Online Dating

Enid Steiner
549
25 7

Can you describe your perfect flatmate in less than 30 seconds? If you’re having trouble, help is on the way. The good news is you’ll be able to find the right flatmates for you by creating your own “perfect flatmate recipe”.
By creating your own recipe, you’ll be able to find which qualities are important to you, which in turn will help you decide whether a person would be suitable as a flatmate. The ingredients or factors that form part of this recipe will always be the same regardless of your current situation. It’s just a matter of finding the right combination of ingredients that will help you find the perfect flatmate for you. As each person has different tastes, there’s no right or wrong answer as everyone’s idea of the perfect flatmate is different.
When putting together your recipe for the perfect flatmate, simply take these ingredients, stir and add your own twist.
Gender
Do you wish your new flatmate to be male or female? Consider the gender of existing flatmates and how a male or female could affect your existing household.
Age
Will new flatmates need to be in the same age group than you or existing flatmates? People of different ages often have different living patterns, interests and viewpoints.
Smoking Habits
Do you prefer flatmates who are non-smokers or a living environment where flatmates can choose to smoke? The smoking habits of current flatmates and their preferences will naturally determine the smoking arrangements in each household.
Drinking Habits
Is it important whether a flatmate likes a glass of wine, prefers a beer or is a non-drinker? Keep in mind that non-drinkers may not be happy if a portion of the shopping budget is spent on alcohol.
Personality
Do you prefer your flatmate to have a quiet, outgoing, independent, laid back or reserved personality? Whatever your choice, this essential ingredient will influence group dynamics and the interaction between flatmates. For example, a person who sees their flatmates as friends may feel isolated if all of their flatmates are independent and make their own plans.
Hobbies and Interests
Do your flatmates need to enjoy the same type of music, like to entertain or lead a health conscious lifestyle? Different likes and dislikes can cause conflicts and disruptions within a household. To ensure a harmonious living environment all flatmates should have some interests in common.
Length of Stay
Is it important that you and your flatmates spend a minimum amount of time living together? For example, deciding that current flatmates should set up a household for a minimum of a year will help household budgeting and allows everyone to have the same expectations.
Friends and Guests
Do you prefer flatmates which have a lot of friends visiting or living with people who meet their friends elsewhere? It’s a matter of deciding whether you prefer a busy home where people are continuously walking in and out or a quieter living environment.
Personal Belongings
Will your flatmates need to bring or contribute any items to the household and how much space will be available for personal belongings? For example, if you are living in a small apartment, a flatmate with only a few personal items may be more suitable than a person that has a 3-piece lounge set.
Independence
Do you prefer flatmates that wish to form close relationships with other flatmates or should flatmates be independent and want to do their own thing? The amount of independence of each flatmate will play an important part in the development of relationships within a household.
The advantage of this recipe is that whenever a part of your life or living environment changes, you can simply re-create your recipe to match your new hobbies, lifestyle or living situation. Changing your perfect flatmate recipe when you need to will help you find the right flatmates each time. Remember, if you are ever unsure in which direction you are heading, just ask yourself “Can you describe your perfect flatmate in 30 seconds or less?”
Good luck and happy flatmate hunting!

Roy Barker
20
25 7

1) Leave the mobile phone off! Do not answer it if it is on Silent either. You should only do this if you are expecting an emergency and I mean an emergency. You only look like a deadhead, self-centred fool answering a phone at a meeting that is important and that goes for all meetings. It’s inconsiderate and breeds contempt from the other party even if they agree to you answering it. They’re only being polite which you’re not, if you do have a ringing phone and answer it. This does not mean leave it at home – you may need it later.
2) Don’t smoke anything in the presence of others unless they also smoke and for goodness sake make sure that no one near you is eating. Never smoke in an area where people are eating even if they smoke. You would be a fool to smoke in the presence of your date when they didn’t smoke. If you’re keen, it may be time to think about not smoking in their presence again.
3) A good rule is not to talk about your achievements unless you are asked. Bragging is more often frowned upon and puts people off early. Show some interest in your date and their hobbies achievements and interests. If you do this regularly enough, it will become a habit and your good social skills will become very obvious to others including your date.
4) Find some way to compliment them. This is good practise even if you don’t think this person is right for you. What goes around comes around! This is also a great building block for social skills improvement.
5) Smart casual attire is always good for the first date. Girls – don’t go over the top with jewellery. It looks crass and sometimes cheap! Subtlety is the name of the game here. Boys – don’t swear or cuss. It only indicates ignorance and sometimes stupidity. It does not make you look tough. Your actions and the way you deal with life will show how tough you are quickly enough. Most people can find an adjective somewhere in their vocabulary to describe things. You’ll find that you can too!
6) Most girls like to be respected and despite their eye lashes fluttering away in some scenarios, they are generally quite bright and one step ahead of you. The more you treat them like your equal in conversation, the more quickly you will identify a good match for you or not.
7) Most boys like to have interest shown in their achievements or interests. In fact, you could just focus on this for the whole date and be safe if you wanted to.
Eat like a human being – don’t quaff down the food like it’s your last meal. Don’t fill up. This will ensure that you can feel good about doing something after you’ve dined i.e. dancing, a walk evn consider about going to a differnt venue for coffee, dessert, dancing or a drink perhaps. Mixing you’re venues often displays varying behaviour. If your date begins to swing from a chandelier after one drink you may want to consider the future carefully.
9) Boys – if you enjoyed your date, say so at the end of the evening. Follow up with a thoughtful gift such as flowers to her place of work or her doorstep. It does NOT have to be expensive. The surprise is what counts here along with the fact that you have obviously thought about her since the date. Hand write the card and leave a phone number she can catch you on.
10) Girls – try not to make yourself too available at the end of your first date. But make your feelings clear with an element of subtlety. Whatever you do not ask him if he will call again. Your mind set must be one of value and that if doesn’t call then there will be another who will.
One more thing – on your first few dates never and I mean never get in a discussion of old boy friends or girlfriends, ex wives or husbands, nor anything to do with these issues – Never!

