Online Dating

Cheryl Lewis
110
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Browsing through the personal classifieds can be quite frustrating if you really don’t know what qualities or the type of personality it is that you are searching for in the person you are seeking, or in the relationship you are seeking.
Questions you need to ask yourself before and as you are reading through the personal sections again are: Why are you searching for someone, do you want a companion, a serious relationship or just to make friends with someone new with the hopes of dating. Who are you looking for, are you searching for someone tall, short, thin, stout, young, old, divorced, widowed, single, married, and the list goes on to include all personal choices and preferences in people.
Discussing this theory a little more in detail – If you have a problem dating someone with kids, you should skip over the classifieds that reveal those people who have kids or you will only be letting yourself down in the end when you are building a relationship. This theory pertains to all of the listings, for example, if you are searching for someone that is just for you, without ever sharing that person with another, search for someone who has never been married or who is not a widow (widower). Once you know whom you are searching for, you will be able to read the personal classifieds with more confidence and decision making abilities.
Read the classifieds completely, tracking the writing that interests you the most so that you can go back and compare, reread or contact that person. Reading through the entire personal section, or at very least the section that applies your target interest group, you will find a variety of people with vast differences in personalities just through the short descriptions available.
Now is the tough time to write your contact letter, made much simpler if you have already created your profile for replies to read about you. Starting your reply is easy with an opening such as, ‘I have read your profile and found you are most intriguing (interesting, exciting, provocative)’ or you could use something more elaborate such as ‘Your profile interested me to the point where I had to contact you right away to find out what we have in common’. While there are many expressions and various phrases you can use when writing your opening letter, the contact letter is truly going to be a reflection of your personality, and what you are searching for in a relationship.
The first example of ‘I have read your profile and found you are most intriguing’, would reveal that you are interested. Are you searching for friendship in the classified section? Try using the first example building on that sentence to read along the lines of: ‘I would like the opportunity to get to know you better and talk a while’. But if you are searching for a lover through the personals, the second sentence could read: ‘I really would love to get to know you better, find out what type of person you are searching for and hopefully to create a match with you’. The point here is to keep your true feelings within the boundaries of words, not scaring off someone if you are just wanting to be friends, while on the other hand if you are searching for a lover don’t hide behind words of a friendly chat.
Top ideas to use in your opening introduction letter are express your interest to your potential ‘date’ using your writing to express why you are contacting that person. Reveal to this person how you propose to meet their needs in their search for a friend, companion or lover using expressive words such as ‘I intend to’ or ‘I would like to’ or even ‘I have been searching through the classifieds and found your profile appealing to me because’. Give just a few hints about your where you are located, without revealing to much about your without determining whether the two of you will continue a conversation. Use phrases like, ‘I am from the east coast’ or ‘I live south of California’ or other such general terms, revealing your location to a particular location through later conversations. Your initial contact with a proposed ‘date’ should be about the type of person you are searching for, why you have been using resources online to search for someone special, and what you are hoping to gain from a relationship from this person with personal details revealed through additional conversations as your ‘relationship’ trust grows.
Online personals have been created for the user to act anonymously while investigating the possibilities of friendship, love and for finding that someone special to spend your life with. Using your thoughts and feelings through this situation, creatively with expressive words without misleading readers will allow you to reach your destination, of finding that someone special, faster and easier that you would be able to in any othertion.

Pradeep Aggarwal
544
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On first dates conversation can be uncomfortably slow at times. You don’t know much about the person and you have no history with them so it can be difficult to find things to talk about. Add a little bit of nervousness and tension to the situation and things are downright awkward.
This article will give you a few ideas to help you start great conversations on a date with people that you may not know very well. But first, it’s important to understand a few things about socializing on dates.
People like to talk about themselves! Most of us would rather talk about our life than listen to someone else talk about theirs. There is nothing wrong with that, it’s just human nature. With that in mind the conversation starters I give you later in this article purposely focus the conversation on the other person.
It’s a good idea to keep all conversation positive–never bring up negative things like death. It’s also wise to avoid controversial subjects like religion, politics, and abortion until you get to know the person better.
Try desperately to keep away from all “canned” conversations like, “So, what do you do?” or, “Where are you from?” This stuff is important to know later on (maybe the second or third date) but it makes you seem dull and unoriginal… not the kind of image you want to portray on the first date.
Here are some good conversation starters that focus the conversation on the other person:
“Have any pets?”
This should start up a lively conversation because people LOVE their pets and LOVE talking about them even more. If they don’t have any pets then just move on to something else. Or, you could ask, “Really? Why not?”
“Where did you get that _______?”
Ask them about a specific piece of jewelry or clothing. This conversation starter works particularly well with a really unique piece of jewelry or clothing… something they might be interested in telling the story behind.
“Have you ever ________?”
Ask about something that you are knowledgeable about or enjoy doing. This is a good way to find out if you have common ground. If they do have that interest in common with you then you will have plenty to talk about. If they don’t have that interest then just say, “Oh, I see.” They will ask, “Why do ask, have you?” Then answer honestly but don’t brag and don’t go on about it for too long–just move onto something else.
“Do you like sports?”
Men AND women are passionate about sports and all enthusiasts enjoy talking about them. Who knows, you both may enjoy the same sport… why not buy tickets and go to a game for your next date?
“Have you ever been to ________?”
Ask them if they have ever been to a local hotspot that you enjoy. Maybe it’s a club, restaurant, or amusement park. If they HAVEN’T been there then this is a great way to get a second date… “You haven’t been? You don’t know what you are missing out on, we have GOT to go…” All of these conversation starters are centered around topics that have the potential for interesting and exciting conversation.

