Online Dating

Renae C Judkins
357
25 7

Live wedding music can be expensive for couples on a budget. However, we found secrets to help keep the music flowing, costs low and without DJs.
“Generally, the more musicians and the more hours, the larger the cost,” Chandler Judkins, President of Las Vegas Wedding Music, said. Las Vegas Wedding Music is the number one musician contracting company in Las Vegas. “Many options are available to keep costs low if you work with a flexible musician contractor.”
1. Ask for deals
Many wedding music contractors have specials for those who can’t afford the big band of their dreams or even a small string quartet.
For example, Las Vegas Wedding Music offers a string quartet for ceremony music in Las Vegas for around $500 if the quartet is used for the ceremony only.
String quartets usually charge by the hour and have a two hour minimum which could easily start at $800.
Sometimes wedding music contractors are also the musicians in some of their own bands, so they have discounts to use the bands that they themselves play in.
Chandler Judkins of Las Vegas Wedding Music plays the trumpet in many of his wedding music groups, so a jazz quartet actually costs less than a string quartet but sounds just as beautiful.
When in doubt, as the wedding music contractor. You never know what they might offer.
2. Get a Trio
If a string quartet, jazz quartet or any other wedding band seems just out of your reach budget wise, hire one less musician. Get a string trio or a jazz trio instead of a string quartet or jazz quartet. It is still better than hiring a DJ and sounds beautiful.
If a string trio or jazz trio is still out of your budget, duos can also be a beautiful touch. Sometimes simple is better anyway.
“Make sure you check with your wedding planner about duos though,” Judkins said. “Sometimes they have contracts with string quartets that disallow them to cut players.”
This is one reason why Judkins encourages brides and grooms to find a musician contractor to handle their music verses a wedding planner.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Judkins said. “Wedding planners are great. But they have their degree in wedding planning, whereas, we wedding musician contractors have our degree in music.”
3. Maximize Your Time
If a couple’s wedding reception plans consist of six hours of cocktails, then five hours of dancing, this can pose a problem if a couple doesn’t have a deep wallet.
“When planning your wedding music, decide when the most people will be there and paying attention to the atmosphere,” Judkins said. “You may only have a couple hours of live music, but it will make those hours the most unforgettable part of your wedding day … to you and your guests.”
To see examples of wedding bands and possible musician options, go to http://www.lvweddingmus.

Michaela Scherr
115
25 7

You’ve just met someone and instantly you’ve clicked – the chemistry unbelievable – you want to spend the rest of your life with this person! Life never looked better! But wait a minute…what do you really know and understand about this gorgeous, wonderful human being you want to spend the rest of the life with?
Falling in love…aaahh what a wonderful experience the first flushes of love are. The heart starts pounding, our temperature rises, and the butterflies begin fluttering whenever the girl/boy of our dreams enters the room. The world looks so…well…rosy. Not only that, life suddenly becomes much more exciting. From my own experiences the heady excitement of first love really did my head in – for some reason commonsense flew out the window…well in the short term anyway. I started accepting things that I normally wouldn’t, pulled away from my old friends, and started to lose a part of myself to accommodate the other person.
I followed my heart when on reflection I could’ve saved myself quite a bit of stress had I known a few more things about sharing my life with someone. I never really asked the important questions such as who would be the major breadwinner, compared our values or really planned for the future. I simply followed my heart and went with the flow in blissful abandonment.
What do you really know about your future life long mate? Do you know what their favourite piece of music, colour, outfit, book, holiday destination is?
What about their likes and dislikes? Do you know what their level of patience and understanding is, are they aware of yours? Are they flexible or inflexible thinkers and do you recognise whether you are or not?
I’ve listed 10 basic points to ask each other before you reach love’s point of no return. You could treat this as a date, and also as an opportunity to really get to know each other on a deeper level. Above all be tactfully truthful, treat what the other has to say with respect, and never assume the other knows what you’re thinking.
If this sounds a bit clinical, consider it as a blueprint of your future lives together. Ever heard the comments “I wish I’d known what I was getting myself into.” Or “I wish I knew then, what I know now.” Or “I just can’t understand her/him.”
Here are the points:
1. Ask each other what your values are on a scale of 1 – 10.
2. Ask what you really do not value on scale of 1 – 10.
3. Do you both want children? If only one wants children, is there an alternative and is this issue negotiable?
4. Who will be the breadwinner after the baby is born? It’s not necessarily dad anymore. Are you both okay with who will be the major breadwinner?
5. Assuming you both were employed prior to children, ask yourselves once you become a parent how long will it be before you return to paid employment. I make this point because from experience that whilst the majority of couples I’ve met are ok with the traditional scenario of the wife remaining at home with the children, some men have resented this.
6. What do you expect from each other – in sickness and in health? Ask each other what you expect from them; in return let your partner know what you will personally bring into the relationship and what you will continue to bring to the relationship.
7. What will you forgive/not forgive of each other’s behaviours, for example, infidelity or lying?
8. Do you have a hobby you could both share? List all the really wonderful things you could do together.
9. Will there be occasions when you want to do things alone? For example, boys/girls night outs, fishing trip with the boys/girls etc. Is this acceptable to you?
10. Is there anything that annoys you about your partner already? Are you willing to accept annoyances?
Secretly thinking that your partner will come around to your way of thinking sooner or later could possibly be setting yourself up for disappointment. There’s also the risk of blame and anger if you’re unable to change something you assumed you could.
Accept that nothing in life is perfect – life could be said to be is perfectly imperfe

