Online Dating

Robert Johansson
662
25 7

Our planet is brimming with a random lottery of people; undeniably though, finding true love can be considered a risky business. Love is supposed to be a beautiful feeling with lots of happy thoughts emanating from the whole package of being in love, so why is finding true love is considered a difficult challenge?
Is finding love really so hard though? Or do we just make it hard? Finding love is not hard, but sometimes it takes a long time. So if you are single now, and I assume that you are, then you are likely goint go be single for awhile.
Here are some advantages of being single:
1. You are independent Basically you can do what you want when you want. You don’t have to wait, you don’t have to ask, you can just go.
2. You have more time When you’re single; you don’t have to sit around doing nothing. Want to go to the gym? Want to join the hiking club? Play an instrument? How about watch your favorite video for 10th time? Want to take a course? Learn a new hobby? Who’s stopping you?
3. You don’t have to deal with another’s personal habits You can sleep without listening to someone’s snoring and hog all the blankets all the time and nobody cares. You don’t have to pick up after anyone but yourself. And you don’t even have to pick up after yourself if you don’t want to. Give your patience a well-deserved break.
4. You can be spontaneous Be daring! Do what you want when you want to and who cares if you don’t get to dinner until midnight? Do something out of the ordinary, without having to get permission first or calling ahead. This is freedom!
5. You can focus on your career You can channel your energy into your work. Without a relationship, you have a lot more time. Put in those extra hours and impress your boss, or take on new projects.
6. You are your own boss Relationships need compromise and you don’t always get your own way. Both people in a relationship have to give something up for the greater good of the relationship. Do what you want and treat yourself more. Selfishness is good for the soul (in small doses).
Don’t stress! That special someone is out there and you can and will find them. It just takes time.
In the meantime, enjoy being single. In fact, I believe that if you can’t be happy being single, you will never be happy with your soulmate! Kind of like rich and poor. There are lots of poor people who are happy and lots that are unhappy. Same with rich people — lots are happy and lots are unhappy. Now what do you think would happen if we took a poor who was unhappy, and gave them lots of money?
You guessed it! They would probably be happy for a short time, but it wouldn’t last and eventually they would be just as unhappy as they were.
Ever wonder why that is? Being happy comes from inside of you not outside. OK, you are single — enjoy yourself and that special person will come along before you know it!
I hope that you have found this article useful in your search. If you would like to more about finding your soulmate, please visit my website Soulmate Secrets.

William Martin
218
25 7

When you love someone do you give your power away?
This may seem a strange question to ask and you may wonder what ‘power’ has to do with ‘love’.
However, if we take a look we might see that love and power are very closely linked. This may not seem very romantic, but that does not mean it is not true.
We see another person as attractive depending on the level of ‘personal power’ that they hold. Things like good looks, money, success (however we define it), musical and artistic abilities, and the like all, can add to attractiveness – and ‘attractiveness’ is a form of personal power.
When we love someone it is natural to want to give to him or her. It is part of the fun of a relationship. Yet, if we try to give too much of ourselves before the other person is ready the chances are that they will run a mile…
Has anyone not experienced that kind of ‘rejection’? I don’t see any hands going up…It seems to be part of the human experience for everyone no matter what their status in life.
The problems start to arise when we place another person above ourselves. If we do that it can come across as if we feel that the other person is more important that we are.
“What is wrong with?” that you might wonder. “Isn’t that how love is supposed to be?”, you may ask.
Well, the problem with it is that it is not sustainable. The other person is looking for an equal not for more members of their ‘fan club’. In order to have a meaningful relationship they need more from us than simply adding ourselves to their list of admirers. Sooner or later they will believe our own low assessment of ourselves.
The more we look up to someone the more we reduce own status in their eyes. Indeed, perhaps the more we look up to someone the more reason we give them to look down on us.
This does not mean that we cannot admire qualities and abilities in others. It just means we need to do it with a feeling of equality and not with a feeling like we are some kind unworthy creature admiring someone far better than we are.
Love is really something much bigger than us as individuals. In a sense, love is a process. How we love has to do with how we respond in that process. It may have little to do with the other person because we will respond the same way within that process with someone else.
If our response to love is to try and raise up the other person by lowering ourselves then that will be our experiences of the ‘process’ of love.
We will experience being reduced and diminished when we love.
If our response to love is to raise ourselves up and the other person too – then that will be our experience of love. We will experience love as enlivening and enriching. Yes, we may still have our disappointments – but, overall it will raise us up and not diminish us.
We need to look at our response to the process of love and see it is different from the ‘object’ of our love. In that way we can find more skillful ways to express how we feel.
And, the expression of love is a skill. It is one of the highest of skills, but it is still a skill. It is something that needs to be learned – often through trial and error. There is not sense beating ourselves up when we make a mistake because it is just part of the process of learning the skill.
Part of the process is learning to feel good about ourselves as part of our own experience of relating to others. If we try and exclude ourselves from our own ability to love, that is what makes us want to sacrifice ourselves to the image we make of the other person. We have set ourselves
up to lose if we do this as it makes a false god / goddess out of them. Then we begin to look at the other person as if they are source of love in our life. Which is a dangerous thing to do to another fragile and quirky human being. It is dangerous as it is too much power to give another person – especially when it is someone we might hardly know at all (except that they are ‘so wonderful’…).
We need to recognize the source of love in our lives. It is a deeper and wiser part of ourselves, which lives within us waiting recognition. That is our true source of personal power – and our true source of love.

