Online Dating

Michaela Scherr
331
25 7

Forget Christmas, the New Year is fast approaching and with it comes another 12 months of doing what you’ve always done. Now I’m not sure about you but I know that next year will be different for me.
For a start, I’m not going to undertake a million and one things with deadlines impossible to keep (though I suspect my interest in new projects will get the better of me). Many amazing and interesting things in this world grab my attention, making it easy for me to get sidetracked.
My intention for the New Year is to transcend all previous successes and achieve things previously not considered. I’m curious to know where it will lead me (there’s that sidetracking issue again). It’s a scary thought but exciting all at once.
Yes, next year sure will be different and amazing.
If you’ve come through a year filled with boredom, sameness, heartache, yearning, and wish life to be different then consider whether it’s now time for you to give yourself a stern talking to about creating change for your highest good.
Some questions you could ask are:
Are you willing to repeat this year, next year?
Has the past year provided you with contentment, happiness, success and new friendships?
If yes to the last statement, congratulations! Some years are like that, absolutely fabulous years where you wouldn’t change for the world for anything – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
If the statement is not true, ask:
How are you going to change things?
Do you have strategies in place that will ensure you become successful in your endeavors?
Are you thinking this is another ho hum time of the year when arbitrary New Year’s resolutions are made?
Maybe all you want is to go with the flow, and that’s okay if deep down that’s what you truly want.
What if you motivated challenged or dared you, not by others, by you only?
There have been many times when I’ve dared myself to do things I wouldn’t normally do and have never looked back. That’s when I become comfortable with the uncomfortable, for a short while anyway.
Anyone can dare themselves to achieve greatness and it might just be what’s needed to kick start the New Year. You never know where it can lead you.
I’ve listed 7 Dares to choose from should you motivate and dare yourself into initiating an action designed to change your next 12 months in the most amazing way. They are:
1. Dare to be different.
2. Dare to discover who you really are.
3. Dare to let go of the past.
4. Dare to step out of your comfort zone.
5. Dare to ask more questions on how YOU do business.
6. For those on the dating scene – date only those that respect all parts of who you are and accept nothing less.
7. Dare to achieve more.
It’s possible one or more points above will resonate with you, in which case write down your preferred challenge in a journal or diary and keep note of how your dare is going. Include who, what, where and when you needed a little external guidance. This will enable you to reflect on your journey as you prepare for the New Year next year.
The road toward contentment, happiness, and success is often challenging, which makes it all the more scary yet exciting – you’ll really know you’re alive then! The upshot is that you achieve what you set out to do, and you can tell the world you did it your way!ZZ

