Online Dating

Frank Stone
289
25 7

I know some of you are probably saying to yourselves “I can’t afford a videographer, I’ll just have my uncle Bill do it for free.”. Well actually Videography is not as expensive as you might think, and your uncle Bill should be a guest at your wedding having a good time and not having to work.Videography is one of those businesses that has benefited greatly by advances in technology. The equipment has become more readily available, better quality, easier to use, and more adaptable to the wedding environment.
Videography is one of those things that you get what you pay for. On the other hand, you don’t have to pay a huge amount to get a great video. I have been a videographer since the old days when Super VHS cameras where the main camera in the industry. At that time the editing decks were
also more expensive and more limited in their abilities. Today any good videographer worth his money is using a digital camera and a digital editor. There are a few things to consider when choosing a videographer; Price,Equipment, Choices, and last but certainly not least, personality.
Like I said before price is a big factor in everyone’s life, especially when it comes to a big ticket event like a wedding.
You have hundreds of expenses, and countless choices as to what stays in and what goes out. Let me tell you that some times some people spend way too much on a photographer, and nothing at all on a videographer. That is not a very good choice. Photography is a very important things to have, don’t get me wrong, but if you do some shopping around you can afford both. The beauty of video is that you don’t have to rely on your recollection of the event by looking at motionless soundless still shots. You pop in your DVD, and instantly you are back at your wedding day.
You can see yourself and your guests laughing and having fun. If any of your relatives are in another country or state and couldn’t make it to your wedding, you can send them the entire wedding on DVD instead of picking just a few pictures. We also specialize in making photo montages on DVD or VHS which are also very popular to send to relatives. On one DVD you can put hundreds of digital pictures. If you shop around a little you can find a professional videgrapher that will create a fantastic video for you at a reasonable price. We have packages starting at $350 and going up from there depending on how much you want done. I will warn you that some videographers think they are Spielberg and will want to charge you $5000. If your budget can accommodate that then that’s wonderful, but most people cannot. Most professional Videographers using
3 chip digital cameras as we do, and using computer non-linear editing software as we do, will charge you anywhere between $500 to $1000 for a wedding. Anything above or below that I suggest you give it a second look. If its too cheap then its someone just breaking into the business and you wont be happy with the results, and if its too high then you will probably be over paying.
The next thing you should look at is Equipment. Are they using the latest digital equipment or some dusty old cameras from the disco days and over charging for their work. Believe it or not there are still some Videographers out there using the old VHS cameras and selling themselves for top dollar. It’s a case of caveat emptor (let the buyer beware). Find out what type of equipment they are using. The standard in the industry today is to use a 3 chip digital DV camera. DV Format is the best and Digital is obviously better then analog. The 3 chip refers to the inside of the camera having 3 separate computer chips that split up the visual spectrum and create a sharper and more vibrant image. For editing non-linear computer editing is the only way to go. Anything else is old and will not give you the most for your money.
Choices comes down to what will this company do for you. With our company for example we have packages that are suited to just about every budget, but since everyone is different we are able to customize each package to suit the needs of the client. With some companies the packages are written in stone and cannot be modified and there are no substitutions.
Personality is an easy one. Talk to the person who is actually going to shoot your wedding. Meet them, ask them questions Do you like them? Can you get along with them? Remember your wedding day is a very stressful day. You want to be surrounded by people whose personalities you can get along with. I believe you need all the professionals at your wedding to be team players. They all need to work together to make your day wonderful, yet get their individual jobs done. You don’t want to be pulling out your hair because the person you hired to do a job doesn’t know what to do. Hire someone who you feel comfortable with and who has experience. I myself have over 15 years experience as a wedding videographer and I can assure you that I have seen everything there is to see under the sun, and the only way to get through it is to keep a cool head.
In short, I just want to encourage you all to keep the video in your budget. Hire a professional company that is knowledgeable, and is reasonable priced, and that you feel comfortable with, and you will have a great video that you and your future kids and grandkids will enjoy. Best of luck.

Sharon Alger
9
25 7

So, you’ve decided to join a dating website. You’re hoping someone out there will find something interesting about you and try to get to know you better.
Many members worry about appearing ‘desperate’ or over keen. This can mean putting in less effort into a profile in a bid to ‘play it cool’. Of course, nobody wishes to be seen as desperate. However, keep this in mind: how will others know what you want, if you don’t ask for it? How will they ever appreciate your finer qualities if you remain tightlipped?
Therefore, to be successful in the online dating world, your profile is highly important. Members search through a large number of profiles on these sites. If there is little information about a prospective date, then they are more than likely to skim over an empty profile as quickly as possible. Look at this as a great chance to sell yourself!
The first aspect of your profile to consider should be your photo. No matter how much emphasis people put on the importance of personality, the old expression, ‘it’s nice to put a face to a name’ couldn’t be more apt.
Physical appearance plays a big part in the real world, when first becoming attracted to someone. Also, it helps to ensure that people will remember you. The golden rule when posting photos on dating sites is obvious – BE HONEST. We’ve all heard stories of people who’ve posted a photo that is ten or twenty years old. Or worse still, a photo of someone else entirely! Now, if you never intend to meet someone, then this is not a problem. But let’s be realistic – you wouldn’t be on a dating site if you weren’t hoping to meet someone!
A misleading photo causes all sorts of unnecessary problems on a first date. You will have your date questioning your honesty. You want to turn up for dates relaxed, with your best attitude put forward. Still not convinced? Just think how you would feel, if you were deceived by a photo, and that should be incentive enough for you to be accurate.
So what if you’ve gained a few pounds? Aged a bit? Give yourself some credit, you’re still a beautiful person, and sure to be someone’s ideal ‘type’. So, try to get a recent photo of yourself, looking the best you can. Avoid shots that are so dark or distant that no one can see your face. People will only see either an insecure person, or someone who has something to hide and move on. Just think how frustrated and disinterested you’d be if you came across such a picture.
Let’s talk about location. How much information is right? Obviously, for safety reasons you aren’t going to put your address into your profile. Apart from this, put as much detail as you feel comfortable with. At least, put the state you live in. at most, your suburb. Anything in between (such as the city your suburb is located in) is also fine. We all know this, but it bears repeating, do not put your phone number on any public site.
It will save everyone a great deal of time if you are open and honest about your sexual preference.
Talk about your interests and hobbies. Don’t just leave it blank! And don’t worry if they don’t seem interesting enough. This is who you are. If you are honest and forthcoming with this information, you will be more likely to attract the type of person you are after. For example, if you were the district running champion in high school, but never intend to run again, don’t put it in as a hobby! To put in hobbies you have no interest in, in the hope of appearing more impressive, will only attract people you have nothing in common with in the here and now.
So, if you like quiet nights in, say so! Try to paint a rich and detailed picture of what the real you likes to do.
You also really need to share a part of your personality with your audience. What are your beliefs? What are you looking for in a person? Also, if you feel you have special qualities such as a sense of humour or kind nature, try to write your profile in a way that sincerely reflects that.
You are now ready to make your first attempt at creating a winning profile! Remember, you just need to keep it honest and current. You need to show you’ve made some level of effort to let members know who the real you is. And when in doubt, remind yourself: give the sort of information you yourself would be wanting to know about when looking at other members. Good luZZZZZZ