Caterina Christakos
170
25 7

Smooth pick up lines may have worked in 80s movies but most women today are a bit more savvy. There are much more subtle and effective ways to turn women on.
Eye contact is one of them. Pay attention to what she is saying and keep your eyes above her bust line. Breast ogling is not a turn on, unless she has just had them done and is asking you about them.
Touching is another way to show her you are interested but it has to be the right kind of touching. Running your thumb in little circles over the top of her hand or her palm can be highly arousing. Grabbing her ass is not.
Touch her as if she is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
Caress her with the love that most guys give to their favorite vintage car or most dreamed of stereo component. Run your hands gently over her curves.
Put your passion into the kiss. Slow and seductive. Deep and hungry. Your kiss can be the date maker or breaker. Savor the taste of her. Drink her up without leaving her face all wet and drippy.
Women want to be wooed then taken.
For more seduction advice go to: http://www.seduction-hypnosis.com/doubleyourdating

Deal Girls
586
25 7

Can’t decide on wedding favors for your wedding? There are so many kinds of wedding favors you could have – from something handmade to simple flowers to very intricate, personalized wedding favors. And everything in-between.
Some brides pick the favors to reflect the wedding and its theme. Others like to match the colors of the wedding to the favors. Yes, there are some who want something simple and personalized, for their guests to remember the wedding date.
We have put together some ideas for you to come up with wedding favors for your wedding:
- Would You Like To Make Them Yourself? Some brides love making things themselves. If that is you, and you don’t have too many guests coming to the wedding, you may want to create something yourself.
On the other hand, if you don’t make things yourself, now is not the time to start. It would be better to buy simple favors, instead of spending your valuable time on learning how to make them.
- Do You Want Them To Match Your Wedding Theme? Pick something that will match your wedding theme. For example, if you are wearing a princess wedding dress, and your whole wedding is designed around a fairy tale theme, picking wedding favors that reflect the fairy tale theme as well would be the most appropriate.
- Personalized Wedding Favors are also very popular. Get your favors personalized with your names, the wedding date, the location, etc.
- Simple Favors. Sometimes you want to have favors, but you want something very simple. In that case, you might want to just buy items that you could use as favors – simple candles or flowers come to mind.
- Seeds. We love seeds as wedding favors – they symbolize the beginning of your new family, and your guests will be able to use the favors! Give them seed packets with seeds that they can plant, a favor like this will definitely be used.
Enjoy finding the perfect favors for your wedding!

Lori Radun
103
25 7

Do you remember when there were no children in your life? Hanging out with your spouse was your first priority. You had fun going on dates. You had time to talk and share with each other your day’s events. And sex was something you looked forward to. And then along came Ryan or Megan, and then maybe Benjamin or Kaylee. Suddenly, life became centered on your children. Time for each other as a couple was rare.
If you and your spouse plan to be a happy couple after the children have left, you need to grow and connect with each other today. While there are no guarantees that you and your spouse will be one of those cute, old couples in “When Harry Met Sally,” there are things you can do to increase your odds.
When I think of the marriage ceremony, the unity candle is an excellent symbol for what should happen in marriage. Two candles (two people) come together to light one big candle (one team). A healthy marriage has unity. Always think of your spouse as a teammate. Create a marriage with a shared vision and shared goals.
Your husband should be your best friend, and you should be his. Your marriage is a place for intimacy, and being intimate means sharing completely and honestly who you are – your feelings, likes and dislikes, your dreams, and what is important to you. Intimacy happens when both people can share anything and feel safe in doing so. You and your spouse will always be growing, so take the time to understand each other in every way – socially, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Intimacy is only achieved by spending time together regularly.
Safety in marriage comes from knowing you can trust your partner completely. Being trustworthy means you love and respect your spouse. You keep your commitments and strive to treat each other with compassion and understanding. Your spouse needs to know without a doubt that you are not going anywhere, even when the going gets tough.
Every marriage has conflict and every couple has differences. In my marriage, we fight over disciplining the children, among other things. If you are going to grow and connect with your spouse, you have to learn to work through your disagreements. Make every effort to understand each other. Understanding comes about when you can listen with your heart. It’s so much easier to brainstorm win-win solutions when there is a clear understanding of what is important to each partner.
Speaking of differences, the healthy couple accepts and embraces each other’s strengths and weaknesses. If you think about it, there is a positive and a negative to every quality. I have a lot of compassion, but sometimes I am too sensitive. My husband provides structure in our family, but sometimes he is too rigid. When one spouse has a perceived weakness, often times the other balances it with a strength. For instance, my flexibility and his structure often conflict. However, our family needs both. Encourage the development of your spouse’s strengths and be patient with the weaknesses.
When you spend time getting to know each other and sharing yourself, you will naturally feel affectionate. Sexual intimacy is an important element in marriage. In order for women to desire sex, there needs to be healthy emotional intimacy. And men, unfortunately, achieve emotional closeness through physical intimacy. It is important for each partner to work to satisfy the other’s needs. Make the time to ignite the passion.
It is important for a couple to grow together, but it is also important for each person in the marriage to grow individually. It takes a lot of hard work and maintenance to make your marriage thrive, but it is well worth it. Your children need a model for a healthy marriage. And, when the children have left to start their own lives, won’t it be nice to look at your spouse and say, “I want to spend the rest of my years with you, my friend?”

