Online Dating

John Hooper
687
25 7

Getting over your ex is something that most of us have to do at some point in our life. Some people more than others. When the ex means a divorce in involved then the break up is all the more harder.
It is said that time is a great healer and that is true, but also taking action is vital. Just what action should you take?
Here is some practical advice to deal with life after a break up, relationship break down or divorce.
1. Make a clean break. As tempting as it can be, if you are still in love with your EX, and they don’t reciprocate the feelings and intensity, then you’re better off making a clean break. This is true every time. Ex lover rarely make good friends after a break up.
2. Delete all telephone numbers, email address and the like that contain your ex’s details. Keeping temptation at bay is vital.
3. Clear out as many personal items as you can. Obviously keeping practical stuff is important, but, if you’re using your ex’s left behind items to remember them, then that’s no good. Clear them out as soon as possible.
4. Treat yourself. Make sure you get used to enjoying yourself without your ex partner. Prove to yourself, your ex and others that you can smile again in spite of the circumstances. A divorce doesn’t mean you can’t laugh a lot.
5. Let your frustrations, anger and bitterness come out. Write down your feeling or get some counselling. Even if it’s just a friend who will listen to you for a while. Blow off steam – it’s natural.
6. Cleanse your current situation by buying new things for the house. New bedding and kitchen utensils are something you use every day. Get new items. Your life is still going to go on so distance yourself from the things you used with your ex. It will work wonders for you.
7. Give yourself time to heal. You don’t need to rush into a new relationship until your ready. Advice given to me as I was going through my divorce was to ‘clear the decks emotionally.’ Superb advice, you don’t need to rebound till its right for you.
8. Eliminate any negative self-talk. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself after a break up. It can help you only for a very short while at the beginning. If you keep talking yourself down then you’ll find it harder to move on when the time is right for you.
9. Take charge of your life again. Make goals. Set yourself challenges. Maybe you always wanted to abseil or jump from a plane. Maybe learning yoga could be right for you. The world is your oyster.
10. Take comfort in the fact that it does get better each day. Say to yourself ‘every day in every way I’m getting better and better and better.’ It’s true and most people who have been divorced will tell you that suddenly one day you realise that the rest of your life can easily be the best of your lifeZZZ

Holly Stevens
463
25 7

Having a perfect wedding is a dream of most couples. They want to have their wedding day as the most perfect event of their lives.
No wonder why many people are so engaged into wedding planning because the numerous details of the wedding should never be taken for granted. From the invitations down to the reception, every detail must be meticulously considered.
Take for example the wedding centerpieces. For some events, centerpieces are not that important and may not take much of preparation and consideration. But with weddings, these beautiful embellishments usually found in the reception are extremely important as these items, likewise, set the mood in the area.
Wedding centerpieces are not necessarily the “center of attraction” in the event. But they do complement the bride and the group along with the other details of the wedding.
Normally, wedding centerpieces are not included in the reception or the catering; hence, it is a must that you hire the best provider of wedding centerpieces.
So, for people who wish to obtain some tips on choosing wedding centerpieces, here are some pointers that you could use:
1. In most cases, flowers are the best wedding centerpieces. They add color and life in the reception area.
Best of all, flowers can enliven the spirit of those who are present in the reception. It gives a homey feeling, thus, making the reception program more fascinating.
2. Do not just go with the flowers. Consider the arranger as well. The flower arranger could also be the same arranger you have hired to decorate the church.
The wrong flower arrangement, color, and types of flowers used as centerpieces can do more harm than good. Hence, it is a must that pertinent details like this one should be considered seriously.
3. Shop around
Do not be constrained on one establishment only. It is best to shop around and get more ideas on wedding centerpieces. Flowers are not the only thing that is considered as good wedding centerpieces. You can also have some candles, glass bowls, floating and scented candles, etc.
To continue reading this article go now to http://www.weddingtipsguide.com/Things-To-Know-About-Wedding-Centerpieces.html.Z

James Lindsey
716
25 7

If you’re a single parent and trying to date it can be tough Thinking about dating and having the time to date sometimes seem as far apart as East is from West. Questions run through your mind…
Am I being selfish? Do I have the time? Who is going to watch the kids? It’s been so long. Do I even know how to date?
It can seem overwhelming and look like a far away dream if you didn’t have anyone to guide you. Lucky for you , we’ve picked the minds of successful single dating parents and put together an action plan that will make dating fun, safe and rewarding.
The Action Plan
Your action plan is made up of five simple steps. Each step is designed to build upon the previous one. The goal is for you to spend time with quality dates that respect you and your situation. You will put your plan on paper. Why? Writing takes your plans out of the world of thought and brings it into the world of reality. Get your paper and pencil and let’s begin!
Step 1. Asses your situation.
Do you really have the time to date? As a single parent your activities revolve around your kids. Caring for a even a single child is a full time effort. If you have more than one child your workload multiplies. If you decide to date you’ll need to create flexibility in your weekly plans and plan in advance. It takes time to find love. If you want love…make the time. Write down the time available each week that you think you can devote to dating. Schedule it.
Step 2. What do you want?
What type of relationship do you want? Are you looking for short term relationships? Long term? Committed? Non-committed? Do you have a time line? Biological ticking clock? What type of person do you want? Tall? Short? Loves to travel? Stay at home type? Christian? Family oriented? Good family relationships? Be honest with yourself. Consult your heart and your head and create the profile of the perfect person for you. Don’t leave anything out. List the qualities you admire. The type of family you want them to come from. The color of their eyes etc. The more specific the better. Make it as detailed as possible. A crystal clear target is much easier to hit than an out of focus one. Cupid has the arrow. Help him out and provide the target. Again, write it down. Once your have a clear picture of what you’re looking for it’s time to find them.
Step 3. Find a date.
There are three places you will go to find a great date. The first and the easiest is a dating website. Yes there are thousands of websites out there. Some great. Some not so great. Read a review of the best dating websites and choose the ones that meet your criteria and join 2-3 of them. Why 2-3? To increase your chances of a match of course. Having your profile/ad in 2-3 dating website substantially increases the odds of a great match. Successful daters play the odds in their favor. Another advantage to dating websites is that you meet people 24 hours a day. Seven days a week. You can view their profiles and if you don’t like what you see…delete them! Pick only the best.
The second place you’ll go for dates are your family and friends. They know you and your life circumstances. They only wish the best for you. Let them know you’re looking for a date and what you’re looking for (pull the profile sheet out). Let them look for you. The odds are that you’ll have a date within a week. Two weeks tops.
The third place to look for dates is anywhere that you happen to be. You never know where love hangs out. Be open to new experiences and new people.
Step 4. Separate prospects from suspects.
If you followed step three you’ll be getting a number of potential dates. The task now is to separate the good(prospects) from the bad(suspects).
As a dating single parent your first job is to protect yourself and your child from anyone that would do anyone of you harm. Safety will be your first screen. If you know the persons full name check to see if this person is a sex offender. Your state may have a registry where you can check for free. Better safe than sorry.
If it’s a dating website candidate spend time to get to know the person via e-mail first. The rule is give just general information (no phone numbers, last names, addresses etc) until you get to know the person over a period of time. Minimum two to three months. If they can’t wait that long then move them to the suspect file and delete them.
If this is a blind date from your family and friends get ALL the information you can on the person. This would be a good time to write down some questions that you’d like to ask your potential date. Nothing like being prepared. Talk on the phone first. Ask questions to determine if there is some broad based compatibility. Do you like the same things? Dislike the same things? The closer you can match these the happier you’ll be.
Once you’ve done your homework it’s time to go on a date. WooHoo!
Step 5. Date!
The first rule is be yourself. The second rule is have fun. If you can follow those two rules you’ll have a great time. To ensure that you have a safe and fun time follow these rules.
1) Always let someone know who you’re going out with. Where you’ll be going. What time to expect you home.
2) Bring your cell phone. If you don’t have a cell phone. Get one. They’re cheap. No reason not to have one.
3) Always meet in a public place for your first meeting.
4) Arrange a date dump call. Arrange for someone to call you mid way through your date. Prearrange a code word to let them know that your date is going well or not. This is your opportunity to dump your date if you’re bored to tears.
5) Consider having your date somewhere you can talk. Like over dinner or maybe a lunch date. Avoid movies on the first date because it doesn’t allow you the opportunity to get to know someone. At a movie you get to sit silently for two hours listening to the person behind crunch popcorn and slurp their five gallon bucket of soda. How fun is that!
Being a single parent doesn’t mean shutting your heart down. Despite having your kid(s) fill every minute of your waking day you still have a longing in your heart for that special someone.
If not for love…maybe just for a good adult conversation over a warm cup of coffee. Good luck in your dating!

Samson Itoje
498
25 7

Flirting is as old as man. In the past, flirting was viewed with disgust and a flirt was
considered out of tune with morality. But things have since changed.

Today, flirting is glamorized.

A flirt is considered “cool” and flirting is regarded as a ‘legitimate’ way to relieve
stress. The internet has magnified this.

Some web sites promote what is called discreet flirting. Such web sites connect men and
women, married or single, and encourage members to go beyond just friendship to something
more intimate. These web sites openly promote illicit sexual behavior and tell married
people that cheating on their partners is modern and smart.

Unfortunately, these web sites and their promoters have a great following. Consequently,
flirting has grown from just an epidemic to a pandemic. No wonder many marriages are
failing!

However, nothing can be further from the truth. The truth is, flirting is a betrayal of
trust.
A flirt is not a good candidate for marriage
Any love relationship with a flirt is sure to hit the rocks
Anyone who partners with a flirt for love is partnering with failure

Bottom line. A flirt lacks commitment. A flirt cannot commit to you or anyone. So, if you
are serious about settling down and having a happy loving mate to spend the rest of your
life with, make sure that person is not a flirt.