Martin Avis
551
25 7

Before there was a Saint Valentine to bring romance into the equation, mid-February was an important date for lovers. From 400 years BC, the Romans held an annual lottery in the name of their god Lupercus. The names of teenage women were put into a box and drawn at random by adolescent men. The ‘winners’ were legally paired for a year.
Meanwhile, the mad emperor Claudius banned marriage for young men – he believed that single men made better soldiers.
A Christian bishop, Valentine, disagreed with his Emperor and secretly performed marriage ceremonies until Claudius found out and first imprisoned him, and finally had him clubbed, stoned and beheaded on February 24th, 270.
While he was imprisoned, Valentine fell in love with the daughter of his jailer and when he was taken to be executed, he left her a note signed, ‘From your Valentine.’
Taking Valentine’s name in vain, the Church, in AD 496, decided to finally abolish the annual pairing off lottery held in honor of the god Lupercus and so decreed a small change in the rules:
>From then on, both the young men and the young women would pick a name out of the hat, but instead of getting a year of companionship (and often lust), they drew the name of a Saint whose life they had to spend the next year emulating.
Must have been quite a disappointment for the hot- bloodied young Romans!
They named the day after Saint Valentine whose involvement, 226 years after his death, was more to usurp the pagan god than to signify love.
Thankfully, public memory was more powerful that political will and Saint Valentine remained associated with lovers. Young Roman men, deprived of their lottery, took instead to handing hand-written notes to the women they admired on February 14th.
The tradition of the Valentine card was thus started over 1500 years ago!
The earliest known card that still exists is currently in the British Museum. It was sent by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife. He was a prisoner in the Tower of London at the time and so his feelings of love were probably more acute than most!
In the sixteenth century the Bishop of Geneva tried to reinstate the annual Saint’s name lottery, but his efforts were short-lived. February 14th was by then too firmly associated with lovers for the Church to successfully interfere.
In 1797 a British publisher, who would have done very well in modern Internet times, published ‘The Young Man‘s Valentine Writer’ which offered scores of suggestions of sentimental verses for the creatively challenged.
The practice of sending cards anonymously began with the Victorians, who secretly loved anything of a racy nature, but publicly needed to maintain a show of respectful purity. Hence, the verses in the cards became more and more obscene, but the authors remained hidden behind a respectful anonymity.
The first publisher of Valentine’s cards in America, Esther Holland charged up to $35 for each card. And this was in 1870!
Finally, kisses are written as ‘x’ because in days of illiteracy, your signature was a cross. To convey the effect of an oath, people would draw their cross and kiss it – in the same way that they would kiss the Bible. So the x and the kiss became one and the same.
Have a lovely Valentine’s day! X

Susan Quinn
199
25 7

Release the Phantasy if You Expect to Ever Enjoy the Real Thing
I use the word “phantasy” with clients, to describe their made-up vision of what life would’ve been like if only… Their vision of that alternative reality isn’t simply a fiction or daydream. It’s a vivid and compelling image resonating deep within.
A person’s phantasy represents such a tangible desire, that nothing else satisfies their craving for precisely that. What they received instead, pales by comparison. They’re often left in a never-satisfied state of longing for acknowledgement. In many cases it’s carried since early childhood – well into adulthood.
Quit Setting Yourself up for Disappointment
All of us feel a need to be loved in a way that feels “just right.” And what that means is totally unique for everyone. Moving beyond the insatiable hunger for affirmation from particular people permits focusing on more positive and realistic goals.
The need is indeed real. But it is not realistic. The harder we try to pull the desired response from another person, the more they resist. This sets us up for a continuous cycle of failure – which replays itself in a hundred little ways. The original problem grows despite our determined efforts to solve it.
A future article will be, “The Apparent Problem Isn’t the Problem.” Every “problem” results from our previous efforts to resolve it.
An Insight that Unblocked the Impasse
My client, Linda, has spent her 34 years trying to get her mother to recognize her value. When her mother bitterly criticizes her (as she’s always done), Linda goes the spectrum, from pleading with her to see her value, to scolding her mother for being mean and critical. However, none brings the response she wants.
I told her about another client, (Kathy) who also struggled to get her mother’s approval. Kathy received a letter saying she’d passed the Psychology Licensing Exam. Kathy called her mother in the heat of her excitement. The response she got was devoid of interest, or the desired validation.
“Oh, that’s nice. I knew you would. I’m on the other line; I’ll call you back.” Her mother never called back, and didn’t mention her accomplishment when they next spoke.
As Linda listened, she said, “That’s good that her mother said, ‘I knew you would.’”
I demonstrated the mother’s flat tone.
Linda responded, “I see what you mean. We need to be acknowledged exactly how we want it. Even though this was good, (more than I’d get from my mom) it still didn’t provide what she wanted. What did Kathy want to hear?”
“That’s a good question. I asked her just that. Kathy told me, ‘I wanted to hear, I’m so proud of you, Kathy. You’re so smart, and you’ve worked so hard. You completely deserve this.’”
Linda’s face registered a deep understanding, “Wow, that’s so powerful!”
During her next session, Linda brought up the story again. “Even though Kathy’s mother wasn’t hateful, like mine, Kathy still needed to hear something specific from her mother. This keeps her continuously yearning, like me.”
Linda learned from Kathy’s story. Her comments revealed a shift in perception, which will change her behavior, little by little. She’s moving from her phantasy, toward more attainable goals that serve her better.
The work is to focus on your own authentic goals for YOURSELF. If the goals you set for yourself are in line with your core values, you’ll get motivation and inspiration from within. That feels completely awesome.
Hitting Your Emotional Bulls Eye Follows Changing Your Expectations
My definition of Emotional Maturity – Releasing that phantasy… that we’ll be loved exactly the way we want (need) to be loved.” An appropriate desire – yes. A realistic one – no. But relief is possible, even if people you’ve relied on to provide it don’t change at all.
Trying to get people to correspond to our phantasy expectations seldom brings the desired results. Once you stop expecting a particular response, people actually want to do it. It’s paradoxical. In fact, they’re responding (albeit unconsciously) to a new dynamic that you brought into the relationship. The needy striving is absent.
To the extent we’ve sacrificed our self-satisfaction to other people’s approval, we each need to develop within ourselves the parental approval we want so badly. That’s another reward from releasing the phantasy.
Since lack of acknowledgement is a familiar type of frustration, future articles will show how to reclaim your power and self-respect. For example, Kathy’s treatment by her husband is similar to her mother’s. (Not a coincidence.) Understanding this relationship with her mother in a new way reveals the dynamics that caused her to select him as a husband.
Releasing a phantasy changes yourself – along with the situations you feared would never change. That’s a tangible shift of perspective that changes your future possibilities.
© Susan Quinn, 2005