Evelyn Cole
567
25 7

Has anyone every given you a love letter? If so, did you keep it? I bet you did. If it was well written, I bet you framed it. Have you ever given someone a love letter that they framed? No? Want to? It’s the very best valentine you can give anyone and easier to do than you think.
Just follow these simple directions:
1. Quickly write a list of everything that endears this person to you. He or she could be a parent, child, cousin, friend, lover, spouse, teacher–or your boss (in extremely rare cases.)
2. Be specific. You will be writing so fast you may include traits you don’t like. That’s okay. You can cross those out later.
3. Include physical characteristics that you know your recipient likes. For example, if he has a full head of white hair (or purple) that he cares about enough to have a special barber, mention it.
4. Add specific humorous moments in your life together, not embarrassing ones, but those that you know he or she definitely enjoyed.
5. When you have a really long list, write your first draft. Begin with a general phrase such as, “I love you,” or “Je taime, je t’adore, mon petit choux.”
6. Arrange your paragraphs from your list and end with a general phrase such as “I love you.” It’s the details you include that make it a zinger!
7. Type, spell-check and wait a couple of days.
8. Make changes if needed, print and mail. (or roll into a fancy bottle and gift wrap.)
Copyright 2006 Cole’s Poetic License

Bill Knell
11
25 7

Most people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Let’s begin by taking a look at that before going any further. Even though it always seems and is horribly unfair to any victim of infidelity, there are always two sides to every story.
The person who cheats doesn’t easily fit into a single mold. There are those who will cheat once and never repeat the mistake. Some will continue the practice until they feel satiated. Others make a lifestyle out of being unfaithful. If you are considering how to handle a cheating partner, you must first decide how likely it is that they will repeat the same behavior over again.
The best-case scenario for any type of reconciliation between two people when one cheats are situations where the Cheater confesses. People who admit to cheating without having been caught or even suspected are unlikely to repeat their mistake. It might take a bit of prodding to discover the reason for their unfaithfulness, however, in most cases it’s because they were completely frustrated with their life.
Regardless of the cause, Frustration is a powerful emotion that can cause people to seek escape. Some will escape by abandoning a relationship or family, others will escape by cheating and many just become abusive because they do not know how to handle what they’re feeling. These are all bad choices brought on by the sensation that they have become boxed in to a situation that constantly frustrates them. Although unfortunate, sometimes the act of cheating brought on by frustration is a catalyst for both parties to come together in a productive way that wasn’t previously possible.
The worst-case scenario for reconciliation involves people who cheat for selfish reasons. Although they may justify their actions with psychobabble, habitual Cheaters will emotionally destroy many partners, break families apart and go through a large number of relationships before they stop or simply run out of steam. These are nightmare partners that everyone should take extra caution to avoid. Unfortunately, they also tend to be extremely effective at deception and appear very desirable. Not surprisingly, these people are the hardest for cheating victims to walk away from.
The foremost consideration anyone who has been burned by cheating has to think about is the desire of the person who betrayed them for reconciliation. You cannot go to them; they have to come to you. Once they do, you have to be sure it will not happen again. Unless you know your partner very well and can account for their actions, you will probably not be able to reassure yourself that it was a one-time event. If you can get past all that, move the spotlight on to yourself.
It is important to be sure, you can live with their betrayal of your relationship before you go further. No one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious circle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate. If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it. Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner understands the kind of damage they have or could have done.
It’s easy to believe that a Cheater cheats himself or herself more then anyone else in terms of losing the ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship. However, many Cheaters leave ruined lives in their wake. Whether it’s innocent children who end in a broken home or a former partner who is left emotionally destroyed, some one besides themselves often pays for what a Cheater does.
If you can move past forgiveness and making sure the Cheater understands how devastating their act was, it’s time for some serious work to begin on mending the relationship. It’s like going back to square one. You have to be sure the conditions that may have caused or allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from your relationship. For example, the person who your partner cheated with has to be out of the picture. No friendship, once in a while meet ups or anything.
Apart from staring at internet porn or getting the seven-year itch for greener grass in the neighbor’s yard, the root cause of the problem has to be discovered, discussed and dealt with. Things will never be the same between yourself and your partner again. You have to find common ground, strengthen the love that remains and support one another in every way possible.