Fatimah Musa
470
25 7

I am ashamed to admit this but I used to have the green-eyed monster tailing me wherever I went. It was my shadow and my other half.
Of course jealousy justified its presence and suspicions. It was there to protect me. Jealousy kept telling me what I should be doing and feeling. It even told me what my partner was up to and how he should be behaving and feeling toward me.
Did I believe jealousy? You bet I did. That went on for years until I learnt a few painful lessons and decided that it should go and leave me alone for good. That happened too late though.
My suspicions when jealousy set in cost me broken relationships, distress and a deep plunge in my self-esteem and worthiness.
Having gone through what I did, I have a few points here to assist you from allowing jealousy to ruin your life.
The first thing to do is to simply make a decision to get rid of that feeling. That means telling yourself that you have had it with the attitude of being suspicious, distrusting and possessive.
Next start saying different things to yourself. Jealousy is going to remind you that if you focus on other things, your partner may abandon you. Tell it firmly that you are in control and you want to choose your own thoughts.
Have respect for yourself. If your partner abandons you, put your hurt behind and start life over. If he actually cheats on you, he is not worth your time and effort. Your life will continue to evolve no matter what happens, if you decide to make it so.
Learn how to trust and expect good things to happen. One of the reasons why we suffer is because we unconsciously expect bad things to happen. Develop faith and confidence in your relationships. It promotes better understanding, avoids stress and gives you a peace of mind.
Learn how to communicate effectively. One great tip, don’t nag. Here’s another, don’t bring out old issues and mistakes. Both irritate and put a stop for further constructive conversations.
Learn to listen without interrupting, judging and probing. Allow him to talk and finish his sentences. If you must ask, do it with the intent to seek understanding. He can tell from your words, gestures and body language if you are sincere.
Now the last but most important thing is to learn to love everyone including yourself unconditionally. No strings, no bargains and no threats.

Paul & Layne Cutright
701
25 7

As a species, we are gradually moving from self-centered,
adversarial uses of power to collectively sharing power for
the mutual benefit of everyone. We are shifting from a
paradigm characterized by “me or them” to “me and them.”
We are lifting ourselves into the realm of co-creation.

It’s going to take more than good intentions for us to pull
this one off. We’re all going to have to learn to think and
behave differently in our business-as-usual routines.
We offer you the 5 Cs of co-creation as a map for your
exploration of this new and uncharted territory. Use
them in working with other people, deciding how to proceed,
and in resolving differences.

COMMITMENT – Set your intention by deciding together
what everyone wants to accomplish. Do you feel enthusiastic
about this? Do you talk about it together often? What
obstacles do you foresee, and how can you deal with them?

COMMUNICATION – Create the environment for successful
co-creation. Our relationships live in language, so
what we talk about and how we talk about it determines
the emotional climate of our relationships. Does your
communication style foster safety and creativity? Are
you communicating readily, honestly, and openly? Are
there things you are afraid to discuss that need to be
discussed? Are there any recurrent communication
breakdowns, and is there a strategy in place so they
can be avoided in the future? Does your communication
include acknowledgment and gratitude? Is everyone
giving effective feedback? Are you communicating your
unified purpose to others in inspiring and enthusiastic
ways?

COOPERATION – Cultivate the necessary attitude, where
working together is motivated by an inner passion, not
being forced by fear and the need to go with the flow
of others’ intentions. Are you able to find a common
path through adversity, or is it everyone for themselves
when the going gets tough? Are there any competing
egos vying for the spotlight at the expense of others?
Are you clear on the benefits of cooperation in this
creative endeavor? What is at risk if you don’t cooperate?

COLLABORATION – Use synergy so that everyone’s ideas
are vital to the whole. Are you able to express your
ideas freely, without fear of judgment or ridicule?
As a group, are you asking BIG questions that bring
forth the talent of everyone involved? Is the system
in which you are working set up to receive the
avalanche of creativity you can generate?

COORDINATION – Synchronize action. What’s the plan?
Does everyone have an overview of how all the different
parts are working together? Are you clear on individual
areas of responsibility and accountability? What are
the consequences, if any, for failure to perform?
How often and in what form (phone, meetings, e-mail)
do you need to communicate with one another in order
to coordinate effectively?

To invite and nurture the presence of all 5 Cs, we
have found it very helpful to use written agreements
that clarify the foundation of the co-creative
relationship. These are the ones we like to use,
and we offer them for your consideration.

Co-Creator Agreements

1. I agree to bring my passion and talent to our
collective endeavor.

2. I agree to speak the truth with compassion.

3. I agree to listen deeply and respectfully to others.

4. I agree to be responsible for my own needs, wants
and sense of being valued.

5. I agree to acknowledge others generously.

6. I will readily use our predetermined protocol for
resolving upsets in a way that fosters personal
responsibility and collective harmony.

7. I agree to use mistakes constructively and
practice forgiveness when called for.

8. I will strive to maintain trust and affinity
and restore them if they are damaged.

9. I agree to turn my complaints into requests and
communicate constructively to the person who can
do something about it.