Joel Orr
412
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My wife N’omi is often asked if she doesn’t believe in equality for women, because some of the things she says sound odd to the modern ear. But she always replies:
“Why should I give up superiority for mere equality? I have worked at developing my feminine traits and my human abilities. So as a woman, I am superior. But as a man, I’m a failure.
“Why waste my time trying to be something I’m not? I can compete well with men in terms of some of my human abilities. But just as men can never compete with women in terms of feminine traits, I can never compete with men in terms of masculine traits.
“And since I used to counsel a group of gay and lesbian people, I can say with authority that if you knew what female impersonators or sex-change people went through mentally, emotionally, and physically, you wouldn’t think it was so easy for men to compete with women at being female.
“I’ll never be as strong as most men-they generally have 300% the upper-body strength of most women! And I’ll never have the masterful presence of a man, no matter how powerful a presence I present as a woman.
“During the many years before I met Joel, I functioned as father and mother to five of my children. I was only able to fulfill the father role by telling my children stories of how wonderful their father was, and how much he loved them, and was proud of them. But I couldn’t BE a father to them; only a faithful mom.
“Physically, beyond the obvious gender differences, men are jointed differently from women, which enables them to excel at certain activities that women find more difficult-though a woman’s special jointing enables her to do things well that a man finds more difficult.
“Which makes my point: Each gender has gender-specific qualities, as well as human attributes.
“In fact, if a pathologist finds a single human bone, he can tell whether it was from a male or a female. A geneticist examining a single human cell can tell whether it is male or a female.
“So I believe in being the best of what I can be. That includes my feminine qualities, and it includes my human qualities. For this reason, I am a very strong woman, emotionally and mentally. I am not in conflict with myself or with the people around me.
“I am busy being me, and getting happier and more fulfilled with each passing year.”
N’omi is really that wonderful woman, powerful and focused on fulfilling her potential–in her own life, and in our life together.
So what do N’omi and I have? Are we equal? No, because equal means the same. Men and women are not the same.
The only way in which all people are “created equal” is that we all have the same 24 hours a day in which to make decisions about who we have decided to be.
Marriage is not 1 + 1 = 2. That would be equality. Marriage is a partnership, to which each partner brings a different assortment of qualities: character traits, aptitudes, attributes, opinions, beliefs, and other accumulated stuff that makes them who they are.
In fact, this means that no two humans, regardless of gender, are really “equal” when they meet.
But in marriage, you are joining two very different sets of qualities, and adding gender qualities to the equation. This is a volatile mix because marriage is a partnership of unequals, not an equality of two identical parties.
We need to discard the idea that “unequal” means one is superior and one inferior. That’s NOT what it means. “Unequal” just means “not the same,” or “different.” And anyone can see that every human is different from every other human.
Furthermore, many studies-psychological and physiological-show that men have many traits in common with each other that they don’t share with women. And many similar studies show that women have many traits in common with each other that they don’t share with men.
Bottom Line: Marriage is a partnership, but not an equality. As a partnership, it consists of two very different people who bring different qualities to the relationship. These qualities are of two kinds: Personal and gender. Personal qualities are individual and not gender-specific. But there are gender-specific qualities that exist and must be recognized for what they are before true partnership can blossom.
Remember: Men and women are two races that share the same planet, but not much else! To get along happily, they have to learn about what’s unchangeable-in their own and in their mate’s nature-and what can be modified.
Then they will stop blaming, and start working together. That’s partnership!

[ Submitted with ArticleSubmitter Pro – http://www.articlecity.com/article_submito.sh

Dr. Robert Huizenga
87
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I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.” One affair, “I Can’t Say NO!” is characterized by addictive tendencies. Infidelity (as well as pornography, strip clubs, online chatting, compulsive masturbation, etc.) may be a part of the sexual addiction.
Often the spouse or partner of a sexually addicted person intuitively knows of the addiction and the struggle his/her partner has with the behavior.
The partner often “feels for” his/her partner and is in a great quandary about staying in the marriage or leaving the marriage.
If you are a person facing this dilemma or know of someone who is, here are some pointed questions to help move more quickly through the decision making process:
1. Do you really want to save the marriage or are you just plain worn out? Does it seem that it would be much easier to just put up and tolerate the crazy kind of behavior you bump into with him? Are you emotionally fried and think of confronting him with your feelings and thoughts of ending the marriage as jumping into more emotional turmoil?
2. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you think you should hang in there for religious, moral or other “should” reasons? Most spouses who partner with those who can’t say no are very conscientious people. Is that you? Do you want to do the right thing? Are you willing to continue feeling the humiliation and facing the dangers because you believe you should stay in the marriage? Do convictions rather than practical and personal concerns dictate your decisions?
3. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you believe you should stay to protect the children? Do you think you are the only spouse who can care for the children? (You may be.) Or maybe your spouse cares deeply for the children and is a good parent. (That may be also.) Do you think that ending the marriage would make life immeasurably worse for your children? Do you fear for their welfare if you confront his behavior?
4. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you see absolutely no way out and are resigned to this marriage? You may experience a powerful pervasive feeling of being stuck. You may believe that you have tried everything and that it is in the best interest of everyone to stay where you are. Couple your weariness with your sense of being stuck and you may tolerate a great deal of disappointment and pain for the sake of the marriage.
5. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you see yourself as incapable of getting out? Your self-esteem may be at rock bottom. You may think of yourself as incapable of starting over, incapable of starting a new relationship, incapable of making the transition to a new life and incapable of making decisions on your own. It is not unusual for the spouse of someone who can’t say no to lose her sense of dignity and self-respect as he attempts to control, intimidate and dictate.
6. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you need to protect him? Do you see beyond what is there to him basic emptiness and fear? It’s there and you know it? Perhaps you fear what might happen to him if you do indeed leave? Will he be able to cope? What destructive path might he take next? So you hang in there, aware of his underlying pain and hope some day it will be addressed.
7. Do you really want to save the marriage or do you live in the fear that if you talk about leaving you will face danger? Perhaps you might face violence? You might face the emotional game playing at a new level of intensity? Does it seem wiser to hold back, not confront, not move toward change for fear of what he might say or do? Do you sometimes feel frozen with fear?
8. Do you really want to save the marriage or have you given no thought to how you might start over? This is a little different than the fear of starting over. Perhaps your life has been so wrapped around his or the care of your children that you have given little, if any, thought to you. Have you thought of your desires, your skills, your dreams, your hopes and your future apart from him? Or, apart from your children?
Take some time to seriously and thoughtfully address these questions. Once you do, you may experience a new found freedom to act and move in new ways.Z

Paul and Layne Cutright
710
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Breaking Up, Separation, and Divorce Can Be Devastating –
But May Also Provide the Opportunity for Self-Examination
and a New Beginning

There is nothing easy about ending a love relationship.
Breaking up is seldom the ideal resolution to problems
within relationships, but all too often is the outcome,
despite our best efforts to prevent it. Over the past
two or three decades, about half of all marriages have
ended in divorce, and the statistics for cohabitation
(or living together) are higher than this.