Victoria Leal
37
25 7

In my attempts to find the love of my life, I knew that they were not going to be found in the town where I lived, so I took to the Internet. My first experience was the result of a television commercial. They looked so darn happy, you couldn’t help but wonder if this could also work for you, so I tried it. Put it this way, finding my “Mr. Right” may have ended up costing me a small fortune!
Then one day I was working on my computer and along came an annoying pop-up. Normally, I delete them as fast as they pop-up, but this one caught my eye. It was for another dating site. Once inside the site, I was amazed at all of the handsome black men and a few white ones too, who were looking for the perfect black woman.
Because of how I am, my desire for monogamy, this is who I was looking for, someone who had the same desire as me. What I quickly found out, on my first night on the site is that most men don’t even bother to read your profile they just look at your picture and click! Thanks for the compliment, I think? However, when a man takes the time to read your profile, he is going a little deeper than just the physical attraction and actually learns a little about you before sending you a message.
At that time my profile was a little friendlier, more inviting. What I found was that I spent more time eliminating those who did not fit the bill until I thought I had found the one. However I have a hard time giving all of my attention and affection to someone who is not returning the favor. And because of who I am, it is not in my nature to be intimate with more than one person at a time. To me, intimacy definitely includes more than just sex. It involves allowing a person to really get to know who you are, what your likes and dislikes are, what your loves and fears are, trusting to the point of vulnerability. So because I was not getting what I needed in return for what I was giving, I said audios!
I decided to give this site another go. This time I spelled out exactly what I expected in my profile. It was probably more intimidating to some. I think that they could tell that I was very serious about what I am saying and if they are all about the game, they don’t even bother to click. That’s good! As I say, that way I don’t have to bother cutting away the fat to get to the meat. Or as one gentleman said, “the apples at the top of the tree are more appealing but the ones on the ground are easier to get.” I am still the same person, but this time I am realizing that it’s really all about the game. The object of the game is to talk with whomever you want, as many as you want, as much as you want, as intimately as you want, all at the same time, and finally, if you choose to do so, you can select the one who has won you over from all of your many admirers. However, don’t forget that while you are being pursued by him, he is being pursued by others and he is also pursuing others at the same time he is pursuing you. It’s like one big orgy!
For this very reason, I don’t think that online dating is right for me. But let’s turn that around. Online dating is what you make it. You can play by your own rules. As for me, I really don’t care what the others do; I will stick to my molasses method of one person at a time. The problem is finding that one who would be willing to give up the buffet to see what the steak taste like. I’m sure that it will take me longer this way to find the one who is right for me, but after all when I do, it will have been well worth the time-for both of us!ZZ

Julia Tanner
287
25 7

While divorce rates rise and marriage fall apart on a daily basis, an outside observer of swinging might think that it helps to cause marriage crises. This is certainly not the case. Swinging, through numerous individual interviews and case studies, has been shown to help strong marriages become even stronger.
Strength in numbers?
When you talk to an experienced swinger, you will find that they didn’t want to try swinging for the sex, but for the experience. Their marriages may have been plenty strong going into the whole adventure, but one or both of the partners just wanted a little something different and new. They didn’t love each other any less, but rather, they wanted to add another dimension to their relationship. And by making the decision together, they created a way to communicate with each other more openly and honestly, leading to overall better communication skills (outside sexual matters).
Why swinging isn’t cheating
One of the main concerns that couples struggle with is their mindset of thinking that swinging is cheating on their partner in some way. And this can be a deterrent for a while to act upon this fantasy. What makes swinging different from cheating is that the two of you have decided to share this experience together. There’s nothing secretive about being with this other person. You know exactly what your partner is doing and you’ve talked about why. You’re hoping to share this new adventure with your partner-together. And this is why being open will make swinging even better for the both of you.
Saving a weak marriage
A counselor is the best way to save a weak marriage, not swinging. If you are having insecurities about your relationship, or just aren’t communicating as well, swinging is not a good fix. Swinging is best experienced by a couple that us able to talk to each other and share with each other. And if problems should come up in the swinging process, then the couple must be able to work through them. And weak marriages are usually a sign of not being able to talk through certain issues.
Don’t complicate your relationship more. Work things out with each other before you add swinging to the already volatile mix. Swinging can provide just the ‘kick’ that your strong marriage needs, but it will not solve problems that are already present. If you’re able to work through issues as a couple and just want to experience more in the area of sex and fantasy, then swinging could be the answer to your dreams.
And there are plenty of places to research swinging. Bookstores so carry books on swinging and your local sex shops can direct you to local connections. Online swinging dating sites and other information sites can also answer any questions that you might have.
Start the open and frank discussions now to enjoy swinging in every way that you can. Doing the research together may also lead to some fun on your own.
Z