Peter Vine
569
25 7

Buying a diamond engagement ring can be a risky business! For most of us an engagement ring is the third most expensive purchase we are likely to make, after our home and car. However I can guarantee you know much more about buying a home, or a car than you do about buying a diamond ring! This lack of knowledge opens up the opportunity for dishonest people to take advantage of you.
This generally takes the form of selling you a poor quality diamond ring for a higly inflated price.
How can you avoid the pitfalls?
There are some basic precautions you can take, which will significantly reduce the risk. Some of these include:
Get Educated – Research the subject of buying diamonds, in exactly the same way you would if you were buying a car. There is no substituted for this, and if you are willing to make the effort you can have more knowledge of the subject in 2 hours, than 95% of your fellow consumers.
Buy from a reputable source – Whether you decide to make your purchase online or at a Jewelry store, make sure you have some background on the store. Visit the store and ask the salesman questions to gauge his level of knowledge. I would suggest you avoid the Jewelry districts, simply because the competition is so fierce that it breeds questionable practices and half truths amongst the occupants.
Never buy a diamond without a certificate – Without a certificate you could quite easily buy a piece of glass set into an engagement ring setting and be non the wiser, but up to $5000 poorer. However a certificate alone does not guarantee a better deal, you need to be proficient in understanding exactly what it is telling you, and how each factor that is covered affects the price and quality of the ring.
Understand the 4 C’s of diamonds – Most people know something about the 4 C’s of diamond buying including, Cut, Clarity, Carat and Color. However very few people know how to each of the 4 factors interact to determine the price and quality of a diamond.
If you follow this advice you significantly reduce your chance of being fleeced by a dishonest salesman. Treat your purchase as a significant financial purchase. Set your budget up-front and do not go too much above or below the price you’ve set yourself. Try not to get to emotionally involved in the purchase and the outcome should be favorable.

Jill Dellamalva
232
25 7

Ah… love is blooming for you at the copy machine. But you do have some concerns about dating a guy you work with. Well, I have some advice if you’re considering dating one of your co-workers. I am a self-proclaimed expert. My boyfriend of a year works with me, and I believe I have gone through all (or most) of what you will experience.
The Chase The chase is always the most thrilling part of a relationship. You are getting to know someone new, and you want to “catch” him and make him yours. It’s a challenge on every level – so you begin dressing nicely, wearing some perfume, maybe even a sexy pair of heels. While this is a normal thing to do at a club or bar, expect to get teased by other co-workers who may know you better and suspect that something is up. “Why, don’t you look all dressed up!” they may say. “Who are you trying to impress?”
Believe me, people notice. If you have no problem sharing the fact that you have a crush, more power to you. Just remember that if you begin dating this guy and things go wrong, your office friends are probably going to gossip about you. Even if you try to keep things private, they will gossip. Office friends notice EVERYTHING. Remember, gossip is much more intriguing than work. No one really wants to work, but they do love to talk. At the very least, if you keep things to yourself for the most part, your office friends can’t run back to your boyfriend and tell him you told everyone that he’s a lousy kisser.
There is also the part of the chase that involves that wonderful, heavy flirting. Just keep in mind that you and your guy are at place of employment. Sneaking some affection in the break room, while exciting, can cause you embarrassment if someone catches you. Take into consideration, as well, that most companies monitor email. So before you send him any provocative photos of yourself – picture the IS guy seeing them, or even worse, your boss.
The Romance Once you catch your man and become a certified couple, the office can be a fun place. What is better than seeing your beloved every day and taking lunch breaks together? Just keep in mind that when you date someone outside of work, you probably have conversations on dates about your day, and the people you work with. But when you date someone you work with, you already know everything about his day, and he already knows how Judy from Accounting tripped and fell down the stairs. To keep the conversation and the level of excitement in the relationship up, it takes more effort than normal. Be prepared to add some spark in the relationship early on, so that things don’t get dull.
The Lover’s Quarrels The hardest lesson I learned as I’ve dated a co-worker is that you MUST learn to keep your disputes out of the workplace. Running into your boyfriend’s office, screaming at him for not calling you last night, and slamming his door shut is going to send some unwanted attention your way. If your boss catches wind of it, you may get told that you need to control your behavior, and you may even get written up if it happens enough times. In the end, you look like a fool in front of your boyfriend as well as the entire floor who witnessed your episode. And the people upstairs will talk, too (remember, gossip travels quickly).
Last, but not least, consider what will happen if the two of you break up. Do you have to work with him to get your projects completed? If so, this will make for some stressful situations. Plus, getting over a love isn’t easy when he sits next to you every day. If he starts dating someone else, you are going to know about it. Nothing is worse than that.
It takes a brave, strong personality to date a co-worker. Be sure that you can handle it before you press “Start” on the copy machine and on the button to your h

Tracey Aldous
620
25 7

There may be several reasons as to why a marriage has broken down. Ending a marriage is a serious matter that shouldn’t be entered into lightly without the aid of professional help.
Marriages may be annulled, couples may separate perpetually, but in most cases the final ending is divorce.
Annulment – Decree of Nullity
An annulment is a court order instructing that a marriage be considered at an end, or should never have legally taken place in the first instance.
Reasons that an annulment may take place could be because of one of the following circumstances:
* the marriage ceremony was not conducted properly.
* the marriage is polygamous – more than one spouse.
* non-consummation – no sex during the course of the marriage.
* failing or refusal to consummate the marriage – refusal to have, or an unceasing dislike to having sexual intercourse with the other spouse.
* one party was suffering from a sexually transmitted infection (STI) at the time of marriage.
* the woman was carrying another mans child at the time of marriage.
* one of the partners was under the age of 18 at the time of marriage. (Consent may be given from the underage partners parents between the age of 16 – 18years making the marriage legal.)
* the marriage was contracted under duress.
* one partner lacked the mental capacity to fully understand what was happening at the time of marriage.
* too closely blood related – examples of this are: parent and child, grandparent and grandchildren, brothers and sisters of half as well as whole blood, uncles and nieces of half as well as whole blood, aunts and nephews of half as well as whole blood, first cousins of half as well as whole blood.
Separation
Separation is when a married couple cease to live together as man and wife. One partner can move out of the marital home or they can both remain under the same roof, separating their lives into different rooms and leading them as if they weren’t married.
There are several ways in which a married couple may agree to separate where each method has its own formalities, drawbacks, and limitations. Couples contemplating separation should ideally consult their local citizens advice bureau or solicitor. None of the following reasons are legal endings to a marriage, however having a separation agreement may go to showing the divorce courts that the couple has agreed on certain aspects;
* deed of separation – the couple ask a solicitor to draw up a legal document in which their agreements are recorded. This may cover parental responsibility, maintenance payments, and ownership agreements of certain items and property.
* Judicial separation – a half way house that falls short of a divorce. It involves the courts to recognise in a formal decree the fact that the couple is living apart.
* informal agreement – the couple agree verbally or exchange letters establishing a written agreement to separate.

