old personality quartet or four basic types of personality all humans seem to have. Why is it ancient old? It was actually the famous Greek physician Hippocrates who lived from 460 until 377 B.C. who introduced the four human ‘temperaments’: choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic, and melancholic. The famous Russian physiologist Pavlov has also used and refined the Hippocratic scheme. The Littauers, however, have made the quartet available for a wide audience because they have been able to make a practical tool. Their most important advice is: know yourself first before you can know someone else. The four personality types, as emphasized by Hippocrates and repeated by the Littauers, cannot be considered to be completely separate and distinct from each other. In reality, most persons represent ‘in-between’ types.
What are actually the typical characteristics of these four personality types? The choleric can be considered to be highly excitable: this person’s emotions are very easily aroused. This person is vehement in speech and action and his/her movements are carried out swiftly. He/she is bold and ambitious but tends to be incautious. The melancholic, in turn, can be seen as the opposite of the choleric because this person is highly inhibited. The melancholic person is characterized by slowness of thought and a tendency to be depressed. The melancholic has difficulty making friends, but he/she is reliable because constancy and determination are the other traits.
The in-between groups consist of the sanguine and phlegmatic types. The sanguine have a tendency towards excitement, whereas the phlegmatic have a tendency towards inhibition. The sanguine person is stable, yet active. He/she is courageous, hopeful, amorous and cheerful, but somewhat inconstant. He/she is courteous, lively, alert, and demonstrative. The phlegmatic person is stable and calm. He/she may even look cool, sluggish or apathetic. Normally quiet and reserved, he/she does not easily become friendly or antagonistic.
If one does not know a person very well, Hippocrates personality quartet can certainly be used as an effective tool during interactions. Communicating will then become easier if you know what you are and what the other person may be. However, personality is a ‘tricky’ thing with many limitations. There are actually many personality typologies available. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator offers sixteen different personalities and how can we know which personality fits us or another person? It will take a lot of memorizing and analysis before that is known. An interesting typology is called the Enneagram which divides all people into nine basic personalities. The Enneagram is actually similar to the personality typology offered by numerology. The only difference is that personality number five and seven are switched.
Aside from these typologies available in the market, the most important question which must be answered is: how can we use our personality effectively? If we can use our personality more effectively, we will become better communicators and perhaps even get more success in life. Much has been written about improving our personalities and the message is always positive: you can always become what you want. Of course one cannot change everything in one’s self, but attempts can be undertaken to improve our self-image and communication performance.
Usually the advice given in many written texts and repeated over and over again by numerous communication gurus can be summarized in the following points:
1. Concentrate on one thing at a time;
2. Understand how you came to be what you are;
3. Imagine yourself becoming what you want be;
4. Suggest to yourself that you can be what you imagine;
5. Act the part you want to play in life.
This list is not exhaustive because in the end it boils down to our ability to improve our own lives. Communication is of course an important skill in our attempts to improve our lives.
In communication, we need to constantly seek ways to improve our interpersonal communication skills. The way we convey our messages to others must be refined all the time. A very important element in acquiring good communication skills is self-confidence. You need to ask many questions to yourself: do you remain cools in emergencies? Do you avoid blaming others when things go wrong? Can you always be depended upon to do what you say you will do? Do you go out of your way cheerfully to help others? Do you have reasonable faith in humanity? Do you show an interest in the interests of others? Do you take an active part in any organizations in which you belong?
Another element which is related to the above issue is our ability to imagine ourselves becoming what we want to be. The power of visualization or imagination is extremely important if you want to change yourself or at least become a better communicator. The combination of will and imagination is very strong and will help you change in a positive way. If you want to change yourself, but your imagination dwells on thoughts of failure, then you will fail. This is called the law of reversed effort.
Finally, you need to be able to talk yourself into change. This technique is called affirmation. You should constantly repeat to yourself what you want to change> If you want to become a better communicator, you should repeatedly say to yourself: I am a good communicator! Avoid saying: I will become a good communicator because you might fail. You must picture yourself as already a person who is a superb communicatorZZZ

Nicolette Beard
524
25 7

When a dream startles us awake, it demands our attention.
I opened the door to find an attractive Pakistani woman on my doorstep. She asked to come in to borrow a cake pan. I let her in and told her to look in the cupboards as I was fixing coffee for my family and preoccupied.
My parents were visiting for the first time; my sister and her new husband were also there. I was anxious to get the coffee started when the woman asked if I had a certain type of cake pan. I did not and told her she could go to the store nearby and probably find one. She resisted this idea and suggested that I could use a pan like that; why don’t I buy one?
I was incensed. In my mind, I had let this woman into my home, offered to loan her what items I had to make her stupid cake and then she had the nerve to suggest I buy the cake pan that she needed. I forced her bodily from my home.
In the light of day, this dream (like so many) seems stupid. But someone once advised that in order to unearth the cause of a dream, we must dissect the root of its emotion. I awoke enraged. What was the nature of this extreme reaction?
I began tentatively to view the experience from the woman’s perspective. Could it be that she wanted me to have the cake pan so that I might bake a cake for my family? Could it be that she wanted to share the joy of what if means to give to others? Was the cake a metaphor for the sweetness in life that I refused to partake?
I do not know the Pakistani culture, but I recalled an experience I had with some Armenian friends many years ago. They too offered me cake which I did not eat. Later a friend told me that this was a great insult. They did not show it, so I did not know, but in my righteous refusal of calories, I missed an opportunity for friendship.
I wonder how often we reject people and cultures because of our limited worldview.
Many years ago, when my son was a newborn, my husband needed to travel out of state. He didn’t want to the two of us to stay at home alone and insisted we join him for the 1500 mile car trip. I was too young to argue and was miserable the whole time. All I wanted was sleep.
A month later, after my six-week maternity leave was over and I had returned to work, he bought tickets to Tahiti for my birthday. Flying halfway across the world with an infant at home was not my idea of a vacation. I returned exhausted and sick with strep throat.
For years I harbored anger at his insensitivity and mentally criticized every gift he offered. In the light of my dream, I see his behavior more clearly. It’s simple really: He wanted to protect his family and to give to the woman he loved.
In an indifferent and self-absorbed world, it is often wise to question a person’s motive. But how many opportunities for community and connectedness would we gain if we looked at a person expecting the highest he has to offer?