Ruby Boyd
703
25 7

Most sex problems include loss of sex drive, lack of sex interest
(which may differ from the preceding), impotence, premature climax,
sterility, damage to the pelvic organs (which may inhibit pleasure and
encourage infections), inherent weaknesses in the sex system, diet-
or lifestyle-related fatigue, and various other problems.

Psychological sex problems fall into a special category.

But good diet and exercise are necessary even when counselling is the
primary means of correction.

Some problems may be primarily rooted in chemical or glandular
imbalance and may be completely corrected by diet and exercise.

When the food we eat lacks essential vitamins, minerals, enzymes,
and other nutrients, we become undernourished and subject to disease.

Likewise, sexual problems, whether physical or mental, result from
deficiencies–in knowledge, in attitude, in diet, in lifestyle. Once
we correct the deficiency, the problem takes care of itself.

This is Nature’s way.

Our bodies are made of food chemicals, and the energy we use is fueled
by food chemicals.

When some of these chemicals are lacking, certain parts of our bodies
may be incomplete, so they cannot perform the functions they were
designed to perform.

Since we get the chemicals we need from foods, we have to have a
variety of whole, pure, and natural foods to meet all the chemical
needs of the body.

We have to eat right, or our bodies will not work correctly.

Our sex lives depend on the structural integrity of several glands,
organs, and tissues of the body as well as on the availability of
sufficient energy to perform at its best.

Each of these parts of the sex system requires constant replenishing of
the nutrients it requires.

While the brain, nerves, and glands are fed by the same foods,
different tissues require different foods to function at peak
efficiency.

Thus, a variety of nutrients needed by different tissues requires a
variety of foods to supply those nutrients.

But suppose we were not getting the right foods to produce the sex
hormones our bodies needed? We would be in serious trouble as far as
our sex lives were concerned.

If you want to save your love life and make it more enjoyable, you need
to evaluate the food and drink that have become part of your lifestyle.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that adults
eat a healthy breakfast, drink 100 percent fruit juice and load their
diets with fruits and vegetables.

Researchers at the U.S. Department of Agriculture have found that the
mineral boron is vital for hormone production and sexual function.
boron can be found in dark green leafy vegetables, fruits(not citrus),
nuts and legumes.

For a romantic twist, the caring couple can prepare their nutritious
meals together; not only will you boost your energy, but for many, the
act of food preparation itself can be a bonding experience.

You can kick it up a notch by using aphrodisiac spices like clove, vanilla,
ginger and saffron in your dishes.

Even the healthiest of meals cannot provide all of the 45-plus nutrients
that are needed in your diet to maintain good health.

These essential nutrients are divided into six categories–proteins,
carbohydrates, fats, vitamins, minerals and water.

Even marginal deficiencies of one or more nutrients can interfere with
your good health.

Use as few drugs as possible. Ask your doctor if any of the prescription
drugs you have to take will affect your sex life.

Cut out or cut down on the use of alcohol, cigarettes, and coffee. As
much as possible, avoid sugary foods and drinks and fried, fatty foods. Cut back on milk and wheat
products.

Substitute herbal teas for coffee and regular teas, juices for
commercial soft drinks. If you must use sweetener, use a little honey.

As adults, we must realize that good health is earned. It is something
we have to work for.

We can have a wonderful love life and wonderful sexual activity, but the
two must be built on a foundation of right living. We need to learn our
historical lessons and resolve to eat foods as whole, pure, and natural
as we can find them.

Sometimes the flame of love just dies, because we aren’t eating right.
The sex drive won’t run without the right fuel.