Danielle Peck
385
25 7

Well, adult dating has certainly entered the new millennium. Whether it’s services like Dating on Demand, soon to be launched by Comcast Cable, Match.com or a chat room, lonely lookers are no longer limited to barroom banter while searching for their soul mate. If alcohol is your forte’, grapedates.com can match you up with another wine enthusiast to smell the bouquet with video chats, video emails, and video blogs. Heck, you can even send video flirts to someone’s cell phone! Those daters looking for a little something extra (or married dating) even have websites like AshleyMadison.com, which boasts “When Monogamy Becomes Monotony” and “For Women Seeking Romantic Affairs-and the men who want to fulfill them”, to fill those few remaining waking hours. On the flipside, SoulMatch.com and Christiansigles.com offer Christian dating, Mixedrace.com and Saltandpeppersingles.com offer interracial dating, and Gaymatchmaker.com and Bgay.com offer dating for same sex relationships. Dating services have come a long way since the early 90s, and it seems as if the sky’s the limit. There are some free online dating websites out there, but most charge a fee if you want to have any kind of contact with other members. In fact, online dating accounted for more revenue on the internet in 2004-over $450 million in revenue-than any other form of pay for entertainment web services, excluding internet porn and internet gambling (Thompson, Technology Review, 108:8, 2004). Hmm, just where is all of this online dating headed?
In the future, will we simply wear our dating glasses (fashionable dating glasses, of course)-conveniently linked to our online dating profile-that tell us whose profile fits our own as we walk the beaches, malls, and clubs? The bigger question is, what do we truly want in a mate, and can someone know this when they are filling out an online dating service profile? I think technology has the potential to cut out diversity in relationships, and that could have some pretty serious consequences to the gene pool. Sure, there are some basic human nature issues that should be the same in any relationship (like social versus antisocial, religious versus atheist), but I would hate to live with someone just like myself. Maybe a better profile would simply ask everything you know you cannot stand about other people or activities, and leave the rest of life negotiable. Whether you are looking for teen dating or senior dating, you should always be open for new experiences and different avenues of thought. Thank goodness, we don’t all think, look, and act the same…how boring would that be? Leave your life open for some adventure and diverse thought and then fill out that dating ad.
Another issue that technology dating will have to address for individuals like myself is that of smell and hygiene. Am I just weird, or does this play a role for most people? If a person does not smell good or brush their teeth a few times a day, I could care less whether or not they like to walk the beach or candle lit dinners. I know this may be shallow, but could I have a smell-o-phone please? The point is that as of 2005, dating and technology have yet to address all of the senses that face to face dating addresses, but who knows what the future may hold. Maybe one day we will enter our DNA readout into the singles dating profile and this will match us with our perfect mate. That could be an interesting prospect, especially if this perfect mate doesn’t encompass the characteristics our socialization tells us to look for.
So…daters start your engines…or ready those computers, cell phones, and ipods because the future of dating will definitely encompass technology. I have just a few dating tips or dating advice to remember. Be Cautious about personal information (I cannot stress this enough). Use good judgment and listen to your instincts (if something isn’t right in Denmark…end it now). Take your time getting to know this person-don’t accelerate the process because you are lonely. If you decide to meet, make sure it is in public-preferably in familiar surroundings with friends around for backup (Listen to your friends’ impression of the person as well, because sometimes they will notice things you miss). Most of all, do not sell yourself short for the need for companionship-a good dog is better than a bad relationshiZZZZ

Pradeep Aggarwal
550
25 7

Although the nervousness of a first date can somewhat hamper the flow of your true and wonderful personality, there are a few signs that you’ll notice when things are really going great. The conversation will flow. There will be a natural rhythm to the dialogue, each person contributing and taking turns in the spotlight. You’ll enjoy listening to them tell you their tales, and you’ll know that they are paying attention to what you have to say.
The sparks will be there. The flirtation will be high, natural and lighthearted. There will be more touching at the end of the date than there was in the beginning. Let there be laughter. Easy, natural humor, laughter, giggles, smiles and comic relief all add to the pleasure and ease of the date.
Ask yourself, ‘what is it that would make you more comfortable”? What could they do for you that would make it go smoother for you? When you answer those questions, you can turn tables and do exactly that for them
o Give them a warm smile
o Make eye contact. Looking at someone directly in the eye gives the sense that you’re open, honest, and paying attention.
o Make them feel welcome by reaching out to them, pulling them closer into your personal space.
o Compliment them on their appearance and accomplishments.
o Draw them into a conversation and then be interested in their responses.
o Be kind, polite, attentive to their needs, gracious, and chivalrous (for men)
o Be relaxed with them and let them follow suit.
Where to go?
A first date should be short and sweet. Since you’re at the initial stages of discovering more about each other, a long date may be more than you can handle. It may become uncomfortable if you find that really don’t have much in common, or that you’ve run out of things to talk about. If the date goes well, then a shorter date will leave you both wanting for more. You’ll part with a pleasant feeling, looking forward for more contact.
Decide
o A full dinner may be too long and complicated. It may involve more of an expense than desired or expected.
o A movie or a concert doesn’t allow to you speak with each other.
o All all-day skiing trip could be tortuous if the chemistry doesn’t happen, and could give rise too all sorts of complications that could bring out the worst in one or both parties.
o A company party or family event has obvious pitfalls and traps
Instead first dates can take place at a coffee shop, over lunch, or at a comfortable bar over a drink. If you’ve determined that you both have dogs, you could’ve a first date walking them in the park and getting an ice cream from the vendor. A sporting event may be acceptable if both parties really have an interest in the event.
We had started this part with a quote, and let me end it with another quote:
“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people, much more strongly than even the final surrender, because this kiss already has within it that surrender”ZZ