Worldwide, as we speak, men and women, young and old, are agonizing on their private secret: ‘I’m gay, and I can’t hide it anymore’. People who just want to live a life as a regular couple with someone of the same sex. Many of us have family and friends who consider homosexuality as ‘abnormal’ or ‘wrong’, so it’s natural for people who are gay to have reservations about telling those special to them how they feel.
The first thing to consider: who NEEDS to know? You aren’t obligated to tell anyone it doesn’t concern. Who you tell comes down to several things. Firstly, who do YOU feel you want to know? Who do you want to talk to about your love life, your attractions, your relationship ups and downs? These people will be close friends, possibly family, too.
Consider your current lifestyle. Do you have a partner now? If so, is it becoming more important to share them more in your daily life, with other people special to you? Often, people in love, straight or gay, want that person involved in their life more as a relationship grows. When in a relationship, we like to bring our partner to special occasions, celebrate, have support during the bad times. Maybe you wish to live together, and have realized that those around you will need help understanding this. Some people choose to tell their loved ones they are gay because they don’t wish to feel that they are ‘hiding’ anymore. These are all ‘turning points’ that will lead to a person wanting to let others in their life know that they are gay.
There are times when a person decides to wait for an easier time to tell loved ones, particularly family. It’s sad to admit, but oftentimes true that families can have a harder time dealing with the news that a family member is gay. Attending high school can make ‘coming out’ an extremely stressful situation. Students may be fearful of being teased or not accepted by their peers. No student should be treated badly because they are gay, obviously, but it consider this – if you are at school and aren’t dating, is it anyone else’s business? If you’re fortunate to have some very mature friends, of course, tell them if you think it will help you.
Some high school students find they prefer to hold off telling family until necessary, perhaps until they are older, have left school, or even have left home. This gives parents time to see that children have grown and matured, and it isn’t a ‘phase’ or something they can try to stop. There is of course, always the exception, and there are a lot more open minded parents around, whose reaction could surprise you.
Another common situation is homosexuality in heterosexual marriage. This can be extremely stressful for both husband and wife. One person feels trapped in a lifestyle that is no longer making them happy. A gay husband or wife can suffer a lot of guilt over the way they feel, to the extent of staying in the relationship as a way of ‘making it up’ to the other partner. If this is you, ask yourself: are you helping your husband or wife, in holding off dealing with your feelings and telling them? Not only are you prolonging your happiness, but theirs too. They’ll need time to deal with the marriage’s end, and you should make this as easy and painless as possible. If this means ending the marriage sooner, then it’s possibly the best way. The longer you stay married, the more the chances are your partner will grow more attached. If your spouse truly loves you, they’ll only want your happiness. Yes, they’ll miss you, want to stay married, but few people want to keep someone in a marriage if they’re unwilling.
Many gay people divorce their husbands or wives and stay best friends. But of all the people who need telling, husbands and wives rank highly! Or, at least, if you don’t tell them you are gay, they deserve an amicable split.
The next suggestion may sound trite, but still bears mentioning. Why not talk to a counselor? It can be ‘practise’ for telling your loved ones. What’s great about counselors, is they can help you work out what’s the right thing for you to do, and how to say it best.
Which brings us to the next question– what to say? Honestly? Whatever you want! But, a good guideline is to start with why you are telling them. If you are single, you might just want to say that you prefer dating people of the same sex. If you are in a relationship, you could just let the person you are telling know that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. It helps if you make a short simple statement to start with, then give the recipient a moment to process this news.
Some people you ‘come out’ to will say, ‘I knew it all along!’, ‘good for you!’ or, ‘so?’ These people are a breath of fresh air, and will make you wonder why you didn’t tell them sooner. Others will have questions, some may be angry or upset. Please remember, that although you need all the love and support from these people, that many people have been raised in families that taught homosexuality is ‘wrong’. Go in with a willingness to work through the feelings with your loved ones. For parents, it can be a shock, for the reason that they may feel scared about not having grandchildren, even if they accept homosexuality.
It isn’t acceptable, however, for anyone to abuse you. If this happens, remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. Let tempers calm down, protect yourself from others’ anger. Realise people often calm down and accept things with time. Some people may never accept this, and it’ll be your decision how to handle those people.
Above all, be true to yourself! It’s your life, and you’re the one living it. As mentioned, you may wish to wait, and there are many good reasons for doing this. However, there’ll come a time, when you’ll wish to live and love the way you want to. Take time, and you’ll always find a way. If you know who you want to inform you are gay and why, you’re halfway there! All there is to do now is to wish you the best of luck. People can surprise you with their acceptance, and people who are gay are often overwhelmed by the freedom this expercan bring.