By choosing flowers that are in season, you are allowing yourself to be in tune with nature. Of course, by realizing and following the seasons, you are also able to get the freshest and least expensive flowers, so everyone wins.
For fall and winter weddings
For the cooler months, you will be able to find appropriate, warmly colored flowers. Fall flowers include chrysanthemums, dahlias, gerber daisies, hydrangeas, roses, sunflowers and zinnias. Gerber daises come in a variety of colors, so you’ll be able to match whatever color scheme you end up choosing.
Winter weddings can opt for forsythia, hydrangea, tulips, and roses. For a fun idea, why not try bunches of white roses at a winter wedding? These would look beautiful against darker bridesmaid dresses, while an accent of a few red roses would be perfect in the bride’s bouquet.
For spring and summer weddings
Although it may seem that all flowers should be available in the spring and summer, this is not necessarily true. Many flower growers are in different parts of the world, and their seasons can be very different.
For a spring wedding, you may want to choose flowers such as daffodils, forsythia, gerber daisies, hyacinth, iris, lilac, pansy, foxglove, peony, snapdragons, roses, star of Bethlehem, tulips, or violets. The selection is much larger in the warmer months, but this is also prime time for weddings, so you may be faced with shortages.
In the summer, weddings with lilies, daisies, geraniums, pansies, roses, violets and zinnias make for beautiful settings. Try to incorporate a few into the overall design to add texture and depth to the decorating scheme.
Flowers can make for a beautiful, natural touch to any wedding plans. Finding ones that are in season will help to ensure that you are getting the freshest varieties without any artificial help from chemicals or colorings.
Some advice for ordering flowers though, you will want to make your plans well in advance of your wedding. Not only will this save you troubles in planning, but it also allows you enough time to change your arrangements if there’s a particular flower shortage for the year, or if you just happen to change your mind.
Sit down with a florist to see what they suggest. Many times, they can create beautiful arrangements without the cost that you might incur by doing it on your own.
Having a second plan is always a good idea in any part of wedding planning.
Z

Jason Vinglas
228
25 7

Cheating in our society has become very prevalent. It?s like the white elephant in the room no one wants to talk about. It?s nothing new. For as long as monogamous relationships have been around, infidelity has co-existed. Technology, more specifically the internet, has become a double edged sword. It allows us to be more productive, to communicate online with friends, family, and loved ones who are near and far. However, it also allows us to communicate with strangers just as easily. Sometimes this communication starts out innocent enough, but soon leads to cheating and infidelity.
Before the internet, those who wanted to cheat had a tough time communicating with their lover. The home phone was almost out of the question. Even today, using a cell phone is risky. Even if the outbound calls or incoming calls from the cheating partner are deleted, the cell phone bill will expose strange names and numbers to your significant other.
Letters were too dangerous as the written proof of the infidelity could be discovered too easily. Meeting at the workplace was too risky; people at work would know that wasn?t your significant other and could blow the whistle. Even meeting at a set place and time was risky because you could get caught by someone who knew that wasn?t your significant other.
The internet allows those who want to cheat, a more ample opportunity to do so and not be suspected as easily. The internet has become commonplace in almost every home. It is almost a necessity. Email and internet chat are practically anonymous. Your significant other could easily set up an email account which you would have no knowledge of. There are many places to chat online.
So, it may appear your significant other is spending those long, late, nights doing work. However, they may be chatting with or emailing their lover. The internet would allow your significant other to communicate with their lover, and you wouldn?t even know it. You would just presume they were online all night because they were working. Meanwhile, they were typing sweet nothings to their lover, or setting up the time and place for their next meeting.
It is important to understand that not everyone who goes online is chatting to strangers who are potential lovers, or setting up meetings with their current lover. If your significant other is up all night on the computer, chances are, they are doing work. I wrote this article not to raise paranoia or fear, but rather to educate. It is important to realize that the internet may be used to carry on infidelity or cheating right under your nose, and you didn?t even suspect it.
If you suspect your significant other may be cheating, it is important to gather evidence. If they are doing nothing wrong, and you confront them with accusations you accomplish nothing. In fact, you will probably upset or anger them because of your mistrust. If they are cheating, the evidence will help when they inevitably deny that anything is going on. For more guidance on this subject, please visit my website: http://www.cheatingcatcher.com.
There are many resources available to further educate and help expose the cheating. You can read a review on an ebook which will arm you with every weapon to discover infidelity, including free software which will record all internet activity without your significant other even knowing. That product review can be found at: http://www.cheatingcatcher.com/How_to_Catch_a_Cheating_Spouse_Ebook.html
When it comes to catching a cheater, knowledge is power.

Joe Markus
32
25 7

So you’re going on a blind date. Few dating scenarios are as nerve wracking, and you’ve probably heard lots of horror stories about miserable blind dates. Your blind date doesn’t have to be a disaster, though, if you follow a few simple suggestions to help it be more successful.
Prepare Yourself
Communication experts say that we commonly form an impression of someone new within the first four minutes of meeting them. The first impression you make will set the stage for the entire blind date so prepare in advance to make a good one. Choose clothes that are appropriate for the date, not too revealing or strange. Get a fresh haircut, trim your fingernails, and shine your shoes if needed. On the day of date itself, allow plenty of time to get ready and allow extra travel time to wherever the two of you are meeting.
Where To Go And What To Do
Plan the date for a neutral location, preferably one where there will be a number of other people. When you don’t know the other person it’s not safe to meet in private, plus if you’re in a fairly active location it’s easier to disengage yourself from the date if necessary.
Most dating experts recommend that a blind date not be centered on a meal. If the date isn’t going well and you’re having dinner, you have to stick it out longer than if you’re meeting for coffee. There’s also the cost factor to consider. If either person is investing a lot of money in the date activity that puts more intense pressure on both people.
The First Meeting
Arrive a little early, make sure you’re neatly dressed, and step forward with a polite greeting and hand shake. Remember to smile and be friendly, even if you feel nervous. If you’re a man, open doors, hang up her coat, and pull out her chair if you’re sitting down. If you’re a woman and your date does these things for you, say thank you and enjoy being treated with good manners.
Making Conversation
Getting the conversation started and keeping it going is important to the success of your date. Remember those experts who said a first impression is formed in less than four minutes? They also tell us that communication is based on much more than just words. In fact, when you’re talking with your date the words you use only account for 7% of the total communication occurring. Your tone of voice accounts for 38% of your message and body language accounts for the remaining 55%.
Ending The Date
When the date comes to an end, thank the other person and say something general like “I enjoyed meeting you.” If things went really well then you can indicate if you’d like to date him or her again. If things didn’t go so well then don’t say you’ll call, or that maybe you could get together again sometime. This will create a false impression in the other person and simply avoids the truth.
If you don’t want to see the other person again, it’s okay to say so politely. Saying something like “I think we don’t have a lot in common” is much kinder than saying “I’ll call you” and then not calling. Always be kind, though, and make every effort to spare his or her feelings as much as possible.ZZZ