Jack Zavada
416
25 7

You know the feeling. You close the door behind you and let out a big sigh. It didn’t go well. In fact, it was a disaster.
First dates are stressful even when everything goes right. When you or the other person messes up, a couple hours can seem like an eternity. But after the date is over, what you do next can etch the bad experience into your mind or help you overcome it. Here are some things you can do to recover from a disastrous first date.
1. Forgive yourself.
Most of us, when under stress, do things we wouldn’t normally do. If you talked too much–or not enough–if you laughed too much, if you overreacted to some statement, or if you behaved in a way that was out of character for you, don’t beat yourself up. We’re often harder on ourselves than we would be on another person. Show some compassion toward yourself. Acknowledge that you did the best you could under the circumstances. Admit that it’s natural to feel nervous on a first date. Remember that nobody is perfect, and if you didn’t act like you should have, it isn’t the end of the world. Be kind to yourself by not falling into the self-punishment trap. It’s important to recognize that negative reaction and cut it off as quickly as possible. If you can’t seem to be objective about it, talk it over with a trusted friend.
2. Forgive the other person.
If you’re a decent judge of character, you can usually tell when someone was motivated by nervousness or lack of confidence. Just as you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, you shouldn’t beat up the other person either. By taking for granted that first dates usually don’t go well, you take a big step forward in emotional maturity. Some people approach first dates with the idea that they’re something to get over with and put in the past. The anxiety of trying to impress the other person frequently causes something to go wrong. Unless the other person was abusive or rude, they deserve a second chance.
3. Be prepared to move on.
If you did something awkward or that warrants an apology, sending flowers is a polite thing to do. And yes, men love to receive flowers! But be prepared if the other person doesn’t wish to see you again, then don’t pester them. Unwanted pursuit of another person is stalking. No matter how much you like the other person or are attracted to them, stop it. You’ll only embarrass yourself or get in trouble with the law.
4. Don’t let the experience affect your self-confidence.
See yourself as a worthwhile, attractive person. You have many good qualities, and just because this person didn’t recognize them, that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else out there who can. If the other person doesn’t want to see you again, they represent only their opinion, not everyone’s of the opposite sex. A person who believes in himself or herself exudes an attractiveness that can’t be faked.
5. Look for the lesson.
You are a work-in-progress. Wisdom is the sum of knowledge and experience, so take those two and figure out what you can learn from that first date. We all make mistakes, but if we’re wise, we won’t make the same mistake twice. Make up your mind to do things differently the next time, or if you weren’t to blame, decide not to feel guilty when things don’t work out. You deserve someone who will appreciate you for who you really are. Resolve, above everything else, to be kind, honest, and authentic. Eventually you’ll meet someone with those same qualities, and that’s when the real fun begins!

Lisa Stuart
667
25 7

Have ever been in a relationship where your partner consistently complains about you and/or about the things that you do? Or, did they maybe just make subtle comments but you knew they really meant it? These careless acts play on your insecurities and you may have found that you were changing the things about yourself that they were complaining about or commenting on in an effort to avoid the criticism and/or comments. They might have also threatened to end your relationship if you didn’t change.
You may have convinced yourself because you love the person it is a valid and good enough reason to want to change for them. The bottom line is that it is fear on some level that causes you to change for someone else and not love. Changes, no matter how big or small, are not appropriate if they are for someone else. Any time you change anything about yourself to please another, it will have negative consequences. The moment you change one thing, you may be asked to change another and another and another until there comes a point when nothing you do or say is good enough. You will find that a relationship where you are required to change in an effort to make it work will not survive long term.
Whatever you do from here on out, don’t change for anyone else but yourself! If you do, it will backfire at some point because you are, essentially, squashing the spirit of your true self. Eventually, those aspects of yourself that you thought you had changed will be doing whatever it takes to express themselves. The essence of your true nature cannot and will not be held down for long.
More than likely, these changes that you initially made from ‘love’ will manifest as anger and resentment towards your partner for whom you did the changing for in the first place. If they don’t like who you are, that is not your problem, it is theirs. Remind yourself that you choose who you want to be with and vice versa. And gently remind them that if those things bother them so much, maybe you both should consider the possibility that the relationship won’t work out because you respect yourself. And that means that you won’t change to fit someone else’s idea of what the perfect partner should be like. You are who you are and if they don’t like it, they don’t have to be with you. If they don’t love and accept you just as you are, don’t be afraid to tell ‘em to take a hike.
Above all else, be true to yourself body, mind and soul. You will find that honoring and respecting yourself in that way will more quickly result in attracting and experiencing a healthy, loving and fulfilling relationship like you never even dreamed possible.
Warmest Regards,
Lisa StuartZ

Cucan Pemo
607
25 7

If you are constantly fighting and getting into conflicts
with the love of your life, and are always wondering why
your girlfriend or wife can never understand you, you can do
something to bring back the passion in your relationship
with her. The results you want may not be instant; in fact,
anything which promises you overnight success is always
bogus. However, your desired results will come surely and
certainly, just as the sun would rise from the East every
morning, if you would put in the right effort, patience and
concentration.

Here are some simple strategies to get you started, and
before long, you should be able to break the barriers of
stubborness, of blindness, and of bitterness in your
relationship with your loved one, and replace them with
feelings of affection, warmth, laughter and love for you.