Dr Tony Fiore
682
25 7

Jose and Juanita have been married for 17 years, and basically love each other, yet have been fighting over the same issue almost every night of those years: She likes it cold at night and he likes it warm in their house and bedroom. She had just opened their bedroom windows for the night. When she left to visit the bathroom, she heard Jose follow her and close all the windows.
Let’s eavesdrop to see what we can learn about this fight and what to do about it.
-(curtain up)-
Juanita: (to Jose)”I can’t sleep unless the windows are wide open. You know that, but insist on closing them every night, just so I’ll be miserable. You are selfish and inconsiderate.”
Jose: (to Juanita):”This is my house too. Why should I have to freeze? You always get your way. It is so cold in here you could hang meat! Are you trying to get me sick? No NORMAL person would want it this cold!”
(curtain down)
IS THIS A SOLVABLE PROBLEM?
Depends on the specific marriage. For some couples, the solution would be a simple compromise of some sort; for instance, buy a room thermometer and agree to always keep the room at an agreed upon temperature both could live with.
In many marriages, however, a problem like this is not easily solved-it becomes “perpetual”-and trying to “solve” it only creates anger and tension. For Jose and Juanita, this unfortunately was the case.
Why is a simple problem like this not solvable for our couple and in many other marriages? Could be many reasons, but the usual culprits are:
(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle. This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore-it is about who will win or lose.
(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person resists.
For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.
CONFIDING MAKES THE DIFFERENCE
Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.
This is because now they are speaking from their hearts -combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner)
Juanita (should have said something like):”I feel that I don’t have to put up with this, although I also feel bad that you have to suffer. I tell myself that if you really loved me, you would want me to be comfortable at night.
I also ask myself why should I always give in? I work hard all day too and deserve some consideration. All I’m asking for is a decent night’s sleep, but then, I wonder if I am being too selfish.”
Jose (should have said something like):”I do really love you and I want you to be comfortable too, but it gets so cold in here at night for me that I can’t sleep.
We both want a good night’s sleep and want to be able to continue sleeping together in the same room. Let’s find a way to discuss it so it doesn’t make us so angry at each other.”
Granted, it is not easy to confide when in the heat of marital battle. Consequently, it is often better to first take a time out, calm down and then communicate what is in your heart. The following
communication tips will help:
FOUR COMMUNCIATION TIPS
Tip 1- Don’t only focus on the issue. Also discuss your feelings, thoughts, and inner conflicts surrounding the issue. Confide what is going on in both your heart and your mind.
Tip 2- Look at how you communicate with each other ABOUT the issue. Focus on the process of communication.
Tip 3- Give up needing to be right all the time. Wise and successful married people have discovered that often it is preferable to be happy than to be right!
Tip 4- Convey to your partner that you love them enough to want to join them so together you can find a way to deal with the issue or prob

Charles Welf
471
25 7

Romance is the spice of life. It’s not difficult to visualize how dull and boring life would be without romance. Have you ever paused to wonder what it is that brings enthusiasm in life? Romance is that elixir that makes you vibrant, vivacious and full of vitality. Everyone has their own idea of romance and romantic ideas, what are your ideas of romance?
In the lines, by Shirley Bassey “I’d like to run away from you, but if you didn’t come, and find me … I would die.” the essence of love and romance has been beautifully depicted. Romance is something that gives comforting touch to one’s heart. Someone who’s sensitive about his or her beloved’s need, is romantic. Just being a hard-core romantic and not demonstrating your love openly is so unromantic. You need to put other work aside and show to your sweet heart that you care for him or her. The idea of romance can be as simple as a peck on a cheek, a warm hug or just uttering those three miraculous words “I love you.” These gestures appear romantic when your beloved is least expecting them, otherwise they are the boring hackneyed way of saying that you care. Novel romantic ideas are like, “life and blood” of any romantic relationship.
For some people romance means the spirit of adventure, a sense of anticipation of the unexpected, a view of exciting spectacles at every bend of the road. For many others romance involves the mysterious and the unknown. Like ‘magic casements opening on the foam of perilous seas,’ as Keats would put it. Romance sweeps in all the treasured experiences from the mysterious to the magical and the miraculous. Yet for most of us romance is an expression of love. When we talk of romantic ideas we refer to all the little things that can keep the flame of love burning bright in our hearts.
We all know that it isn’t enough to love a person; it is equally important to express our love in a relationship. Love without expression is as good as not there. You need to show your love, not only in words but also in gestures that speak louder than words. You have to devise novel ways of letting your love know how much you care. You have to find new ideas to express your love every day, if not every moment. Thinking of novel ways of saying ‘I love you’ is what romantic ideas are all about.
Everyone is not a poet, yet everyone needs to kindle the flame of love lest it fades away. This site on romantic ideas is a treasure house of fresh romantic ideas. The charm of an idea lies in its freshness, and nothing goes stale faster than ideas. So, look for absolutely novel romantic ideas to let the warm Love in!