Jean LeStourgeon
310
25 7

Christian singles, do you want to build healthy and successful relationships? If your answer is “yes!”, then you must learn how to pick people with godly character traits, as well as be a person of godly character!
First, let’s take a look at what healthy and satisfying relationships look like…
Henry Cloud and John Townsend teach in their book, Safe People, that healthy relationships include four qualities. First, they are safe emotionally and physically. Second, they have boundaries that are respected. Third, they draw you closer to God and help you to grow spiritually. And fourth, they do not compromise your Christian values.
There are some other identifying marks of a healthy relationship which Cloud and Townsend mention. For example you will feel built up not torn down. In other words the relationship will help you become who God wants you to be. Also, you will be drawn closer to others in a healthy way. In healthy relationships you can also expect mutual trust, respect and vulnerability as well as a balanced sense of giving and taking.
Most importantly you will experience healthy and satisfying relationships by looking for a mate based on Christian principles and by choosing to be a person of godly character yourself. Naturally, it is common even for Christian singles to be attracted to the outside of a person: their looks, their status, their achievements, and their intelligence. But remember, it is the inside of a person that we experience in relationships.
The time to evaluate character in others is before you get too deeply involved. As Cloud and Townsend say, “When the attachment deepens, the reasoning weakens.” The scriptures warn us to, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23.
At this point you may be wondering, what kind of character traits should Christian singles look for and aspire to? Ruth and Boaz, two singles from the Bible, exemplify the kind of character traits to look for in a potential mate.
Ruth’s character traits were: devotion to God and to family — the evidence of her character was in her actions. She was humble and teachable. She was focused on her responsibilities. Her faith was in God to provide for her — she trusted Him for a future spouse. She was a woman of her word. She did what she said she would do.
Boaz was devoted to God and to his farming responsibilities. He did not let his heart become entangled and he was not distracted from his priorities. He was a man of his word. He did what he said he would do. He was a Christ-type — he exemplified the character and work of Christ – especially in his act of redemption for Ruth.
If you want to become a person of character, you must take personal ownership of your character development. You must be willing to stop blaming others for your short comings and failures. You are the only one who can do it. If you have a pattern of painful relationships take an honest look at your own character traits. Confess to the Lord the things you discover about yourself and make a plan for change. For example read a book on the subject, set personal limits and develop an accountability system.
If you have unresolved issues from your past such as trauma, abuse, abandonment or neglect and you recognize a pattern of painful relationships, find someone who will help you work through them like a pastor or a counselor. When people have been traumatized by these things as children, they often need to make changes that will bring healing and wholeness in order to function well in close relationships.
Finally, Christian singles need a plan for spiritual growth. Your plan should include making knowing and loving God a priority in your life. Choose to order your life around knowing God rather than finding a mate. Then pray for a mate who is committed to the same things. You see, God’s primary work in each of us is to conform us to the image of Christ. As you devote yourself to God and His word, and yield to His Holy Spirit, your character will change. As your character changes you will likely experience more relationship success.

TJ Smith
380
25 7

Millions of people are online everyday trying to meet someone new. For some they are just trying to make new friends, others are looking for romance and others are seeking their soulmates. But how many of them are killing their chances by making the same mistakes thousands of singles do everyday?
If you browse through the personals on any number of sites, there are thousands of ads that are just plain bad. Bad writing, bad photos and they sound like thousands of others. It doesn’t take much to stand out among the crowd and edge out the competition. In the new guide to online dating “I’m Not Barbie and You’re Not Ken” there are dozens of tips on creating successful personal ads that will help you meet more eligible singles. Most of us are not Barbies or Kens, we are just everyday, normal people who would like to meet someone to spend time with.
One of keys to creating a compelling profile is to make it unique and not sound like all the others. It starts with defining what you are looking for–romance, long term or just friends and from there you can create a profile that is uniquely yours. When it comes to posting photos, most people really blow it on this one. If you think posting a picture of you talking on the phone with a cigarette hanging out of your mouth is showing you at your best think again. Listed are a number of tips to post the best photos.
Online safety is a whole chapter in itself and before you place your ad or meet someone in person this is a must read. There are chapters for single parents who are getting back into dating, tips for those over 40. Online dating is ideal for those over 40, even more so than the tech savvy 20 something crowd. Tips for women only including how to weed out the jerks and game players. Tip for men only. If they read this chapter they are almost guaranteed a response.
Stop killing your chances of meeting someone. Do it right and start meeting more eligible singles today.

Kelly Wolf
54
25 7

Aside from the amusing stories we hear or see from the entertainment industry, many people often wonder if blind dates really work. Although I don’t have an answer that is loaded down with statistics and polls, I offer something different- a common sense point of view.
Most of us meet many potential mates through friends at parties, clubs, restaurants and various other places. It seems to be the natural progression of human nature. We are friends with someone because we both have qualities that appeal to the other. They have other friends for the same exact reason. It seems to be a logical assumption that a ‘friend of a friend’ would be a wise choice to consider dating. The same would apply to a blind date- a ‘friend of a friend’ whom we haven’t met yet through chance.
Friends and family are the most likely to attempt the blind date for a single person. Those who know us best always seem to approach the blind date proposal with something like, “You know who would be perfect for you?” It’s a great start for a single person to find a partner. As far as what we like and are attracted to in a friend can definitely be found this way.
The downside to this process is one that can be the most frustrating. No one can interpret ‘chemistry’ between two people on any level except for the individuals themselves. Friends or family can make a guess based on who you have dated in the past, but there is no clear definition of what any one of us finds as far as the ultimate attraction.
When you walk into a bar or club, you know what is appealing to you. You are aware of the ‘hottie’ you’ve made eye contact with since the minute you walked in the room. Unfortunately after speaking with him or her, you might find that initial attraction has dissolved in their poor grammar, immature attitude or cheesy pick up lines.
Let’s face it- it’s not as easy as people think to meet your mate or even someone with which you can have a lasting relationship. Online dating is convenient and sometimes even fun, but it is time consuming to make sure the person you are connecting with online is honest and up front about who they are and what they want. You can easily find physical attraction just about anywhere. Finding that physical attraction with a matching personality is the tricky part.
To sum up this deliberation- yes, blind dates really work. I’m in a relationship resulting from a blind date. I chose to listen to friend’s suggestions and go out with some blind dates that offered no physical appeal to me to find the right person, but we could at least chat about our common acquaintances and feel relatively safe while we were together. I also knew that they were looking for something similar to what I was looking for.
But so many other people have simply been in the right place at the right time to meet their partners. Is one way of meeting people better than another? Maybe not, but if you want a way to meet where both parties are more likely to be on the same page and a level of comfort can be felt due to mutual acquaintances, blind dates just might work for yZZZZZ