A flirt lacks trust. A flirt does not understand the value of trust. He throws it away for
a few moments of pleasure. Flirting hurts its victims badly. But the flirt doesn’t give a
damn about that. Now you see why I say a flirt is a bad candidate for marriage.

Flirting goes beyond just a betrayal of trust. It wrecks marriages and causes heartbreak.
When the innocent partner finds out her spouse have been cheating on her, things are never
quite the same again. Trust comes crumbling down and the relationship is at the verge of
failure.

Just how important is trust and commitment in relationships?

Well, I’ll tell you. Trust is everything. Without trust, there is little point in having a
relationship. Commitment, in real terms, is devotion to one person, one love, one partner
and just that partner. Commitment engenders trust. Where commitment is lacking, trust
disappears.

To illustrate.

Would you trust a man who tells you he’s in love with you and only you but then tells another
woman exactly the same thing to get her to go out with him? Most likely you won’t. You know
why? Simply put, he’s not committed to you alone. And so you can’t trust him to protect your
interests.

In summary, flirting is a blatant betrayal of trust. A flirt is a criminal.

Flirting destroys marriages and indeed, any love relationship. Sure, having so many women
around you is fun. Every woman is unique in her own way. Your wife is unique in her own way
too. So, you may feel you can fool around with the women so you get the best of both worlds,
the best of every woman’s world.

However, those few pleasurable moments in another woman’s arms will ultimately destroy your
marriage. You will lose everything you’ve worked hard to build.

Is flirting worth the cost?

No, No, No.

Love your mate. Stay with her. Commit to her. Do not betray her. Do not look at another woman.
Do not even fantasize about how life will be in another woman’s arms. Maintain, protect, and
defend your commitment to your wife.

Detest flirting.

Your mate will love you for it. She will trust you. And your love will last forever. You will live
happily ever after. In the end, that is what counts.

Caterina Christakos
43
25 7

As there are different types of women, there are different ways to arouse them as well. If you have been in a bit of a slump here are some quick ways to rev up your love life:
1) Dress in a suit and take her out to a romantic dinner. Women love men in suits and almost every man looks good in one. The soft candle light of a romantic restaurant combined with a good wine will put her in the mood to get closer, as well.
2) Work out together. Workouts release pheromones that heighten attraction between couples. Get sweaty together then clean up with some dirty fun in the shower.
3) Take a bath together. Fill the tub with some scented oils or bath salts and toss in some rose petals. Play romantic music and light some candles. She will feel pampered and grateful. Let her relax for a few minutes then slip in with her. There is plenty of opportunity for sexy contact while you clean each other.
4) Roleplay can keep your relationship and sex life reved up for years.
Ex. My boyfriend will dress up like a handyman and really get into the act with accent and tools. He comes over and offers to lend a helping hand around the house. He offers a truly helping hand and I tip him extremely well.
5) Practice erotic massage. Either take a class together or get a video or book and practice on each other. This is a great way to get both of you relaxed and heated up.

Cenk Butunley
296
25 7

Online dating has started as a last resort of the social misfit, to one of the most active methods to meet people. For those people out there who have busy lives or may be dealing with a lot of shyness issues, you should take a look at online resources as an excellent tool to expand your dating circle.
You need to determine your current dating goal before you go any further. What is it that you want from your online interaction with the other sex?
Friendship? Someone to talk to?
Romance?
A short-term or long-term relationship?
Casual dating with many boy/girlfriends?
Marriage?
After determining your current goals, you must take action accordingly. Your first action should be writing a personal ad to make your profile shine:
Be creative and different to spark the interest of the other sex.
Never look like you need to be approved in your ad or in your life.
Start with an appealing romantic imagery and mix in some humor.
Write your ad poetically and non-specifically. Listing out your hobbies or writing must haves is kind of suicidal in this huge sea of fishes and will only make you lose in the online dating game.
Unfortunately the game does not end here. Uploading photos of yourself is essential for a successful profile:
Your portrait photo(first photo) is the first to be seen in your profile and is the most important, so choose it wisely.
Do not upload pictures in which you think you look the most good looking but you look the happiest. The warmth of a smile can melt the ice of others hearts.
Try to find pictures where you participated in interesting activities such as surfing, dancing, playing an instrument…
Now you are ready for starting enjoying the advantages of online dating but the game is still not over yet. The last and the most important action is sending emails that can make effect:
Always include one personal item that tells the potential date that you’ve read her/his profile. Do not just drool on the picture.
Be funny, creative, different, challenging her/his sensibilities and approachable.
Remember some profiles are getting hundreds of emails everyday, so this is the area you must sparkle. So always send custom-written letters. Never try the copy-paste approach.
If he/she replies to you, you’ve already started progress, do not wait too long to take the relationship to the next level to offline dating or somebody else will.
You must keep in mind that dating is not an easy game and needs hard work, even years of loving relationships need it. Online dating is no different and needs determination and commitment.
So the point is: Online dating will work for you, if you make it work for you. Good things do not come to those who wait, but to those who go and get them.Z

Paul & Layne Cutright
721
25 7

Kevin apologized to Melissa after he missed an appointment.
It was a simple misunderstanding, so Melissa said she
wasn’t really upset, just frustrated and disappointed.

But Kevin sensed there was more to it. Melissa’s smile seemed
forced, and he felt there was more she wanted to say,
but Melissa insisted they forget about it and move on.
Still, Kevin had an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Emotional Incongruence

Emotional authenticity–acknowledging your true
feelings–initiates enlightened conflict resolution.
Yet this can be compromised by emotional incongruence:
denying or trying to cover your true feelings, either
intentionally or not.

Most people have learned to hide their feelings. They’ve
learned to be guarded because dropping the mask and being
emotionally honest can lead to feeling vulnerable. In the
heat of the moment, it can be hard to see how honesty and
vulnerability might be good, how completely disarming they
can be and how important they are to building trust and
compassion.

No, in the heat of the moment, hiding seems like a better
idea. And to make it more complex, sometimes you know you
are doing it, and sometimes you don’t.

Sometimes you lie about your feelings to get the upper hand.
It’s almost always a self-defeating move, though, because it
is so transparent. People may not notice the deceit right
away, but after they have had a chance to reflect, the
truth usually dawns. They may not confront you because it
is not worth the effort, but they will feel wary and simply
“go polite” and keep their distance. Just as Kevin did with
Melissa.

At other times, you may be out of touch with your feelings
and try to fool yourself into maintaining a particular
self-image. Perhaps you’re trying to keep up the appearance of
being nice or spiritual or in control. But just beneath the
surface, the fear of looking bad, or being wrong or cast aside,
dictates your defensiveness. Others almost always experience your
defensiveness as aggression, which escalates arguments. You may
think you are communicating clearly, but you are sending mixed
messages. Just as Melissa did.

Mixed Messages

The words of a conversation are transmitted on an invisible
carrier wave of emotion. More powerful than the words alone,
the emotion is “louder.”

Consequently, one of the worst things you can do is lie about
your feelings or try to hide them. All that does is send mixed
messages and make others feel as if they are standing on shaky
ground, causing all manner of silent alarms and red alert signals
to clamor through their energy field. There is a dreadful,
unsettling feeling that comes with that “everything looks
okay, so why does it feel so bad and where is the danger
really coming from?” feeling that usually throbs in your
stomach and raises your hackles.

Just as it is easy to tell when someone is being emotionally
incongruent, it can be equally difficult to know when you are
doing it yourself. It can be extremely difficult for people who
hold a high value for peace or kindness to be honest with
themselves, or anyone else for that matter, about their
darker emotions. It can generate a deep inner conflict to
have “hateful” feelings when you see yourself as a “nice”
person. If you have been a victim of emotional violence,
it can be even more difficult.

If You Want To Be Emotionally Congruent …

Over time, people automatically suppress feelings they
judge to be “bad.” This leads to acute emotional
incongruence. What can be so crazy making is you can’t
feel the feelings you are transmitting to others. If you
want to be emotionally congruent, you must recognize the
importance of learning to feel safe with all your emotions.
Look to see the role fear or anger has played in your life.

In the case of Kevin and Melissa, it is likely that
Melissa had some old feelings, of which she was unaware,
triggered by her interaction with Kevin, who then picked
up on the uncomfortable residue and put up his defenses.
It is entirely possible that Melissa was being perfectly
sincere in her statement that there was nothing more,
simply because she was not in touch with her deeper feelings.

© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright – All rights reserved.
You may publish this article in its entirety and
with the authors’ resource information intact.
ZZ

Ken Underwoods
566
25 7

Condense guide to attracting women.
I’m compiled a quick guide on how to get girls. This might be a bit unconventional and DOES goes gainst social norms, but hey, they never said you can’t break rules! Anyways, this is a really condense guide. Hope it helps out!
How, first off, this guide provides some basic material if you’re WILLING TO DO IT. The game, the seduction process, isn’t done in the internet, it is done outside. In the real world so to speak. Its ok, females don’t bite, and you won’t get hurt (unless you’re trying to seduce a woman in front of her husband or boyfriend!). Your ego might be shatter a bit, but who cares? Its a great learning process, a fascinating game to me.
So, the basic method how to pick up chicks follow: Find, Meet, Attract, Close.
Four steps! So first thing first.
Find:
You have to find them. Now, if you’re attending school, do so. The best things to do it is during the morning time, when those groupies hang around. Other things includes lunch time, at the cafe and at the stores where they buy food. Also after school when they hang out in groupies. And, of course, you can pick up chicks in class.
For the more mature people, I would avoid word relationships like a plague … it isn’t worth it, considering there are so many places for you to meet and attract women.
Other places to pick up chicks: library, cafe, bar, mall and even the park in a warm, summer evening.
Ok, cool. How its time for the Meet.
Meet:
Say hello. No stupid pick up lines. NONE AT ALL! Ya hear? Good. Because pick up lines are lame, cute at best. The woman will tolerate it but you’ll come off as a generic guy hitting on her inside of someone who is cool, relax and confident. Ask basic questions, such as how you’re doing, introduce yourself. Exchange names and shake hands. Ok, you meet her. Now you need to attract!
Attract:
You want to be attractive person. Convey your personality — are you funny, deep, intellectual, adventurous? This is done through story telling, believe it or not. Just don’t reveal about yourself too soon …
Speak in a clear tone, project your voice, but don’t be too loud or too quiet. Watch out for your body lanuage — are your shoulders close apart, or are they down and relaxed? Are you sitting upright or are you slouching, as ought you’re having a heart to heart conversation with an old friend of ours?
Most importantly, TOUCH HER in a friendly, non-threatening way. It shows you’re a sexual being, which means you’re boyfriend material. Touch her, ok? This will help prevent you falling into the dreaded ‘friend zone’. You should progressive from hand, elbow, her back, her hair, and then on her knee and waist. Depends on the situation, you have to adjust. Don’t just go for the knees at the beginning or else you might come off as needy.
Close
The Close. Close is getting further contact with her. Phone number is the best, go for email if she persisent or something. Set up a ‘meet up’ right then. Tell her you have free time next Thursday and that it would be nice to ‘meet up and have a quick bite’ (no date …)
Ok, pretty much sums it up for courtmanship. It isn’t the most complex thing in the world, but the most important thing is that you have to actually … *gasp* go outside and do the approach. Thats because of how our society is structured — the men have to do the approach, whereas the women are the one who are receptive to the seduction process.
You can visit my site at www.attractherfast.tk.

Joel Orr
371
25 7

My wife N’omi is often asked if she doesn’t believe in equality for women, because some of the things she says sound odd to the modern ear. But she always replies:
“Why should I give up superiority for mere equality? I have worked at developing my feminine traits and my human abilities. So as a woman, I am superior. But as a man, I’m a failure.
“Why waste my time trying to be something I’m not? I can compete well with men in terms of some of my human abilities. But just as men can never compete with women in terms of feminine traits, I can never compete with men in terms of masculine traits.
“And since I used to counsel a group of gay and lesbian people, I can say with authority that if you knew what female impersonators or sex-change people went through mentally, emotionally, and physically, you wouldn’t think it was so easy for men to compete with women at being female.
“I’ll never be as strong as most men-they generally have 300% the upper-body strength of most women! And I’ll never have the masterful presence of a man, no matter how powerful a presence I present as a woman.
“During the many years before I met Joel, I functioned as father and mother to five of my children. I was only able to fulfill the father role by telling my children stories of how wonderful their father was, and how much he loved them, and was proud of them. But I couldn’t BE a father to them

Dawn Rowlett
615
25 7

Wedding invitations are very expensive. If you’re trying to cut costs for a wedding and stick with a budget, cheap wedding invitations are the way to go. It is important to try to save money, but not sacrifice quality. There are many options for cheap wedding invitations that will give you the most for your money.
Print it yourself: This is a great way to save a lot of money. Most people already have a printer. If not, it is usually easy to find a family member or friend who has a printer available. There are many designs and themes to choose from. Whether the wedding is formal or casual, spring, fall, or winter, it is easy to find cheap wedding invitations for any style wedding.
Once a perfect set of printable cheap wedding invitations is selected, it is important to have some computer knowledge so the invitations print properly. If the bride, or whoever is in charge of printing invitations, needs some computer help, have someone who knows computers assist in the creating and printing process. There are typically many settings that affect the final appearance of the invitations. Someone with little or no computer knowledge may not be able to get the look they want as easily as someone with more computer know-how.
Assemble it yourself. If you’re looking for something a little more, but don’t want to spend the money, find an invitation that let’s you put it together yourself to save on costs. With cheap assemble it yourself invitations, a bride can choose the most elegant of invitations. Typical do-it-yourself invitations are one single sheet, but assemble-it-yourself invitations can come complete with ribbon, tissue lining, and specialty paper, to name a few things. It really is a wonderful way to enhance the look of wedding invitations without dropping big bucks. Again with assemble-it-yourself invitations, it is important to have computer knowledge to obtain the best look. It is also important to have knowledge of paper craft making so the invitations are assembled properly.
Doing-it-yourself cheap wedding invitations may be a little more time consuming than traditional invitations, but it will save money and help stick with a budget. There are so many options you are sure to find the perfect invitation for your wedding day. And with cheap wedding invitations, you will have more money to spend on things like the honeymoon.

Laurence Baker
104
25 7

I don’t know what you’ve been told about internet dating, but it’s not always as easy as 1,2,3. If you’ve searched around or thought about it much then you’re probably aware of the upsides. Ultimately, there’s no better, faster way to sort through and find potential mates that fit the “profile.”
You can take your search much further than you normally could offline. And if know yourself, what you want, and what to look for, you can get great results. This is the stuff advertisements are made of. But with these advantages usually come certain challenges that you’ll need to work through.
By the way, if you don’t know yourself well and what it is you want, that’s fine. Have fun with it and learn. Just don’t expect to meet your match right away. You can use the internet to help you discover these things.
What you can’t do is use internet dating to smooth out all of your rough spots and work some kind of magic for you. This will not be fruitful. Because sooner or later, it all comes down to the weakest link.
As an example, some people who live in areas of low population will get online expecting this to fix that problem for them. They end up blaming the service when they don’t find a lot people from their area online. They were hoping for something that the online world can’t necessarily help them with.
So it may not provide the automatic solution you were hoping for. The question is, what does it allow you to do that you couldn’t easily do before? How can this make up for the original problem? It’s a negotiation. Sometimes you have to give a little before you can take, or in this case, before you can benefit from this new situation called internet dating.
You have to ask yourself, how important is this? In this example, would it be important enough to drive a little further or arrange to meet halfway? Because this is an option that wasn’t easily available before. If not, then there must be other things that are more important. What are they?
Others become cynical and quit when their dates don’t represent themselves accurately or honestly online. It can happen to anyone. It will probably happen to you. But it seems to happen a lot more to some people. There are probably two things going on there. One is akin to the inadvertant but habitual seeking out of abusive relationships. Here, the person is presented with signs of problems to come, but consitently overlooks them. Often the people around them can see something that they can’t.
Or it could be just a simple matter of learning from your mistakes. You don’t get to use your intuition the same way as you would in real life, so you have to develop methods that will make up for this. What I don’t hear about in these cases is any attempt to prevent this by changing the way they do things. This usually explains why they’re getting the same results.
It presents a challenge, but again, how could you turn this around by using the new abilities that internet dating gives you? One way is to be more direct with people in the future. This is easier for most people to do online, and as a result more common.
So learn how to take full advantage of this benefit. It may take some time. But it’s hard to give internet dating a fair chance until you do. What could you learn if you could ask people the kinds of questions that can take weeks, months, even years to get answered otherwise? Remember I said that internet dating can be the fastest way to sort through people?
Here’s the most common challenge of all… getting a decent response to your profile or emails. Profiles in general is a subject that’s too big to get into here, so let me restrict this to email. The vast majority of this involves men. There are approximately 4 times as many men doing this than women. Add that to the fact that men initiate far more than women and you can start to see where response might be a problem.
There are many upsides that can compensate for this. A common one is that men can spare themselves the indimidation factor in approaching women. And if they play their cards right, internet dating can be a real confidence builder. Chatting with women online is a skill that’s not just useful for getting dates online. It carries over to offline situations as well. But I digress…
To this problem, the basic answer is the same. That is, you have to change what you’re doing to get different results. But that’s a little to vague in this case. The problem is that women continue to see the same kinds of emails coming a lot of different men. For the more attractive ones, it’s out of control.
Under these conditions, you have to do something fundamentally different in your approach to stand out… and standing out is the only way to get fair consideration. Just refining your current approach isn’t going to be enough if your current approach isn’t working.
Take a lesson from nature – evolution had the same idea when it gave male peacocks their colorful tails. What you do differently depends partly on you, because it’s mostly just a matter of you being secure in your uniqueness.
But until you are, and until you’ve developed your unique style around that, there are some things that you have to understand. Things that most guys who aren’t naturals don’t know. Once you do, your results will improve dramatically, reinforcing your authentic character instead of calling it into question.
That’s as much detail as I can go into in this article, but I’ll leave you with this… If you want to make internet dating work for you, learn about what you have available to you, use it, experiment with it, get creative, and try new things.
At the same time, you have to be aware of what’s going on in your head. In other words, what are you telling yourself? Become aware of thought patterns that are working against you. If you catch them, stop them immediately and replace them with ones that serve you better.
It’s not so much what’s online or what’s offline that will determine your results. It’s what’s in your head.