The person who was once your best friend and your
companion for life, the one who knew you better than
anyone else, has now in some ways become your enemy.
You cannot believe that this has happened.
How could that love have been destroyed? The breakup of a
relationship is one of life’s most emotionally painful
experiences.
The depth of pain depends on many factors – how
sensitive you are to
the meaning of your life experiences, how much you
have idealized the relationship, and how much you
depended on your partner to make your life worthwhile.

A broken relationship shatters much that we have
known and dreamed
about. Our relationships, especially intimate
relationships, help us define who we are. Our values,
our views of the world,
and how we define our most intimate feelings are all
embodied within our love relationships. When our relationship
comes to an end, our lives enter a chaotic period for which we
may be unprepared. We suddenly find ourselves dealing
with a host of emotions and thoughts – grieving, despair,
anger, revenge and retaliation, hoping for a miracle,
negotiating, feeling out of control, hoping for
happiness again and not knowing how to get
there, fear, and loneliness – and little of it seems
to make sense. (And where is your partner when you need
him or her the most?)

Most of us have never acquired the tools to deal with a loss
of this magnitude. When we entered the relationship, we put
our energies into building a life with our partner. We put
little effort into learning to be alone again. A breakup
forces us to jump into an overwhelming, and often dreaded,
world of new experiences.

It is comforting to learn that this time of craziness
will come to a close. The sun will shine again. The pain
of a breakup, if it is approached constructively, can propel
people to confront personal issues and to discover who they
are at this stage of life. Many people look back on the time
following their breakup as the best time in their lives.
It may be painful, but it is also a time when a person can
feel fully alive and impelled to look within to determine
their strengths, abilities, and challenges.

The ending of a love relationship follows a predictable set
of experiences. It is helpful to recognize the feelings
associated with each stage of a breakup and to know that
these feelings are normal and expected. If you have
difficulty in handling the negative feelings that
accompany the phases of the process, it will probably
be a challenge to cope effectively as you move toward
the completion of the breakup. If you accept your
painful feelings and explore why things are difficult,
you become better able, as a more integrated person,
to see your way to a happier resolution.

Let’s look at a few of the predictable stages commonly
experienced by those in the process of a breakup.

Denial

Denying the truth of the breakup actually helps us to
postpone the pain, so denial certainly has a place in
the process, at least initially. A problem occurs when
we experience so much denial that we are unable to come
to terms with the reality of the task before us. There
comes a day when “this is not happening to me” is no
longer an effective way of coping. Ending the denial
stage involves a major shift in our thinking about
ourselves, what our partner means to us, and where we
must go from here.

Fear

Most people experiencing a breakup are forced to come
to terms with a number of fears. What will people say?
Whom can I trust to talk to? How can I handle my partner’s
anger toward me? How do I deal with my own anger? Am I a
complete failure? How can I be a single parent?
What about money? Can I do the banking and buy
groceries and pay bills and fix the car? Can I
handle my loneliness? Am I completely unlovable?
Will I ever love anyone else again? Do I have the
energy for this much change? When we are dominated
by our fears and feel unable to do anything about them,
we increase the likelihood that these will be the
very areas where we experience trouble. The best way
to handle fear is to confront it head on, with awareness,
planning, and support – and this takes courage.

Loneliness

The loneliness a person experiences at the time of a
breakup may feel overwhelming. The finality of ending
the relationship, uncertainty about the future, as well
as the knowledge that your partner will no longer be
there to comfort you or to spend time with you, all
contribute to an empty feeling that seems as if it will
not go away. While you were in the relationship, you
defined yourself as being partnered and you felt that
you always had someone there to share your experiences.
And now you don’t. The clue to dealing with this is to
change loneliness to aloneness. Loneliness suggests a
longing to be with another person. Aloneness can be a
time to see who you are – you have the opportunity to
explore your independence and challenge yourself to do
things on your own. It can be a valuable time of
self-exploration and self-enhancement. Aloneness
might not last long, or at least not long enough,
so it can be seen as a valuable opportunity.

Friendship

The breakup is a true test of just who your real
friends are. It is important to draw on the emotional
support of friends during this time. Unfortunately,
many of your friends were those who knew you as a
couple and they may have to choose between you.
Those who try to stay neutral may find it difficult.
Some may feel that your breakup somehow threatens
their own relationships, and some friends may now
find it difficult to relate to you as a single person.
Not only that, but you may find it difficult to trust
others during a breakup. Getting out, feeling free,
trusting wisely, and opening up to others becomes a
major goal of healthy adjustment.

Grieving

It is normal, and indeed necessary, to experience a
period of grieving over the end of the relationship.
You may feel depressed for some time and experience
changes in your energy levels, as well as your sleeping
and appetite patterns. You may dwell on negative
thoughts for a period of time and find it difficult
to find pleasure in everyday events. If your negative
thinking turns into self-destructive thoughts, you
should find a professional therapist who can help you.
As unpleasant as this period of grieving may feel,
comfort yourself with the knowledge that this is most
likely a temporary phase and it is how you are saying
goodbye so that you can move on to a healthier and happier
future.

Anger

People ending their relationships usually say that
they never knew they could have so much anger. The
rage seems overwhelming at times. Think about it
– you have just lost one of the most important things
in your life and your partner may seem like your enemy.
You have a lot to be angry about. Use this opportunity
to look within – explore your anger and find out how it
helps and hurts you. One rule: don’t engage in any
behavior you will feel sorry about later on! Because
it may be difficult to contain your anger at this time,
your partner is not the appropriate target for your anger.
Instead, process your anger by talking about it with a
trusted friend or therapist. Anger is helpful in the
sense that it helps us end the loyalty and trust we
used to feel for our partner, and this allows us to move on.