Kenna O’Carroll
618
25 7

Planning the perfect Celtic ceremony involves combining traditions with making decisions. Education on the historical wedding traditions of the Celtic community will help the both of you plan a ceremony that is sure to be everything you dreamed. Making the necessary decisions in wedding planning can be simplified if you know your choices. Lets get started in planning your beautiful and traditional Celtic ceremony with the words to the most widely used Celtic wedding song.
THE WEDDING SONG
THERE THEY STAND HAND IN HAND, AND EXCHANGE WEDDING BANDS. TODAY IS THE DAY ALL OF ALL THEIR DREAMS AND PLANS. AND ALL OF THEIR LOVED ONES ARE HERE TO SAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES, IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH MAY THEY KNOW THAT RICHES ARE NOT NEEDED FOR WEALTH HAVE THEM FACE PROBLEMS THEY’LL MEET ON THEIR WAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
MAY THEY FIND PEACE OF MIND, COMES TO ALL WHO ARE KIND MAY THE ROUGH TIMES A HEAD, BECOME TRIUMPHS IN TIME MAY THEIR CHILDREN BE HAPPY EACH DAY GOD BLESS THIS FAMILY WHO STARTED TODAY
IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES, IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH MAY THEY KNOW THAT RICHES ARE NOT NEEDED FOR WEALTH HAVE THEM FACE PROBLEMS THEY’LL MEET ON THEIR WAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
AS THEY GO, MAY THEY KNOW EVERY LOVE THAT WILL SHOW AND AS LIFE GETS SHORTER, MAY THEIR FEELINGS GROW WHEREVER THEY TRAVEL, WHEREVER THEY STAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
IN GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES, IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH MAY THEY KNOW THAT RICHES ARE NOT NEEDED FOR WEALTH HAVE THEM FACE PROBLEMS THEY’LL MEET ON THEIR WAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY GOD BLESS THIS COUPLE WHO MARRY TODAY
Traditions
The ancient and symbolic ceremony of hand-fasting was often performed by our Celtic kinsmen. To include this beautiful tradition into a wedding, either a rope or a length of fabric will be needed to wrap around the couple’s hands. Decision in the type of “wrap” could include anything that has meaning to the both of you. It could also be created to compliment the colors or theme chosen for your wedding. Some couples have used the remnants of their personal baby blankets or a cherished scarf their grandmother wore. In some families the wrap or rope is passed down through the generations. Whatever your choice of “wrap” the tradition is significant in that it means the bride and groom are becoming one and united. This symbolic tradition is often referred to as tying the knot. In your ceremony the two of you will face each other, join right hands to right hands and the left to the left hands and the chosen fabric or rope will be wrapped around the interlocked hands. A decision can be made to either have the person performing the ceremony or a family member perform the wrapping.
Another widely utilized and very meaningful tradition is the use of a bag piper. The piper has been used in a variety of ways in Celtic weddings. The piper can be presented as a musical accompaniment, standing next to the groom, as the bride walks down the aisle. Other couples have chosen that the piper lead both the bride and groom into the location of the wedding. Locations can be churches, outdoor gardens or other places and will be discussed later in the “decision” section of this article. Whatever your choice of the piper’s role, a bag piper will make the ceremony rich in Celtic heritage and custom.
While the traditions of hand fasting and bag pipers are the most commonly practiced rituals for a Celtic wedding, there are several others to consider.
* Carrying of a horseshoe by the bride is a custom dating back as far as 3-400 years. Carrying an actual horseshoe is a bit cumbersome and heavy. Many brides today choose to have the emblem of the horseshoe sewn inside her dress or embroidered onto the hand-fasting wrap. The symbolism of the “shoe” is what is important. It is meant to bring good luck to the couple.
* The “Grushie” custom is performed by the groom. He is to toss a handful of coins into the crowd at the wedding reception or line of recession as he and his new bride leave the church or have been pronounced as lawfully married. It is best to make sure the coins are small or ones that have been especially made for this purpose. Heavy coins could injure someone.
* The custom of a barefooted bride and groom symbolizes a grounding or connection to the earth. This very old custom was performed for those Celtic peoples that wanted to honor mother earth. I still think that this tradition was designed to honor but for comfort as well. Unless of course you’re getting married on a ground laden with sharp stones or rock.
The above mentioned Celtic traditions are by no means the only ones. They are however, whether you choose to use one or all, certain to give your ceremony the atmosphere of love and at the same time an honoring of our Celtic heritage.
Decisions
Every wedding is full of having to make decisions. Deciding which tradition(s) you want is just a start. The next step is to decide on a location. No matter what traditions you choose to follow, there has to be a place to perform the marriage ceremony. After choosing a location, the bride and groom should decide who is going to make the rest of the decisions. Making wedding arrangements can often run into a “He says, She says” endless problem. Knowing who is going to be responsible for each task in ceremony preparation can often decrease a great deal of stress and arguments. The following are some suggestions on who should do what. Of course, depending on the couple, these can be rearranged to suit who may be better at performing or deciding on specific matters.
Both the Bride and Groom should:
* Decide on the location of the wedding.
* Decide who is going to perform the ceremony. Not all licensed clergy are aware of the traditional Celtic wedding vows or exchanges of commitment.
* Choose the rings that will symbolize your love for each other as well as rings that are reflective of your Celtic heritage. This task does not have to be agonizing. I have found the website http://www.celtic-weddingrings.com to be a great place to start in researching a Celtic knot work design suitable for my fiancée and I.
* Choose the remaining male attendants (groomsmen, ushers) together.
* Choose the male wedding attire. Both of you should do this so that the groom can wear a color he likes and one that suits the color theme of the wedding and the bride’s dress and flowers. This is done by both because the groom does not know (well he shouldn’t anyway) what color(s) are in the wedding gown or on the gowns trim and embroidered work.
Just the Bride:
* Needs to decide on the wedding gown. You may need to consult with a dress designer or company that specializes in Celtic wedding attire. If your wish is to have a dress that reflects your Celtic heritage, many options are available to you. Many Celtic brides choose, somewhere on the dress, to have the Celtic knot sewn or patterned into the gown. The “knot” is symbolic of love, commitment and life. This would compliment nicely with the hand-fasting ceremony too.
* Chooses the maid or matron of honor and other attendants.
* Plans the flower arrangements, wedding favors (name cards, catering, stationary to name just a few). When you choose your attendants be sure to have them help you with these too.
Just the Groom:
* Needs to plan the honeymoon. How about a trip to a Celtic land? What better place to go than where your Celtic roots began.
* Needs to choose a best man. A best man is a male friend or family member you feel cares the most about you. This is an important choice because you will need some help with the time consuming tasks that always come with planning a wedding and honeymoon.
Planning your Celtic wedding will be one of the most important events you will ever oversee. Someday, whether it is 30 or 60 years later, the both of you will remember your wedding day as a blessing. It is the day the two of you announced your commitment to each other. It is a day your Celtic ancestors looked upon you in spirit and smiled.

Dan Ohler
598
25 7

I believe that life is a game, and games are meant to be fun. Teasing, cajoling, and bantering can be great ways to add to the fun – or are they?
Where is that fine-line between fun, and degrading criticism?
Picture this:
It was a warm summer day. A group of friends were playing volleyball on the grass. There were children and adults running, swinging, bumping, and laughing. It was great fun. We were having some great volleys back and forth – quite impressive for a group that don’t play the game regularly.
“Great serve!”
“Way to go!”
“Cool teamwork, eh?”
“Good try. Hey, you’ll get it next time.”
Another group of visitors arrived, and two of them joined in. These two were vocal, except their words were of a different tone.
“Use those big feet to fly over there, will ya.”
“Serve it to Sally, she always misses.”
“Just aim for Tom’s big nose.”
“Look out. There goes the locomotive.”
These words were said in fun, but the atmosphere changed. Words of encouragement were tainted with remarks that were cutting in nature – not just by these two individuals, it was contagious. Within ten minutes, people were dropping out and wandering elsewhere. Fifteen minutes later, the game was done.
Why? Were participants physically exhausted?
I don’t think so.
Words are very powerful tools. They are similar to dynamite. They are small and seemingly insignificant on their own. However, when put to use, they can create amazing and wonderful things, or destroy wonderful things – depending on how they are used.
Appropriate humour is a beautiful, creative form of word art. It adds spice to life. It encourages us to think creatively, and to look for the “bright side.” It encourages us to look for alternatives and solutions, and to deal with life’s stressors in a positive way.
Humour builds rapport, confidence, and trust. It helps create a bond between people. It is an important ingredient in love.
Inappropriate humour is cutting, demeaning, and degrading. It tears people apart and destroys trust. I don’t believe that this is the intent – to hurt others. It happens out of a lack of awareness.
• What is the tone of your humour?
• What are the underlying messages in your words?
• Do they build yourself and others up, or tear yourself and others down?
In First-Aid, there is a procedure to save yourself if you are on-fire – Stop, Drop, & Roll. It makes sense to me that the same process can keep you from being burnt by delivering inappropriate humour.
(Drum roll, please!)
Ladies and Gentleman, presenting: Stop, Drop, & Roll for Appropriate Humour:
1. Become consciously aware of when you are going to deliver words meant to be humorous. Stop in that moment – don’t say it yet. I’m not suggesting that you need to give up spontaneity, but at least pause for a brief moment.
2. Drop the words into your conscious mind and heart. Think, sense, and feel.
a) Are the words: positive or negative, enabling or disabling, supportive or manipulative, kind or tactless, respectful or disrespectful?
b) How would you feel if these words were said to you, possibly at a time when your self-esteem was low?
c) Are they about the person, or the situation? Words about a person may be taken as an attack. Whereas a situation is a chain of events, removed from the person, and often involve a multitude of other people and environmental conditions.
d) What is the most appropriate way to say the words to show love and compassion, yet still tickle the funny-bone?
3. Roll with it! Let ‘er rip! Have fun! Use intonation, body language, and energy congruent with your purpose of making the situation light, and having fun in a loving, caring, respectful way.
Will you become a famous stand-up comedian, featured across the nation in every comedy bar? Not likely. However, you will be loved, honoured, and respected wherever you may be, because you love, honour, and respect others.
There are millions of slapdash, unemployed comedians. Don’t allow their numbers to go up by one.
Instead, amplify your business or job by using your appropriate humour. Use it to intensify your relationships wherever you go.
I challenge you to consciously become aware of your fun-intended words, and to practice Stop, Drop, & Roll for Appropriate Humour.
I guarantee that it will become much easier, spontaneous, and satisfying as you learn your own style. Your family, associates, and clients will appreciate you for it too.
Will it improve your effectiveness and productivity?
It works for me, and I know it will do the same for you.
Now, shut this thing off, and go have some fun!
Cop© 2006