1) BE the solution
Find out for yourself and understand the reasons which
bring about all the fightings, arguments, and even break-up.
You have the power to turn the relationship around to your
favor and create that long lasting and harmonious
relationship which you so desire. Whatever difficulties or
obstables you are facing in your relationship right now,
know that if you change your attitude, your outer
environment will change as well. Be the solution, and start
watching miracles happen.

2) It’s about being the Right man
If you take your relationship seriously, are sure you
want to love this woman all your life, and even keep her by
your side, you have to decide to be the right man to her. By
this, I do not mean to say you have to change drastically
into something else and not being yourself anymore. Trust
me, if you are not being yourself, no women would ever want
to be with you. Women love honest, trustworthy, and
committed men.

One of my clients whom I have worked with previously has
this to say: “If you are happy with the way I have done
something, just tell me so, don’t pretend to be happy just
to please me or pacify me. And don’t pretend to be something
which you are not!” To be the right and true man, you just
have to understand what women want, and give it to her!
There is one immortal truth of life I would like to share
with you, and it is this: If you want to influence any
persons (including your love interest) to your way of
thinking, and to your way of doing things, give them what
THEY want!

3) Women love romance more than what you think
Your woman loves romance, and she wants romance more than
you think she wants! To be romantic and sensitive to her
needs and wants is something which will come naturally to
most men during the courting and wooing phase of their
relationship with a woman. During this period when he wants
a woman badly, he will want to do anything and everything to
win over her heart. He is eager to find out what turns her
on, her likes and dislikes, and what exactly will attract
her. So, what does a man usually do? He will try to be
attractive for the the women of their life! He never stops
dating and courting her, giving her unexpected surprises,
making her jump and squeak with delight. In addition, he
will try very, very hard not to do anything which will turn
her off, or which will not please her.

The truth is, your woman is still looking for romance and
your pampering, even after both of you have reached the
‘steady’ phase in a relationship. Thus, your woman can never
get tired of more romance and attention from you,
especially if she really love you. Bear this in mind.

4) Women put Love her Number One priority
“But she is so unreasonable”, “She is too controlling and
manipulative. She always wants to find out my whereabouts.
Who does she think she is? A detective?”, “She is so
damanding, wanting me to call her every single hour of the
day, and if I’m late, or I’ve forgotten to call, I’ve to
watch out!”. These are often the common complaints made by
many frustrated men who cannot seem to figure out what is
going on in their relationship. If you find yourself in
similar situation, here is a solution for you. First, you
have to understand women think and behave very differently
from men. You would not be able to change anyone, including
her, just as she cannot change you. It’s not within our
power to control or change another person. However, you can
try to understand your woman, and know why she thinks and
behaves as she does. With your newfound knowledge of this
woman, you’ll be able to strategise and know what to say and
how to react with the objective of bringing more harmony
and peace to your relationship.

For now, just try to understand that once women get into a
relationship, she will put Love her Number One priority.
Whatever she does, no matter how she says it, it is because
YOU are her number one priority right now! This is how she
sees love and defines love. If she wants you to call, that’s
because she wants to know that you are thinking of her, and
that she is loved. So, what you can do is, if you say you
will call 3 hours later, mean it, and don’t make excuses or
deny if you forget all about it. It means a lot to her. If
you cannot make the call during that point in time, make it
a point to let her know, or text her a message to say it is
inconvenient for you to call. If you take it lightly, and
can’t be bothered to call, guess what will happen? She will
be sitting at home feeling miserable and frustrated,
thinking whether you really love her and care enough to keep
your promise, and very likely she will end up wondering if
there is something very wrong with HERSELF!

The factors leading to a relationship or marriage break-up
are often not because of the differences between men and
women. It is your attitude and methods of treating these
differences that matter. If you will put in the heart and
soul to really understand your woman, and BE the solution,
you will be able to save your breaking relationship. To
create a long-lasting and harmonious relationship or
marriage, patience, tolerance, and perserverance are the
keys.

Barbara White
144
25 7

“Personal relationships are the fertile soil from which all advancement, all success, all achievement in real life grows” Ben Stein
Life would be difficult without the blessing of significant relationships as an integral part of our lifestyle. However although relationships can be the source of much joy and happiness, they also can frequently be a source of pain, stress, conflict and anxiety. It is a sad factor that when we have a close relationship the openness and vulnerability that we share with that person has the ability to bring both happiness and also pain.
There is a natural response when we feel hurt to protect ourselves from being hurt again. Frequently this protection involves creating a wall around the heart, distancing the emotions to avoid pain. This very act may well protect a person from feeling more pain, and keep it at bay, but also means shutting out the potential of enjoyment in the relationship as well. A wall keeps out both good and bad!
Unfortunately it is a fact that too many people become detached from potentially meaningful relationships through misunderstanding and assumptions about the other person. The reality is we can never fully know a person and understand them, and often we see things from a totally different perspective, and even speak a different emotional language. A tone of voice, a look, or a comment can easily be misinterpreted, and our response is to feel hurt or offended. If this happens it is all too easy to into a pattern of assuming and responding to that assumption until the whole incident becomes a large issue.
How does this situation occur? The basic problem arises from the fact that people are afraid of what they don’t know. They assume facts that may not in reality exist, and then build prejudices around those assumptions. Bad decisions are then made based on those assumptions, on rumors, other people’s opinions or perceived behaviour.
Many of these situations could have been non events, if time had been taken to check out the actual facts. If a person is aware of the actual facts about a situation, person, problem or opportunity, then decisions can be made based on what is real rather than what is being perceived. “There may be some substitute for hard facts, but if there is, I have no idea what it could be.” J. Paul Getty
For example, I go to a social function and meet my friend. She has a scowl on her face, seems aloof and practically ignores me and my efforts at friendly conversation. It would be easy for me assume that she is mad at me, and spend a lot of energy wondering what I had done to upset her. I may start tiptoeing around her anticipating a blow up. A healthier alternative for our relationship would be to say “You don’t look happy, what’s going on?” By checking out what the real facts are I will either discover whether I really did do something wrong, or that something has happened that I don’t know about that is totally unrelated to me. Either way I am in a better position to help lighten her mood as I know the actual facts.
When communication issues occur in a relationship the best way to find out the truth is to ask questions to discover what the other person actually means. What a person means can be very different from an interpretation from your different perspective. Sometimes people may make a statement, and not tell you the reasons why they said it. This can lead to a minefield of speculation and assumptions. This can often happen when communicating with men. A man tends to answer questions with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, (or a brief response) and not give any explanation for his position. Women are more likely to give reasons. So by asking questions such as ‘Do you mean……’ you will get more clarity and will not be left wondering what is going on.
It does take more commitment to the relationship to push through communication difficulties and not rely on assumptions. We prefer to not speak or confront when we sense an atmosphere, or feel hurt by a comment. However if you keep to the adage ‘When in doubt, Check it out’ and push through those uncomfortable feelings you will reap the benefits in the relationship. Your relationship will become stronger and you will gain a greater understanding and appreciation of each other. So……… Don’t doubt, Check i