Dr. Robert Huizenga
96
25 7

The fifth affair I outline in my book, “Break Free From The Affair” is called: “I Want to Get Back at Him/Her.” This is the revenge affair.
It occurs in a marriage in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge by engaging in infidelity. It is less a movement toward the other person and more a movement away from one’s spouse.
Key Points:
1. The affair may be a direct response to the affair of the spouse. “I’ll show you! Take this! I want you to hurt as much as I hurt.” Or the affair may be revenge for some other form of cut-off or perceived emotional injury: “I’m not getting enough here, so I’ll show you!” Or, “There, I got your attention!”
2. This typically occurs in a marriage where effective personal confrontation does not happen or happens ineffectively. There is a mistrust of expressing one’s self fully to the other person. The marriage relationship usually is marked by civility, but the two, in essence, do not know each other very well. They are polite, but there is no fire. They may want more, but are not sure how to get more.
3. The fire that does exist is a smoldering tension under the surface of the marriage. The tension may be the result of the frustration that one or both experience when they believe their needs are not being met. There is a genuine desire for more – from the spouse – but it’s not happening.
4. This form of revenge affair serves as a wake-up call for the relationship. If, and I use the word if advisedly, the couple can “get it out” – drain off the tension – and begin talking about needs, yes, the relationship stands a very good chance of turning into something wonderful. One or both must say with a great deal of passion, “I REALLY want you! I no longer will settle for the boiling frustration and seeming indifference to my needs. This is what I need and expect…..”
5. There is another kind of revenge affair that holds less hope and is more destructive. A revenge affair may be the result of long-standing and unresolved anger or rage toward the opposite sex. There is a persistent pattern of the person pushing others away with rage or anger. There also is a great deal of projection, or this person blaming others for his/her situation.
6. This form of anger is more rage than frustration. The rage emerges from a desire to hurt rather than from the frustration of needs not being met. This person exhibits little concern, as well, for the other person. Whereas someone more frustrated because they want their needs met, is usually more considerate of the other person.
Tip: Begin to make distinctions between rage and frustration. Determine the type of revenge affair you must face. If it is rage, learn to protect yourself and set boundaries. Begin to take exceptional care of yourself. Begin to say no! If it is an affair of frustration, begin looking at your needs. Identify and express those needs. Take a risk. Turn up the passion button. Dare to engage about needs, both yours and thes.