Suzie Browning
663
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If you are reading this article, then the thought has already crossed your mind. That alone make you a cndidate. You are passionate about riding and the feeling of freedom that comes along with it. You’re not too concerned what others think about you or you plan shopping trips by how much you can stuff into the saddlebags. Congratulations! You are a candidate for a biker wedding.
If you are a first time bride, the decision to have a biker wedding may be a bit harder to decide on. You probably want the fairy tale wedding with a big dress and a long flowing train. You mention biker wedding to your mom and she’s in tears. It’s ok. You can still have a biker wedding AND wear the big dress AND still have a classy wedding. Change the wording a bit, call it a motorcycle theme wedding and your mom will stop crying.
If you’ve already had the big, fluffy, expensive wedding, you’re all set! You have no excuse for not having a biker wedding. You’re attention should be focused on why you are getting married this time instead of the actual wedding. Make this wedding fun and eventful. Give your guests a memory that they will talk about for years to come.
Maybe your fiance is the real rider of the two of you. Mention to him that you are thinking of having a biker wedding and you will see his face light up. He may actually want to help you with some of the details. His help will keep him less nervous about the whole thing because he will know what’s going on. Planning a wedding can be a tremendous undertaking even for the expierenced party planner. Have a biker wedding and get him involved. Afterall, it is his day too.
Now, close your eyes. See that curve up ahead? If you know exactly how it feels to ride that curve, you are definately a candidate for a biker wedding.

Definition of Infidelity
According to the dictionary, infidelity means unfaithfulness to a sexual partner, and in layman terms this simply means that your girlfriend / wife or your boyfriend/husband could be cheating on you for someone else. No marriage, no matter how rich, religious, political or powerful, is immune to the threat of unfaithfulness, so say experts who give advice on how to survive infidelity.
Relationship Infidelity
Infidelity in a marriage or in relationship is a bitter pill to swallow. Not simply because we strive to make our relationships thrive and survive in an all-challenging world, but because nobody, including you, can live along successfully with this lie! Infidelity in relationship can happen to you!.
Relationship infidelity is cruel and shows no mercy to the one left out in the cold. It doesn’t really matter if you are married or attached, it is a symbol of the worst destruction to your life and soul which is yet to unleash to the unexpecting you. This cheating infidelity is a symbolic of having your deepest fears and doubts exposed.
Do you know that there was a poll conducted to the Americans during the President Clinton’s “intern” scandal? These infidelity statistics obtained were somewhat shocking
22 percent of men and 14 percent of women admitted to having sexual relations or infidelity adultery outside their marriage sometime in the past.
About 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage, according to “Monogamy Myth”, Therapist Peggy Vaugn.
5 percent of married men and 3 percent of married women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse in a sexual infidelity survey conducted on 1997.
17 percent divorces in the United States are caused by marital infidelity.
Is your lover playing cheat on you at the time of reading this?
If you were to confront your lovers at “point blank”, it will definitely jeopardize your current relationship. No matter what sort of hardship you are facing now suspecting your lover of relationship infidelity, there are often the smarter ways on how you would determine your case to be true. Surely there must be some ways to put your mind at ease for once and for all if you suspect that your spouse is cheating you for another man.
How to catch a cheater
Here are the smart ways to detect signs of wife infidelity. Remember, the future of your relationship could depend on your ability to spot the telltale signs in time.
Sudden good appearance:
First impressions always count. Remember when the days you met each other, you would normally go all out to dress up, being sensitive to your attire/wardrobe, even your personal grooming to that you would look nice in front of each other? Well, the fact that these things do happen to each if not most of us, it is often the best telltale sign on whether your partner is trying to impress or attract someone.
Is your partner treating you differently?
When your partner is involved with someone else, it is often than not your partner will start to treat you differently from how he/she used to. Even on the subconscious level, this could be detrimental to your current relationship. Hence, it is easy for you to pick up this alarming sign when the time comes.
A new mood of conversation?
Let’s say your wife used to talk about cooking and spend most of her time in front of her cookery and gadgets, then suddenly you notice a sudden swing of mood in her. She now talks about grooming, talks about cars, or even start to dabble with wine or alcohol which she never used to. Well, ask yourself, could there be someone else who might be influencing her? Could the stuff that she normally talks about, places that she normally goes relate to the person she’s hiding from you?
More overtime?
Let’s face it. How many of us who are working for people would rather stay in the office till wee hours than slouching ourselves in front of the idiot box (TV)? Your partner would normally drives back home at close to 6 o’clock in the evening. Eventually at 7 o’clock, 8.30 pm, 10 or even not going back home? Hmmm..it is a well known understanding that your lover’s working habits will undoubtly change as her affair unfolds. Be on the lookout for work-related tell tale signs.
No time! No time! No time!
Just as infidelity cost your partner money, it may as well ended up causing your lovers time. Remember that we are all granted by God only 24 hours a day. So it’s not surprising that your partner would try to steal the time away from you just to be with her lover.
Business traveling.
Travelling for business is the most common excuses for the cheating lovers as well as being the best getaway from you. Even if your lover really on business traveling, it is often the best practice to afford a cheating lover a chance to literally sway away from you.
Telephone conversion behaviour
More often than not, illicit affairs often take place through the phone. Many foolish lovers take the risk of calling their partners at home or having their partners call them at home. Much to my surprise, many husbands ended up discovering their partners’ infidelity either directly or indirectly by the telephone.
Your dwindling sex life
Let’s face it. The moment your partner goes after her secret lover, do you think she might be interest in you? What more in having sex with you? God knows how attractive the secret lover to her. So it’s crucial for you to be on alert for any type of changes or frequency of your sex life together.
Smell like an animal!
Each person has his or her own unique smell or taste. At first, you might not notice it, but when the time comes, you would feel completely different smell or taste. Remember that every lovers out there would do anything to make their first impression better? It could be their bodily smell or cologne which may attract to each other which is the reason behind the change of smell. Friendly advice, be on close guard. This is a warning sign for you.
Invasion of your home:
It’s quite common for your partner to end up with her lover in your home. When this happens, pay close attention to all the items or belongings which were left behind. Scour and collect these crucial evidence in everywhere in your house that you could possible imagine.
Gifts but not from you?
At times you would end up finding a gifts which were not from you. Look out for these telltale signs especially near Valentine’s day or Christmas. If they are not from you, then who else?
Email usage
What does it tell you that all of a sudden you see your partner having an interest in using the computer? What else does this indicate when she’s using more emails than she is talking to you? Chances are this may as well indicate the involvement of her online or cyber affair. Don’t take this lightly as most of the time these affairs can be detrimental to your marriage. Emotional attachment can be extremely strong, and could progress from cyberspace to physical reality.
Sudden spike of handphone bills.
With the advent of technology advancement in telecommunications, it’s no wonder that life has been easier for both you and your partner to communicate at any point of time. But beware, this could also be a great opportunity for your partner to stay in touch of her secret lover.
The physical evidence waiting to be found.
Most of the time the physical evidence indication of your lover’s secret life can be easily found in front of your eyes. When your partner is not available, check her handbags, her wastepaper basket, her filling cabinets, drawers, or any other sort of place you could think of. Keep your eyes open. With luck, you could find yourself a new sets of physical evidence of infidelity you can find.
How would your partner behave in front of others?
Studies and reports have indicated that most men will likely have an affair with someone he already knows, either from the women he normally comes in contact with, or even business associates. Try to be observant, as at times your partner may behave strangely in front of these people.
*You have permission to publish this article in your ezine or on your website, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciatZZZZZ

Dr. Robert Huizenga
92
25 7

When you find out about the affair, the first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say the least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins “pulling away” you may also experience intense feelings. Read through this list and pick out a couple things you can do to help yourself during these times.
1. Walk. Run, if you are fit enough to run. Work out. Get the blood flowing. Physical exercise drains off the adrenaline and physically you feel better. You also think better of yourself because you are caring for you.
2. Talk. If you typically handle problems by talking them out, find someone who will listen as you pour out your heart. Give them explicit instructions: “I need to talk, vent, cry, rage, and question. Just look me in the eye, nod your head and listen.”
3. Write. Get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Spend that time writing…anything, everything that comes to your mind. Don’t censor. When the bell goes off say to yourself, “OK, there it is. Now I need to get on to other things. I will come back later and write more.” Put the writing in a safe place or destroy it.
4. Find a safe place and spend some time there. Do you have a favorite lake, wooded area, park, room, chair where you feel safe and can “get away.” Intentionally spend some time there.
5. Use good “self talk.” Tell yourself, “You are ok. You will be ok. This too shall pass. What you are feeling is normal and will not destroy you.” Develop that “observing part” that can speak to your turmoil.
6. Pray. Meditate. Use your spiritual resources, if you have them. If you don’t have them, it can be a good time to develop them. Spirituality often affirms your worth and enables you to see the larger picture.
7. Be aware. Notice what you are thinking, how you are feeling and what you are doing. Pay close attention to these chunks of your life. Just noticing often creates distance from the emotional pain.
8. Encourage the rhythm of your feelings. Your feelings will come and go, often as in waves. There will be lulls and sometimes they crash. Notice the intensity and frequency of the waves.
9. Get professional help. Supportive therapy might be helpful. Personal and professional coaching, often via telephone, is a helpful phenomenon that is increasingly popular as a way to find support and direction for specific problems.
10. Gather resources. Start reading, exploring the internet and talking to people about your situation. Believe me, you are not alone. Many people have walked your path (well, not exactly your path, but close) and are there to offer their understanding and point out the bends and turns of your road.