Lee Dobbins
369
25 7

Dating can be stressful and nerve wracking. You might feel like you are under a microscope and all your failures and faults are exposed in the open. But you can make things easier on yourself by boosting your confidence. You’ll be much more attractive to any date when you exude self confidence plus you’ll be able to enjoy yourself more and get much more out of the dating experience.
Since the whole point of dating is getting to know someone better, most people are nervous about making a good impression. Self doubts can creep in – are you smart enough? Attractive enough? Successful enough? That coupled with the threat of rejection is enough to make anyone’s confidence go south.
So how can you increase your confidence for your next date?
First off, don’t blow the date all out of proportion. It is just a date – one afternoon or evening. The rest of your life does not depend on it, although of course, you could be meeting your future spouse! Whether you are just looking for a fun night out or desperately trying to find Mr or Mrs right, it is best to just focus on the date itself. Take it for what it is and don’t put a lot of pressure on the event. Enjoy the person you are on the date with and the meal, movie or whatever – don’t have any great expectations other than a fun date.
Go into the date thinking of yourself as a person that has a lot of confidence. We’ve all seen them, the person that sweeps into the room and turns heads even when they might not be the most attractive or best dressed. If you picture yourself as confident then you will act this way – even when you don’t really feel it.
You’ve heard it before but the best way to have confidence on a date is to be yourself. Don’t try to impress your date by acting like someone you are not because you will not have the confidence to pull it off. If you hit it off with your date, you’ll be glad you weren’t pretending to be someone else as it will only be exposed later and could really much things up for you. Plus it just takes too much effort to pretend to be someone else and you won’t be able to enjoy yourself as much. And anyway, why wouldn’t your date like you for who you are?
If you feel insecure about yourself, focus on the other person. Become interested in their hobbies, likes dislikes and really think about what they have to say. When you put them in the spotlight it takes the spotlight off of you, plus you get to learn a lot about them. Ask questions and really hear the answers then ask more questions about the answers. Of course, you want to do this in a conversational way and not make your date feel like you are grilling them! While you don’t want to talk just about yourself the whole time you also don’t want to make it seem like you are avoiding answering their questions. When you do talk about yourself highlight your positive points.
Another way to take some of the pressure out of a date is to do something different instead of sitting at dinner and feeling insecure about coming up with 3 hours of conversation with someone you don’t know. Find a common interest, perhaps hiking or bird watching and make that date to do that. This way you can talk about your experiences related to t his interest and it will take a lot of the pressure off as well as boost your self confidence as you will be talking about something you know a lot about!
The main thing when dating is to remember that you are a valuable and special person. Don’t feel inferior to anyone and be confident – this will help win you many friends and, maybe even that special someone!

Stephen Kreutzer
461
25 7

In 1900s, when California banned gin from being part of the ceremony, young lovers who were drunk and in love were able to get hitched in Las Vegas. These were the first recorded weddings in Las Vegas. It took only a few hours time to make the marriage official with stamped certificate and all. When the happy couple left the chapel a magical city of lights awaited them to celebrate. The first celebrity to take advantage of this option was supposedly Clark Gable. Since then, it has become the top wedding destination for VIPs as well as commonfolk. Take a look at this list of five reasons you might want to consider for marrying in the Entertainment Capital of the World.
1. The Late Days of Singleton
Before the notion of marriage becomes a reality, plan to spend the last few moments of Bachelorhood in Sin City! Enjoy a night on the town with your friends and have a ball before the big day! Would you like to enjoy some girl-talk before you say the final word? Go for a relaxing massage and get your bod pampered at the spa, while you talk about your future hubby.
2. Get Hitched, Fast and Simple
Are you ready for marriage? All you need is a social security number, a valid ID and $55 to get married in sunny Vegas. Don’t forget about the “love” part either! That is how easy it is to get married. You don’t need a wedding planner or a wedding singer. You don’t even need relatives! Just you, the one you love and, of course, the priest or justice of the peace. It could even be Elvis! Whatever you would like, Vegas can make it possible! But, remember: get a marriage license in advance to make sure everything runs smoothly.
3. Choose your Own Way
Would you like 2 or 200 wedding guests? Choose your own way to do things in Vegas. It has everything you need. A lot of wedding chapels have a variety of packages to offer. Whether you would like it plain or extravagant, they will have just the package for you! Everything you need is right there, from flowers and rings, to witnesses and cakes.Your 200 guests can amuse themselves in the beautiful and exciting city of Las Vegas! That will keep them busy so you can enjoy your first magical marital night.
4. Take an Enjoyable Walk to Your Honeymoon
In some cases a marriage might end before the honeymoon has even begun. A long flight on an airplane get be a little testy for some newlyweds. In Las Vegas that’s all different! When you walk out of the chapel (or garden, or Commissioner’s office), you are off on your honeymoon! Take a stroll along the Vegas strip and enjoy the lights, large and bright water fountains and the simple excitement of Vegas! You may also reside at one of the vast luxurious hotels and turn your wedding night into an unforgettable remembrance!
5. Living in Las Vegas
There are about 2,000,000 Americans that attest to the fact that moving to Las Vegas has been seriously considered for many couples beginning their new married life. Las Vegas very good infrastructure to protect it against the extreme weather climate. There is a basic need that Las Vegas covers twenty-four hours a day, and that is FOOD!
The blinketyblink of light driving you mad? Why not visit the beautiful Red Rock Canyon, the Valley of Fire or Lake Mead? Yes, Vegas also has breathtaking nature! Fill your memories with these gorgeous sites!
You want to have children? Some of the finest schools are located in Nevada. One of the top 10 high schools in the US is Clark County’s Green Valley High school.
Las Vegas is not just a place to get married, it’s a wonderful place to live! Once you see Las Vegas, you will never want to live anywhere else!