Trent Brownrigg
184
25 7

Remember the words from an old song…
“Be sure it’s true when you say I love you, it’s a sin to tell a lie”.
The concept of “sin” has lost its meaning for many in our modern era, and even “love” has lost a significant portion of its importance.
If you still believe in “falling in love” then you will realize how difficult it is to say, “I love you” in a meaningful way. Three little words that can change your life forever. The words, themselves, have lost their meaning because of overuse, especially when it’s not really true. Everybody says them, for many different reasons, even if they don’t mean them.
However, when you really want tell your partner of your love it’s such a hard decision to make for many reasons. Will your partner return your love? Will your partner simply accept your declaration with indifference? Will he or she feel threatened? It is such a common problem that even “The Seinfeld Show” had an episode on it.
So make it easy on yourself and plan the declaration so that as much as possible you eliminate the problems. The first step, of course, is to be certain you really are in love. If you so enjoy being with your partner that you want to be with him or her to the exclusion of all others, if you think of him or her every day when you are apart, you are probably in love. If you have even a small doubt you should wait a little longer.
If you are certain then plan a special occasion for it. Make it a significant moment in your life – one to remember with fondness for your whole life. Arrange an intimate dinner at your favorite restaurant and make it as romantic as you can. Give him or her a small gift because you love being with them, or you are so glad that you met them.
After dinner while holding your partner intimately gaze intently into their eyes and say, “I love you so much it hurts when we are apart. I hope that we can stay together forever”.
Do not be disappointed if your partner does not return your declaration. They may not yet be ready and might need more time to state their feelings. Continue to share with your partner the highs and lows of your partner’s life. Care for your partner’s happiness and be on guard to protect his happiness.
Under no circumstances should you ever ask your partner, “Do you love me”?

Kate Zabriskie
706
25 7

It starts out innocently enough with someone in the break room saying, “Isn’t it a shame about Jack?” Clueless, you reply, “What about Jack?” “Don’t you know about his wife?” When you answer in the negative, your colleague seizes the moment to fill you in on all the gory details of Jack’s wife’s ongoing affair with none other than your boss’s husband, and poor Jack is now in rehab because he started binge-drinking to drown his misery. Of course, since your boss’s husband is the party of the second part, you just have to know if she knows about her husband’s infidelity, which would account for her showing up to work lately looking like a subject in a sleep-deprivation study and biting everyone’s head off for no good reason. And before you’ve finished pouring your coffee, you’ve enabled a gossip to perpetuate the vicious cycle of rumor mongering that too often contaminates a workplace.
The consequences of participating in office gossip are far ranging and always affect at least two or more people. First, consider the person who is the gossip spreader. Why is this person presenting the information? Can any good come from it? Will the information benefit you or the office in which you work? What’s in it for the gossip?
If the answers to these questions are fuzzy, you can probably assume the news bearer is reveling in knowing something others don’t yet know. Such “news,” whether accurate or not, provides a momentary feeling of superiority and control that the gossip probably lacks otherwise. If this person’s work performance isn’t sufficient cause for recognition, then the next best option is to stake a claim as the one with the latest inside dirt.
Unfortunately, a gossip isn’t satisfied just possessing the information. After all, knowledge that isn’t shared is wasted, right? How would others know the value of this soul unless the intelligence is disseminated? This is where others get implicated without necessarily being willing participants. Even the “innocent” are drawn in to the gossip’s web by merely listening. For a few fleeting moments, this person has everyone’s undivided attention, and this is “reward” enough.
While gossips themselves might not immediately suffer for their loose tongues, eventually they will be found out. The consequences may include poor performance reviews, no pay raises, reprimands from supervisors, or possibly dismissal because of their involvement in destroying office morale or committing slander.
Gossips are usually proactive in sharing their wealth of information, so others have little trouble knowing who they are. Smart coworkers will learn to avoid them any way they can, even though this is not always easy or possible. Even if you yourself don’t initiate gossip, just listening to it takes a toll and carries consequences. Guilt by association immediately comes to mind. If several people are present when a gossip leaks a juicy tidbit, you may be credited as the source at some later point just because you were present. People’s memories aren’t always accurate.
Of course, the one who suffers most is the subject under discussion. Even if the rumor proves to be just that, the damage has been done. Those who have heard the gossip will be unable to completely erase it from their minds. The consequences for this person might be devastating.
Since no one benefits from gossip, here are three easy steps you can take to avoid this career-killing behavior:
1. Don’t do it yourself–ever. No, you aren’t talking about people for their own good. You’re gossiping. If you really want to help someone, talk to the person directly.
2. When someone tries to gossip with you, you can:
* Walk away
* Change the subject.
* Directly state, “I’m not comfortable talking about __________.”
* Directly state, “I don’t like talking about other people because I don’t like them talking about me.” That’s a conversation ender for sure.
* Reply, “I hadn’t heard that about __________. Let’s go ask him/her.” (Watch a gossip disappear when you say that. Gossips are notorious cowards and dread confronting their subjects.)
3. When someone is gossiping about you, you can:
* Go with the direct approach. Say something such as, “I heard that you’ve been saying the following about me.” Then briefly summarize what you have heard. Next, say, “While I wasn’t there to hear you, I would appreciate your coming to me directly with any questions or comments rather than talking with our coworkers/friends/family/etc.”
* Go with the indirect approach. Say something such as, “I don’t know if you’ve heard the rumors going around about me or not, but they’re really disturbing. If you hear of anyone talking about me, I would appreciate it if you would ask them to stop.”
Just remember, if you don’t gossip, you don’t have to worry about someone betraying your confidence and telling other people what you said.
Remember, too, to distance yourself from gossips since you are known by the companyeep.