Terje Brooks Ellingsen
260
25 7

Communication skills are definitely the most important skills required in anyone’s relationship whether it be intimate or family relationships, friend relationships or career relationships. So what we need is to find out what these skills consist of and start up with communication skills training. For building relationships that are good in quality, we need to be good communicators. Below I’ll identify some areas of communication that most of us need to develop.
I’m pretty sure you’ve noticed that a lot of people don’t even answer their phones and others hesitates to reply to an email while others have problems with direct communication and are avoiding this by writing lots of emails instead? For some reason this seems more safe and more comfortable. But is it good communication?
Staffs in most businesses today are required more than ever to communicate with colleges and customers about things that are natural to communicate about in each business or industry context. But the sad thing is that our communication skills can be so much better. Based on this fact it’s not surprising at all that many organizational experts claim that poor communication is the cause of a large number of organisational problems.
Most of us need to gain an understanding of what effective communication means and what is required to develop good communication. Besides that we must also pay closer attention to the fact that many of us have not given it much thought; communication with different types of people requires different ways of communicating. Below are the main issues that should be included in a general communication skills development program:
Define communication – We have to ask what communication really is, which purposes it has as well as identifying the fundamentals and various methods of communication
Communicating with Different People – People are different and our relationships are also different. You must learn to communicate effectively with supervisors, subordinates, colleagues, customers, vendors, your wife, your children and your friends etc.
Develop listening Skills – Training to be and active listener will develop a greater understanding of the other and thus improve your communication.
Developing speaking skills – to be a good speaker can be learned. Sometimes it is necessary to communicate by giving a speech.
Identify and avoid barriers to communication – We must also learn to adjust our communication to suit different knowledge levels
Improve communication via email – Effective communication via email is extremely important today as this way to communicate has grown tremendously, not only in working organizations but in almost all kinds of relationship.
Learn to build rapport with others
One-on-one or groups – Identify the differences with communicating to individuals and groups must be identified and practiced.
Using questions – come into the habit of asking questions to other when you’re not absolutely sure what he or she is saying. This will increase understanding and thus improve your communication skills.
There are a huge amount of information on the internet about these issues and how to improve your different communication skills. Most of this information is available for free. You only have to do searches on relevant keywords and you will have access to big listings of websites and online documents.

Mick Jones
124
25 7

“Divorced, Split up, Single? Five Massive Reasons Why You Should Be Dating Online!”
Announcing five massive reasons why single men should use online dating!
How to meet more women than you could possible have time to date.
Let’s look at the reasons…
Massive Reason #1. Convenience!
>From the comfort and privacy of your own home you can relax with a cup of tea or coffee, and scroll through an assortment of potential women to meet and date!
You can even have a beer or a glass of wine while doing it…
Instead of late nights in smoky bars and going home disappointed…and then wake up smelling like an ashtray.
I don’t enjoy unhealthy, smoky bars and drunks don’t interest me. Then there’s the loud thumping music where you have to shout at each other to be heard.
Where at home and in your own time, you can go online and pick a suitable profile to email and organize to meet.
I love doing this.
So for pure convenience and ease, online dating is the number one place for meeting women!
Online dating is a major breakthrough for single men.
You can meet women you wouldn’t otherwise ever have the opportunity to meet!
Therefore it creates an even playing field for men who don’t enjoy trying to ‘pull’ [meet and seduce] women in bars.
By learning some basic skills and getting experience, any man can succeed online.
Massive Reason #2. Not Having To Face Rejection by Approaching Women Cold!
This is a major bonus for guys who are recently divorced, split up and have lost their confidence and experience with meeting women.
It is the best way to ease back into the dating scene…
You don’t have to boldly approach a woman in public and get her number for a date.
You do it online via email, with no nervousness to deal with at all.
And if you contact a profile and she ignores your email, so what?
You just move on to another until you find one to meet, easy!
Therefore you are not confronted with your fear of being rejected in public, with online dating.
And if you do get ignored or knocked back, no one knows but you and it doesn’t MATTER.
There are plenty more to choose from…
And by the time you meet, you’ve already chatted via email and on the phone so there is no need to be nervous when you meet her for coffee.
Massive Reason #3. Confidence Building!
You gain confidence by meeting women online and having success with seduction.
This is a great benefit.
When I divorced after nine years I was nervous approaching women and had little success.
Once I had been online dating for six months I was back on my feet with women.
I now have the belief and confidence to approach and meet women everywhere.
I also have more skill at handling cold women and rejection when it happens.
Because I’ve learnt that it’s impossible to succeed 100% of the time.
Every No means you are closer to a Yes.
So if you are not getting rejected, you aren’t in the game!
You HAVE to be in the game!
The confidence you get meeting and seducing women online will enable you to meet the perfect lady for you. Whether that is online or offline. It’s getting the experience that is important.
As Tony Robbins would say, ‘Repetition is the mother of skill.’ :-]
Massive Reason #4. The Infinite Amount of Suitable Women!
It truly is an infinite amount of women available online to meet.
By having such a large pool of single women to contact, there is no need to ever be short of at least one date a week.
It’s just a case of being organized and only contacting local women to make the most of your time.
There will be anything from two to thirty two different sites in your region to join and check out profiles.
There is also many NEW women joining everyday…this will continue forever!
So it’s a must for single men to get good at online dating.
You can never run out of women to contact. Even if you exhaust one service you can try another. By the time you’ve gone through all suitable profiles to meet on the other service, the original one will have new stock! :-]
Online dating is also very affordable!
Massive Reason #5. Ease of Finding Suitable Partners!
By creating your own criteria and sticking to it, you can find someone suitable so much quicker than offline.
That is of course if they are honest in their profile…
[Which sometimes they aren't.] :-]
This saves you a lot of time and money by having criteria.
For example, I don’t date women with children.
Which is hard in my age group.
But dating women with kids will never work out for me, so I just have to stick with my criteria.
I also don’t date smokers anymore…
So the more experience and confidence you get. The more definitive your criteria become.
By narrowing my criteria I have meet some great ladies a lot quicker than if I had just dated anyone who would go out with me.
Also when you approach someone in a bar you know nothing about them.
Online you get to know a reasonable amount before you make contact.
This really does increase your odds of meeting suitable partners.
I love online dating…I much prefer it to bars as an alternative.
It’s paved the way for me to be comfortable when I am single. Because I know there is a LOT of suitable women online and I’ll be back dating a nice lady sometime soon….
All the best to you…
Regards
Mick Jones
Author

http://www.howtomeetwomenontheinteom

Ian Basford
584
25 7

Online dating can be very entertaining and gratifying.
Since its inception, online dating has continuously brought people together even though they may be worlds apart. Online dating makes bridges to connect people, enjoy each other, and build dreams together.
However, it’s not always possible to instantly find somebody with whom to share the rest of your life.
Online dating is a continuous, systematic process. It entails careful selection of words, pictures, and representations of the person involved in order to get the best results. Moreover, from the time you first find someone you think you could be interested in, remember the process will continue as you both get to know each other through a series of messages, chats, and other forms of communication.
Along with this comes the careful selection of words used and messages conveyed in order to establish natural, free-flowing, yet enlightening conversations. These are not just a mere exchange of words and phrases but a way of getting to know each other.
Hence, it is extremely important to know which questions to ask so that you can get a better sense of who the person is on the other side of the virtual screen.
Here are some of the questions that you should ask your e-friend in order to assess their personality and attitude. These questions will help to provide the necessary information regarding an individuals personal convictions and preferences.
Those who are involved in online dating just have to keep in mind that when asking these questions, they should make it appear very natural so that they will not sound like they are being confrontational.
In addition, be sure that you are also prepared to answer the same.
1. What is the major error that people make when dating online for the first time?
This question will illustrate some idea about how the other person views the opposite sex. In this way, one could get an insight on the attitude of the other person and his or her personal beliefs on some important matters like dating and relationships.
2. What are you looking for in a guy/girl?
With this question, an individual can get hold of the qualities that the other person is looking for in a companion.
However, one should take note of how the other person tries to answer the question. If the reply is passed off with a joke or some other attempt at humor chances are they have not yet thought about the answer.
3. What is a really successful relationship?
One could get a good view on how the other person values relationship. It would be better to hear the other person provide an answer regarding how the two persons who are involved in the relationship should work together as they grow.
4. What is your view on online dating services?
Through this question, a person will be able to know if the other person has had some serious negative experience concerning online dating or the other way around. In addition, through the answers of the other person, one could guess if he or she is still willing to consider online dating or not.
5. Did you fail on your last relationship?
Most people would certainly blame the other person in the relationship. Others blame themselves too much. It would be better to hear some answers like they (the couple) equally share the blame and that it is just time to part ways.
The point in asking these questions is to establish a solid foundation by finding out the kind of personality and attitude the other person has. Keeping communication open is what matters most.
The problem with a lot of people involved in online dating is that most of them do not have any idea how to carry the conversation. They do not know what questions to ask and how to assess the answers they get.
Remember that asking some reliable questions will give you an edge and you’ll be more confident when the time comes to meet in person.

Caterina Christakos
30
25 7

Actually, the difference between the two concepts is bigger than some of us would like it to be. And, as almost every time, women feel it the most. What is the difference? Well, love. Women need to be protected, looked after and loved as much in bed as in every day life.
Keep in mind that this is not just a legend used by women to manipulate men. The difference between having sex and making love, together with it’s implications in a couple’s sex life is what many men forget when sharing the bed-sheets with a woman.
Clearly, everything written so far will not apply to one-night-stands. In those cases it is all about a sexual intercourse between two people who only share their bodies. After the bottom line has been drawn, most men feel good about themselves after a one-night- stand, without thinking about their sexual performance. Totally pleasing a woman from the very first time is no easy job as the only mystery she had disclosed is her body.
Yet, most men are attracted to one-night-stands or, with other words, to having sex. The lack of commitment needed and the easy attaining of the main goal: feeling good, are just two reasons pleading in favor of having sex.
On the other hand there is so much more between a man and a woman making love. There are feelings and emotions, leading to a totally different connection between the two of them. More than that, for women, one of the most important things during sex is the environment. And this means everything from location to those few candles some like to place around the bed.
Let’s take them in turn a little bit. If you want to leave her smiling and begging for a cigarette and some more there are some things you might like to take into consideration.
Trying dad’s old car’s rear suspension will make the car happier than her. The ideal location would certainly be a bed in a nice and cozy room with nothing interfering with the moment. Someone knocking on the door or even a ringing phone can have very undesirable effects. Some candle-like lights and easy-listening music in the background adds even more to the overall foreplay.
Explore every inch of her body and draw imaginary contours with your fingers and tongue, kiss her neck, breasts, belly and legs, all in a specific order surrounding the most important area and closing in at the same time. All this will increase the tension and when that moment comes both you and her will feel the difference.
Communication is essential for great results. Men must pay attention to the unspoken signs every woman gives them. Ignoring these signs will make women feel used. The old legend that says that when a woman says “no” she actually means “yes” is nothing more than a poor excuse so keep your ears open for her desires.
If all goes well, you might be given the supreme sexual command and that’s “don’t stop!” When you hear that, whatever you do, DON’T STOP!