You may not agree, but it seems to me that blind dates are high on the list of things that everyone loves to hate. I have just one question – why?
Apparently, there are a number of myths about blind dates that are ruining their reputation. If you’re interested in exploding those myths and learning how to make blind dates productive and even enjoyable, this article is for you.
Myth #1: Blind dates are silly because you can just as well meet someone spontaneously.
Fact: Let’s face it. If you’re working full time, how many opportunities do you have to suddenly meet a potential dating partner? The majority of married couples will tell you: They did not meet at a club or in college. Someone introduced them. The sooner you accept that a blind date can be the most valuable tool in searching for your soul mate, the sooner your whole outlook on blind dates will take a positive turn – and so will your ability to utilize them.
Myth #2: Your first impression on a blind date is usually correct. Go with it.
Fact: The area where first impressions count least might just be blind dates. Anyone can be nervous on a first date, or have had an awful day at work. Be honest: Do you show who you really are inside on that first, blind date? Well, neither does your date. Instead, look at it as an icebreaker. Don’t make any decisions if they’re based on mere impressions. Just relax and enjoy the evening as much as possible. Don’t let first impressions get in the way.
Myth #3: If you don’t click right away, then you aren’t right for each other.
Fact: Although many of us expect to click instantly with the person who is right for us, in reality that doesn’t happen too often. Instant connections are rare, and for most people they take several meetings to develop. So if you find that you have a few things in common, or some aspects of your date’s personality appeals to you – that’s enough to go out on a second date.
Myth #4: If you don’t feel physically attracted very early on, you never will.
Fact: Even though physical attraction is an obvious requisite for marriage, it does not necessarily come instantly. If a man prefers women who are tall, dark and exotic looking, then when he goes out with a petite, blonde, blue-eyed woman it will take him another date or two to appreciate her looks no matter how beautiful she is. The thing is that, when you begin to like a person for who they are, you find yourself appreciating their physical appearance, too.
Now that we’ve dealt with the myths, we can get down to some practical advice: How to survive and enjoy (!) a blind date – and how to set the stage for date number two.
1) Don’t spend more than a few minutes talking about your job. Your date wants to see who you are, and if you have the personal qualities they think are important in a future spouse. You are not going to impress the other person by showing them what an accomplished business executive you are. A date is not a job interview. Show the softer side of your personality.
2) Be a good listener. Remember, you want to get to know the person you’re with. Show a genuine interest in your date by picking up on a hobby, interest or project that she mentioned. Let him know that you’re interested in what he’s saying.
3) Keep the conversation light. You do not want to reveal your deepest secrets to someone you hardly know and are not sure if you will ever see again. And they don’t want to hear you pour your heart out over whatever may or not be going wrong in your life. A good rule is to stick to “airplane talk” – the kind of information you would share with a complete stranger who is sitting next to you on a flight.
4) If it’s hard for you to make small talk, practice beforehand. Not everyone has the gift of gab. If you don’t, then practice ahead of time by going over possible topics of conversation. If you’re really shy, then role-play with a friend and walk yourself through that first date.
5) Some ideas for conversation on that first date: These ideas will help you stimulate the kind of conversation you want to have on a first date – conversation that will help you learn a little bit about each other’s values and way of thinking, and will also form the basis for more conversation on the second date.
Who do you most admire? How did they inspire you? What has been the most satisfying achievement of your life? Is there something you’ve always dreamt about doing? What is your most treasured possession, and why?
6) Don’t stretch the date out for too long. There is a limit to how much conversation two people can sustain when they go out for the first time. The ideal first date should last between two and two and a half hours, and should give both of you the opportunity to talk in a pleasant and relatively quiet atmosphere; a walk through a beautiful park followed by a good cup of coffee and dessert is great. Men, if you are dealing with social expectations that demand that you take her out for a costly evening, take this advice anyway. Don’t go for a five course meal. And if you’re going to a concert, make sure you have time either before or after to talk with each other.
Now that you’ve exploded the myths and gotten some great advice, you can put it to work. Next time you have a blind date, keep all this in mind and see the differ

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
186
25 7

“I’ve waited so long for love to come into my life, yet now that it’s here, I’m depressed. I can’t figure this out,” complained Elayne in one of our phone counseling sessions. “Todd is really terrific. He’s all I’ve been wanting in a man – open, caring, and emotionally available. I really think there is something wrong with me.”
“When did you start to feel depressed?” I asked.
“Well, I think it started last week right after we spent a wonderful weekend together.”
“What happened after the weekend?”
“It was Sunday evening. We had just come back from an early dinner, and Todd wanted to watch a movie with me on TV. I told him that I wanted to go to the gym because I hadn’t worked out in a few days. He sounded disappointed in not watching the movie with me, so I didn’t go to the gym. I stayed and watched the movie with him because I didn’t want him to feel hurt and rejected.”
“And that’s when you started to feel depressed?”
“Yes. Can it really be because I didn’t go to the gym?”
“Well,” I said, “It’s not exactly because you didn’t go to the gym. You probably enjoyed watching the movie with him, right?”
“Right! A part of me did want to watch the movie with him, because I do love being with him. That’s why I can’t figure this out.”
“Elayne, I think that the problem is that you make Todd’s feelings and needs more important than your feelings and needs. You gave yourself up to Todd out of fear of his upset feelings. I don’t think you would have been depressed if you had decided that you really wanted to watch the movie with Todd more than you wanted to go to the gym. But it doesn’t sound like you took the time to go inside to see what you really wanted. What were you afraid would have happened if you had gone to the gym?”
“I was afraid that he would be angry at me and withdraw from me.”
“So you were willing to lose yourself rather than risk losing him, is that right?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I did.”
“So controlling his feelings and behavior was more important than taking loving care of yourself?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I didn’t realize that I was trying to control him by not going to the gym, but I can see that that is exactly what I was doing.”
“So, imagine that your feelings and needs are a child within you, and Todd’s feelings and needs are a child within him. If you put aside your child to take care of his child, how is your child going to feel?”
“Oh, I see! I feel depressed because I gave myself up and put my child aside to take care of his child! Wow, this relationship stuff is hard! I also feel trapped and resentful, like Todd is somehow not letting me do what I want to do. And as soon as I didn’t go to the gym, which is what I really wanted to do, I didn’t feel very attracted to him.”
“Right. And Todd may have been trying to control you with his disappointment. Has he felt rejected and hurt in the past when you didn’t do what he wanted?”
“Yes, he does this sometimes. I hate it when he feels like that. Now I can see that he is trying to control me with his hurt, and I’m trying to control him by giving myself up. I can also see that this is not going to work well.”
Elayne decided to talk with Todd about what she had learned. Fortunately, Todd was very open to understanding his own behavior as well as Elayne’s. Elayne made the decision to risk letting go of responsibility for Todd’s feelings and take responsibility for her own feelings and needs. Elayne’s depression quickly vanished as she started to take lovie of herself.