Dr. Tim Ong
495
25 7

A couple of days ago, my seven year-old daughter performed in a dance concert. It was her first public performance and we were all very proud of her. She was very excited about it. We know how much she loves to dance.
Her routine was the first performance and we all thought she did rather well and were happy for her. At the end of the concert, my wife presented her with a present, personally wrapped up by her with a beautiful blue coloured wrapper.
To our surprise, my daughter not only did not say thank you to her mother but actually complained about her present. She said she did not like the colour of the wrapper and did not like the present inside it. She was grumpy all the way from the concert hall to our house. This was so unlike her.
The next day, she was still upset. When we invited her out to the shopping complex for a movie, she declined, claiming that she wanted to stay and rest at home.
I knew that something was bothering her and it was not just about the present but I didn’t know what it was. Anyway, the rest of the family went for the movie and had a nice time. Then it struck me that my daughter may have been upset not so much with her present as with herself. Perhaps she had felt that she did not perform as well as she could have. She does have very high expectation of herself and is quite a perfectionist when it comes to her dance.
Once we returned home, my daughter was at the door to greet us. I knew she wanted to talk and took the opportunity to ask her once again why she was upset. I advised her to tell me the real reason why she was upset and when she couldn’t say it, I asked her directly whether she was upset with herself because she thought she did not perform as well as she could have – and she said “yes”.
Once she acknowledged her real feeling, I was able to console her. I told her that we all loved her performance and that it was more important for her to gain experience from her first public performance than to demand a perfect performance from herself.
Then I told her how much her mother has painstakingly chosen a present for her and personally wrapped it up in a beautiful wrapper for her, and that because she had not acknowledged her true feeling to herself and everyone else, she had instead taken out her anger on her mother’s present. In this way, she not only upset herself even more and felt bad about it, she spoilt the occasion for everyone in the family. Perhaps she had reacted unconsciously. We all have this tendency to deny our feelings and lash out at something else instead – children and adults alike – and some poor innocent person unwittingly gets the blame.
I then helped her to realise why it was important that she honestly acknowledge her feelings. The outcome would have been more desirable and the unpleasant feeling would have been resolved much earlier and easier had she been honest about it in the first place. In addition, her mother would not have been hurt by her reaction to her present and she would have had a wonderful day at the movie with us.
By not acknowledging her true feeling, she reacted in a way that created a chain reaction of anger that was directed at everyone in her path and basically created more problems for herself and everyone else. These problems could have been avoided or would not even have existed had she been honest about her feelings from the beginning.
I thought this was an important lesson for her and for everyone, and was glad to have the opportunity to talk to her about it.
P.S. About an hour later after our talk, she came over and whispered a “thank you, daddy” into my ears and I could see that she was back to her normal self again. It was as if a burden has been lifted from her little shoulders.ZZZ

Amy Spade
460
25 7

Having a little bag that you can carry (or have someone in the bridal party carry) with you throughout the wedding day can keep you from worrying about things that may happen, and dealing with them when they do.
Medicine
Although everyone is feeling wonderful on the wedding day, it’s amazing what a few nerves can do to the body. Headaches, upset stomachs, and dizziness can all rear their ugly heads right when you are feeling the most pressure.
And that’s not just the couple.
You may want to keep on hand a few things to keep everyone feeling good, or at least keep them upright throughout the ceremony. A chewable or liquid antacid is a great way to calm any nervous stomachs. Crackers and ginger ale are good though too. For headaches, you can keep some acetaminophen on hand. This is usually gentler on the stomach than ibuprofen, and can be taken without food.
If the bride or bridesmaids should feel dizzy, then have them immediately sit down. Dizziness can be caused by a lot of things-low blood sugar, nerves, and more serious conditions. If the bride or groom should faint, smelling salts can help to revive them.
Bandaids are good too for sore feet in too tight of shoes.
Beauty fixes
For the women, you may want to have a few beauty tools to keep everyone looking their best. Spare lip gloss and balm are good to keep the lips looking good. A translucent face powder will keep the nose and forehead from shining. Always keep a small bottle of clear nail polish as well. This is good for fixing rhinestones that have fallen off dresses to sealing tears in stockings.
A small brush and mirror can also help, while hair spray and extra deodorant are also nice to have on hand. Bobby pins can help most hair crises, but a curling iron can be an asset too.
Miscellaneous
It’s amazing what you may need and never think of. For example, did you think to bring extra straight pins for the corsages or in case the bouquets fell apart? A small sewing kit is good to in order to fix up any small emergencies.
Stain remover and chalk are also good to have on hand. If there should be any stains that need removing, the stain remover is there. If there’s something on the bride’s dress, then you can lightly cover it with the chalk-it works great and won’t hurt the dress.