David Kamau
708
25 7

Looking for the right dating site? Browse dating sites, and you will not fail to notice just how enticing they can be. How do you find out what really lies behind that enticing, graphics-laden home-page? How can you tell that the site is a good fit for you?
Most dating sites do offer a trial membership, which allows you to assess the quality of their service. In fact, you should be wary about joining a dating service without a free trial. But wait. There are a few other things to consider.
Knowing that most people online have become addicted to “quick fixes”, most dating sites offer what’s known as a tour, which is not a real trial. What’s the difference?
A tour is just that, a tour. You browse pictures of happy couples tied in loving embraces- you can almost feel chemistry flowing between. As intended you will likely get the unrealistic impression that those couple(s) found their love and happiness through that website.
A tour is quick and easy to take but also misleading. It is a waste of time, as it does not allow you to actually experience the features and benefits of site.
In contrast, a true free trial involves some degree of sign up. You may be required to answer questions and/or post a profile. A willingness to fully answer questions indicates commitment on your part and goes to show that you’re not just another joker with too much time in his/her hands.
Also, a true trial allows you enjoy most of the site’s features without paying, for a period of time. But note that the trial is geared towards getting you to become a paid member (which is fair and reasonable) therefore you’ll get a teaser here and there regarding features only available to paid members. Well, stick with the free trial till it’s over.
There are, basically, two types of free trial memberships. One is unlimited (to an extent) in features but limited in period. The other is limited in features but unlimited in period. Some sites offer something across the two, giving or taking features and/or trial period. Which is better?
It is best to go with the first type; unlimited in features but limited in period. Why?
Because this allows you to get a true “feel” of the site by letting you enjoy most of the benefits of a paid membership, without making a commitment. It’s the best way to learn what makes the site tick (or not).
Before signing up for a free trial, bear in mind that it will only be available for a limited time, therefore be prepared. Have your photo ready to submit along with your profile. Once you’ve hit the “Submit” or similar button the clock starts ticking.
You should take full advantage of the free trial while it lasts. If you’re new to online dating, this is a great way to gain some experience and get over your fears and/or any prejudices.
Start initiating as many contacts as possible, right away. Send as many emails as you can. Answer to all emails except, of course, those with inappropriate massages.
While on the free trial keep in mind that your purpose is to find out whether the site is a good fit for your particular needs.
Browse as many profiles as you can. Check whether the site has large numbers of the kind of people you seek, in order to open up your choices.
You should also be able to search prospects by specifics such as age, gender, and even hair color and education level if these are important to you, as well as geographical location.
Take note of the types of questions asked. They should include types whose answers would interest you. Also, be aware that if a site allows you to skip or skimp details, chances are that a large number of people are doing just that and important details missed.
Other features to look for are private chat rooms, so you may talk with prospects and a private email address specifically for dating messages- most top rated dating sites offer this to protect your privacy. Some reputable sites have a feature that allows you to block emails from persons whom you don’t want to contact you.
When the trial period ends, assess whether it’s a good fit to your personality and needs. Be prepared to ready to sign up for full membership or opt out. If you opt out… well, at least you did not waste your time, and you have gained some experience for free.
Now, don’t play shy. Sign up for a free trial with a dating site or two that interest you and have a great time meeting new people. Your perfect match may be waiting right now to spark a little romance into your life!Z

Andrew Chandler
587
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Who would most people turn to for dating advice? Of course to a friend who is successful and experienced in that area. He gives you advice such as “just be yourself”, “give her a compliment” or “be confident”. These tidbits of advice aren’t too insightful and probably don’t work as well for you as it does for him. People who are good with women don’t really know what they do or say that works; they just naturally do something that turns women on.
So why is it when your playa friend interacts with a girl, his results are totally contrary to your results even though you did exactly what he did?
Playa Friend: “Hey good-looking”
Girl thinks: “Oh my god, he thinks I’m good-looking!” (she swoons and blushes)
You: “Hey good-looking”
Girl thinks: “Perv”
Playa Friend: “It was nice talking to you”
Girl thinks: “I loooove him”
You: “It was nice talking to you”
Girl thinks: “He’s nice, we could be friends”
Everyone says that a woman loves a man with confidence. I’m no psychiatrist and have neither the knowledge nor the time to go into analyzing what’s going on in your mind. That is an issue that is too complex. But to be successful with women, you must at the minimum have the appearance of confidence.
The difference is not all in what you say and do, but how you say and do it.
Attitude, tone and confidence are very important factors in determining how the girl will respond to you. If you are wishy-washy, stuttering and approval-seeking when you deal with an attractive girl; she will immediately lose respect and any attraction she had for you. If you approach her and speak to her with confidence and assertiveness, the results will be totally different.
So don’t just seek advice from your friends who are successful with women. Instead observe what they do and how they do it. Go out with a friend and watch his interactions with women and take note of specifics that you may not have observed previously. Study how he talks to the ladies; listen to the tone of his voice. He doesn’t mumble; he speaks clearly and in a deep tone. He makes definitive statements; not wussy type statements. For example, he says, “It was nice chatting with you, give me your number so we can get together.” He states this expecting the girl to be receptive as opposed to saying “I know you’re probably busy but can I get your number so I can call you?”
His facial expressions: He smiles, looks her in the eyes.
His posture: when he walks, he walks with purpose, with his back straight and chest out. He does not look down. His head is held high with confidence.
His touch: When he leads hers somewhere, he puts his hand on the small of her back. When he talks to her, he might touch her on the arm, on her knee, not in a sexual way at first but in a way that conveys that he is not intimidated by her.
You can read books on how to pick up women or listen to guys explain to you how they do it. But nothing can replace actually watching a guy walk up to a woman, start talking to her, and get her number. Even though you may say that you’ve seen this before, you probably thought that he was successful because he was better looking or because he’s just somehow “charming and suave”. This may be so but if you actually pay attention to their interactions, you will discover a blueprint for success omen.

You don’t have to be a movie star look-alike to sizzle and dazzle the opposite sex. All you need is a genuine sweet looking smile plus a few irresistible flirting tips.
1. For women, we preen or groom ourselves subconsciously when we are attracted to someone – by smoothing down our hair or clothes, checking our lipstick, or straightening a tie. Combine your grooming gesture with a smile and a gaze. You can also toss your hair to one side – a combination 1-2 punch of preening and a flash of neck.
2. A genuine, friendly smile is you’re most powerful. Behavior experts agree that a smile makes you more attractive and approachable. Guys, if a woman lock eyes and smiles with you three or more times in an evening, you have been given an unmistakably clear signal that she’s interested. Make your move, if you don’t, somebody else will.
3. Gaze the eyes with the person you’re flirting with for a full five to six seconds, smile and then drop your fix. Do this at least three times in a ten to fifteen-minute period. Your target needs to know you are flirting with him; making eye contact is a universal signal of openness.
4. One of the more successful flirting techniques a woman can employ is to expose her neck. A head tilt, the classic hair flip, or the over-the-shoulder glance attracts men’s attention, exposes your neck, and gives you the opportunity to lock eyes. The over-the-shoulder move is extra-effective because it’s sexy and sends a signal to your target that they are worth a second look.
5. Members of both sexes are subconsciously attracted to red, moist lips because they signal youth, sex and fertility. Red also increases a man’s heart rate. How to capitalize on it? Wearing a red lipstick gives women’s lips not only a youthful color but also a more obvious smile and whiter teeth. Using a super-shiny lip gloss makes your lips look moist and kissable. Men or women should lick their lips subtly (you don’t want to look like you’re trying out for a porno flick) or bite the lower lip – both are extremely effective flirting behaviors.
6. Men should stand tall with the shoulders pulled back and squared; women are biologically attracted to more dominant men. Feel free to take up some space.
7. For women, crossing and uncrossing their legs is a surefire flirting technique, especially if you’re wearing high heels. A woman crossing her legs appears seductive to men and it makes them desire to see more. Slipping the heel out of your shoe and dangling it on your toes is another trick. The arch of a foot sends a sexual message and mimics a woman’s curves, and makes a man’s heart race.
8. Once you and your flirting target start talking, the next step is to intensify the attraction. How? Smile and maintain eye contact, focus all of your attention on what they say. No one is more attractive than someone who gives you an undivided attention. Employ the nod and head tilt techniques. Smiling and laughing are crucial at this point – it the quickly puts the other person at ease. Making low-level contact by brushing the shoulder or elbow is another effective flirting technique.
9. People mirror each other’s body language – gestures, voice volume, posture, etc when they are attracted. Very subtly mirror your flirting target’s behavior – if she leans forward, lean forward; if he scratches his head, scratch your head. When you mirror someone’s behavior, they’ll begin to feel, think and believe as though the two of you are connected.
This article may be re-published with appropriate attribution to the author including name and website @ Copyr

