Online Dating

Royane Real
205
25 7

If you currently feel that you don’t have enough friends in your life, one reason may be that you have let yourself become too busy to make time for the relationships you already have.
Nurturing and maintaining friendships requires effort and commitment. Many of us let our lives become so busy with work and other commitments that we don’t get around to scheduling time for pleasure and renewal with the friends, relatives and acquaintances we already have.
If you make an effort to call your friends more regularly, see them more often, and to accept more of the invitations you receive from others, can improve your social life in a hurry!
Are there any people you could call right now and be assured of a pleasant welcome? Are these people that you could count on to help you in a crisis? Can you have close talks with them? Do you have fun when you are together? Are you happy to have them in your life?
If you haven’t seen much of your friends lately, is it because you have become too busy? Have you grown apart? Was there an argument?
If the main reason you haven’t been getting together with the people you already know is because you have gotten too busy, take a good look at how you spend your time.
Think for a few moments about your real values and priorities in life. Is your hectic lifestyle really bringing you the quality of life that you want?
If you have become too busy for friends, why has this happened? Are you pursuing material toys in your life at the expense of relationships with other human beings?
Have you allowed your time to be over-committed because you never say “No”" to anyone? Do you insist on doing things yourself that could be delegated to others? If so, why? Do you believe that everything depends on you?
Examine whether the way you are currently spending your time accurately reflects your deepest values and priorities. Make sure that you schedule adequate time for the things that are truly most important to you.
If you really want to keep friends in your life, make a space in your schedule, and a space in your heart for them. Z

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Sonia Devine
195
25 7

This is one of my all time favourite problem solving techniques, and I use it on a regular basis with clients who find it hard to get along other people. If you’re going around in circles with a relationship problem, it can really help to step back and break the problem down into groups. Here’s how to do it:
First, think of a small problem you are having in your life right now. Don’t try to tackle anything too big just yet, just get used to using this technique and then when you get more skilled at it you can try it with some larger problems. The idea is to separate your problem into three groups.
GROUP ONE: Parts of the Problem That Come From Other People
Write down all the parts of this particular problem that are brought to it by other people. Now, I know it’s tempting to lump all of the parts into this group, because it’s so easy to blame others for what is not working in our lives; but try to resist this temptation! And let’s face it – other people are not responsible for EVERY part of your problem. So be honest with yourself.
GROUP TWO: The Facts about Your problem
In this group, you are going to write down the facts. For example, let’s say your partner won’t spend enough time with you and the family. In this group, one of the facts you could write would be “We need ___ to spend more time at home”.
GROUP THREE: YOU
Now you are going to list all the parts of the problem that YOU bring to it. Many of the things you write down here will be related to your reaction to the situation. For instance, do you sulk or berate your partner when he/she chooses to spend time away from home? How does this contribute to your problem? What reaction do you get? Be sure to write down any of your own personal triggers from past circumstances or relationships which may be contributing to this problem.
OK: Time to Start Culling…
When you have created the three categories for your problem, pick up the list for Group #1. (Other People). Now, screw up this piece of paper and throw it in the bin. Why? Because…..
*** You cannot change OTHER PEOPLE ***
But how great would it be if we could? We’d live blissfully in a world full of people who were just like us….or would we?? Now, I’m not saying that people will not change of their own accord. It just means that if they do change, it will be because they choose to, not because you tell them that they should. Don’t waste your time and energy on those parts of the problem that you cannot control!
Okay, now do the same with the group 2 list; screw it up and throw it away! Because….
*** You cannot change the facts ***
So now, all that is left is the list you have made for group 3. Your problem has just gotten a whole lot smaller because you’ve thrown away 2 of the lists! Have a good look at this third list. Are there any things in the list you have made that you feel you truly cannot change? If so, remove these items from the list – you must only use your energy on the things you do have the ability to influence.
Now, looking at the remaining things on the list, are there any things that you do not want to change? This is really important! If you don’t want to change something about yourself, then you will not; it’s that simple! But keep this in mind; writing this list is all about taking personal responsibility for what is not working in your life.
This technique will help you to focus on the parts of your problem that you CAN do something about. By now, you should have in your hot little hand a practical, do-able list that you can turn into an action plan. So the message is clear….
Find out what you can do about it and then take action!
Copyright 2005 Sonia DevinZZZ