Conjure up an image of divorce. The average person visualizes people sitting in a courtroom, giving testimony, with a judge at a bench presiding over everything. The reality of most divorces is dramatically different. Forget high profile, exciting confrontations in courtrooms built 50 years ago. The vast majority of divorces in Florida are relatively boring exchanges of paperwork and telephone calls.
In Florida, and in many states in the U.S., mediation is becoming a mandatory step. And mediation appears to work. Howard Iken, managing partner at The Divorce Center (www.18884mydivorce.com), a divorce law practice in the Tampa Bay region, observes over 90% of divorce cases settle by the time they get to mediation. Of the 10% that do not settle by mediation, approximately 9% settle some time before final trial. The bottom line is that approximately 1 out of 100 divorce cases go through the colorful confrontation that many people visualize. 99 out of 100 cases never make it to court.
Between the time a spouse files for divorce and the period most cases settle, the legal action consists of very boring paperwork, financial disclosure, punctuated by the occasional phone call. The process rarely varies and the paperwork in each case is similar if not the exact same. One spouse sends a petition, the other sends an answer. Each spouse exchanges financial affidavits, tax returns, paycheck stubs, and other types of documentation. The attorneys act as paperwork mills, churning and spinning out pounds of identical documents into the postal system. Other than copies of documents filed with the court, judges rarely get involved at this stage. All of the documents, legal pleadings, notices, and forms, are oriented toward getting to mediation, the final event in many divorces. If the parties settle at mediation, and the statistics show most do, one spouse will never see the inside of a courtroom. The other spouse usually attends a short, 10 minute hearing that is only a formality. A judge reviews the documents and signs off on the divorce.
“Hurry up and then wait,” divorce attorney Howard Iken tells his clients. Most cases consist of tons of paperwork creation followed by a long wait. The long wait is normally to allow the opposing party time to create and send a similar pile of paperwork. The process seems to work. The benefit: thousands of dollars in attorney fees are saved. Money that could pay for rebuilt lives is not diverted to the bank accounts of each attorney. Cases are brought to an early end. And each party to the divorce ends up having little or no contact with the court.ZZ

Cynthia Cooper
388
25 7

Coincidences, déjà vu experiences, finding a parking space on a meter in downtown Chicago, are all surface indicators of being in the “flow.” But for more revealing insight, examine the quality of your intimate relationships.
Being “on the path” means that you understand the divine nature of man.
That is, you realize that there really is no dividing line between yourself and others. The only division that exists is that which is created by the human ego.
It also means that you realize that you are the physical embodiment of God and in so much as you are God, you must accept that you are Love. Therefore there is no need to find Love. Only fear prevents us from knowing this as truth.
You believe that you have chosen this physical life to deepen your understanding of Love. You know that this is accomplished through the experience of relationship.
With your understanding, relationships become the virtual laboratories where you will either blow things up or create something wonderful.
Each time you become involved, fear will surface to provide you with a choicZZZ

Kam Meng Mok
639
25 7

There had been an old saying, a confident women, is always a beautiful woman.
I don’t know how much will you be agree with that, but the statement should be adjusted to :
A Confident Person, No Matter Guy Or Girl, Young Or Old, Is Always An Attractive Person.
A confident, relaxed and happy person is always attractive.
(And, relaxed and happy personality is the result of confidence)
Now, let’s see what confidence leads to in your love life:
A confident person always feels good about him/herself. When you feel good about yourself, you tend to be more positive about your surroundings, it doesn’t matter how you look like, or whether you are tall, short, thin or fat. You tend to smile more, you tend to talk more with others, and you will not be easily depressed.
When you smile more, you will get him/her to smile to you too. When both of you smile with each other, you will feel easier to start a conversation.
When you are able to start a conversation with others, you lose your fear of not being able to break the ice. Result? You became even more confident!
And guess what? You start to be more daring to talk to him/her! You may start to talk about jokes, (When people laugh, they become closer, you like those with great sense of humor, right?).
And then, you start to talk about things that happen in your life. (When you share your own experience, he/she will share his/her too- remember)
When this happens, both you and he/she are into each others life, and you start caring about each other. Whether or not you and he/she become together in the future or not, it really doesn’t matter. If you can’t become soul mate, you can always become good friends.
What REALLY matters is, you manage to attract him/her and make a good chance of getting your love.
 Did you see the chain reaction as the results of your self-confidence?
 Did you notice that once it gets started, it leads from one to another, and at the same time, build your confidence even stronger?
 Did you realize that subconsciously, you managed to attract him/her?
DO YOU SEE THE POWER OF SELF CONFIDENCE?
But, you problem is, you don’t have the self confidence with you in the first place!
This is how you feel about yourself right now:
- You are not handsome, you are not beautiful.
- You don’t have good body shape, you are big in size, you are too short…etc
- You don’t know how to start a conversation, you are shy….
- You, you, you…………………and so on………
In Short, you feel that you don’t have what it takes to build your self-confidence.
What do you need?
You need a KICK START!
You need that magic touch to get things start rolling.
You need A CORRECT MINDSET!
Before you read on, STOP all the other things that you are doing now, and READ CAREFULLY!
I am going to reveal to you the most important phrase you ever need to be successful in your love life.
It is not something new, but it will open a new door to your love life.
It is not something cheerful; it actually makes you slap yourself on your face.
And, worst of all, if you don’t read carefully, you become even worse than what you are now.
“YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!”
Confused? Wondering how this will kick start your self confidence?
Read on.
What is the real reason behind your lack of self-confidence?
It is the fear of losing what you have now, it is the fear of coming out from a comfort zone (although it is not that comfort anyway) and face the challenge in front of you.
But, in your love life, what do you have with you that you can’t afford to lose anyway?
You have nothing! (Now, slap yourself)
Are you aware that you have nothing in the first place? Do you know that if you be more confident, the only things you will lose are those things that you don’t want anyway?
The only risk you are taking to be more confident is that you will lose all those sadness and loneliness that you been trying hard to get rid of?
What will you lose to start smiling with others? (Well, I am not asking you to smile all the time; it will make others think that you are insane… )
What will you lose if you approach him/her to say hi, but rejected?
The answer is: NOTHING.
Why? If you don’t approach him/her, what do you have?
The answer is: NOTHING.
Is there any difference?
But, what if he/she start to say “hi” to you?
Get what I meant?
“You have nothing to lose” Be confident, your happiness is just a few steps in front o