Dan Ohler
647
25 7

Do you know why dogs have so many friends? It’s because they wag their tails rather than their tongues.
I was walking through a park in Calgary, Alberta, pondering ways to enhance business and personal relationships in our stress-filled society. The lesson bounded across the park and almost knocked me over.
A young woman was walking her dog. More correctly, the dog was walking the woman. It was a huge, black dog with short hair, big floppy ears, a long stocky tail, and feet the size of saucers. It looked like a Labrador crossed with a St. Bernard.
It darted this way and that, from one tree to the next, nose to the ground, as if searching for a rabbit.
Suddenly, it stopped, looked around, and noticed something more interesting in the park – people.
The dog ran across the park to a sullen-looking elderly man, walking as if he was in pain. The dog swung around and strutted alongside this gentleman, head held high as if on parade, tail wagging from side to side. The man reached down and patted the dog’s head. I could see that the man was talking to the dog. His scowl turned into a big smile.
The dog spotted a group of children, and off he went. He circled around them and then stopped. A small girl walked up to him, arms outstretched, and he planted a big sloppy lick on her cheek. The girl giggled and hugged him. The other children gathered around and patted him as his stiff tail swung from side to side, occasionally knocking one of the children over. He’d turn and lick the child as if to say “Whoops. Sorry.” The children laughed and giggled.
He noticed me and bounded across the park, circled around me several times and then stuck his big nose into my hand. I laughed as I scratched him behind the ears. The back end of his body seemed to be controlled by the wagging tail.
Off he went in a flash to a man and woman, strolling hand in hand. He walked in between them and looked up at their faces, tail wagging furiously. I could hear them talking and laughing.
The friendly canine noticed two well-dressed men on the sidewalk, each carrying a briefcase. By their faces, they appeared to be in a serious discussion, or possibly an argument. Their facial expressions were from concern to ridicule to contempt. The dog roared off toward them and stopped about a meter away. He crouched, cocked his head to the side inquisitively, perma-wag still happening. The men noticed him and both started to laugh as they coaxed the dog closer to pat him. As the dog bounded off, the two men strode along the sidewalk, with a more pleasant look on their faces.
Wherever the dog went, he had friends. All he did was wag his tail. He did not make a sound. He exuded energy, excitement, and love in every move. His tail wagging was an unconditional gift to everyone he met.
Most of us don’t have a tail to wag, yet we can implement the same dog-gone leadership strategies.
- Be energetic, strong, and proud. Keep your head held high, move quickly and “on purpose” rather than because you “have to”.
- Be interested and supportive of others’ needs, without getting caught-up in their “stuff”.
- Be friendly and listen, without interrupting, or judging.
- Leave when they still want more of you. You’ll be welcome next time.
Be a dog-gone good friend and leader. I challenge you to wag your tail more than your tongue.
Be aware of your impulse to interrupt, prove, probe, and blame. Hijack the impulse, close your mouth and listen, wag your tail, and leave on good terms. It is much safer and less stressful.
Use these dog-gone leadership strategies, and I guarantee you will be happier and healthier. You’ll have energy to play in the park, relaxing time to lay in the sun, and you’ll have friends wherever you go.
Copyright© ZZZZZZ