Udo Vieth
393
25 7

Did you know that apart from financial problems, heck even with financial problems, the biggest threat to a happy relationship is a negative person. Lets face it, if nothing is ever good or positive, sooner or later either the other partner or the relationship itself will not be good enough.
That person will find the negative in any situation, including the relationship. They will find the faults with you, no matter how small. Now if that information was used in a positive way to enhance or “fix” a relationship, great! But the negative person will use this information, focus on it continuously and bring it up constantly. Eventually, there is nothing good that can be seen about being in the relationship anymore.
The next step is action.
The person seeing only negative things about the relationship, will start acting in a way to protect themselves from the impending pain. This is a genuine concern, as it is a very real feeling. One action will lead to another, until there is no more feeling of passion and contentment left. There is a feeling of apprehension and gloom. Nobody wants to live under those circumstances, and so the relationship declines until one or the other partner says ‘enough, I’m outta here’ End of relationship.
I knew a woman for several years once, who was never happy in any situation, was negative about people, her surroundings and always expected that future events would be the ones to make her happy. Whilst I was trying to be friends with her, because I enjoyed her company at different times, her increasingly negative attitude eventually made me want to avoid being around her. She would say, “I would be happy if I was married,” then when she got married she was negative about her husband. She didn’t like where she lived either, but when she moved, she was still unhappy. She was always looking for happiness outside of herself. In other people, other situations, other surroundings. She didn’t understand that true happiness conmes from within, not from outside influences.
Some of the happiest people I have seen were poor and ragged street children in Africa. They did not even have a home to go to, or knew where their next meal would come from. Yet they lived harmoniously, in happy relationships with their family and others. Money and surroundings did not affect their happiness. As long as they were alive, they were happy.
As long as your relationship is alive, be happy, and it will stay alive.
Negative people are unhappy people and others do not want to be around someone who always brings them down. Often unforgiveness and holding on to the past is the reason that people suffer with being negative. Holding on to the past, we remain stuck and never experience the joy of growth and success that is here in the present. All that old excess baggage does not allow us to move forward into new and exciting situations.
If someone is having relationship problems, in keeping friends, with their spouses, at home with the family, or at work, then maybe being honest and giving some helpful encouraging tips could help. As you read this article, maybe you realize that you are this negative, unhappy person!
I will list some practical tips at the end of the article. But first you need to understand that not being negative is being positive. Choose to be an optimist not a pessimist. See the glass as half full not half empty!
We sometimes find ourselves in seemingly impossible situations where we need to make choices. Make those choices with a positive optimistic outlook, and the chances of them becoming positive increase immediately. Your negativity literally attracts your negative circumstances. Remember it is not our situation that makes us happy in life, but the attitude we display towards them. And your attitude is under your control. The decisions you make determine your future success or failure, in life and in relationships. To attract a better happier relationship, you need to be a positive happy person. It all starts with you at some level.
Something practical you can do right now.
1. Realize that Right Feelings Follow Right Thoughts! Think positive happy thoughts.
2. Understand that Happiness is a decision, your decision!
3. Change what you can to move into a more positive direction NOW!
4. Trust the Universe about what you cannot change!
5. Always find the positive in a situation, no matter how small, instead of the negative.
6. Only make positive comments, keep the negative ones to yourself!
7. Leave the past behind, live for the now.
Keep on loving.

Bryan Redfield
462
25 7

Dating Tip: “How To Ask A Man You Work With Out For A Date Using Class, Style, Dignity And Integrity.”
I recently received this question from a woman wanting dating advice. If you’ve ever seen a man you work with that you’re attracted to, who you’d like to date but, for whatever reason, he hasn’t asked you out, you might try this technique.
First, her dating question:
“I am a 29 year old single woman. I am very attracted to a man at work and would like to go out on a date with him. I only know him to say ‘Hello’ to and I have found out that he is single.”
“I am well educated and dress very well and have been asked out for dates by many men, but I have never asked a man to go out on a date. What should I do?”
Here’s my dating advice:
It’s not just letting him know you’re attracted to him or asking him out. It’s letting him know you’re attracted to him and asking him out with class, style and dignity while keeping your integrity intact. The last thing you want is for him to get the wrong impression. You don’t want him to think you’re cheap and you don’t want him to think you’re looking for a one night stand.
The first thing you want to do is let him know, in a nice way, you’re interested in him. Then he will either respond by encouraging the interaction or not respond and walk away.
An important dating tip: As an attractive woman, you know there is nothing worse than a man coming on to you when the feeling isn’t mutual. That’s how he will feel if he doesn’t share your interest.
Here’s how to let him know you’re interested in him using class, style and dignity: When you see him coming, stop what you’re doing. If you’re walking, stop. If you’re sitting, stop what you’re doing. Just stand or sit there calmly, wherever it is, and establish eye contact with him. Then smile and let him either walk up to you or walk by you.
An important dating tip about establishing eye contact: You don’t want to stare him down. Rather, you want to look at him until you get his attention. Once you have his attention, hold the eye contact a moment, then smile.
And an important dating tip about smiling at him: Don’t use a sexy, seductive smile. It gives him the wrong message. Rather, give him a nice, warm, friendly smile. A smile that says, “Hi. I know we don’t know each other. I’m attracted to you and I hope the feeling is mutual. If it is, let’s get to know each other better. If it isn’t, I respect that and will leave you alone.”
After you’ve established eye contact and smiled, if he keeps walking, at least you tried. If he stops, say hi to him and ask him what his name is. Try to start a casual conversation with him. If he has anything on the ball, he’ll know you’re attracted to him. If he’s interested in you and he’s a good prospect, he’ll encourage the conversation.
If you see him on a regular or semi regular basis, after you talk with him for a while, end the conversation without asking him out until you see him again. Then, when you see each other again, pick up the conversation where you left off. If he doesn’t ask you out and you think he’s interested say, “Maybe we could get together sometime for lunch.”
If he responds favorably, make plans to get together with him.

Julia Tanner
263
25 7

To me, the definition of swinging is pure fun and excitement, but let’s dispense with the nitty gritty.
Swingers don’t wear signs or get tattooed to show their off-hours activities. In fact, you may not recognize someone who swings at all. Some couples have reported going to swingers clubs, only to run into their next door neighbors!
What we look like
Swingers come in all shapes and sizes and genders. We can be heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. There really aren’t any restrictions. The only limitations are those of your creativity.
If you want some better statistics, then let’s talk about the majority of swingers. Most of us are anywhere from our late twenties to our early fifties. Many of us are already married and looking to take our sexual experience to the next level.
Most swingers are well-groomed, well-dressed, and just your everyday man or woman.
Why we’re swinging
You might wonder why a decent, attractive couple or single is looking to try swinging. There doesn’t seem to be a clear reason if they already have a partner to share sexual relations with. Do you really want to know?
Most of the swinging couples aren’t having troubles or are looking to change their relationship; they’re actually looking to increase their intimacy. Living out fantasies of being with another person in a safe and open environment can bring greater communication and appreciation of your partner.
Experienced swingers report that even after twenty years (!) of swinging, they are better able to talk with their partner and sort out unrelated problems than they would have been without the swinging experience.
How we’re swinging
But what you really want to know is what exactly happens when you’re swinging. Come on, you’ve thought about it.
For the beginner swinger, you’ll find that you can go to a club or out with another couple and just watch the ‘festivities’ without having to participate.
If that’s not enough, then you can progress to interacting with another couple or single in a safe environment (think a club or a mutually chosen location). This doesn’t mean that you have to have sex, but it can involve touching and exploring another person while your partner is in the same room. And moving onto some harder swinging, this is where there are still rules, but the playbook changes, becoming much bigger.
You can go ahead and have intercourse with another person, either with or without the presence of your partner. And I could go into more details, but I’ll leave your imagination to fill in the blanks.
Swinging is experiencing sex and intimacy with another couple or person because your current relationship is strong. You want to try something new and are curious about interacting with another person, gender, or sexual arena. And at the end of the night, you still go home with your partner-more open and more committed to each other.
Swinging opens up all kinds of things for a couple.
Z

Jeff Lakie
99
25 7

A lot has changed since the days of matchmaking and escorted evenings out. Dating in the 21st century has taken many turns, among these the emerging popularity of meeting partners online.
Online dating has many benefits. The shy dater can open up and get to know a person without having to deal with first-date jitters that often come from fear of the unknown. By the time he or she meets the potential paramour, they have already established a comfort level that allows the date to flow much more smoothly.
At the other end of the spectrum, social butterflies love online dating because of the number of fish in the sea. With so many people to choose from, booking several dates in a short amount of time is easy. Online dating allows you to be discreet, and it also enables you to be choosy. You choose partners based on common interests gleaned from dating profiles. This is an attractive alternative to approaching a potential mate in a bar going on looks alone.
As the online dating community has grown, so too have the number of vendors willing to help you promote yourself. Professional writers and photographers offer services to assist you with your dating profile. They hawk services to help you attract more hits to your online profile, which obviously helps lead to more dating options.
Dating websites vary. Some require a fee to enjoy certain benefits, such as the ability to post a picture or short video. Other dating sites offer free private e-mail accounts and access to thousands of profiles without paying a dime. When engaging in online dating, however, it is important to exercise caution.
Remember that anyone with Internet access has access to these sites. It is virtually impossible for dating sites to weed out the bad seeds; the online dater must take care in setting up dates with strangers. When first meeting face-to-face, choose a public place. Don’t divulge too much information until you have a good idea of the person’s character. Be careful not to tell too much too soon. With a responsible attitude and an open mind, online dating can be fun, safe, and exciting.