Tracy Togliatti
629
25 7

Nothing tells a woman you love her more than your time and attention. This article is going to cover the basics of giving her a special night of massage and passion and also offer some ideas that you may never thought of before!
It’s a popular gift item to get gift certificates for a professional massage. That is a very nice gift. It’s sure to bring stress relief and significantly improves physical and emotional health. There is only one thing that is lacking with this gift. That is passion. My suggestion is to give her a gift certificate for a massage from you! That’s right, you are going to give her a nice, long, slow body massage that will completely relax and refresh her. It’s going to be sensual and loving and your imagination can lead you to how the massage will end up!
The first thing to do is to learn the techniques of a good massage. For an extra special gift, enroll both of you in a massage class that you can take together and then practice on each other. The rest of your gift can be your own special “graduation” party for the two of you when classes have ended.
If you don’t have the time to enroll in a class, or can’t find one close to where you live, do some Internet research. Go to your favorite search engine and type in “How to give a massage”. I ran the search and found dozens of sites that will teach you to massage like the pros do! I’m not going to spend a lot of time in this article describing the information I found, because I’m more interested in sharing the complete event with you.
Now, before you give the massage there are a few things you want to make sure you have on hand that will help set the mood and will enhance the complete experience. You want to involve all of her senses during your special time together.
Set a time where there will be no distractions. To make the time extra special, book a room at a nice hotel close by your house. There will be no thinking about the dirty dishes or a ringing telephone when you are away from it all. Otherwise, turn off the phones and make sure your time will be alone time without interruption from children or a barking dog.
The room you choose to be in should be warm with no drafts. Find some extra soft blankets and put them on the floor, or even a long sturdy table if you have one of those handy. Your goal is to provide a hard, but comfortable surface for the massage.
Next you’ll want to make sure and have some beautiful music ready. There is a big selection of romantic music you can choose from. Set it at a comfortable listening level, making sure it’s not too loud. My personal favorite romantic CD is Euphoria, Sensual Soundscapes. This CD is ideally suited for massage and passion!
Next, turn off the lights and have a variety of lighted candles around the room. The more candles, the better, without creating a fire hazard. Try to find unscented ones if the massage oil you will be using is scented. If the massage oil isn’t deliciously scented though, find candles that have an earthy, not fruity smell. The earthy smells are more relaxing and sensual.
Pick massage oil that is also healthy for her skin. This will leave her feeling scrumptious long after the massage is over. HappyHer Massage Oil contains Soybean Oil, Olive Oil, Almond Oil, Jojoba Oil, and Vitamin E. It also comes in a huge assortment of light scents to pick one you think she will like the best. Remember, she may end up returning the favor someday, so get something that you can both feel good about having rubbed into your skin.
Now that you have the room ready, bring your partner in. You don’t want to start with the massage immediately and here is what a lot of articles fail to tell you. Setting the mood is the most important element of the entire time you spend together. Share a glass of wine, or gourmet tea. Look deeply in your eyes and talk about the things about her that you are grateful for. It doesn’t have to be too emotional if you aren’t comfortable with that, but talk about nice things and let her know in detail what you plan to do to her. Your goal is to establish an emotional and mental connection. She will feel more secure and loved and will enjoy the rest of the evening’s attention a hundred times more.
During the massage, don’t talk. Gently let her know that you don’t want any talking to interrupt her feeling the massage from the deepest levels. Now, take your time and enjoy using your hands all over her body. The last tip I’ll leave you with is to make sure and let her know when the massage has ended how beautiful she is to you. Massage can be very intimate and you both might feel vulnerable afterwards. Making sure you are reassuring to her will assure you that you melt her heart completely!
I hope this article has your creative juices running over what you can do for the woman who has your heart. If you would like more suggestions, please feel free to email me anytime!ZZ