Jill Dellamalva
238
25 7

“What time do you want to go to my family’s house on Christmas Eve?” you ask your boyfriend of two months. You’re looking forward to introducing him to your relatives because you’ve been bragging to them that your relationship has been perfect so far.
That is, until you hear his response to your question.
“Oh,” he says, turning a little red. “I didn’t think we’d be spending the holidays together with each other’s families. You know, we’re just dating.”
“Oh, sure,” you say, “I knew that.”
You proceed to go home, shut off your cell phone, block him on your Instant Messenger buddy list, and write him a 5-page email explaining that he led you on to believe you were special, and that you need to break up with him now.
If you didn’t get that far yet, girls, then listen up. Let’s explore what the phrase “just dating means”, apply it to your relationship, and plan what to do to move from “just dating” to “couple” status IF your guy is worth it. So, how do you know if he’s worth it?
You see, there is a “Type A” sort of guy, and there is a “Type B”. Simply put, one isn’t worth it, and the other has potential. As a female in search of a solid, healthy relationship, you must be able to distinguish between the two.
Let’s begin with “Type A”. This one is a real charmer. He can either be shy or outspoken, but certain characteristics definitely set Type A apart from the rest. Believe me, you’ll know if you’re dating Type A. He frequently breaks plans with you at the last moment. Type A will not make a habit of picking you up at your house for a date – you’ll usually have to meet him somewhere. When he does pick you up, he’ll oftentimes drop you off early so he can do something else – such as go out with his friends. His friends will usually even be around on your dates. Type A tends to be selfish, materialistic, and perpetually unsatisfied with everything and everyone he comes across.
The word “commitment” terrifies Type A. Type A claims to be either too young or not at the point in his life to be prepared for a relationship. He wants to “see what is out there before settling down”. He expects you to date him, while at the same time understanding his need to be with other women. Type A checks out potential dates while you’re standing right next to him.
“I think you’re a nice enough person for me to hang around with”, Type A is thinking, “But I know someone even nicer is bound to come along.”
Listen up, girls. Type A is irresistible to you because he has made himself unattainable. Of course you want him. You always want what you can’t have, and he knows it. He loves it. He thrives on it. But no matter how you try to sugarcoat, justify, or argue it – to Type A the phrase “just dating” means exactly how it sounds: no strings attached, no commitment, no relationship.
You are not going to change Type A’s mind. You are never going to be his girlfriend. Accept it. Give up. Forget him. Move on. More often than not, Type A will appear at your door 5 years down the road, when he realizes that he blew a good thing. And more often than not, you will slam the door in his face.
But don’t despair. You may just have yourself a “Type B” instead.
Unlike Type A, Type B tends to have had long-term relationships in the past. This is a good sign, signaling that he doesn’t have a phobia of commitment. However, he may have been hurt deeply by a past long-term sweetheart. He is usually someone who has a good relationship with his family; perhaps he’s a bit of a Mama’s Boy. He goes out of his way to help little old women cross the street. You are attracted to his kindness of heart, and this is what makes him irresistible to you. And unlike Type A, he will pick you up for a date, and perhaps even bring you flowers. He shows respect for you. He tends to be smart and analytical, looking at a decision from all angles before making it. He claims not to want to hurt you by jumping into a relationship too fast. So he tells you that perhaps you should “just date” for now. You take this as an insult, a blow-off line, an easy way out.
But STOP! Turn that phone back on. Put his screen name back on your buddy list. Mr. “Type B” is in the process of making his decision, girls. And he’s not taking it lightly. I know, when you are infatuated with someone it is not easy to be patient. But Type B may be worth the wait. Remember, familiarity breeds comfort. Let Type B get used to you. Let him want to be with you, and you alone. Let him make the moves. Let him come to you when he is ready. DO NOT pursue or chase him DO NOT get impatient with him, and throw fits of rage about how you don’t understand him. You see, he is weeding out exactly that type of girl – the type that doesn’t understand him. You will be irresistible to him simply by having a wonderful attitude, a huge smile, and the desire to show him that you want to get to know him as a person. Be his friend above all, because that is the foundation of any good relationship. So this Christmas you may not be sitting at his family’s table. But next Christmas he may be giving you a wedding ring. More often than not, Type B’s live on the same side of the door with us 5 down the road.

Dorothy Lafrinere
69
25 7

Do you feel your brains turn to mush as soon as cupids arrow spears your heart?
Did your heart ever become your goal?
Did he become your world?
Do you feel the need to control him?
Do you want to be his everything?
Did you ever change your entire world to be with him?
Did he, for you?
Do you want his eyes to be only on you?
Do you feel like you can never say anything right?
Do you try to share your thoughts with him, only to alienate him?
Do you tear your hair out every time he looks at you like you are an alien?
Do you wish today was as sweet as the first day that you laid your eyes on him?
Do you wish you had never heard any stories about his past?
Do you wish he never heard yours?
Do you expect him to read your mind?
Do you think you can read his mind?
Do you worry about things that he cannot even comprehend?
Do you imagine his answers, when he gives you none?
Do you constantly question his feelings for you?
Do you question his every decision?
Do you feel like a wallflower?
Do you wish he would not interpret your needs for weakness?
Did you grow up believing love would be safe and non confronting?
Do you like the feeling of mistrust?
Does he?
Do you feel that you are the only one in this relationship?
Did you ever think that you would feel so torn apart when you argued with someone?
Did you think that you could be so hateful with someone you love so much?
Did you ever look just at someone and just feel total unconditional love for them?
Did you think that he too would feel incompetent during sex?
Do you know that he too suffers when you look upon him with disappointment?
Does he try to reach out to you in his time of need for affection and understanding?
Do you turn away from him, hoping that he will turn to you?
Do you feel like hiding from his eyes when you feel threatened by another female?
Does he understand you at that time?
Does he support you when you feel weak and failing?
Do you support him?
Do you allow him inside your head when all you want to do is die?
Do you come home and ask him how his day was?
Do you reach for him in the quiet of the night?
Does he reach out for you?
Does he make you feel sexy with just one look?
Do you crave his touch?
Does he kiss you passionately?
Do you kiss him back?
Do you love him with all your heart and soul?
Would you die for him?
Would he die for you?
HMMMMMM!
I know that I have definitely reached each one of you reading, with at least one of these thought provoking questions. Did you ever think such a small sweet word like LOVE could be so full of emotions and feelings? Love has so many meanings:
Love means trust, even when all the cards are against you.
Love means understand at all costs.
Love means accept all without question.
Love means allowing a stranger into your heart.
Love means smiling when anyone else would frown.
Love means hugging when he cries.
Love means being silent when silence is needed.
Love means putting his feelings first.
Love means being fair.
Love means expecting fairness.
Love means commitment.
Love means fitting together.
Love means laughter.
Love means partnership.
Love means being independent.
Love means forgiveness.
Love means patience.
Love means pain.
Love means sacrifice.
Love means supporting.
Love means feeling complete.
Love means never going to bed mad.
Love means GIFT.
If you have the gift of love, cherish it, nurture it, and treat it with respect.
Never push it away, or hurt it. Never, ever abuse it, or treat it like a door mat. Embrace it.
To have the gift of love is truly an inner beauty feeling. People say they love, but truly they have no clue what love is. Love can be just as painful as it can be beautiful. It can turn on you in a heartbeat. It can become your worst enemy. It can twist your world and turn it upside down, leaving you feeling alone and empty. Love is a very powerful gift. It is when one finds true love that all of the feelings, good and bad come together. That is when they are organized and compromised to make two people into one. It is when we are one that we join forces against the world and battle together. Sometimes it feels easier to go it alone, but it is the word, “alone” that really scares me. I would rather risk it all with someone, then to be alone. To say yes to the questions above tells you that you have risked it and are in love!
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“I believe that we are here for each other, not against each other. Everything comes from an understanding that you are a gift in my life – whoever you are, whatever our differences.” – John Denver