Think of the ending of your relationship as a journey,
which you take one step at a time. Some of these steps
are challenging. Not only do we have to confront all
of the stages listed above, but we must also deal with
making the final break emotionally, understand what
really went wrong, learn to feel comfortable with
ourselves again, see ourselves as single people,
make new friends, forge new purposes and goals, and
learn again about trust and love. As painful as this
journey may seem at first, it can lead to a life which
is better – and it can be much better.

Dumpers and Dumpees

A breakup seems easiest for couples who decide mutually
to end the relationship. In most cases, however, as
suggested by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti, in their
book, Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends, a breakup
involves a dumper, the party who takes the initiative to
end the relationship, and a dumpee, the one who wants the
relationship to continue. Sometimes, when one analyzes the
nature of the relationship, it may be difficult to decide
just who is the dumper and the dumpee. In general, however,
the dumper is the one who says it is all over, and the
dumpee is the one in shock who begs the other not to leave.
Dumpees often say they were taken completely by surprise
by their partner’s announcement.

The breakup experience is often very different for each
of the two parties. The dumper usually began preparing
for the end well before the final announcement, and the
actual parting often comes as a relief for the dumper.
The primary emotion experienced by the dumper is guilt.
The dumpee, on the other hand, is usually hit by surprise
and with a great deal of pain. The turmoil of the breakup
itself is usually much more intense for the dumpee, but it
is this pain that can motivate more personal growth. The
main task of the dumpee is to work through feelings of
rejection. Both parties usually experience a great deal
of pain as their relationship comes to an end, although
the pain of guilt is different from the pain of rejection.
For a healthy adjustment it is important to recognize
which role has been assumed, dumper or dumpee, and to
work on the issues appropriate to that role.

How Long Do I Wait Until I Get Into Another Relationship?

Expect that it will take at least a year before things
begin to feel at all normal again. For most of us,
depending on the length and the nature of our previous
relationship, it will take two or three years. This may
seem like an eternity, but in reality this is a wonderful
and precious opportunity to find out who you are as an
unattached individual. A word of warning is in order
– don’t expect to involve yourself with someone else
immediately! You are on the rebound. To attach yourself
prematurely in a love relationship is unfair to you and
to the other person. You must deal with important personal
issues when your previous love relationship comes to an end.
Living through the transition and exploring these issues
can be painful – and falling in love again may seem like
the perfect way to end the pain. But if you attach yourself
again too quickly, before you have a chance to explore the
issues which led to your breakup and to start to feel
comfortable again as a single and independent individual,
the other person becomes a replacement object, and that
is not what a healthy relationship is about. You will
probably carry into this replacement relationship the
same issues that helped to lead to the demise of your
former relationship – and similar events may very well
happen again.

Your real goal is to discover who you are and to explore
what happened. When you are at the point of being able
to have a happy and fulfilled life as a single person,
then you can choose when, or even if, you should
involve yourself in another love relationship.
When you know that you have that choice, you may be ready.

© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright – All rights reserved.
You may publish this article in its entirety and with
the authors’ resource informintact.

Jill Brennan
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Do you ever feel like you catch up with your partner infrequently, often late at night when you’re too tired to speak? Or when your timetables happen to collide? There are work dinners, school outings, sporting practice, dinners with friends, homework to supervise, household chores and so the list goes on. Do you feel like you need to make a date night just to spend some one on one time with your other half? Time when you’re not sleeping?
If this sounds like you then I’m sure you will enjoy these tips for keeping each other close at heart, even if you can’t always be as physically close as you’d like.
Its all about communicating and sharing the little things that make up our lives. Here are ten easy ways to make your feelings known:
1. Birthday love letter. There is something powerful about a letter. A few years ago my husband and I agreed to write a love letter for each other’s birthday. I think I picked it up from a magazine article about Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. Apparently it’s something they used to do in lieu of expensive presents. Obviously it didn’t work for their marriage but we’ve found it has become the part of our birthday celebrations that we enjoy the most.
Writing down all the things that you love about the other person and then giving it to them is a very personal and thoughtful thing to do. In many cases its better than any gift you could possibly imagine and something to appreciate and cherish even when the birthday is a distant memory. You can do it for your children too if you have any and they will never need to doubt that you love them. Of course, you don’t have to wait until it is your loved ones birthday to send them a letter – anytime is a good time to tell them how you feel about them.
2. Sit down and talk about your day. When we can we sit down at the table to eat our evening meal and take it in turns to talk about what we did in our day. Even our two and a half year old joins in. For a long time he would talk about who he saw rather than what he did but now he’s getting the hang of it. The other thing we take it in turns to do is name the best and worst things that happened that day. Sometimes so much happens each day that it helps to pause and reflect on what were the highlights and lowlights.
3. Celebrate all your partner’s successes with them – from a high five to a glass of champagne. Whatever the scale of the success calls for, make it a joint celebration.
4. Allow yourself to be impressed by your partner and let them know. ‘I’m proud of you’ is something that I think everyone loves being told by someone they care about.
5. Never underestimate the power of a hug – train your kids to hug you back. My five year old son Jack loves hugs. He loves giving them and getting them. Sometimes he will spontaneously hug someone if he feels they are a bit sad, although usually he asks first if they would like ‘a Jack hug’.
6. Send them a photo that means a lot to you and tell them why its important – you could use a Show & Tell Card. It’s a new type of greeting card that lets you stick your photo on the front and is blank inside so you can write what you like. Go to http://www.showandtellcards.com for more information.
7. Share an experience. It could be a movie, a new CD, magazine article, or a short story. Talk about what you read or saw and why you liked or disliked it. And do it regularly.
8. Compliments. Everyone loves getting them so never pass up the opportunity to give one of these reliable mood boosters. You can give them in person or write them on a small piece of paper and leave them somewhere unexpected for your loved one to find.
9. Dance. It doesn’t take long to find a great song you both enjoy, put it on and dance around the living room floor – probably 5 minutes maximum but it is a wonderful way to physically reconnect with each other in between dinner and desert or at the end of a long evening or you could make it an unusual way to start your day.
10. Thoughtful gestures. Doing something unexpected, especially when you’re loved one is busy and stressed, is a lovely way to show that you understand what they are going through and that they have your support.
Showing your partner how much you love them need not take a lot of time and you will be rewarded many times over for your effort. Get loving t