Irina Sbitneva
278
25 7

Look around the (online dating) web and you will notice that the online dating scene is a lot focused on single Russian women and other East European women. The reason that in particular women from these countries are looking for a foreign partner is generally known, but will not be discussed in this article. But I do like to give you some tips when you must NOT dating or contacting Russian women.
Let me give you 6 valuable tips:
Tip 1.
If you are a single man and you don’t want to be single anymore then you probably already are using the Internet as a source to find a new partner. But fun dating, chatting and ‘playing around’ with people from your own culture or country is something different then being determined to find specific a Russian woman with the one and only purpose: to marry her. This means traveling to Russia (to meet her), possible language barrier, learning about the Russian (women) culture, be prepared for unexpected situations, like money expenses, possible scam situations (if you are looking in the wrong places) and many more.
If you are not convinced about yourself that this is all worth for you, then don’t start dating or contacting Russian women. A serious looking Russian woman who is a formal member of a serious established agency has already prepared herself before she decides to register herself as a possible candidate for serious looking single men from all over the world. She is not looking for pen pals or everlasting month’s of email correspondence, no she is looking for a life partner with one main purpose: to build a happy family.
Tip 2.
If you think that register yourself at some dubious free dating site would be enough to present yourself as a serious looking single man, who is looking for a serious marriage minded Russian woman with the expectation that many women will contact you first, then don’t start to find your future Russian wife in these places, because you will not find them here. These kind of sites can be fun of course, but are also hotbeds for possible scammers.
Believe me, I have unfortunately a lot of experience with men who started at the wrong places. Be smart and take a huge head-start by avoiding these places.
Tip 3.
There are people who register themselves in men’s catalogs with photographs as if they are looking like ‘Tarzan’s’ or use photo’s only wearing swimming shorts, just to impress young good looking ladies. And write a biography using 3 lines like “Hello, my name is [name], I am a single man looking for a young beautiful woman who also likes music, going out, having fun and drive fast cars, if you are interested, then please write me back”
If you identify yourself with that kind of persons, then don’t contact or try to impress Russian women in such way. Russian women are not looking for Brad Pitt look-alikes or muscles like Sylvester Stallone. They are not judging ‘looks’ at all, and you will find out why if you take the trouble to do this the right way.
Tip4.
If you think Russian women are looking for any (western) man just because you think they are looking for a new country, a better life, a wealthy man, no matter if he is 20 years older than she is, then please keep on dreaming. They just seek compatible partners for long term-relationships and marriage and want to love and be loved, that’s all no more, no less!
Tip 5.
If you don’t have a regular job or (enough) income or don’t have a house/apartment (rent or owned) big enough to live with a family, or if you have any serious criminal records (I am not talking about non paid parking tickets), then don’t try to bring a Russian woman into your country. You will not succeed. Not because of my personal advise which has nothing to do with this, but because of the strict regulations, procedures and rules that are imposed by the authorities when you have the intention to immigrate a Russian woman into your country. Please advise the official USCIS website by yourself: http://uscis.gov/graphics/howdoi/fiance.htm
Tip 6
If you think, that when she finally joins you in your country, you can start living your ‘normal’ life again and if you think she is capable enough to find her own way in your (for her) strange country, to find at once a job, to teach herself your language and find by herself new friends and if you think she should be ‘thankful’ that you have ‘pulled her out’ her poor mafia controlled and corrupted country, then don’t start even thinking about contacting a Russian woman. At least the first month’s she will need extra support from you to settle herself with you as a ‘just married’ husband-and-wife couple and she has to adjust to your country (customs), your culture, your language, your friends, your colleague’s, your shops, your train and bus schedule, your etc. and that takes time and patience from both of you.
But my (western) husband and I can assure you: It’s all worth it!
Please do not think I am some weird arrogant Russian woman and do understand that I am certainly not trying to discourage you to ‘date’ Russian women, on the contrary, I only want to give you some serious tips about the things that really won’t work and if you want to learn more, please visit my website http://www.russian-women-info.com and start reading my Information and Advice chapters.
Irina Sbitneva,
A Russian woman who owns and operates a website ‘Are you crazy enough to marry a Russian woman?’ about finding, contacting, meeting and marrying a Russian woman. Irina is a former scientist of the Institute of Immunology in Moscow and left Russia 5 years ago to marry her foreign d.

Dr. Robert Huizenga
88
25 7

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably mid or late 30s and younger.
Usually one reports, “falling out of love” and is truly disturbed by this shift. He/she (and this is not merely a female problem!) wants to “recapture” those feelings.
This person has found a “significant other” who has stirred those dormant feelings and this person once again “feels in love.”
They are determined not to “settle” for a less than an ideal relationship, which means, of course, feeling the love feelings.
Here are some Key Points for this kind of affair. (The 6 others are outlined in my E-book.)
1. Unfortunately, our culture (movies, songs, romance novels, soap operas, romance comedies) teaches us that this is how it’s supposed to be. “Falling in love” is the norm – the implication being, that if it doesn’t happen, or if it goes away, something is wrong – with you, your spouse or the marriage. A good relationship must first unlearn a great deal.
2. The person who was driven to find “that loving feeling” (reminds me of a song…) usually experiences a high degree of guilt and conflict. He/she is often married to a “good” person and the desire to “find that loving feeling” seems selfish (which it is) and immature (which it is). Intuitively (and this person usually has a great deal of intuition and sensitivity) it is known at another level that he/she is not on the right path.
3. This person usually has a need for drama and excitement. Life easily becomes a soap opera. Emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns rather than living life from the core of who one is.
4. There is little understanding, or perhaps healthy models, of the shifts needed as a relationship matures. For example, “falling out of love” usually happens when the attractors become the distracters. For example: His love for fun and spontaneity, which drew her initially to him, becomes irresponsibility. Her stability and calm, which drew him initially to her, become control.
5. The person “looking for love” is actually looking for the ideal, someone out there, who will project back to him/her that he/she is OK. No, more than OK, close to perfect.
6. This person needs to be adored, or think another adores him/her, because there is a lack of inner strength and solid identity. The other becomes my world, because I lack a world. Being “in love” is the panacea for my emptiness.
7. Sexual intercourse does not need to be a part of these relationships. Sexual activity may indeed END the relationship or at least move it to the point where the attractors become, again, the distracters. The idealized images may be held together by long phone calls, gifts, holding, love letters, e-mails, etc.
8. This type of affair often occurs when there is a “lull” in the marriage relationship. The responsibility of raising children, starting and maintaining a career, paying bills, etc. become the focal point for the couple. Romance becomes a foreign word. People are especially vulnerable for this type of affair after the children are in school and/or the oldest child reaches early adolescence. (There are good reasons for this, from a family systems perspective, but I won’t get into that here.)
Tip: If your spouse is struggling with this type of relationship, make sure you hold and care for your self. Your spouse does not have the capacity to do this for you (or anyone) at this point. Yes, you are ok. Her/his affair says less about you and much more about the emptiness within her/him. It is time for you to know you better. Model for him/her what it means to be a person with a core, with integrity, with boundaries, with values, with meaning, with purpose and actively figure out what your needs are, and get them met. Maybe she will ask questions. Maybe she will not. Maybe soon. Maybe later.
For more information on the different kinds of affairs, what causes them, the probabilities of them ending a marriage and what you can do about it, my site.