Diana Mercer, Esq.
418
25 7

Between news coverage, soap operas and family drama, we all have some preconceived notions about premarital agreements (also know as prenuptial agreements). Here are a few of the most common myths, debunked:
Myth 1: Prenuptial agreements are only for wealthy people, my fiancé and I are not rich and so we don’t need an agreement.
You may not be rich, but you definitely want to have a successful marriage. Having those honest discussions regarding how the two of you will approach finances will ensure that there won’t be any surprises once you are married. You never want to actually need to enforce the premarital agreement, right? Talking about financial issues in advance will help insure that you handle your finances with minimal conflict during your marriage as well as in case of divorce.
Example: You may become rich in the future. Your education or ideas and talents may one day become more valuable than they are today. You need to think about how you’d want to handle the sale of a book, screenplay or song; you may also need to think about how you’d handle the division of a business in the event of a divorce.
Example: Second and third marriages can often bring conflict between children from prior relationships and new spouses. Clear discussions about finances in a divorce or premature death situation help everyone avoid conflict later.
Myth 2: Prenuptial agreements are designed to simply protect the wealthier spouse and strip the other spouse of all of his or her rights.
Fact: Prenuptial and premarital agreements should be designed to protect both spouses. Premarital agreements which are unfair and completely one-sided are probably not enforceable in court. By definition, the agreement must be fair. The basic requirements for premarital agreements to be enforceable are: signing the agreement must be voluntary, it can’t be unfair when it’s signed; each party needs to make a full disclosure of your assets and debts.
Premarital agreements can be designed so that everyone’s needs are met.
Example: With a premarital agreement, you will know in advance how your assets and debts would be handled in the event you do not stay married. You’re negotiating the property settlement while you’re both in love with each other. You would not be at the mercy of your spouse’s generosity or lack of generosity at the time of a divorce.
Example: If you end up needing your agreement to be enforced by the court, you’ll be glad that you made it reasonable from the beginning (and therefore enforceable). For example, by providing a reasonable support structure for your spouse in the premarital agreement, in the event of a divorce, this agreement defines the support’s limits, terms, amount and duration. If you left it up to a court, you would have no control over any of the terms.
Myth 3: Premarital Agreements Aren’t Romantic.
Fact: Jessica Simpson didn’t think they were romantic, either. And, there’s nothing romantic about fighting about money once you’re married because you never discussed how you’d handle your finances, either. Clearly, premarital agreements are touchy subjects, but consider this quote from the Nolo Press book Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair and Lasting Contract (Nolo Press 2004):
“While a prenuptial agreement may not seem like a very romantic project, working together to consider and choose the terms of a prenup can actually strengthen your relationship. After all, marriage is a partnership in every sense of the word. Learning how to deal respectfully and constructively with each other about finances is a benefit in itself. So even if you conclude that you don’t need a prenup, using this book can help you converse with each other about the important-and sometimes challenging-financial matters that are sure to arise in the course of your marriage.”
“When you marry, you make what you expect and hope will be a lifetime commitment to be there for each other in every way. Your prenup should support and reflect the spirit of partnership with which you approach your wedding vows.”
Myth 4: Premarital Agreements must deal with every issue that might come up in a divorce.
Fact: You can include as many issues or as few issues as you wish. Because premarital agreements are private contracts, you can make them as detailed as you want.
Example: If the only thing you want for your premarital agreement to accomplish is to protect your pre-marital property, you can limit your premarital agreement to that issue alone.
If the only thing you want for your premarital agreement to accomplish is to outline what would happen in the event of your death, in addition to a Will or a Trust, you can limit your premarital agreement to that issue alone.
If you want your premarital agreement to cover almost every issue that might come up in a divorce except one or two issues (like spousal support, or contributions to a pension during the marriage, for example), then you can have the agreement cover everything except the issues you want to exclude.
If you want your premarital agreement to cover every issue, you can do that, too.
Myth 5: If we don’t get married, my live-in mate won’t have any claims to my income or property.
Fact: You could risk your income or assets by living together without marrying.
Palimony is a spousal support substitute for alimony or spousal support for people who are not married. Palimony claims are difficult to prove, but that doesn’t stop some people from trying.
Also, if you have an oral or written discussion about how you will own property, share income, assets, debts and so forth, it’s sometimes possible to make a claim that contract law applies (as opposed to family law), and that property should be divided even if it’s only in one person’s name, or only one person paid the bills. There are also real estate partition laws that can dictate how property is divided, and in some cases you can even force an involuntary sale at auction.
If you are going to live together without getting married, you’ll want a cohabitation agreement. It’s better to decide who contributes to and owns property before you buy things rather than afterwards.
Example: Remember actor Lee Marvin (The Dirty Dozen and more than 60 other movies)? In the 1970′s, his live-in girlfriend of 6 years, Michelle Triola, brought an action against him alleging that she and Lee Marvin entered into an oral agreement that during the time they lived together that they would combine their efforts and earnings and share equally the property accumulated through their individual or combined efforts, and that Michelle would be his companion, housemaker, housekeeper and cook, give up her career as an entertainer and singer, and that Lee Marvin agreed he would provide for all her financial support for the rest of her life.
After a couple of appeals, the court agreed with Michelle Triola. Lee Marvin had to pay her $104,000, which was quite a bit of money back in the 1970′s. Worse still, you can imagine what he probably paid in attorneys fees to defend these claims. But that’s only half the story: Michelle Triola Marvin also had an attorney who needed to be paid, too. Taken in this perspective, a premarital agreement or cohabitation agreement is a cost-effective way to handle this type of situation.
Conclusion: The truth is that a carefully crafted premarital or prenuptial agreement can cement your relationship, prompt you to have the hard discussions that engaged couples need to have, and insure that your finances are handled the way you each intend in the event you were to divorce or pass away prematurely.ZZZ

Shelly Phegley
28
25 7

You have made the decision to contact a marriage counselor. The next question is “How to choose the right marriage counselor?” The success of your counseling experience will relate directly to your compatibility with your counselor.
Before you call a Marriage Counselor
Ask yourself why you are consulting a marriage counselor. Define your issues as best as you can in order to communicate them to your prospective therapist. Outline what you would like to gain from counseling. Is it important to you that a marriage counselor be familiar with the issues at hand? Do you prefer a marriage counselor that is married? Is it important that your marriage counselor has raised children? Do you have a preference as to a female or male marriage counselor? How far are you willing to commute to a marriage counselor’s office? What hours are you available to commit to counseling sessions?
Fees
Decide what you can afford to pay a marriage counselor. There a several questions you may want to ask a marriage counselor with regards to fees, such as:

How much does the therapist charge per session?
Does the therapist charge according to income (sliding scale)?
Is there a policy concerning vacations and missed or canceled sessions? Is there a charge?
Will your health insurance cover you if you see this therapist?
Will the therapist want you to pay after each session, or will you be billed periodically?

Questions to Ask a Family & Marriage Counselor
Other questions to keep in mind while searching for a marriage counselor you are comfortable with include:

How many times a week will the therapist want to see you?
How long is a typical session?
How long does the therapist expect treatment to last?
What are some of the treatment approaches likely to be used?
Does the therapist accept phone calls at the office or at home?
When your therapist is out of town or otherwise unavailable, is there someone else you can call if an emergency arises?
Are there any limitations on confidentiality?