Sharon A
23
25 7

You’re back on the dating scene. But you’re worried as it’s been a long time since you were single or looking. Regardless of how exciting and new it all seems, it’s only natural for one to feel unsure and ‘out of practice’ when taking the step of going on dates again.
So, I have compiled the ten best things you can do to gain some confidence, and have more fun during this transition.
1) Get a makeover. A new haircut, wardrobe, or updated makeup will not only make you feel better about yourself, it will also help to mark this time of your life as a new beginning, and something to be excited about. If you look and feel great, it will give you more confidence which is always more attractive to others.
2) Don’t take it all too seriously to begin with. Look at this time as a chance to get used to talking to others, flirting, coming out of your shell. It doesn’t matter if a serious relationship doesn’t develop, as long as you are having fun! Enjoying yourself will put others at ease and more people will approach you.
3) Start out by going out with a group of friends first. This will feel more natural to start out with.
4) When on a date, nerves sometimes can take over, and we tend to talk more, to try to overcome this. Please try to avoid this. Learn to become a great listener. Also, when you do talk to your date, keep the topics light to begin with. Speak slowly, you’ve got all night! Try to discuss subjects you are both interested in, which will help the conversation to flow more smoothly.
5) Always have a ‘way out’ planned in case a date does turn out badly. Take your mobile phone with you, and ask a friend or relative to phone you at a certain time. If you really want to bail out of the date early, you can tell your date after the phone call that you are very sorry, but you’re going to have to cut the evening short.
6) Remember your date is just as nervous as you are. They are obviously interested enough to get to know you better, and are therefore just as anxious to make a good impression. Try to spend your time on dates, making the other person feel at ease. Not only will your date appreciate this effort, but you will be focusing less on yourself and how you’re ‘doing’.
7) Try to keep up to date with current news events before your date. Nobody is suggesting you pore over newspapers for hours on end. However, if you have some understanding of what is going on in the world around you, it’ll give you both a conversation topic that is easy to discuss.
If you have just suffered a painful breakup, try not to focus too heavily on it. Your date wants to know all about you. Not your ex. Of course, if you are going through a divorce, it’s fine to mention it, but keep it to a minimum, and remember your date is not your therapist!
9) Take care of your health. Eat well and exercise. A healthy person is a happy person, and this will reflect well in your self esteem. Know that you are putting your best self forward.
10) If you come across a set back (for example, your date loses interest or you lose interest in your date) don’t worry! Look upon it as practice. Remind yourself that the aim was to have fun and you did. Look forward to your next romantic adventureZZZ

Annette Mavety
192
25 7

Food as a Romantic Experience Part 1
According to Encyclopaedia Britannica:
“The psychophysiological reaction that a well-prepared meal can have upon the human organism. The combination of the various sensuous reactions — the visual satisfaction of the sight of appetizing food, the olfactory stimulation of their pleasing smells and the tactile gratification afforded the oral mechanism by rich, savoury dishes — tend to bring on a state of general euphoria conducive to sexual expression.”
Deriving from the name of the Greek Goddess of love, Aphrodite, the word ‘aphrodisiac’ summons the image of mysterious recipes and potions that evoke passion and desire in those who consume them. Foods are generally classified as aphrodisiacs in today’s society because of the pleasurable taste and effect they have on the body. The intimate emotional union between two people is shown in the sharing of a meal; in ancient times, the evening meal was shared as an enhancer for relationships, especially romantic ones. The aroma, taste and aesthetic qualities of the meal are part of the reason why aphrodisiac foods are so appealing, coupled with the effects of the naturally occurring chemicals that stimulate blood flow and enhance the senses.
Herbs, Spices and Nuts
In Greek mythology, it was said that marjoram was created from Aphrodite’s breath. Because of this, wreaths of the herb were worn at weddings. Even in Victorian times, the herb was popular as an addition to bouquets as an indication of the sender’s love for the recipient.
Mint is another aphrodisiac that owes its classification to Greek Mythology. The god Hades was greatly attracted to a young nymph, Mente. The nymph’s rival, Persephone, turned her into greenery, where she smells just as sweet as when her scent first captivated the god.
Cinnamon is believed to increase passion, especially during the winter months because of its ‘warmth’ as a spice. The link between cinnamon and romance goes back to the Queen of Sheba who used the spice to seduce King Solomon.
The almond tree was said to have been barren until the day St Valentine was buried beneath one. The tree burst into bloom, and the almond has been associated with everlasting love ever since.
The Greek story goes that Phyllis, a Thracian princess, was married to Acamas who was sent to fight at Troy. Hearing false news that he was dead, she died of sorrow, and was transformed into an almond tree by Athene. When Acamas returned, he heard the tale, and embraced the tree. The tree burst into blossom, again showing the connection between almonds and enduring love.
Fruit
Apples are associated with love, being the subject of many legends and superstitions. In Greek mythology, a golden apple inscribed ‘For the Fairest’ was the source of discord amongst the goddesses, namely Aphrodite, Athene and Hera. To solve the matter, they asked Paris, a Prince of Troy, to choose between them. He chose Aphrodite, who promised him the love of the most beautiful woman in the world. An Old English superstition is to peel one long strip from an apple and throw it over the left shoulder. The letter it most resembles is said to be the first letter of the individual’s true love.
It is thought that the quince is the ‘apple’ that Eve offered Adam, and was also dedicated to the Roman goddess, Venus. Some marriage ceremonies included the consumption of the fruit to secure luck and happiness for the newlyweds.
Grapes are associated with the god of fertility, Dionysus. The act of feeding grapes to a lover has been repeated throughout history and has come to symbolize the decadence and the caring familiarity of lovers.
Strawberries are also considered a food of love- the suggestion that the heart-like shape of the fruit influences this image is a common one. The sweetness, subtle aroma and velvety texture enhance the sensual pleasure of eating, thereby establishing its role as one of the most archetypical aphrodisiacZZZZ