10. I will refrain from negative gossip.

11. I agree to manage my agreements with others
in responsible and courteous ways.

12. I agree to encourage and be encouraged in
bringing out our individual genius.

13. I agree to nurture a soulful connection with
my fellow co-creators.

© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright – All rights reserved.
You may publish this article in its entirety and
with the authors’ resource information intZZZZZZ

Spencer Powers
81
25 7

Throughout history men have tried every technique available to pick up women. Some guys use a straight forward approach and others use cheesy pick-up lines. Lately a new trend has been emerging that seems to work better for men than any traditional pick-up techniques. Men across the country have been wearing t-shirts with funny sayings on them to get women to flock to them. It sounds ridiculously simple but it works.
The reason that the shirts are so effective is because often a woman will have an interest in you but not how to let you know. By wearing a funny shirt you give them a reason to come talk to you. All they have to say is “I like your shirt” and let out a little chuckle and the conversation is started.
WittyShirts.com ( http://www.wittyshirts.com ) has a line of hilarious t-shirts that will have have women everywhere laughing hysterically upon reading them. Some of the standout shirts are:
“I went to a t-shirt shop and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”
“Your Dum”
“Procrastinators Anonymous: Meetings Start Tomorrow”
So instead of worrying so much about going to the gym and getting in shape, spending tons of money on expensive clothes and baking in the tanning salon, go out and grab yourself a few funny t-shirts – They work much better!ZZ

Keith Jennison
504
25 7

Oh boy! Here comes another Valentine day disaster. If you are anything like me, this is how you feel for about 2 weeks prior to February 14th. At least that’s the way I felt until the internet came around.
Now, shopping on the internet can be as daunting as the mall, especially for the shopping challenged like me. Unless you have a specific idea what you want, roaming malls can actually be easier than browsing an online store. Even with high speed download clicking from page to page looking for gift ideas just doesn’t work.
So what do you do? You need to get a plan and stick to it…
Let’s face is. Our typical problem is the lack of thought and preparation when it comes to Valentines Day. Flowers, chocolate, dinner out at the usual restaurant just doesn’t cut it after the first couple of years. (I will say that jewelry usually does work, but that does get expensive .
So, the plan… Here’s what I do. Typically, after the holidays my wife and I start talking about where we might be interested in going for our vacation in the summer. We will talk about cruises or getting a beach house, or taking the kids to Disney World. Sometimes, we might even consider a drive to __________ (wherever) to see the sights. The thing I’ve found is that no matter where you plan to visit, you can find hundreds of products and information online pertaining to your trip.
The first stop is Amazon.com.
Just search for your destination or your topic. If you are considering a cruise for the first time, there are several books outlining the do’s and don’ts when booking a cruise. The same is true for air travel, or travel outside the country. You will find paperbacks for under $15.
Second stop is BN.com
Try the same search as you did on Amazon. You’ll find many of the same books and products (like videos), but they may have some others that will work.
No matter where you plan to go, search for your destination in Google. You will find free information on travel to just about ANY state in the union, and travel agents will gladly send you more information on more exotic locations.
Now, bundle your new books, videos and brochures together with the traditional card along with flowers or chocolate and you have a gift that she’ll remember all year. Typically, you can do all this for as little as fifty dollars. It’s a winner.
Keith Jennison
The travel guy at http://www.glorydaysgifts.com.
Find that perfect Valentine Gift at Glory Days Gifts
ZZ

Alex Mugume
630
25 7

A recent study is revealing the hard facts that one needs to know, in order to unlock the secrets of building a lasting love relationship. This study revealed that marriage is very predictable. It also developed a decision-making tool that anyone can use to choose their true lover (from the open range of millions of singles), and show you how-to keep her/him successfully.
This study interviewed over 1,000 experienced adults ranging between the ages of 26 and 80 years old. Among these interviewed adults were the successfully married, the unsuccessfully married, the adult singles who had quit looking for a lover, those who were still trying to find their mates, and a few who had completely changed their sexual behaviors to escape the deep pain that hit hard into their soul. This study revealed all the information that has been missing, and I will progressively be sharing this incredible wealth of know-how in the articles on your web page.
Let me tell you some of what I found. Out of more than 1,000 adults interviewed, 280 adults had failed in marriage. They had a lot of stories and experiences, and I will only share a few of the hard learned lessons they had in common. Note that: the aim of sharing this information here is to empower you to understand how they failed, why they failed, and how you can use their experiences to enable you to make winning decisions to brighten your future. Please, study these findings:
1. As at the time of tying the knot, each of those 280 adults believed that their marriage was going to last forever, but that did not happen! They all learned this hard lesson; that being good and wanting to be successfully married is not enough on its own, because the success of your marriage truly depends on your husband or your wife. They proved that you cannot sustain a love relationship single handedly; it takes two to succeed. And therefore, it is important that you choose a lover who is right for you, and also finds you right to them; and I will share with you how to do this in the next articles.
2. They all rushed to fall in love, and failed to see the red flags which were right in their faces from the time they started dating. They confessed that they were emotionally attached, and had hoped they would be able to change their former fiancée(s) habits after committing to them. They learned this hard lesson, that you cannot successfully change another person if that person is not willing to change on their own. They also learned that it is not smart to force a mismatch, because it always leads to domestic violence and a future breakup.
3. They all regretted not knowing what they should have known in time, to make the right marital decisions. They were instead consumed by the excitement of the new relationship, the sweet gifts, the new places to visit, and planning their wedding, before truly knowing or evaluating the person they were committing their love to. They learned that regardless of your feelings, it is vital to control your love emotions and target your decisions towards meeting your long term needs.
4. They all confessed that it was a costly experience; and wished someone had taught them how to guard their hearts from the wrong person. They learned that their hearts were truly the most precious possession they had. But the other sad discovery was that, many of those whose hearts had been repeatedly bruised, had lost confidence, and preferred to stay as players because they were afraid of trusting or loving anyone again.
5. They were all pained not by the divorce itself, but the fact that their divorce was preventable, had they learned how-to interpret the advance warning signs which they had seen during the pre-wedlock period. They learned that making choices unthinkingly; and then hoping for the best, is being reckless with life. You have to know what you are doing every step of the way in choosing the right spouse. You also have to know how-to keep her/him successfully.
Now, here is the good news. Just like you learned how to drive, and so you do not drive the wrong way after seeing the “do-not-enter” signs on the road, you can also learn how-to choose and keep your true lifetime lover successfully. There is no excuse for staying ignorant of these best loving skills, which you need to enable you to make smart decisions in building a lasting love relationship. It has all been documented, to protect your heart from future pain; and to show you how-to avoid these common and painful marital mistakes. You do not need to learn these lessons the hard way. It’s time to stop cutting corners, and making wrong assumptions. You can learn how-to foresee and manage the risks in marriage. All this life-shaping knowledge is a new value-adding book titled, “10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage, Self-help Secrets for the Smart Lover”.
In the next articles, I will share with you the best lessons I learned from those who were successfully married, beyond just the rings and living under the same roof. These articles are being written to give you the base knowledge you need, to enable you to create a successful and joyful love relationship.
Note: I believe that increased sharing of these study findings and solutions will reduce the high divorce numbers, domestic violence, and the endless pain that results from a bruised heart. ZZZ