Marc Madi
82
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Centuries old Wedding traditions and wonderful Philippine customs make Filipina Weddings (Kasalan) some of the most beautiful wondrous celebrations on earth. The Filipino culture’s high regard for the sanctity of Marriage has given the Philippine Wedding Ceremony many customs and traditions that will be new to the American Gentlemen
Given the dollar peso exchange rate, if for no other reason it is a wise decision to have your wedding in the Philippines. Wedding Ceremony styles, Wedding Dresses, and receptions can differ widely in style and price, but all factors considered you will receive 10 times for your money what you could afford here in the United States.
In the traditional Filipina Wedding the groom is expected to burden all of the cost as opposed to American traditions were it is the Bride’s family that is responsible for wedding exspences. This has given way slightly to some couples sharing the cost as it has here also in the United States.
A few of the cost that will seem unexpected but are in keeping with Filipino Wedding traditions are
1. Hotel rooms for valued guest that journey from distant islands to attend your Wedding. In my case it was the VIPs such as her eldest brother and her Maid of honor
2. Transportation for all those who are to attend locally. We rented a large “Power Cruiser” (Bus) or what would be a fully customized bus complete with sound system and custom paint.
3. Bride’s Maids dresses and Barongs for the groom’s men are usually available for rent at the Wedding boutiques. Unlike here in the US where many of the Bride’s maids will purchase their own dress to keep after the Wedding. Some will not be able to afford the exspence and instead opt to rent them
As customary with Filipinas she will be wearing her wedding ring on the right hand and not the left as here in the United States. For the Filipina, the Bible has stated “the Son sits at the right hand of the Father”. So she will sit on the left and wear her ring on the right. This tradition completely blindsided me as I had already presented my fiancé’ with a beautiful engagement set and placed it on her left ring finger. Just 4 days before the wedding she explained to me I would need to buy her a wedding ring now for her right hand.
Filipino Wedding Ceremonies have some very wonderful traditions different from the typical Wedding Ceremonies here in the United States.
There will be 3 sets of sponsors for the wedding couple, Ninang (male) and Ninong (female). They are usually successful well respected couples choosen by the bride. They will have many task and responsibilities during the actual Wedding ceremony.
Veil Ceremony
The first set of sponsors are responsible for the pinning of the Bride’s Veil to the shoulder of the Groom. This is to symbolize the wedding couple’s clothes as one.
Cord Ceremony
The second set of sponsors will place the ceremonial wedding cord to “Tie” the Bride and Groom together during the actual Wedding ceremony. This is to symbolize the spiritual bonding of the 2 souls.
Candle Ceremony
Then the last pair of sponsors will light two candles on either side of a unity candle, which the wedding couple getting married light together.
Arrhae or 13 Golden Coin Ceremony
Lastly, the groom presents his bride the “Arrhea” also known as the 13 golden coins. The “Arrhae” has been blessed by the priest for a life of faithfulness and prosperity. The “Arrhae” and the Wedding Rings are usually carried by 2 small children, a boy and a girl during the wedding march. The Wedding Dress Couture or seamstres should also create 2 small matching pillows for the presentation of the Arrhae and Wedding Rings.
Do not worry about the cost of the “Arrhae” too much as I did. These are not actual Gold Coins. Often times token 13 golden coins “Arrhae” are provided almost free by the jewelery shop you buy the Wedding ring from in the Philippines
You will also find some Filipino superstitions associated with Wedding Ceremonies and Newlywed couples. The Bride will not wear her Wedding Dress before the ceremony or it will bring bad luck. Also if a bride wants her husband to agree to her every whim she will step on his foot on the way to the altar. This according to superstition will place him under her spell of”Lihi”.
One of the most distinctive qualities of a Filipina Wedding are the cathedrals. They are HUGE. Some capable of holding as many as 600 or 700 people. Often they are gigantic architectural wonders built of concrete and stone with huge arches and towering steeples some times 100s of years old. You would have trouble finding a comparable structure in the United States.
Wedding Receptions are also very affordable in the Philippines. My Wedding Reception included buffet catering for 75 persons, 2 cases wine, 4 cases soda pop, 3 Delux suites at the resort, banquet hall complete with DJ, a Lechon (whole roast pig) all at a luxury Beach front resort for less the $1000 Us dollars.
When we were finished with all the official toasting of the newly weds (about 3 hours), we simply asked the resort staff to move the whole party pool side where our reception lasted late into the night. Make no mistake about it Nothing can quite compare to Filipina Weddings and Wedding Receptions.
Article by Marc Madi. Social researcher, author and publisher. http://asiangf.ZZZZZ