Dr. Robert Huizenga
74
25 7

1. Be predictable. When do seeds of suspicion emerge? When one begins to think, What’s up? Why is he doing that? He’s never done that before. That is so unlike him. He loses 30 pounds, buys a new wardrobe and comes home late from work. He changes his patterns. His behavior becomes unpredictable. You get the picture? Any movement away from predictable behavior can become suspect and trust can deteriorate. Focus on acting predictably if you need to build trust. Be consistent in what you do. This doesn’t mean you must be boring. If there is a twinkle in your eye and a dose of spontaneity every so often, for goodness sakes be spontaneous and fun loving. But, be spontaneous consistently! Be true to who you have always been and be that consistently, whoever you tend to be!
2. Inform your significant other when you become “unpredictable.” No one goes through life the same person. We all make shifts and changes. Frankly sometimes we may be fairly clueless about what is happening and where we are going. Those times may be very intense and we do some silly things or make some downright dumb decisions. Life can get very squirrelly and unpredictable. (I have a favorite phrase: Gold is refined through intense heat.) Growth in an individual, marriage or family often is accompanied by a little chaos. Welcome these shifts, for there is a part of you searching for something better/different/richer/deeper, but for heaven’s sake, inform your partner of what you are experiencing. Say, “I really don’t know what is going on in me right now, but I’m moving in a different direction. Be a little patient with me while I figure this out. I might do some silly things, but my intent is not to harm you or scare you. Accept some of my wondering and wandering and please be there for me? I may need to run some of this by you every so often!”
3. Make sure your words match the message. Mean what you say and say what you mean. When your partner hears one thing in your words but your tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are really saying something else, you open the relationship to some crazy making days. Which message is she to believe? This can waste a tremendous amount of energy and she learns not to trust part of what you are saying. Here’s a very simple but common example. You are getting ready to go to a formal dinner. Your wife comes to you and says, “How do I look?” (And she’s wearing a dress you don’t particularly like and her hair is pulled back in a way that turns you off.) Not to spoil the evening you enthusiastically say, “You look great.” You don’t really mean it and a part of her knows you really don’t mean it. But, you leave it at that. This might not seem like a big deal – we all have done something similar – but if trust is shaky to begin with, it is even shakier now. Here’s how to match the words with the nonverbal: “I think you are a beautiful person. I want you to know that. I love you dearly and it will be wonderful to have you by my side tonight. Others will see your beauty. (As you say this, you look into her eyes as you put your hands around her waist.) She’s not concerned so much with how she looks but is expressing a need for affirmation. She’s not talking about her dress or hair, but about wanting to know the evening is going to go just fine. You respond to the real message. You can take this one step further, if you like. At some point you might bring up her need for affirmation and talk about that. Ask her is there is anything you can say or do so that need is met. Trust is awareness of the intent beneath the obvious message and responding to that!
4. Believe the other person is competent. I hear this phrase very often: “But, I don’t want to hurt him.” A couple things are at play here. First, she may not have the skill of confronting the other with the truth in a way that brings reconciliation and understanding. She believes truth telling is destructive or entails some sort of drama. Neither is true. The truth is never destructive and can be conveyed in loving ways. (With that said, what we believe to be the truth may indeed be a distorted perception that fits our personal needs.) Or, she may see the other person as a wimp; someone she believes cannot handle rigorous personal confrontation. She doesn’t trust that the other person has the internal strength or stamina or skills to be in a relationship of mutual respect and equality. The other person picks up on this mistrust and does what he does (feigns inadequacy and incompetence) to avoid the personal confrontation as well. A dance is acted out. Believe and know in your heart that the other person, somewhere and somehow, beneath the games, has the internal strength and capacity to handle anything. Such trust builds trust in the other person and begins to pervade the relationship. “Hey, she thinks I can handle this! Hmmmm, this is mighty good! I CAN engage her and be truly intimate!”
5. Be very very careful of keeping secrets. If he knows there is an elephant in the room and doesn’t talk about it, the elephant takes up tremendous space in the relationship. It takes energy for him to walk around it. She may not see the elephant but knows he is bending his neck to look around something. She will be curious, mildly disturbed, have feelings but no words to wrap around them, might wonder if something is wrong with her or struggle with trusting her intuition (her intuition KNOWS an elephant is there.) And, when we can’t trust the messages that come from within us, we find it very difficult to trust the messages of the other person. Secrets demand tremendous energy and erode trust. The relationship is doomed never to experience wall-banging intimacy. This is why extramarital affairs are so damaging. She is not so much concerned about him having sex with someone else as she is about the betrayal, lack of trust, the secrets and deception that are crazy making and energy draining. Now, please. I’m not saying that you sit your partner down and divulge the 23 secrets of your illicit past behaviors. If you have resolved those, i.e. forgiven yourself, understand those behaviors, learned from them and were able to use them to make the internal shifts necessary for your personal development, they do not qualify as an elephant. Hopefully, in the course of growing intimacy in your relationship you may want to share some of those events as you disclose to your partner where you were and where you are now. You do so without emotional charge. However, if a secret takes up room, i.e. still has an emotional charge and holds you back from disclosing more and more of yourself in the growing stages of intimacy, you have a problem that needs to be addressed with your partner.