Jeff Lakie
78
25 7

People in long-term relationships, whether they are married or dating, often complain about getting into a rut. Your relationship may have started off with the great burst of passion and excitement but perhaps it began to wane because life is busy and work can where you out by the end of the day.
If you’re in a dating relationship that seems to be in a rut, or wonder why you can’t keep a long term relationship exciting anymore, perhaps you need to go back to the beginning. That doesn’t mean you need to break up with your current partner and find someone new, it means you need to refresh the relationship with exciting and spontaneous activities.
When you look back on a period of your life, what is it that you remember? Is it the average day-in, day-out activities? Not likely. It is more likely those fun and spur-of-the-moment times when you did things that were hilarious or scary or new. That’s what it means to go back to the beginning of a relationship, when everything you do is spontaneous and new.
Next time you and your girlfriend or boyfriend are deciding to do something on Friday, don’t settle for dinner-and-a-movie. Do something different! Here are some ideas:

Play paintball
Rent a classic car
Go skydiving
Have a picnic

Or surprise your date with something spontaneous:

Start a water fight
Go for a romantic boat ride and tip the boat
Blindfold your date and take them somewhere they never been
Surprise your date at work just as they’re finishing up for the day

Relationships fail for many reasons. One of the saddest reasons is that people simply drift apart because the other person doesn’t excite them anymore. It doesn’t have to be that you’re your relationship, whether dating or married, can thrive when it is filled with adventures that the two of you share as you build memories together.
You’ll look back on your time together with fondness as you consider the many fun and spontaneous things you did together. But doing those things is a choice. Choose to return to the beginning of your relationship and have fun again!

Joe Markus
5
25 7

If you’re on a first date and you’re trying to figure out what Mr. or Ms. Potentially Right thinks about you, look downward.
Not there, silly.
“The key to a man‘s heart isn’t his stomach. It’s his feet,” says Lisa Daily, author of “Stop Getting Dumped!” (Se: “All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly in Love With You and Marry ‘The One’ in 3 Years or Less.”)
As it turns out, the foot rule also applies to women.
“Watch the feet of the person you’re attracted to,” she tips AdamandDrew.com. “People who are attracted to each other subconsciously try to ‘line up’ with the other person. Where the toes point, the heart follows.”
When you take the Sherlock Holmes approach to reading your date, trying to sleuth out whether he/she thinks you’re hot (or not), body language is the smoking gun, my dear Watson.
“Even if we’ve got our game faces on, the body doesn’t lie,” Daily says.
In fact, studies reveal that only 7% of our communication is verbal, according to Mari Smith, a relationship coach based in San Diego, California. The other 93% is nonverbal.
Tips & Clues
Men send out the following tips when they’re interested in you, according to Daily and Smith:

Smiling.
Extended eye contact.
Grooming behaviors (straightening their ties, pulling up their socks).
Upright stance or posture.
Standing with their chests thrust outward and shoulders back (think of a giant preening peacock).
Ego-driven comments about their successes in life (jobs, cash, their cars).