William Martin
415
25 7

Have you ever noticed that it is easier to attract a potential partner if you already have one? Have you noticed that if you are not really looking for a relationship a lot more people show an interest, but if you get desperate they run a mile!
At least that has happened to me sometimes and from asking around it seems to be quite common. Rather than just putting this down to some bizarre quirk of human nature lets look a the cause of this behavior and see if we can make it work for us.
One of the keys to finding a mate is to not particularly need one, or at least not need one ‘too much’. I find that if I need a partner too much that can drive them away. However, what do I do if I really feel desperate?
Another quirk of human nature is that our nervous system has a hard time telling the difference between an imagined experience and a real one. You only have to watch an exciting or scary movie to see how easily we can fool ourselves. This is the key to never being desperate about finding a partner. If we want to find a partner, then the best thing to do is imagine we have one already!
If we imagine we have the perfect partner and get into feeling how it would be to have that right now, this calms down our whole nervous system. It gives us a feeling of being fulfilled and takes away feelings of desperation. Especially if we really get into details; what you will do together, where you will go, what will you say, what will they say, and so on.
Please bear in mind that I am not talking about ‘yearning’ for someone. Sitting around yearning for someone is very different from imagining you already have them. Yearning is a feeling of ‘not having’, which primes us to feel desperate. We need to discourage ourselves from cultivating feelings of ‘not having’ and encourage ourselves to cultivate feelings of ‘having’. You can easily tell the difference as the feeling of ‘having’ is a much better feeling!
You may say that this is just a trick of the mind. Well, the feelings that come as part of the package of ‘lonely yearning’ are tricks of the mind too. Feelings of failure, or feeling that we will never find anyone, are all part of the imagination – they are negative imaginings. That is using our mind and our imagination against ourselves and training ourselves to fail.
If this all sounds strange to you, remember what top athletes do if they want to improve their abilities. They imagine themselves achieving a better time in the race, lifting heavier weights, having more stamina, and the like. They imagine how they will feel to achieve their goals. Athletes don’t mess around with techniques that don’t work, especially when a few hundredths of a second difference means winning or losing. Successful business people do this sort of thing too. They imagine success and then move ahead from there.
By imagining we already have the perfect partner, and how it will feel, we train our subconscious mind to start making that happen. And, because we are more likely to be mellow about it, we are much more likely to make the most of it when the next opportunity comes along. If you are going to try this, and you are willing to spend a few minutes on it every day, get yourself a nice big stick ready… you might need it to keep all the interest potential partners at bay…

Yulia Mardov
208
25 7

Boys are very complicated… they are not like women as you can read more about women lifestyle at www.womendiarynet, and they do not just want to be used as fashion statements. So if you want a boyfriend, make sure that you like him and are willing to be in a serious commitment with him, or at least you feel you may be if you get to know him better, and won’t break his heart. Below are some things that show ways to get your man by your side as your dating
First, if you do not already know him, then introduce yourself. If he is interested in you enough to want to get to know you better himself, he will add in some women conversation eventually.
Show him interest in his life.
Make it easy for him to be friendly and talkative with you, but not overpowering.
Invite him to a party… but not just to make out with him or anything, be friendly with him alone until he makes it clear that he really likes you, and wants to be around you.
At this point, just be yourself and let things unwind themselves.
Here is some simple women lifestyle personality dating tips :
If the person you like is shy, then be very gentle to him but admire him for his strengths, few men can resist being told how manly they are unless the girl who tells them is one they are very uninterested in.
Do not be afraid, if you feel you can go up to him without him bashing your heart against the wall (whether on purpose or not) and you notice his seeming interest in you, then you are probably okay.
And..
Do not use him… boys may be bad about using women, but they can still be weak around an irrisistable women even if they are not interested in her, which means breaking your heart and merely adding on his horrible guilt, or having a stalker who wants you for the WRONG reasons. So do not parade yourself around boys too much, for both your own good and their own good and your datingZZZ

Amy Spade
359
25 7

After you’ve gotten a basic idea for how you want your wedding to go, you then have to make the guest list. You’ll be including family members, friends, relatives, work acquaintances, and many others. The problem is that you can’t keep everyone on that list, even if you have an unlimited budget.
Why you should keep the number low
Of course, a lot of couples may protest and say that they more people come, the more gifts we’ll receive. And while that’s true, let’s talk about what a wedding really is first. A wedding is a celebration of a couple’s marriage. And those that come to the wedding should be very happy to celebrate it, rather than just coming for the food or drink.
You want people there that have made a difference in your life. Of course, if you haven’t been close with your family, well, you’re stuck inviting them.
You want to invite people whose names you know and can repeat. This is not the time to invite everyone that you’ve ever met. Invite the important people.
If you’re nervous about omitting someone, then stop to think about how much you’d like to talk to them. If it’s not that much, then you probably can leave them off.
How to trim names
When you’ve finally gotten your list together, you should exchange it with your soon-to-be spouse. Let them look at it and start to omit names. Again, family members are not allowed to be scratched off unless there’s a special situation. And even if there is a family feud of some sort, they won’t come anyways.
In terms of friends, you will want to be selective here. Figure out who you really care about, and who you just ‘feel’ like you should invite. How long has it been since you’ve talked to them? If it’s been a long time, you can probably cross them off.
For the work people, you can invite whomever you have a close relationship with. This means that you don’t have to invite your boss, but it’s always nice to out of courtesy. Don’t feel that you should.
Making your invitation list shouldn’t feel like a burden. At the end of the day, you want to look at your list and see all the people that you care about and want to share this happy day with. And it’s your day and your time, so don’t let anyone else talk you into inviting people that you’re not too keen on.Z

Terje Brooks Ellingsen
435
25 7

Music is important in our life. The wedding music is an essential part for a successful wedding arrangement, both during the wedding ceremony and the wedding reception. Music is all about feelings and a wedding represents the greatest of all our feelings; love. The music you choose should therefore reflect this. Here are some tips you can use when you choose music for your wedding.
The arrival of the wedding guests
Live music or pipe in music should be played while guests arrive. The purpose is to relax the atmosphere and make it cosy for the guests. For this purpose slow, smooth instrumental music like cool smooth jazz can be selected. Once as the guests arrive, one or two solo’s should be performed. Songs like “I will always love you” and Baccarach songs like “The look of love” or “This Guy/Girl’s in love with You” might be a good choice.
The Wedding Ceremony
Trumpet sounding when bride is ready to enter. “Trumpet Voluntary” or “Trumpet Tune and Air” (Henry Purcell) would be great or even the traditional “Here comes the Bride” by Wagner. During ceremony, one wonderful song should be performed for example “You are my Everything”. Remember too much music could tire the guests, and make for a lengthy ceremony.
The Wedding Reception
At Reception, choose a great song to walk in on when announced to the guests. Married couple must choose their first dance song which can be slow and romantic or wild and crazy. This is their “special” song. Live DJ’d music is a plus especially if the DJ has good talking skills. This can keep the reception exciting and guests will have a great time, a time remembered for years to come. A nice touch is a song dedicated to the families of the Bride and Groom by the Bride and Groom.
The Wedding Wrap up
One last song just for the Bride and Groom before they leave and followed by at least 15 – 20 minutes of relaxing instrumental music for guests to settle down before they