6. Let YOUR needs be known – loudly. Be a little – no, be a lot – self-centered. (Be self-centered, but not selfish!) Here’s a problem I run into almost every day. He is backing away (perhaps attached to work, another person, etc.). She feels the trust and intimacy eroding, is scared and wants to “win him back.” So she begins an all out effort to “work on the marriage.” She invites him to do so as well. He may reluctantly agree. She blasts full throttle ahead trying to “be nice” and meet every need he ever said he had. She’s going to “fill his tank with goodies.” Doesn’t work. Her eyes are riveted on him. He feels “smothered” or maybe even resentful: “Why is she doing this NOW!” She’s hopeful, but eventually that turns to resentment. Her underlying motive – if I meet his needs, he will feel good and meet mine – just doesn’t work. It’s perceived as manipulation, which it is. Of course, he doesn’t say anything. After all, how do you get angry with someone who is so “nice and caring?” Trust disintegrates under a blanket of quiet niceties. Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do YOU need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface. And then say to him: “I need…x, y and z. I would like to talk to you about them. I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?” He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, “What about my needs?” You respond, “I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly.” Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn’t you respect that person? Because you knew where he stood, and therefore where you stood, didn’t that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?
7. State who YOU are – loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are. You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your SELF to the other person. This sounds easy but I find it difficult for most to pull off. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our SELF. For one thing, if you’re like most of us, you haven’t given much thought to what it is that makes YOU truly YOU. Don’t you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities? Don’t you tend to focus on those things out there or that person out there? You’re concerned about what he is thinking, how he is responding to you, whether he likes you, whether he will be an obstacle and where he will fit in your life? Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and bluntly, boringly inane. You converse about things/relationships/events out there. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand. This doesn’t destroy trust. But it doesn’t create it either. And, if you do take a stand it may serve the purpose of protecting you or entrenching you as you react against someone. This more often than not creates trust barriers. Take some time to reflect on your standards. What are your standards for a relationship? What standards do you hold for yourself? What do you order your life around? What are the 4 top values in your life? What are some themes that you live by? What are you known for? And then…begin letting significant people in your life know. They will respect you. They will know you more deeply. They will thank you for the opportunity to know you. They will see you as a person of character. They will trust you. They can count on you. They know exactly what is behind and within you.
8. Learn to say NO! Sometimes you need to say NO! Often it is crucial to say NO! Saying NO sets boundaries around you that protects you from being hurt or venturing into territory that will be destructive to your heart and soul. You draw a line. You stop tolerating that which drains energy and makes you less than YOU. You refuse to allow the destructive behaviors of others to destroy you. You build a moat around the core of your life. You do this by informing the other person of what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don’t stop, you demand they stop. If they don’t stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment. To some this seems harsh, but saying NO is RESPECTED. Fear is the basis of mistrust. If you fear that someone will hurt you and believe you have no recourse but to endure that hurt, fear will prevail. How can you trust when you are in fear? Saying NO, protecting yourself, sends a message to the other person that you will not live in fear. This usually triggers a response of respect from the other person. After all, if you can protect yourself and refuse subjugation to that which is destructive, will not the other person come to trust you and see you as a person who just might protect him/her from harm as well?
9. Charge Neutral. When your significant other expresses something powerfully, charge neutral. Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a relationship. I commonly hear people respond by defending themselves (to a perceived attack), explaining themselves, counter-attacking, shutting down, or walking away. Of course, the relationship remains stuck in this quagmire of mistrust and fear. Rather than reacting and having your feelings flowing all over the place or shutting down, practice charging neutral. Communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how you carry your body. Don’t speak with a charge to your voice. Control your voice! Say what you must say, state the truth and do it directly and calmly. You can do this, once you master your fears. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something big, without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you. This not only feels great, but your partner trusts that you won’t fly or fall apart. You will experience your personal power. This makes you very attractive. Don’t people really trust someone who knows their personal power and how to use it for the welfare of themselves and others? Your partner will love the fact that she can trust you consistently to operate from your “quiet center,” remain engaged, not back down and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.
10. Dig into the dirt. Relationships of emotional investment, by their nature, bring trials, tribulations, fears, chaos, turmoil, change, stretching and growth. They become the grist from which your life is shaped and formed. Be fearless when faced with turmoil, upset, crisis, questions, and fears. When the time is right, seek them out. Move toward the frightening unknown. Dig into the dirt of your relationship and uncover the treasures. Do you really TRUST that this can happen? The purpose of your relationship is not to make you happy. Do you realize this? Happiness may be an outcome, but your other is given to you to move you to where you really want to be. Obstacles, trials and moments of pain are given as lessons on which you intentionally write the script of your life individually and together. Embrace the difficult. Trust that in this embracing you will find more of your true self. Trust that you are given the resources and capacity to face what you and your significant other are to face. Once you are able to believe and trust these ultimate purposes, trusting your significant other will be that much more easy.