Lorraine Lamont
256
25 7

Ah, the anticipation! However it may have developed, you are about to test the waters on a first date. It may have been a while since you’ve done so. You may be a bit nervous. Whether this is a blind date, a meeting arranged by friends, a personal ad rendezvous, or even a date with someone you have spoken to in person, there are some important factors to keep in mind. Watching your manners, choosing the right attire, handling the tab, conversation skills, even how to get a second date are things to consider.
Before we get there, though, and become preoccupied with our date, there is one crucial element to remember. Often in the preparation and anticipation, we can forget about #1. That’s right, you – and your personal safety. I’m not suggesting we become obsessive about precautions, merely alert, aware, and prepared. For a first meeting, it is prudent to let a friend or family member know where you are meeting, how long you expect to be, and the name of your date. Touch base with your friend after the date as a courtesy.
If you are to be having a blind date or are meeting an internet date for the first time, it is best to keep personal information, such as the address of your residence, to yourself. For internet dates and dating service dates, be alert for any anomalies between the description the person gave and what you actually see and hear. Though not the norm, be leery of ‘false advertising.’ Use your own mode of transportation to arrive. Pick a public venue for this first meeting. Always carry some emergency cash in case you need a cab or want to pay your own way.
In today’s world, we are blessed with a few technological devices that simplify meetings and safety precautions. One of the best self-protection devices, for dating or traveling, is the cellular phone. Cell phones are easy to carry. Many have a one-touch calling feature. By pressing and holding down one button, you can call a friend, even an emergency assistance number. Always be sure to charge the batteries on your cell phone before leaving for your rendezvous or date. Whether your car breaks down, you are running late, or you need to get out of a sticky situation, a cell phone can be worth its weight in gold. Use your instincts. If you feel uncomfortable on a date, phone a friend from the restroom. Have him or her call you back; it is reasonable to feign a reason for an emergency exit if you are ill at ease.
Very uncomfortable? Tell an employee at the restaurant or establishment. There is no need to be embarrassed. Be honest. In our fast-paced society, it is expected that every ‘meet-and-greet’ may not always go as planned. Be gracious, of course, but take smart precautions. Phone and ask a friend to meet you outside if need be.
That said, you are well-prepared to venture forth. Look forward to your date. Have reasonable expectations. Remember all the wonderful things you are and have to offer and go enjoyZZZ

Amy Spade
280
25 7

Creating a romantic and comfortable setting for your guests is as important as your vows. Most of your guests are people that you love and admire, so you want to show gratitude for their presence with a lovely time.
Flowers that can go anywhere
In the first stages of planning a wedding, you may be concerned about where you need flowers. And this is a good question to ask.
So let’s start with the itinerary for most wedding days and you can determine what applies to you. Most of the wedding days start with the bride and bridesmaids going off to the salon for beauty time while the groom and his groomsmen enjoy a more lax day.
At this point, the flowers should be arriving to decorate the chapel or the church where you two will be married. Flowers can be placed on the pews or alongside the seats, in vases at the altar, and at the entryway. These will need to be larger arrangements as determined by the size of the church. If you have too small of flowers, no one will be able to see them.
During the ceremony, you will need bouquets for each of the bridesmaids, as well as the bride. Small corsages are nice for the mothers of the couple, as well as grandmothers. Next in line are the boutonnières for the groom and his groomsmen, as well as fathers and grandfathers.
The reception hall can be lined with flowers as well-on tables and around buffet areas or appetizer arrangements.
Decorating in nature
Most wedding use flowers as the mainstay of their decoration plan, but what if you are looking to be outside for your vows? Are flowers necessary then?
In many cases, a beautiful setting has no need for extraneous flowers or ornamentation. Of course, the wedding party will still need something to carry, but it’s really much simpler this way.
In terms of other decorations that are well-liked, candles are the next most popular things at receptions and wedding ceremonies. Pick a color that complements the other used colors, and then light multiple candles (safely please). The overall effect is breathtaking.
When decorating your wedding and you reception, you can use anything that suits you. Flowers and candles seem to be the most popular, but don’t feel that you need to have them. Some receptions are now incorporating rock gardens and small water fountains into the design.
So however you want to decorate is up to you.

Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: “I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We’ve grown apart. I can’t stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the marriage and the affair just happened.”
These statements are rationalizations and fail to “get at” the underlying issues.
Key points:
1. It’s as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of it’s own. In reality, there is no such thing as a “marriage.” One is “married” as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no “marriage,” there is no such thing as a “relationship.” There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the comedian Flip Wilson (that dates me) and his “The devil made me do it” skit?
2. We idealize “marriage” or “romantic relationships” with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don’t help much here. A “marriage” is behind the eight ball from the word go. “IT” can’t win.
3. From day one most of us don’t have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need ‘love 101′ and it’s not there. We rely upon experimentation or bad models.
4. If the “marriage” is dead, why in the world would one choose to have an affair? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It really is stupid. You add a whole layer of deceit and shame that eventually will result in consequences more dire than approaching your spouse and saying, “I’m really unhappy. What I’m doing with you obviously is not working. I want out.” Oh well, maybe some people need more problems and suffering.
5. If the “marriage” is bad, obviously, I don’t have to look at me. I can blame “it” or the other. Some of us find it difficult to look at me. Some of us don’t know how to look at me. Some of us never think of looking at me.
Tip: If your partner/spouse is having and affair and blames it on the “marriage,” don’t buy into it. The “marriage” is not the problem. You are not the problem. Your spouse/partner chose the affair out of ignorance, fear or inadequacy.
The “My Marriage Made Me Do It” is just one of 7 affairs outlined in my E-book, “Break Free From the Affair.” For more information on the issues behind the other kinds of affairs and tips for dealing with thsit my site.

Royane Real
205
25 7

If you currently feel that you don’t have enough friends in your life, one reason may be that you have let yourself become too busy to make time for the relationships you already have.
Nurturing and maintaining friendships requires effort and commitment. Many of us let our lives become so busy with work and other commitments that we don’t get around to scheduling time for pleasure and renewal with the friends, relatives and acquaintances we already have.
If you make an effort to call your friends more regularly, see them more often, and to accept more of the invitations you receive from others, can improve your social life in a hurry!
Are there any people you could call right now and be assured of a pleasant welcome? Are these people that you could count on to help you in a crisis? Can you have close talks with them? Do you have fun when you are together? Are you happy to have them in your life?
If you haven’t seen much of your friends lately, is it because you have become too busy? Have you grown apart? Was there an argument?
If the main reason you haven’t been getting together with the people you already know is because you have gotten too busy, take a good look at how you spend your time.
Think for a few moments about your real values and priorities in life. Is your hectic lifestyle really bringing you the quality of life that you want?
If you have become too busy for friends, why has this happened? Are you pursuing material toys in your life at the expense of relationships with other human beings?
Have you allowed your time to be over-committed because you never say “No”" to anyone? Do you insist on doing things yourself that could be delegated to others? If so, why? Do you believe that everything depends on you?
Examine whether the way you are currently spending your time accurately reflects your deepest values and priorities. Make sure that you schedule adequate time for the things that are truly most important to you.
If you really want to keep friends in your life, make a space in your schedule, and a space in your heart for them. Z

Sonia Devine
195
25 7

This is one of my all time favourite problem solving techniques, and I use it on a regular basis with clients who find it hard to get along other people. If you’re going around in circles with a relationship problem, it can really help to step back and break the problem down into groups. Here’s how to do it:
First, think of a small problem you are having in your life right now. Don’t try to tackle anything too big just yet, just get used to using this technique and then when you get more skilled at it you can try it with some larger problems. The idea is to separate your problem into three groups.
GROUP ONE: Parts of the Problem That Come From Other People
Write down all the parts of this particular problem that are brought to it by other people. Now, I know it’s tempting to lump all of the parts into this group, because it’s so easy to blame others for what is not working in our lives; but try to resist this temptation! And let’s face it – other people are not responsible for EVERY part of your problem. So be honest with yourself.
GROUP TWO: The Facts about Your problem
In this group, you are going to write down the facts. For example, let’s say your partner won’t spend enough time with you and the family. In this group, one of the facts you could write would be “We need ___ to spend more time at home”.
GROUP THREE: YOU
Now you are going to list all the parts of the problem that YOU bring to it. Many of the things you write down here will be related to your reaction to the situation. For instance, do you sulk or berate your partner when he/she chooses to spend time away from home? How does this contribute to your problem? What reaction do you get? Be sure to write down any of your own personal triggers from past circumstances or relationships which may be contributing to this problem.
OK: Time to Start Culling…
When you have created the three categories for your problem, pick up the list for Group #1. (Other People). Now, screw up this piece of paper and throw it in the bin. Why? Because…..
*** You cannot change OTHER PEOPLE ***
But how great would it be if we could? We’d live blissfully in a world full of people who were just like us….or would we?? Now, I’m not saying that people will not change of their own accord. It just means that if they do change, it will be because they choose to, not because you tell them that they should. Don’t waste your time and energy on those parts of the problem that you cannot control!
Okay, now do the same with the group 2 list; screw it up and throw it away! Because….
*** You cannot change the facts ***
So now, all that is left is the list you have made for group 3. Your problem has just gotten a whole lot smaller because you’ve thrown away 2 of the lists! Have a good look at this third list. Are there any things in the list you have made that you feel you truly cannot change? If so, remove these items from the list – you must only use your energy on the things you do have the ability to influence.
Now, looking at the remaining things on the list, are there any things that you do not want to change? This is really important! If you don’t want to change something about yourself, then you will not; it’s that simple! But keep this in mind; writing this list is all about taking personal responsibility for what is not working in your life.
This technique will help you to focus on the parts of your problem that you CAN do something about. By now, you should have in your hot little hand a practical, do-able list that you can turn into an action plan. So the message is clear….
Find out what you can do about it and then take action!
Copyright 2005 Sonia DevinZZZ