Michael Myerscough
459
25 7

Should you stay with your partner or leave them? Is all the pain you suffer in your relationship worth it for the good times you have together? Will it really be worth all the pain of leaving them or is it better to stay and stick it out?
In most relationships there comes a point when you have to decide whether your partner really has the qualities you need to stay together. Making the decision to stay or go is almost always a very painful and confusing time as there generally isn’t a quick fix or an easy answer to your questions.
I have a friend in a fantastic relationship who taught me that if it’s hard work it’s probably not working. This was an alien concept to me. I come from a therapeutic background which can sometimes promote the feeling that if it’s not hard work it’s not worthwhile. Years ago I made it my mission to figure out what made relationships work; there seem to be two approaches – one more successful than the other!
Two Approaches to Relationships
The first is ‘don’t expect too much from your relationship and it will work out just fine!’ Some things are always going to be problematic. So what if sex isn’t so important to one of you? So what if one party can’t be relied upon to keep their agreements? So what if you never get to go on the holidays you really want to go on because your partner hates to travel? This may well work for some but it’s just not in my nature. As far as I’m concerned, good enough just isn’t!
The second approach is to insist on great chemistry; to find a partner who isn’t perfect, but is perfect for you. The two primary areas you need to match up in are sexual chemistry and best friend chemistry. You’d think these two would be obvious to most people, but you’d be wrong. People make compromises on these points very early on and then wonder why they spend the rest of their lives hurting.
Great chemistry doesn’t mean it’ll be easy all the time – that would be unnatural. It means that you’re excited and committed enough to work through the glitches as they arise rather than let them stack up. A stack of resentments is so much easier to set fire to.
Working Out Whether to Leave
So the biggest piece of work I have clients do when they ask me to help them decide to stay or go is to get them to design their perfect partner. You may think this strange if you’re already in a relationship – but it’s just as valid now as it is when you’re single. So, what would be perfect for you?
The things you should focus on as you’re already in a relationship should be more emotional and behavioural in quality. Once you’ve sorted out what is perfect for you, you can start to ask yourself questions about your current partner to see if they meet up to your ideal. Does your loved one treat you with the level of respect you expect? Is he affectionate enough for you? Does she make enough time for you? These aren’t necessarily questions that apply to you. Ask yourself the questions that matter to you once you’ve worked out what ideal is for you.
A couple more questions you may want to ponder – If twenty years from now your partner hadn’t changed in any significant way, would you still be happy as their partner? Would you consider your life together to have been more about adventure or more about endurance?
The strange thing is we often know what the problems will be in a relationship many years in advance. The only question is, when will you handle them? We all know the longer you leave them the more painful it gets.
Work out now whether you should stay with your partner or leave them – get a free, 9 page ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go?’ report.
http://www.therelationshipgym.com/should_I_stay.htm
It’s possibly THE most difficult decision you have to make in a relationship, so get all the help you can making iZZZZ

Howard Iken
286
25 7

The stories go something like this: “She took the house, she took the car, and then she took my children away.” For many years the process of divorce was a process heavily biased toward women, to balance out the fact that it was a man‘s world. Traditionally, women were considered the weaker sex. They were the sex to be protected and protected they were – when it came to divorce.
This principle was also directed embedded in the divorce law of many states. In Florida and many other states, there was a principle known as the “Tender Years Doctrine.” In short, the law said the place for young children was with their mom. A man’s right’s to become the custodial parent was trampled on and completely ignored. Possession of the marital home usually went to the parent that received the children. Right off the bat, the initial position of the courts was to award the house and children to the mom. Though women did benefit from this system the effect was to short change 50% of the population – men.
Societal developments in the past few decades have remedied some of the power imbalances between the sexes. One of those imbalances that changed in Florida law is the legal preference for women as custodians of children. The “Tender Years Doctrine” was abolished in Florida and custody law was rewritten to be gender neutral. Judges were directed to consider certain factors in a custody determination. http://www.18884mydivorce.com. But none of those factors mention children. In Florida, child custody law became completely balanced and both sexes gained equal rights to ask for the minor children in a divorce action.
Because of this change more men are successfully seeking custody of their children. With custody, possession of the marital home does not automatically go to the mom. Divorce Attorney Howard Iken notices more women still get custody of the children. But that will change over time now that the law is more even handed. In divorce, women no longer have all the power. Now, divorce is more even playing field and men don’t automatically lose everythiZZZZZ

Udo Vieth
392
25 7

Separations are painfull. This is a fact.
Unless you are cold and callous, the loss of a loved one is a numbing experience. In these situations, we tend to retreat into a corner and mope.
That is after the crying is done.
Crying may be the best thing you can do for now. You need time, time to cope with the situation, time to heal if you will. Don’t deny yourself this period of “mourning’ for want of a better word.
You are not a machine, small steps in the right direction are much more important now than trying to force the issue. Any hardnosed activity at this time, may result in more deeprooted problems which may surface later on in life. Try and heal through the situation, and give yourself a break.
What is the best way to cope?
Well that depends to a large extent on the type of person you are.
Some immerse themselves in their work, others just stay at home and mope. Then there are those of us that go to extremes. We binge on things that we normally don’t consider as usefull. Either food, drink, or in some cases sex with strangers.
These are normally not good remedies for the situation, as they seem to reinforce the feeling of loss of control. As such, they are not a coping mechanism, but a distraction mechanism.
The optimum healing activity would consist of what I like to call “Replacement Therapy”. Replace the loss of a love, with another loveable activity or distraction. Love your body, by going to gym, eating more healthy food etc. Love your mind by reading an educational work, or a literary classic. Love your spirit, by learning to meditate, Feng Shui your house, or just spend time sitting at a stream.
I think you get the gist of it. Choosing empowering activities, can grow you as a human being, whilst helping you cope with the situation.
They say every dark cloud has a silver lining. You may just discover the silver lining by adopting a mindset as outlined above. 2 years from now, you could look back on this as the best thing that ever happened to you. Give yourself a fighting chance for that to be your experience by following the guidelines above.
And remember, keep on loving, even if it is only yourself at present.
Written by Udo Vieth.