David Silva
4
25 7

Every marriage has its ups and downs, its rough periods. Even in the best of circumstances, there are going to be difficult times.
People change.
Circumstances change.
Emotions change.
Over time, the natural ebb and flow of everyday life places incredible pressure on a relationship.
Almost unnoticed at first, you begin to think thoughts that had once been unthinkable. “I love him, but I’m not in love with him. Not anymore.” “I’m not attracted to her, not like I was in the beginning.” “Maybe if we separated for awhile …”
The skies can darken in a hurry.
But if you survive these darkest of times, you may find you emerge with a stronger, more trusting relationship than you ever imagined possible.
Here are a few tips that might help you toward that goal …
== Have a clear understanding of your expectations. Couples rarely take the time to discuss how the little things will work. What does romance mean to each of you? How will the finances be handled? How will your children be raised? What role will religion play in your relationship? What makes you feel loved? What hurts you? How will arguments be resolved? How will decisions be made? What do you need from your spouse, what does your spouse need from you?
== Don’t fight unfairly. There will always be disagreements. Deal with the matter at hand. Don’t drudge up all your hurts and disappointments from the past. Those are different matters, to be handled separately, at a different time. Keep focused on the issue under discussion and avoid muddying the waters with generalized personal attacks (“You’re always nagging.” “You never do anything unless I tell you to do it first.”)
== Face the issues that are facing you. Hiding from reality never leads to a happy ending. If you’re experiencing financial problems, admit it, get it out in the open.
== Be honest with yourself. Take a step back and give yourself a good long look in the mirror. If your behavior is undermining your relationship (whether it’s the way you communicate, or how you treat your spouse, or your personal destructive behavior) own up to it.
== Take the initiative. Understand that waiting for your spouse to change first will likely result in no change at all. Actions come first. Thoughts and feelings follow. Change your behaviors and watch your spouse’s behaviors change in response.
== Rebuild compatibility. Time has a way of unveiling the differences between couples, especially when your marriage is in trouble. Seek out those interests you have in common with your spouse. Look for opportunities to share activities together. Perhaps it’s ballroom dancing, or photography, or camping, or trips to the beach.
== Remember what it was like when you were dating. What was it that first attracted you to your spouse? What made you first fall in love? How can those feelings be rekindled?
== Keep your sense of humor. Life is challenging enough without having to live with a brooding, angry spouse. Laugh out loud the way you did when you were a kid. Happiness is a choice. Exercise it.
Marriage is a sacred vow to love your partner for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till … well you know the rest. Unfortunately, for many people, the pressures, challenges, and monotony of married life have doused its wonderful positive aspects.
Maybe it’s time to rekindle the magic.

Kimberly Webb
255
25 7

You have been dating for a few weeks and everything is going great. You have a lot of things in common and you can’t wait to show her off to all your friends. But wait…before you invite her to poker night, take a minute and think about it. Your buddies are great, but what kind of message are they sending to your respective partner? Take out a pen and paper and start jotting down the names of all your friends. Then go through the following list to find out who to invite and who to give a rain check for another day.
The College Buddy- He has been there for you since freshman year. He was with you at every frat party and every early morning class. He remembers every girlfriend and every fling you ever had. Beware of introducing him to your girlfriend however, the last thing that either of you wants is to be reminded of your assorted list of girlfriends and one night stands. Save the meeting for another day.
Your Roommate- The two of you share a bathroom and a fridge together, and probably a lot more. He understands your quirks. He will probably be the first to admit that your feet smell and you can’t cook anything but pizza and cereal. This buddy should be invited to your initial “meet the friends” party however. He will no doubt be around when you bring her home, so it is a good idea to get this meeting out of the way early on. You can pick the date and gain a little control over the situation. Nobody likes to meet someone for the first time when they are in the shower or some other equally embarrassing situation.
Your Married Friends- You had to sit through their four hour wedding, so now its payback time. They all have houses, wives, and maybe even a few kids. You normally see them at backyard cookouts and other get-togethers. They are probably a little more stable than your single friends and understand women a little better (at least we hope). For this reason, I would highly recommend inviting them to meet your new girl. It will help her see that you are capable of settling down. If they have some pictures of you playing water tag with the kids at the last party, you get bonus points.
With a little bit of planning you can make the meeting great for everybody involved. Pick a nice public place which will make everyone feel more comfortable. Good luck and relax, you will do great and your friends will love her!Z

Dr. Robert Huizenga
100
25 7

My, how the cheating spouse cries foul when he/she discovers you are spying.
Outrage can be intense: “How dare you!! I never thought you would stoop to that! How could you!? How can there be trust in this relationship if you do that? This is none of your business; I don’t spy and go behind your back! Now you know why I want to pull away from you. How could I love anyone that would do something like that to me?” On and on.
Cheating husbands and cheating wives usually will not admit the duplicity of their clandestine behavior. But you are made out to be the villain if you use detective work to discover the truth. It doesn’t make sense, but then again not much about infidelity borders close to sanity.
Are you a morally corrupt duplicitous character hell bent on destroying the integrity of a relationship through spying? No, of course not. The integrity of the relationship has been destroyed through the extramarital affair. The affair shattered the promises and mocked the vows that the two of you made.
You saw clearly the signs of a cheating spouse. The affair invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled its protective boundaries. The marital infidelity broke the contract of the marriage; it was the act of betrayal. Spying does not damage the marriage. It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception.
Spying is often used to grasp the reality of the situation. It’s intent is to find the truth. Only the truth can provide a foundation from which to begin resolving the hurt, pain and forging a direction for the marriage and enable each person in the marriage to attain health and sanity.