Dawn Goldberg
678
25 7

Each of us has a variety of roles we play in life. Some of my most important roles are as a woman, as a mother, and as a wife. I am currently reading a book that eloquently speaks to all three.
The book is The Bitch in the House, edited by Cathy Hanauer. It’s a series of essays written by women about being women: being wives, mothers, workers in our world. It mostly deals with the rage, uncertainty, and sometimes confusion over our lives. It’s incredibly well written (really, really, really well written – after all, most of these essayists are professional writers), and it has the potential to help bring us together as a gender.
Each essay is different and is written from the point of view, frame of reference, and experience of each individual woman. Many of the essays center around marriage, or the decision not to marry, and parenting, or the decision not to parent. These writers bare their souls about the mistakes they’ve made, the problems they have, and how they’re working toward their dreams. Each has found a different answer to her particular point of view.
The essay I just finished today had to do with a woman who, after one disastrous marriage, decided to avoid marriage altogether. Well (and you see this coming, don’t you?), she meets a new, great guy, they get married, and now she needs to reconcile the fact that she doesn’t want to lose her individuality with her true love for her husband. In her essay, she talks about how marriage differs from the courtship in that the mysterious, unknown woman he was courting is replaced by a woman whom he knows intimately, and for whom there are no surprises.
She talks about how she doesn’t want her husband to know her so well that he’s no longer intrigued. She says she doesn’t want him to know her “fall dance, winter dance, spring dance. . .That idea gives me the creeps. I do not ever allow my husband to think that he fully knows me, that he has that access.”
After reading about this woman who goes out into her garden where her husband is not allowed and smokes (which she says is completely forbidden) in order to remain somewhat a mystery, I took a look at what I have and want in my own marriage.
I have to disagree with her. I want my husband to know me. I want him to know my fall dance, winter dance, and spring dance. There’s a comfort in being known, in not having to explain what kinds of books I like or the fact that I really hate fake wood paneled basements (a strange leftover from childhood) or that I have trouble buying bras and panties (oh, yes, he’s intimately acquainted with all my foibles!).
I like being able to say one word, and he knows exactly what I mean. Now, that kind of intimate knowledge could lead to boredom, a kind of ennui about our relationship. I choose for it not to. Instead of feeling bored and sighing, “Oh, yes, I know what’s he’s going to say – how trivial,” we’re on a different level where we can skip past the explanation of what that means and on to the next subsequent thought or idea.
Something else that comes as a result of years together is all the shared memories. We can see a green Ford Explorer, and we both think back to the time when we were in college and saw a green Explorer with a baby seat in the back and a Christmas tree on the top – all of our dreams rolled into one vehicle (it was only missing a dog leash, as far as we could see). If I’m with someone else and see a green Explorer, there’s no shared frame of reference. And I would feel alone. And sad.
Now, I completely get that in a marriage much of the intrigue is gone. Once he sees you plucking your eyebrows and shaving your legs, one could say that some of the mystery is gone. However, that loss of mystery and intrigue is replaced by the comfort of a shared life. When we hear Peter Gabriel’s song, “In Your Eyes,” we immediately look at each other, both thinking back to the first movie we watched together, Say Anything (my husband has a romantic streak although he may not admit it in public).
Do I sometimes long for those days where we were just getting to know each other, and everything, including our physical relationship, was new and exciting? Sure. But there’s something else about those days. There was some fear and anxiety about them, too. What if he really gets to know me and doesn’t like me? What if he thinks I’m a flake (a real possibility)? And then, as we got more and more serious: is he going to want the same things I’m going to want?
Can it sometimes be annoying when he tries to finish my sentences for me? Absolutely. Especially when he nails it right on the head. Do I sometimes get satisfaction from those times that I do surprise him? You betcha. But for the most part, I want the comfort and safety in knowing that he knows me, just about every bit of me, and he still wants me.
I really don’t want to exchange that comfort for mystery. So, while I’m dealing with the rage, uncertainty, and confusion in my own life, I’ll do so with the secure knowledge that my biggest advantage is my husband, who loves me, knows me, and continues to be intrigued by me.

Enid Steiner
599
25 7

Have you ever wondered how to set up the perfect home when living with roommates? Well the wait is over. As you’ll discover creating the perfect home is a bit like baking the perfect cake – it’s all about the ingredients.
The key to setting up the perfect home with roommates is finding the right combination of ingredients for you. This combination will be different for each household as roommates have different ideas, thoughts and personalities.
It’s never too early or late to create your perfect home. You can plan your home with your new roommates before or when moving in, or alternatively with existing roommates to decide how you would like to live in the future. It’s a good idea to sit down with all of your roommates to discuss and find the perfect combination of these essential ingredients. This way you can make sure that all roommates are happy and everyone’s idea of the perfect home is created. Also, taking the time and planning how you would like to live, can save you time, money and hardship.
Simply, take these 10 essential ingredients, give them a bit of your own personal touch and you’ll be able set up the home that’s right for you.
1. Dwelling Type
Do you wish to live in a house, apartment or townhouse? The type of dwelling determines not only the rent but also the amount of maintenance that needs to be done. For example, when living in a house you will need to make sure the lawn is mowed and the garden kept tidy.
2. Lease
Will each person need to be on the lease or will the leaseholder sublet to other roommates? This is an important decision as it can have serious legal consequences for each roommate.
3. Rent
Does the rent include expenses like telephone, electricity and household items or will these be extra expenses and paid for separately? You will need to decide how and when the rent will be collected as well as how much money needs to be put aside for common household items like dishwashing detergent or light bulbs.
4. Extra Expenses
Will expenses like telephone, cable TV and/or Internet be divided equally or on a user-pays basis? When implementing a user-pays system, you will have to decide how everyone’s usage will be calculated, for example, each roommate may need to enter their own pin number when using the phone.
5. Conflict Resolution
How will disagreements and disputes be handled in the household? Having a plan will allow conflicts to be solved quickly and easily.
6. Grocery Shopping
Do you wish to share grocery shopping expenses and buy items as a household or prefer each person be responsible and buy their own food and grocery items?
7. Household Chores
How will the house or apartment be kept tidy and clean? Will each person be accountable for a few chores or will everyone tidy up after themselves? You may like to set up a roster so each roommate knows which chores they need to do.
8. Furniture and Shared Household Items
Will roommates need to bring their own furniture and how will common living areas be furnished? You may also wish to create a plan on how to deal with damaged furniture and breakages.
9.Entertaining
Do roommates need to check with each other before throwing a party or can friends of roommates come and go as they please? Roommates with different social habits often have different ideas about entertaining so having some guidelines may come in handy.
10. Special Household Rules
Do you wish to make any special household rules, for example, roommates need to give 2 weeks notice before moving out? It’s important that everyone knows these rules before they move in and agree to follow them.
These 10 key ingredients brings your household back to the drawing board and lets you put the pieces of the puzzle together one piece at a time. It clarifies what’s important to each roommate so that you can create a home that runs smoothly and happily. So, just remember, when you take the right ingredients and the right roommates, you can build the right home for you.
Happy Roommate Hunting