“He may have one hand in his pocket, with his thumb sticking out, or tuck his thumbs in his belt,” Smith adds.
As for the so-called “fairer” sex, look for the following nonverbal cues from a woman:

Extended eye contact and smiling (just like men).
Leaning inward or toward you.
Exposing her neck, hands or palms.
Flipping her hair (with her hands or a twist of the head) or twirling it playfully.
Crossing and uncrossing her legs.
Fondling cylindrical objects like the stem of a wine glass, straw, pen or cigarette. (Paging Dr. Freud…)

“Houston, We Have a Problem”
“For both sexes, there are also signs that things are not going well,” says Daily, who notes that distasteful dates, traumatic breakups and consequent crisis periods often call for “a few Nora Ephron movies and two tubes of frozen cookie dough eaten right out of the package.”
Look for speech patterns that are wildly out of sync. “He’s a slow talker, while she’s a thousand-words-a-minute,” she says.
Defensive body language-arms crossed in front of the chest or hands subconsciously protecting the groin area.
Someone who keeps looking over your shoulder while you speak.
“When someone is not interested in you, they will typically point their body and feet away from you and position themselves at a greater distance,” Smith adds.
Saying Goodnight…or Saying Goodbye?
As your date winds down, other cues foreshadow your relationship‘s future.
“If you give your date a hug on the doorstep and he or she pats you on the back, it’s a sign of discomfort,” Daily says. “The more uncomfortable your date feels, the bigger the pat. The other obvious, not-so-great sign is going in for the doorstep kiss-and getting a handshake instead.” (Ouch!)
Positive signals are much easier to read: a concrete invitation for a second date, with firm plans-not just “let’s do this again” or “I’ll call you sometime,” Daily says.
The Flirt Factor
Flirting with your date-and being on the receiving end-meets Sherlock’s criteria for irrefutable evidence that your lovely evening may evolve into a bona fide relationship.
Daily takes it one step further, asserting that flirting is “absolutely necessary.”
“Flirting is how we communicate our interest-and how we connect emotionally before we connect physically,” she says. “Generally, flirting is harmless, but it can sometimes be interpreted incorrectly by the ‘flirtee.’ The key is to pay attention to the tone of the flirtation and wait to see how the flirter responds if you try to take it up a notch. If she backs down, she was probably just flirting for fun. If she escalates the flirting in turn, she’s communicating interest.”
“Use attitude, voice and body synchronization to make others feel like they have a special rapport with you,” advises Nicholas Boothman, a communication specialist and author of ” How to Make Someone Love You Forever in 90 Minutes or Less.” He encourages those he counsels to learn to “access-and rev up-your sex appeal, without going over the top.”
Translation?
Create chemistry by mirroring your partner’s physical presence and verbal behavior.
“When you synchronize your overall body language, your tone, the speed and volume of your voice, and even the type of words you use-as well as your attitude-people feel safe, familiar and trusting with you,” he tells AdamandDrew.com.
Smith believes women have the edge-and a lot more fun-when it comes to flirting. (Sorry, guys…)
“Playful, lighthearted behavior is really the domain of women,” she says, “and typically men love it and gravitate toward the woman who looks the most fun. It certainly pays to familiarize yourself with all of the signs of attraction so you know how and when to communicate interest-and make sure you’ding the right message!”

April Masini
637
25 7

If you are ready to start winning in the dating world, follow this simple strategy for success:
Lesson 1: First Impressions
They are immediate, long lasting, and usually permanent. Regardless of how great you are, and no matter how sweet you can be once someone gets to know you, the reality is, your dating success will be based almost entirely upon the other person’s initial sense of who and what you are.
Lesson 2: If you want the part, look the part
Statistics show that how we appear speaks more about us, and is more important, than what we say verbally.
Lesson 3: Act the part
It is a fact that in our personal affairs, as in all our business dealings, we sell ourselves first. Poor attitude, image, and behavior will adversely affect your dating success, just as it will negatively affect your success in business.
Lesson 4: Be the part.
The initial impression you make on a prospective date predicts whether she (or he) will take the time to get to know you. Dating, as well as business, is all about sales. You must think of yourself as a
product and the person you want to date as the buyer.
Lesson 5: Dating is about sales and sales is a numbers game
If you want to multiply your success immediately in dating (or just about anything else), learn, understand, and embrace the concept behind “the numbers game.” Accept and follow these tenets:
1. You are a product
2. You are the product’s salesperson, its packager, and its advertiser.
3. The person you’re trying to attract is your customer. They make their buying decisions based upon presentation, packaging, and advertising.
4.The world’s best salespeople don’t have a 100 percent sales rate, a 75 percent rate, a 50 percent or even a 25 percent rate. The world’s best salespeople are lucky to maintain a 10 percent sales rate and count themselves lucky if one out of every ten “pitches” results in a sale.
Lesson 6: Confidence = success
The number one quality both men and women seek in a date or a mate is confidence. Confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salesmen must possess in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from someone who has no confidence in themselves or the products they represent.
Lesson 7: Establish a goal
A confident person is one with a plan and a goal. What’s yours?
Lesson 8: Know your target market and give them what they want
Understand to whom you are trying to sell yourself and what they are interested in buying.
Lesson 9: Analyze the competition and do things better than they do
Just as you would study a competitor in business or a rival sports team, study your dating competition if you want to win!
Lesson 10: Take action and follow through
Deal with your fear of rejection. Stop investing your energy and self-worth in outcomes. Instead of thinking of ‘misses’ as ‘failures,’ think of them as ‘practice shots’. Dating is a process. Stop placing so much importance on what the person you are interested in thinks of you. After all, you don’t know if you would even like them once you get to know them, do you?
Set small goals and accomplish them, one by one. Get passionate about your goals and your life. Enthusiasm is contagious, if you are excited about your life, people will be excited about being with you.
Dress for success. Always put your best foot forward And don’t forget to perfect your sales pitch. If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same result.
Lesson 10: Live as if there may be no tomorrow
Realize there are no guarantees, no dress rehearsals, and (usually) no second chances. Make each day “your day,” one in which you did all that you could do.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
116
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“How can I know when I’m really in love?” asked Ruby, a client of mine. “How can I know if what I feel for Jim is really love or just infatuation? How can I know if this feeling will last?”
Ruby and Jim had been dating for 11 months and were considering marriage. Ruby, 32, felt “head over heels” in love with Jim, but she had felt head over heels in love with Adam, as well as with Mark.
“That feeling didn’t last with Adam or Mark. How do I know it will last with Jim? How can you tell when it’s the real thing?”
“Ruby,” I told her, “the answer to this important question depends upon which part of you feels ‘in love’ and which part of Jim you are ‘in love’ with.”
I explained to Ruby that she can be in love from her ego, or as we call it in the Inner Bonding process we teach, her wounded self. Or, she can be in love from her true Self or core Self – her essence, her soul Self. If she is in love from her wounded self, it will be about external things and the love will not last. But if she is in love from her soul Self, it will be about internal things, and it is very likely that the love will see her through all the challenges that come up in relationships.
“Ruby,” I asked her, “What do you love about Jim?”
“I’ve been thinking about that a lot,” she answered. “It’s kind of funny some of the things I love about him. I love his walk and his smell. I love the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and I love his laugh. I love just being next to him. There is something about his energy – I don’t quite know how to talk about it – that I love being around. I love his touch. I love his kindness and sensitivity and his deep caring for people. Even though he would not be considered a handsome man, I love how he looks. There’s something about his mouth and the look in his eyes that just fills me with love. And I love the passion he has about both his work and his hobbies I love his playfulness. We laugh a lot together. “
“How is this different than what you loved about Adam or Mark?”
“I think that with both Adam and Mark I was pretty much blown away by their looks – they were both hunks. Both of them were also very successful and very social. They took me to nice places and great vacations. Jim is not as financially successful nor as social, yet I feel much safer with him. I think that I also feel in love with Adam’s power in the world. He really seemed to have it together and his sense of power turned me on. But he wasn’t always nice to people, and he wasn’t always nice to me.”
“So it seems that with Adam and Mark, your wounded self was in love with their wounded selves – their more superficial qualities of looks, money and power. But it sounds like with Jim your essence is in love with his essence. The qualities you say you are in love with are qualities that won’t go away over time, because they are soul qualities. People can certainly lose their looks and their money, but it is unlikely that Jim will lose the qualities that you love in him, especially if you frequently express your appreciation for these qualities.”
“So I really am in love with Jim! This really is different than my other relationships. You know, I think I’ve finally grown up. The more superficial qualities just don’t seem to be so attractive anymore!”