Ben Jamieson
271
25 7

Planning a destination wedding or beach wedding in the Caribbean and want as many people to come as possible? Then try making your wedding plans as attractive and as economical as possible.
There are several ways to cut costs on travel arrangements for you and your wedding party, we’ve uncovered a few known ways, and a few unknown ways, but it seems that the key to finding these deals lies in the terminology you use. By simply searching out “Group Travel Rates” in search engines you can uncover a world of discounts and tools that could shave thousands of dollars off of your wedding expenses.
Here are just a few that we uncovered:
Flights
Most US carriers and some international carriers offer up to 10% discount off normal fares for groups of 10 or more flying to the same destination. For added convenience some airlines offer insert tickets to add to your save-a-date envelopes to inform guests of this saving.
Some of this information is hidden in layers on airline sites so we’ve done the work for you – short cuts to the information you need:
US Air: http://www.usairways.com/travel/group/weddings/index.htm
American Air: http://www.aa.com/content/businessPrograms/groupsMeetings/weddingTravel.jhtml
Northwest Air: http://www.nwa.com/grouprequest/group_travel.html
You can also save on flights by choosing to have your wedding in off peak seasons, most airlines will tell you when these are.
Resorts
If your opting for a “weddingmoon”, then you’re probably looking at going to an all inclusive resort. Many all-inclusives offer FREE weddings to folks staying at the resort ie. Couples booked in to Sandals for five nights get a free wedding which includes: the ceremony, flowers, a Caribbean wedding cake, champagne and hors d’oeuvres reception for the couple and 4 guests plus a wedding planner dedicated to help make your day perfect. The down side of these deals is that you might not be the only couple partaking and the resorts can sometimes feel like conveyor belt weddings. For this reason all inclusives are now offering alternative wedding packages that can create an exclusive feel to your special day. Enquire with each resort.
Boutique or a la carte hotels are also onto the destination wedding trend and many have created websites and services specifically geared at the beach bride. Wyndham and Marriott specifically offer wedding packages and group rates for a set number of hotel rooms. A wedding planner is complimentary, as is a wedding gift and The Marriott even offers free parking if you start your honeymoon off with a nights stay at a Marriott nearby your airport location.
Wyndam Hotels is offering huge incentives to brides in the form of “event awards”, free honeymoons and low cost airfares. In addition to this they offer seasonal rates and discounts for weddings throughout the year. The Hilton offers a free nights stay for your one year anniversary and free spa treatments for the bride and groom on your special day.
It’s definitely worth scrolling through some of the major hotel chain websites to see if offers are available for when you want to get married.
Villas
Villa’s or apartments can offer your guests a cheaper alternative to resort type accommodation and is well worth adding to your itinerary sheet as a courteous option. Once you’ve decided on the location for your beach wedding, head of to a beach wedding website such as the Beach Wedding Guide at http://www.islandbrides.com/ and search their directory for a listing of villas and accommodation in your chosen region. You’ll be able to save your favourite finds, and contact them all from the site to find out who will give you the best rate.
You can help your guests even more by giving them all your other guests contact details and email addresses. This way, they could hook up to share villa’s with multiple rooms lowering the cost even more.
So, with a bit of thought and ‘insider knowledge’ , its possible to save hundreds, if not thousands on your beach weddingZZZ

Karl Augustine
476
25 7

More often than not people decide to get a divorce before they really think about the effects of divorce. People usually decide to get a divorce based on emotion rather than logic which can hinder their long term happiness. Still, there are those that make their decision about getting a divorce by taking into account the effects that divorce can have on everyone involved. Some effects of divorce can be positive depending on your situation even though ‘divorce’ is usually seen in a negative light. The effects of divorce are far too many to list here so let’s concentrate on effects of divorce that seem most apparent and that address making a decision about divorce.
Obviously one of the most common effects of divorce is how the divorce will change the money flow for the people involved in the divorce. A change in cash flow affects the freedom we have and it can change the lifestyle we have. A change in housing, work, travel, shopping, etc., make people stop and think about how deeply “money” will have on their life after divorce. While a “change in money flow” is a consideration and a true hard effect of divorce, there’s other effects that might carry greater weight in the decision making process.
An effect of divorce that some people need to consider is the change that children will need to go through if a divorce occurs. Children can be strong during this time, but it is up to the parents to make sure the transition is as painless as possible. Some people actually stay in unhappy marriages solely because of the fact that there are children involved. The change children go through as an effect of divorce is complex…if you are curious as to how to ensure this transition is as painless as possible for your children, educate yourself and possibly seek professional advice.
‘”Fear”, as an effect of divorce?’
Yes, fear is a real live effect that divorce can have on some people. Fear of loss…fear of the unknown…fear of lack of self confidence…fear of change…fear of a depreciation in emotional health…etc. The list goes on and on. Combating fear is a difficult thing to do but in conquering fear you will be one step further to your goal of emotional health.
Not all seemingly negative things or events in life are truly 100% negative. If you’ve been divorced, are currently going through a divorce, or are deciding about getting a divorce, you have a rare opportunity to use the experience to grow emotionally and increase your inner-strength.
The effects of divorce and how you label them (positively or negatively) will be determined by how you act while going through the divorce and what your focus is after the divorce is over. You should want to look back and identify the positive effects of divorce as they pertain to your own situation. Having “positive self reflection” when the dust settles is a goal that, if attained, will make you feel good about yourself. When you’re looking back on the experience of divorce or the decision process of divorce, you want to be able to answer the following question positively. “Did I grow emotionally and personally during this tumultuous time?” The effects of divorce are far reaching…look inward and plan accordinZZZZZZ