Credentials
Marriage counselors’ academic degrees are different. The type of credentials may be of importance to you throughout your search for the right marriage counselor.
M.S.W.: Master of Social Work
Social Workers apply social work theory, knowledge, methods and ethics to restore or enhance the functioning (social, psychosocial) of individuals, couples, families, and groups, as well as organizations and communities.
M.F.C.C.: Marriage, Family and Child Counselor
An MFCC therapist has earned a Master of Science degree in counseling with a specialization in marriage, family and child issues. MFCC’s are trained to understand problems from both individual and family systems perspectives; develop intervention skills; incorporate cultural, age-specific, and gender-respectful understanding in theory and practice; and handle clinical, ethical, legal and general professional aspects of their practice.
M.F.T.: Marriage and Family Therapist
A marriage and family therapist has earned a master’s degree in social work with a particular emphasis on relationships. This professional is interested in who each person is within the context of their family, both past and present. Marriage and family therapy applies therapeutic techniques and focuses on issues of human development, communication skills, and interpersonal relationships.
L.C.S.W.: Licensed Clinical Social Worker
The LCSW is a state licensure designation for practitioners with a master’s or doctoral degree in social work. Clinical Social Work, a practice specialty of Social Work, utilizes social work theory, knowledge, methods, and ethics to restore or enhance the functioning of individuals, couples, families, and groups, as well as organizations and communities.
Call Around
Once your search has been narrowed to a handful of marriage counselors, pick up the phone. Most therapists will have a brief phone consultation with you and answer most questions you might have. The phone consultation is a great way to determine if you and the prospective marriage counselor might work well together.
ZZ

Enid Steiner
507
25 7

Imagine the following scenario. You’ve just arrived home to find your answering machine full of messages from people responding to your advertisement, who just like you, are looking for roommates. After listening to each message, you think to yourself “That sounds like an interesting person. I should give that person a call”. All of a sudden, you become panic stricken and think, “How will I choose the right person to become my roommate?” If this sounds like you, take a deep breath and relax! You can choose the roommates that are right for you with a bit of preparation and by following a few simple guidelines.
The key is choosing roommates which you feel comfortable with sharing a fridge, a bathroom and a rainy night at home. A home is a happy home when everyone is comfortable with each other and nobody has to tippee toe around. Here are a few steps you can take to help you make the right choice.
1. Work As A Team When Choosing Roommates
It’s especially important that all roommates have equal responsibility, decision making power and are involved in choosing new roommates. If you are looking for a room for yourself talking to friends and family who have had experiences with roommates can help you make the right decision. They could be your “roommate search team” who listen to your thoughts and who you can bounce ideas off.
2. Identify Sought After Roommate Qualities
Deciding what kind of people you would like to have as roommates will be one of the most important decisions you will have to make. Undertaking a brainstorming session and listing desirable and undesirable qualities will help you get a clearer picture of your ideal roommate. Once completed the list can be used as a benchmark when comparing people and deciding who will be your roommates. Remember to include characteristics such as age range, gender, personality type, social habits, hobbies and interests as well as character traits.
3. Ask Potential Roommates The Same Questions
Before talking to people about becoming roommates, it’s a good idea to create a list of questions. It’s important to ask each person the same questions, as it will make it easier to compare potential roommates against each other. As the saying goes, it’s better to compare apples to apples rather than apples to oranges. Remember, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a formal meeting or a casual lunch all roommates should meet and talk to potential roommates before deciding who should move in.
4. Check References Before Asking Roommates To Move In
A lot of people do not like to ask for or check references but when living with strangers who you have only met once or twice its better to be safe rather than sorry. Talking to people who have lived with your potential roommates can help you gain valuable insight into their personalities, living habits, ability to pay the rent and any past problems.
5. After Choosing Roommates, Sleep On It Overnight
When you have chosen your new roommates, it is better to wait a while before asking them to move in as sometimes choices do not look as good as it did a few hours ago. If you are still happy with your decision a few hours later or the next day, go ahead and make the phone call. There’s nothing worse than the feeling of regret or uncertainty when you hang up the phone after inviting or agreeing to move in with new roommates.
So, as you can see, with a bit of preparation and taking the right steps, you too will be well on your way to choosing the roommates that are right for you. Once you’re ready, go ahead, pick up the phone and give those people who left you message a call.
Happy roommate hunting!

Caterina Christakos
33
25 7

Most men find women mysterious and confusing. You find us difficult to figure out. It isn’t your fault. It’s not like anyone gave you a guide book on women in highschool to study.
Here are some of the mysteries about women revealed:
1) Before you even get to the door most women wonder if you are Mister Right.
2) She is just as anxious as you are about your first date.
3) Women like your undivided attention. Pay attention to what she has to say and she will be more interested in hearing about you. Also keep your eyes on her. Eyeing any of the other women in the room is a definite way to make that first date your last.
4) After the first date women pretty much know if and when they will sleep with you.
5) Many women don’t want to get married or at least not as early as they used to. Many women are staying single into their late thirties in favor of pursuing their own careers.
6) A woman can complain about her family all she wants but the second you criticize her family start packing your bags.
7) Asking a woman if you are the best she ever had is pointless. We will lie to avoid hurting your feelings. You will never know if you are the biggest, the best or last the longest.