Frank Duru
148
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It is no secret that African culture is known for its pride. Most Africans do not have a problem standing up for their beliefs and causes, and are often ambitious when it comes to obtaining specific goals. That being the case, if you are of African descent and are seeking a relationship with someone of your ethnic background, you probably already have an idea of the type of man or woman you are looking for.
When it comes to finding the African man or woman of your dreams, there are many options awaiting you if you hook up with the right community. You can find the ideal connection you are aspiring for, by getting to know others who share your same ambitions and dreams.
Of course, like seeking any relationship, there are certain character qualities you will want to avoid such as:
Money Suckers avoid a relationship with someone who is only interested in how much money you make.
Dramatics someone who takes things to the extreme could really put your patience to the test.
Desperation If your date is clingy, this is a good sign that he or she could have self-esteem issues or are desperate for reasons you may not want to know.
Shady If for any reason you suspect that your date has something to hide, or has been caught telling you a half-truth or a lie, it’s time to move on. Once a liar, always a liar.
Control Freak It’s true that relationships are about giving… but if you have to give up all of your free time or interests to appease your date, it’s time to take back control and walk away.
Now that you have an idea of what to avoid when dating, here are some of the things to look for:
Beauty is Only Skin Deep – Of course appearance is an important part of dating, but remember that it isn’t the only aspect that should attract you. Look for someone who’s intelligent; someone with personality.
Common Sense This is an attribute that goes a long way, and is a good indication that your date is knowledgeable, and can think on their own two feet.
Self-Respect Any date that has self-respect, will take pride in their own ambitions, and should also respect yours.
There is no reason why you should feel pressured into perusing a relationship with someone who does not interest you, or who is looking for different goals. You need to think about what you want, and give it all you’ve got. And you can be sure, if it is meant to be, love will find a way to reach your heart.