Martin Smith
16
25 7

At first dating is fun but as you go on it’s so easy to fall into a rut. A night at home with rental movies or a dinner out or a movie is all you ever seem to do and you are getting bored. The boredom most likely is not because of whom you are with, it could be that you have fallen into a comfortable rut.
There are so many options of things to do but sometimes people are afraid to try something new. I don’t like it, now what? What do I do if I like it and she doesn’t? Fun and excitement can be apart of your life again don’t give up. Since you and your dating partner have common interests let’s take a look at all the various kinds of dates that you create.
Let’s take a look at general types of dates and try to expand on them. There are movie dates, dinner dates, and dancing dates. At best, they would make a very short date, by themselves. Do you think a dinner and a movie or a movie and dinner at club that has dancing is a good idea? Going to one of the many movies or going to clubs that cater to various genres could be fun.
How about a game of billiards? If you both have connections to a Church, church activities could be interesting for you. Concerts by Christian singers and/or bands hold concerts all over the place. You could try attending something similar to a Billy Graham Crusade or a rally. A Church or Temple will be able to tell you what is available for young people or young adult couples, if you are not Christian.
If you go to any type of concert it could be interesting, you might find a type of music you never thought you’d like. Another idea might be going to the theater. Something that is even more fun are dinner theaters. Shows like Disney on Ice and Stars on Ice are fun, and so are plays. Going for ice cream or a walk on the beach is a simple date.
Are at least one of you, if not both of you athletically inclined? Running together could be fun. It might be interesting to try hiking in an area you’ve never been to before. Dusting off your bikes and going for a ride instead of using your car, especially with gas prices so high.
Aside from the fact that it is fun; it is physical and it gets you to where you want to go. A walk in the summer rain, horseback riding, and roller blading can be fun. You don’t really just want to stay home do you? Rent a movie you haven’t seen or rent a favorite romantic movie. Try playing games such as Chess or backgammon or how about Jenga which is a puzzle game, they can be fun.
Do you like intellectual stuff? Lectures and museums are interesting and a lot of fun. Do you know of a planetarium nearby? A way of not having to go outside is to go to a planetarium. A day trip can be fun, and for New Englander’s Boston, Massachusetts is a good bet.
Boston boasts of the Science Museum, the Children’s Museum and the famed Freedom Walk. The Freedom Walk will take you by the original Cheers bar. For something fun and educational, go to the zoo. A visit to the Public Gardens or Art Exhibits can be very relaxing. Is your guy into automobiles?
Stock car races are an option as are monster truck rallies. Do you enjoy any crafts? A craft fair may have lessons in crafts such as scrap booking which is something a guy could get into that isn’t just a ‘girly’ activity. Try cooking together it can be fun.
Try taking classes together, such as a cooking or pottery class. Learning something about another person is the whole point of dating. Try bringing your date along once or twice if you volunteer visiting nursing homes. Trying all these different things will help you both decide on things you both enjoy.
Sometimes though it is a good idea to do something you may not like a whole lot so that your date at least knows you care about them and the things they like. Dating can be disastrous but it can have its perks too. You may have only one date or a first date over and over. A wonderful relationship is possible if you are mutually respectful of the others needs and interests of the other and can compromise without resentment.
If dating doesn’t lead to a marriage this is a possible. Wonderful friendships can be developed. Work on one date at a time. It is important to learn to trust and respect one another. Live life and enjoy each other. Have fun and enjoy your life. Although dating is a challenge understand that before you kiss your prince, you may have to kiss a bunch of frogs.

Dakota Caudilla
160
25 7

When it comes to buying the perfect engagement ring, we know that it’s as important as the marriage proposal, and it’s also as important as the wedding reception itself. Since this engagement ring is going to be something that reminds you of something sweet, a cherished moment in your life, the engagement ring should be absolutely nothing short of perfect.
It’s not hard to find an engagement ring of your choice. You can find fabulous engagement rings on the Internet or by visiting a local jewelry store near you, but this is a fact – when it comes to buying engagement rings, it’s not WHAT you know about engagement rings, diamonds and the quality of gold that matters, it’s WHO the engagement seller is and his reputation in the engagement ring sector.
Regardless of how successful the engagement ring seller is, a dishonest engagement ring seller will always try his or her best to fool you about the quality and price of the engagement rings he or she sells. This is to ensure highest possible profit. Even the most experienced and established engagement dishonest ring retailer will try to do this.
However, there’s a handful of honest engagement ring sellers who will give you a fabulous deal even if you know NOTHING about engagement rings. Their focus is not to fool you once-off. But the most important trait that an honest engagement ring seller has is that he or she is trying to give you value for money and build trust and a long-term relationship with you. They want you to take the engagement ring home, show it off to your friends and relatives, and then give good reviews about where you got the engagement ring and what a great deal you got for the engagement ring. It’s in their interest that you buy one engagement ring, and come back for the wedding ring. It’s to their benefit that you trust and have confidence in them that you recommend the engagement ring store to your sister, cousin, aunts and uncles so that they will buy their engagement rings, wedding rings, and jewelry from them.
All jewelers and engagement ring retailers have access to the same pool of diamond and gold resources in the country. The difference is in the seller and how much profit they want to make from you for the sale of the engagement ring.
Finally, be sure to shop around a little bit more before you buy the engagement ring. Most jewelry shops carry the same or similar (if not better) design of engagement rings and you can find different pricing for them somewhere else. And have fun shopping around too!Z