Elizabeth Greene
532
25 7

What a joy it is to know that you’ll be bringing all your closest family members and friends together to celebrate your wedding! As you begin to contemplate the type of entertainment that you’ll offer your guests, it dawns on you that it will be no easy task to find the perfect wedding band or DJ that will please your entire crowd. How can your band or DJ delight your parents without boring your friends? Or perform at a volume that will make your friends want to jump up and dance without blowing your parents and their friends out of the room?
Striking the perfect balance of wedding music to please everyone can be difficult, but if you do enough research you will be able to find seasoned professionals who are used to entertaining people of every generation and musical taste. Bands and DJs that are inexperienced can really miss the mark in this regard. It takes a number of years of playing “out in the field” to become adept at working with a crowd to see what works and what doesn’t.
You can start your planning by really digging into your research as to what songs and artists will please your parents. Everyone loves to dance to familiar tunes that bring back their high school days. Find out what songs were popular when they were growing up. It will make them feel young again and they will really appreciate your thoughtfulness at including “their music”.
If you spend some time listening to what your parents love to dance to, you will find songs that have broad appeal. These are the songs to request that your band or DJ play.
There are two good approaches to mixing in the “older music”. One way to do this is to start out the reception “European style”, with lighter and older music that is played at a lower volume. Show tunes, love songs, swing, big band music and oldies work well early in the night with this format. Older relatives are less shy than friends, so they usually love to get out on the floor early. Also, many of them have been to parties where “their music” has been left out or neglected, so that they will want to take advantage of a familiar favorite by getting up on the floor.
Later in the night, especially after dinner is completed, you can have your wedding band or DJ cut loose with the perfect mix of songs that you and your friends love. If you add in a ballad here and there, everyone will have a chance to catch their breath, and those who have been “sitting it out” will have another chance to get up and dance!
Another way to keep everyone happy is to mix things up all night long. As long as your band or DJ plays at a moderate volume, even the most upbeat music won’t be overbearing. If you can, seat your older relatives at tables farther away from your band or DJ’s speakers. Younger guests are less sensitive to volume and will object less to the higher levels of sound that will result from sitting in closer proximity to the sound system.
Be sure that any band that you consider has many years experience performing at wedding receptions and has an extensive song list. The more extensive the list is, the more likely you will be able to choose the right mix of songs for your crowd.
Don’t assume that your DJ will have all the songs that you want without letting him or her know your preferences well beforehand. Prepare your list and give it to your entertainers at least four weeks ahead of the party. In addition to requesting your favorite tunes, you can also mention which songs you do not want heard at your wedding reception. Clear communication with the bandleader or DJ is essential so that the appropriate music is played at your affair.
Your wedding day is your special day, but do not forget you are sharing it with many guests of various ages and musical tastes. With some careful planning and proper communication with your wedding entertainers, bridging the musical generation gap will become possible and significantly contribute to the success of your special day.ZZZZZZ

Lisa Stuart
670
25 7

If you are looking to attract and experience a relationship with the love of your life, something vitally important to not ignore is how you look each and every time you step out your front door into the world. You should look good every single time.
Now, that doesn’t mean you have to put on a three piece suit or that you have to wear your best dress just to run errands. However, it does mean that you shouldn’t wear your sweats that have paint on them from your last home improvement project or an old t-shirt that is full of holes. So, at the very least, just dress in a decent outfit and make sure your hair is brushed and a little makeup on if you’re a woman. You’ll find that your efforts are directly proportional to your results.
What happens when you make sure that you look good whenever you walk out your front door is that you will automatically feel better about yourself than you would if you had just thrown on those paint-covered sweats and old t-shirt.
When you feel good about yourself because you look good, it essentially opens the door and clears the way for others to feel good about you as well. And if you happen to run into someone attractive, anywhere you are, you then don’t have to give a second thought to how you might look. You have already taken the time to address the issue and so it will no longer be a worry.
Ask yourself how many times in the past you didn’t look the greatest and you saw an attractive person and you completely went out of your way to avoid them because you immediately realized how awful you looked? How would things have been different if you were dressed in something better and you had groomed yourself just minimally?
When you have the mindset that those extra few minutes in front of a mirror will serve to help you attract the love of your life, you’ll find that you want to do it and it won’t be a hassle. In turn, it will give you the confidence you might need to be more approachable or to approach someone. You really just never know when or where you’ll meet someone special, so look good first and foremost. Then, all you have to worry about is remembering to smile and doing whatever it takes to strike up a conversation.
Warmest Regards,
Lisa Stuart