John Kinde
200
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People with a great smile radiate a warmth that draws others to them instantly.
Several years ago I was in a San Diego restaurant with my mother. While I paid the check, we both noticed an elderly woman waiting to be seated. As we left the restaurant, Mom asked, “Did you notice that woman with the wonderful smile?” I most certainly did. Her smile lit up the room. It was a smile to die for; one that would certainly win instant friends. It was a smile that you don’t often see in a stranger. And maybe Mom and I smiled back, I don’t remember. Mom later commented, “I wish I’d told her what a terrific smile she had.” But neither of us had. We’d both received a gift without saying thank-you.
Later, on my long drive home, I stopped at a fast-food restaurant for a quick bite. A 70ish woman waited by the condiment bar while her husband ordered. She glanced my way and smiled brightly. It was one of those smiles that broadcast, “I love life!”
I wasn’t going to let THIS opportunity pass. I was going to say SOMETHING. As I approached this woman from 30 feet away, her smile melted into a rather startled look; as if asking, “Did I do something wrong?” I walked over to her and simply said, “You have a wonderful smile!” Wow, did her face light up! And she responded with an enthusiastic, “Thank You”. My comment probably made her day, but it also made MY day. We truly exchanged gifts that afternoon.
SMILES: INSTANT FACELIFTS
Life’s lessons have taught me this: a smile is the number one feature that makes people attractive. It’s a welcome mat. It’s what makes folks approachable. People with a great smiles radiate a warmth that draws others to them instantly.
Some people naturally have a great smile. Others, analytical types like me, must work at it. One way to tell if you’re in my category is to recall picking up your developed photos. As you flipped through the pictures, you didn’t like the way you looked in most of them. But then…you discovered that one great picture of yourself. In it, you look friendly, you’re smiling broadly and your eyes twinkle. Now THAT picture looks like you!
I hate to say it, but ALL the pictures look like you, even those you dislike. Unfortunately, those “bad” photos, where your face doesn’t look its best, portray how you often appear. In fact, you might normally look even worse, since you were TRYING to look good for the camera. Usually you’re not even making that effort, and may appear even less inviting than you do in “bad” photos. And if you’re like me, you assume you’re not particularly photogenic and that your smile needs work. When you’ve mastered your smile, you’ll consistently look better in photos. Most important, though, you’ll be more attractive and approachable every day.
When you’re having a good time, does your face show it? You might be surprised. Years ago I dropped into a comedy club in Montgomery, Alabama. I was sitting in the front row, where one is typically fair game to be picked on by the comedian. But being the non-expressive, serious Norwegian that I am, I wasn’t giving the comic the jovial feedback he needed. I was enjoying the show, but in a straight-faced manner. About halfway through the show, the comic interrupted his routine to ask me point-blank, “Are you having a good time?” I responded, “I’m having a great time.” His comeback: “Well then, tell your face!” I was enjoying the program, laughing inside, even studying the performer’s humor and technique. BUT…not giving him any outward indication.
In everyday life the same concept applies. You might be enjoying your job, but fail to show it. You may want to meet someone, yet not give them a single, friendly clue. You can even be IN LOVE with somebody, and totally hide it. Your face should express what you feel when you wish to connect with others.
SMILE AEROBICS FOR EMOTIONAL HEALTH
One way to become better at smiling is increasing your awareness. Take notice of those you find warm and inviting. Is it their smile? Make an effort to LOOK for great smiles. Notice the appeal of people who smile with their EYES, not just their mouth. The whole face gets involved. Consider these people your models. Study yourself in the mirror. How do you look in the rest room, when shopping, and while passing a reflective window? Do you look friendly? Approachable? Do you really LIKE the image you’re projecting?
In fact, a mirror is ideal for your smile workout. Practice various smiles toward capturing that perfect look for the camera. Work on expressing your smile with your eyes. A tip: cut a paper rectangle that permits you to see only your eyes in the mirror. Practice smiling just with your eyes. Get used to the feel of your cheekbones as they lift to brighten your eyes. When you see how a great smile LOOKS, remember how it FEELS. When you can finally project your best smile, hold it. Turn away from the mirror. How does your face feel? What muscles are you using? Make an effort to develop muscle memory, so you can instantly recreate this smile at will.
THE SMILING REMINDER
Sometimes it’s life’s little reminders that help us focus on making self-improvements. I set out to find a “smile” lapel pin as a permanent token of my smile’s importance. After a fruitless one-year search, I commissioned the design and production of smile pins. Now when I encounter a total stranger with a million-dollar smile (not an everyday occurrence), I share the compliment, “You have a wonderful smile…thanks for brightening my day! I’d like you to have my golden smile pin.” Then I might add, “And someday, when YOU see a total stranger with a fantastic smile, you can pass on the pin to them.”
This little reminder has conditioned me to search out life’s glowing smiles, and not to allow them to pass unnoticed. I always carry “golden smile” pins. And when I spot a show-stopper smile, I always express my appreciation.
Other strategic pluses:
1. The pin reminds me never to leave home half-dressed: without my smile. Even while I’m running routine errands, it keeps me focused on smiles as life’s true blessings.
2. By shaping my focus, the pin increases awareness of my public appearance and attitude. For example, when in a grocery line, I don’t want the checker to glance up and think, “Why in heaven’s name is this sourpuss wearing a smile pin?” It forces me to wear a friendly face all day.
3. The pin encourages me to compliment others. When I fail to say a kind word about someone’s beautiful smile, I feel guilty. Now, that’s what I call constructive guilt! We’ve often been conditioned to feel shame because we’ve not lived up to what others expect, but isn’t it more positive to suffer guilt for failing our OWN expectations?
You needn’t search for a smile pin to remind you. You can choose another object, like a clown pin, that will program you to focus on smile power. Or consider something that nobody else sees, like whimsical underwear. In fact, you may discover that the sheer strength of just your awareness can create positive life changes. With practice you can focus on life’s smiles; and create your own relaxed, naturally warm smile. And THEN when you get back a roll of photos, you’ll like almost all of them! That’s certainly been my pleasant experience. And when you encounter customers, strangers, or loved ones, you’ll always be ready to pass on your award-winning smile!