Julia Tanner
417
25 7

Anywhere that you feel safe and secure is a great place to swing, in my opinion. And clubs can be that great place.
Not only are you in an environment that is totally supportive, but there aren’t games to be played or expectations. You come when you’re ready to come, and you play as much as you want.
Are These Places Dirty?
Unlike a lot of the sex clubs, swingers clubs are filled with clean cut, professional men and women. The general age of members is anywhere from late twenties to mid-fifties, so you’re sure to feel at home with one of the age groups.
Many of the swingers clubs have dress codes that are strictly enforced. Of course, they may have theme nights from time to time, but most of the time, it’s completely option.
But a lot of fun.
And as for the ‘dirty’ part, it depends on what you’re using for a definition. If you’re talking about breaching sexual borders and allowing couples to mingle, then yes, they are ‘dirty.’ If you’re talking about the physical presence of dirt, then no, these are high-class establishments that have to follow health code rules, just like everyone else.
Are The Clubs Safe To Go To?
Swingers clubs employ a staff of security to help you in case you should feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
The staff at most of the clubs are easily available if you have any questions, plus many require you to call ahead to have an on-phone interview. This ensures that you are a couple that will fit in with everyone else, as well as follow the rules that you are given.
If you do get turned down for a club, then you may want to revaluate why you want to try swinging in the first place. Or try another club.
Where Can I Find Swingers Clubs?
Word of mouth and local advertising are the best ways to find local swinger events. In some cities, there may not be clubs that are listed, but through the local adult video store, you may be able to find listings for swinger parties.
Be very discerning about which events you choose to go to. Call the coordinator and ask a lot of questions. If they hesitate or refuse to answer things, then you may want to avoid their party.
Do I Have To Do Anything?
This is the biggest question of swingers clubs-do you have to participate in the sexual fun?
Of course not.
Many couples go to meet other couples at a later time. Or some other folks just go to watch couples mingle with one another. The level of your participation is up to your comfort level.
Most clubs have polices about not pressuring other members, so you can feel at ease from the time you walk in to the time that you leave.
A swingers club can be a great way to celebrate your sexual identity without having to ‘do’ anything. Many couples find that this is the perfect method to sample the swinging life to see if it’s something that will work for them.
And without names, you can be anonymous as wellZZZ

Rod Froseth
686
25 7

These cheap date ideas are by no means second-rate. If you’re a real romantic, you know that romantic living need not be expensive. Rather, it’s simple, but a little involved as you’ll see in these 21 cheap romantic date ideas.
What makes a date romantic is not how extravagant the price tag is but how much you reveal of yourself and how creatively you interact with one-another. Most free romantic date ideas are far more enjoyable than their pay counterparts. These cheap date ideas require something of your creative, and sometimes wild and risky side. One or two are downright outrageous. You’ll enjoy!
Cheap Date Idea #1
Pay your local library a visit, and ask the librarian where you can read aloud. Choose an engaging mystery or steamy romance and spend the afternoon reading aloud to one-another.
Cheap Date Idea #2
Take two pads of lined paper, some nice pens and visit a quiet coffee shop. Order two cappuccinos, and write the stories of your lives. After one hour, read them aloud to one-another. Then ask lots of questions.
Cheap Date Idea #3
Take a digital camera, go to a downtown or busy area of town and make believe that you are paparazzi, gathering as many candid shots of interesting people as you can. Next date, see number four.
Cheap Date Idea #4
Upload your paparazzi shots which you took in number three to a computer either at home or at an internet cafe and write fantastic or crazy news stories incorporating the photos. Email them to a friend or post them on a free web site and send friends a link.
Cheap Date Idea #5
Take some nice watercolor paper or sketch pads with brushes, paints and pencils and go to a town square or park. Situate yourself at a table or bench and find something beautiful in your surrounding to paint or sketch. Sign and exchange your works and post them at home or work.
Cheap Date Idea #6
Here’s a romantic date idea for when you don’t know one-another well. Go to a cemetery where your relatives are buried, plant flowers and share with your sweetheart some stories about your family history.
Cheap Date Idea #7
Take bicycles or roller blades, pack a lunch and choose an easy trail ride or wander through some country roads. Stop often when you find something interesting to look at or just to rest and talk.
Cheap Date Idea #8
Visit an art museum, conservatory or botanical garden and pretend it’s your first date. Unless of course it is your first date, then you won’t need to pretend. Stop to sit on every bench, hold hands and kiss.
Cheap Date Idea #9
Get tickets to a local high school or college musical or drama performance. Ask the stars of the show for their autographs on your program. Afterward, go for a walk in the dark.
Cheap Date Idea #10
When in season, go to a strawberry patch or apple orchard and pick a few baskets of your own. Have a cup of coffee and enjoy some of your freshly-picked fruit. Finally, return home with your produce and create a special fresh-fruit-in-season dessert.
Cheap Date Idea #11
Visit an invalid or elderly person in your neighborhood, and plant some flowers in their yard or flower box for them. Stop in and share a cup of tea to brighten their day.
Cheap Date Idea #12
Stay Home! If you’re married-with-children, send the kids out to a babysitter and just stay home. Order some Chinese take-out, leave the TV off and spend some really intimate time together.
Cheap Date Idea #13
Make a trip to the grocery store and pick up some creative pizza ingredients. Take your groceries home and assemble your masterpiece pizza together. Choose a CD of music from your youth, light candles and enjoy.
Cheap Date Idea #14
Check with your local parks and recreation for the schedule of summer dramatic and musical performances in the parks. Prepare a picnic supper, take in the concert, then go for a quiet stroll after the show.
Cheap Date Idea #15
Get your school district’s community education program literature and choose a class on a subject about which you know absolutely nothing. Attend together. You’ll be surprised at what you’ve been missing.
Cheap Date Idea #16
Check your yellow pages for the locations of two or three used book stores. Visit them together and unearth some literary treasures. Stop at a coffee shop and examine your finds over a cappuccino.
Cheap Date Idea #17
Pick up your Sunday newspaper and look up the local parade of new homes. Get in the car and visit three of the most expensive homes making believe that you’re really rich. Be careful that you don’t sign anything! Afterward, stop at a service station to pick up their 3 for $1 hot dog special and a Coke.
Cheap Date Idea #18
Call your local college or university and inquire about their film society’s schedule. Take in a screening of a foreign or art film and join the discussion group afterward. You’ll enjoy the departure from the usual theater and DVD fare.
Cheap Date Idea #19
Take your digital camera, choose 10 or 12 unusual or even bizarre locations and ask a stranger at each location to take a picture of the two of you. Go home and prepare an album of your day out or post them on a free website and send friends a link.
Cheap Date Idea #20
Go to a second hand clothing store together and select an outfit for each other without the other knowing what it is. Exchange outfits, and change into them. Go out for an inexpensive romantic dinner and find out how merciful (or not!) the other is.
Cheap Date Idea #21
Here’s our simplest, yet most traditional and romantic cheap date idea. On a hot August night, take a stroll to your favorite ice cream shop. Get a cone or sundae and stroll down the city street to check out the shop windows.
Add your own, but mostly be together. Enjoy your dates!
Rod Froseth