Greg Thomas
621
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Why was the ABC show Dancing With the Stars, which pulled over 22.4 million viewers for its final episode, so popular?
Star power was one reason.
From suave thespian George Hamilton, long-legged pro wrestler Stacy Keibler, and soap opera actress Lisa Rinna to NFL great Jerry Rice, rap mogul Master P and the winner, entertainer Drew Lachey, the show’s celebrity quotient was high.
Pairing celebs to train and dance with world class ballroom dancers in front of a studio audience was a novel idea playing off the allure of competition and the reality show craze.
Another reason the program is a hit is audience interaction, as with American Idol. The show’s judges have a say, but audience votes via telephone were worth half of the votes.
Executive producer Conrad Green, quoted on ABC’s 20/20, identified yet another basis for the high ratings: “People love to see partner’s dancing.”
The surge in swing dancing since the ’90s is proof that Green’s claim is true. Couples swirling, twirling and swinging in tandem to music reprises a duet as old as Adam and Eve.
The 2004 film Shall We Dance?, starring Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez added fuel to current dance vogue, and the documentary Mad Hot Ballroom (2005), which follows a group of New York City students as they compete for a dancing title, helped people across the nation become aware of this wonderful art. On April 7, 2006 New Line Cinema releases Take the Lead, a dramatization of the same story as the documentary, starring Alfre Woodard, and Antonio Banderas in the role of ballroom instructor and competitor Pierre Dulaine.
Perhaps parents witnessing their children dancing solo to today’s popular music released nostalgia for truly social dancing as with the ballroom and Latin American styles featured on Dancing With the Stars and the films above. This is true not just in the United States; the North American version of the series was based on the BBC’s international smash, Strictly Come Dancing.
A pent-up appreciation for the good old-fashioned romance of couple’s dancing is my bet as another ground for the surprisingly vast viewership of such dance series’ around the world. The Waltz, Tango, Rumba, Samba and the Fox Trot all accentuate the eroticism of partner dancing, the drama of courtship and coupling demonstrated in the course of the dances.
Social dancing spotlights the sensual interplay between a man and a woman, and romance is like a pas de deux between two lovers, with playful turns, slow dips and twists of coy and assertive conversation joined with shimmying hip moves timed to the freestyle rhythms of passion and desire.
Couple’s dancing enhances non-verbal communication between partners, and many relationships begin with the question: May I have this dance? The sensuality of such dancing also serves to keep excitement and verve in the lives of long-term life mates.
So, vote for your romance today by taking a ballroom dance class offered in your town or city. After just a few lessons, you may find that you’re dancing with your star!ZZZ

Amy Spade
466
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You’ll know long before you start the wedding plans if your faiths are different from one another-so this shouldn’t be a shock. And you may have already begun how you want to deal with this. It doesn’t have to be a problem; rather, it can be a great way to create a new ceremony for the both of you.
Deciding to convert
Before deciding to convert to one religion or another, you want to take your time to discover why you’re doing it. Do you truly want to convert to another religion or do you just want to make your spouse’s family happy? This is a very honest discussion to have with your self and there aren’t any good answers, except for the ones that are true.
If you feel that converting is a good decision for you, then by all means, go ahead and take the steps needed. Many times, you’ll have to take classes and speak with the religious head well in advance of any wedding plans.
The trick is not to feel pressured into converting. And with all of the emotions attached with a wedding, some families may have trouble accepting someone of a different faith. If you believe that you want to remain the faith that you are, you should do so.
And if your spouse is trying to coax you into converting, you may want to hold off on the wedding as well. This is a very personal choice, and it needs to be made by the individual, not everyone else.
A dual faith wedding
It’s actually very easy to have a wedding that incorporates two different faiths. Sit down and see what each faith requires at the wedding and then talk about how you can compromise to make sure all is proper.
You may want to have the wedding in a non-denominational setting so that you don’t have the ‘home court advantage’ for one faith or another. You may also decide to have two different ceremonies weaving in and out of one another, combing elements of both faiths. This really shows the commitment to each other and to the separate faiths.
You may also want to have two different ministers or one denominational. That’s up to you, but if you’re a part of a temple or a church, you may need to be married by one of the parish’s priests or synagogue’s rabbis.
Z

Dr. Robert Huizenga
89
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One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying “NO.” He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say “yes.”
People can’t say no? Well, I believe we all have the capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.
Some are “stuck” and seem to lack the ability to consistently act on the “no.” Please remember that all of us are “grabbed” by something and find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.
How to know if infidelity is attached to sexual addiction:
1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting on the sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, etc.) are common.
2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear: the fear of getting caught, the fear of consequences, the fear of “being found out,” the fear of being abnormal, the fear of being punished, and the fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.
3. A promise/failure cycle ebbs and flows with the inability to say no. After an “acting out” episode the person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, “I won’t do it again.” This will last…until the “urge” is acted upon again. The spouse may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not “right”) of the “roller coaster” and succession of broken promises.
4. Others are used or seen as objects for personal gratification. No true intimacy is developed.
5. Sexuality is often confused with other needs or connected to unresolved past pain or trauma. A child who experiences confusion around sexuality or sexual abuse of one form or another, may carry along that confusion and attempt to “work that through” in a marriage or extramarital affairs. (I worked with one woman who “used” a one-night fling with a significant person to “clear up” a particular issue.) She was free of that “urge” from that point on. No one ever knew. Could she have chosen a different way? Maybe.
6. Such a person lives in a distorted world. They come to see the world and relationship through the eyes of their “addiction.” They have a great capacity to rationalize their behavior, deceive others and may lead a “dual” life.
Tip: If you suspect these characteristics fit you or someone you love, get some help before your world disintegrates further or falls apart. Life can be different. Life, sexuality, a truly intimate relationship IS different. You can get there. You are stuck, and need some true love, care and guidance to arrive at the next level.
If you are interested in learning about the 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, “Break Free From the Affair,” visiebsite.