Jay Timms, BMT; Lawrence Stoyanowski, M.Sc.; MFT, Darren Wilk, MA.
601
25 7

Call it a fight, call it a discussion, call it whatever you want. But let’s be honest. The truth is that in every marriage there is fighting. No matter what you think, there is no such thing as the Cleavers or the Cosbys. That being said, if it happens in every marriage, why is it that there are some couples who seem to enter and exit the ring gracefully while others seem like there is never a break between rounds? The reason is that some people have learned the secrets behind fighting well and others are just swinging away hoping to connect.
Whether you have been married 20 years or 20 minutes, learning to fight well can be the difference between being one of the most rewarding experiences of marriage and the most challenging.
What fight do you want to fight?
Let’s clarify what was said previously. Everyone fights, but you may not actually know it. Even if you are in the relationship. There are basically 2 types of fighters; the Screamers and the Sweepers.
What does a screamer sound like?
This is the couple that nobody doubts is having problems. They are the ones that fight over the smallest things, and these small things turn into World War III. The fights turn brutal fast and leave deep wounds that are still raw as the next fight starts. They fight about the same thing over and over and never seem to solve a thing.
How deep is the carpet you sweep under?
These couples do have conflicts, but they keep it quiet. From the neighbors, from the family, and even from themselves. When a conflict arises, these people will quickly and effectively avoid the conflict and will work around it. When they come into therapy, generally these people will talk about conflicts that were never resolved 10 years ago that their partner didn’t even know was a problem.
Why do so many couples fight?
Here is the problem. There really are 3 things working against you in this relationship.
What family tree did you fall from?
First is that neither one of you grew up in the same family. Maybe your family was the kind of family that was loud and outgoing, always doing things together, and constantly moving, whereas your partner came from a family where spending time together meant that they were in the same room together listening to the same clock ticking in the corner. It may not have been quite that extreme, but you get the point.
Are you a fruit?
Secondly, no two people in the world have had exactly the same experiences and thoughts as another person. Our experiences tend to form who we are and how we see life. Therefore, no two people in or out of a relationship will ever see their relationship exactly the same. It is like trying to compare apples to oranges.
What planet are you on?
Finally, there is one overlying theme that hangs over all of us in traditional relationships. One of us is male and the other is female. Period. Although we are not from different planets as you may have heard, society expects different things from us and we therefore have different goals and expectations about relationships and our roles in them.
Knowing that there are such strong, lifelong habits and traits that we are dealing with, it should be
Why do we loose control?
When we fight, something interesting happens in our bodies. For most people, fighting isn’t just an exchange of words. It is an emotional event that happens and is felt throughout our bodies.
Emotion types
There are two types of emotions. Primary and secondary. Secondary emotions are emotions that come after the main emotion occurs. In essence, it is a reaction to the reaction.
When people come into a session, most often we hear “She pissed me off”, or “He made me so mad”. That is not the real emotion. That is the reaction to the emotion. The primary emotion is hurt, disappointment, or rejection. It is important that this distinction be made.
Chemical Confusion
Part of the problem when we fight is that too often we are dealing with the secondary emotions. We have felt something strongly like rejection or betrayal, and then our bodies automatically go into defensive mode. Our brains release chemicals that put us on alert and do not allow proper functioning of brain processing.
What we need to realize is that people who work off of secondary emotions do not actually see reality because their brains cannot function properly with the chemicals that are being produced. Our natural response is to retaliate without thought. How can you fight effectively when your brain is not functioning? You can’t! That is why you need to be able to see clearly enough to fight.
This is just not natural!
Why is it that fighting well is so difficult? Even the most practiced couple makes mistakes at times and seems to go backwards. What needs to be understood is that it is not natural to have the kind of conversations that will make marriages work. Our natural reaction is to fight or run.
So what we are doing is trying go against what our animal instincts are telling us to do. What needs to happen is that we need to transcend that instinct and move to a higher level and do things that feel difficult and unnatural.
Other Topics in this Series
1) Check Out Time
2) Kitchen Sinking
3) Sucker Punch
4) Setting the Rules
…and many more
Topics discussed here are not intended to replace professional counselling. For further information, more articles like this and downloadable audio files relating to marriage topics, see www.bestmarriages.com. ZZ