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Royane Real
129
25 7

Are you too nice? How can anyone be “too nice”? Isn’t being “nice” a good quality to have in a relationship?
Yes, it’s true that people will value niceness in others, but if your way of being nice is to suppress your own needs constantly, you are being too nice for your own good. If you always put the needs of others first, and your own needs last, if you don’t speak out when your own needs are ignored, then you are being too nice for your own good.
When you express your niceness as a sign of genuine respect, kindness and interest in another person, it is a wonderful quality to have. When the “niceness” is a by-product of low self-esteem, passivity, or desperate loneliness, it can be a liability, and can make other people feel uneasy, guilty, or even attract the sort of people who are willing to exploit you.
Have you ever met a person who never expresses their real preferences, opinions, or desires, even in the smallest matters? When someone asks them, “Where do you want to go tonight?” they reply, “I don’t care, anything is fine with me, where do you want to eat?”
A person who won’t state their opinion or preference may think they are being nice, but this is not niceness, this is a form of fearfulness, and a lack of self-respect. Some people develop the trait of never asking for what they want because they were raised in a family where expressing wants or opinions was discouraged, or even disallowed.
They may have been literally taught that they shouldn’t speak up, that they shouldn’t want anything for themselves, and that everyone else’s opinion mattered more than theirs did.
A child who grew up in a family where they weren’t allowed to express their needs or opinions, may grow up believing that this is how the whole world wants them to behave, even after they have become adults. They may find it difficult to take the initiative in any situation involving other people. They may feel uncomfortable or fearful expressing their desires. They may even feel they are being “bad” if they ask for anything.
Although they may think that being extremely passive and refusing to make decisions is their way of “being nice”, it isn’t always fun having a person who is this self-effacing as a friend. It can be tiring for the other person in the friendship to have to make every decision just because their passive friend won’t make any.
In relationships that are healthy and satisfying, both people share responsibility equally when making plans and decisions.
If you believe that being nice means never asking for anything for yourself, it’s important to learn to pay attention to your needs, to respect yourself, and to ask for what you want and need. Take your turn making decisions with others. Make your needs and preferences heard.
If you find your wishes are always being ignored, take a close look at why this is happening and see how you can chang

Andy Carloff
361
25 7

To fall in love — considered by some as the ultimate quest in life, and prepared by others with a constant and unending flow of fantasies, dreams, and enchanting ideas. And what we find sometimes to be so uniquely freakish of a fetish of our own, so personally vaulted and denied at every conscious inquiry — we find, in fact, that it is a secrecy of our own sexuality and our own fantasies, that disallows us from discovering that, what we find to be deviant is actually commonplace in the minds of all individuals. There is no person whose sexual ideas are unique, no fantasy of anyone that is not based on the same roots of the fantasies of others. This is sexuality, a social and emotional facet of every human. So, it must be granted as truth, that it is the repression of sexuality in our society, that convinces us that our own sexuality is a freak, a deviancy, an intolerably disgusting and improper attitude. Despite the fact that sexuality has been an intrinsic part of the lives of the hundreds and hundreds of millions of people, or the hundreds of billions of animals, there are still some puritanical ideas of people to oppose it. And, even if sexuality weren’t commonplace, one would think that the argument of “so long as none are harmed, let it be,” would be enough to justify it. I think that it was not a matter of argument, but one of shame and repression, that granted the puritan-minded people to believe and preach as they do.
If, in fact, those of the puritanical ideas had no conception of sexuality, I do not believe they could have the will to rally against sex. If it is just a fact of life, nothing that personally effected them, then it would not be something they could muster so much unforgiving hate for. Alas, I do not think these puritanical ideas have done much of anything to uplift the personality of goodness or the character of charity. The idea that sex is an evil is not a friend of the ideals of kindness, intelligence, or truth. These puritanical soldiers have done nothing but bog down the structure of civilization, waging a war against our own animal nature. By seeing their own feelings of sexuality, experiencing the desires and urges, the thoughts and inhibitions, puritans find themselves villified with their own character, ashamed and mortified. I think that people manage to put anger, passion, and strong, powerful emotions into vengeance, when it is their own personal nature that they are attacking. The puritans have allowed themselves to be cruel, brutal, and absolutely cold blooded in their war against sex. As the blood running through civilization warmed, the extent to which they were allowed to fight has been limited and limited. Tortures and murders were an intrinsic part of the original Puritan culture, when it came to their attitude about punishing sex.
It is a rather popular statement, that beaty is in the eye of the beholder. Yet everyone seems to interpret this statement differently. The fact that someone or something is beuatiful is only true because there is a critic to call it that. No artwork exemplified beauty without an onlooker, no song brought forward melody without a listener, no poem created peacefulness or rage without a reader. There can be no argument to this. We find, also, that just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness in the eye of the beholder. The same artwork that was called beautiful by one may be called ugly, disgusting, or otherwise unappealing by another. It is here that the true meaning of the phrase may be captured. The only reason why something is appealing or unappealing, attractive or unattractive, is because there is a mind in the sensory organs there to judge. The ideas of what is or is not gorgeous, enchanting, homely, or wretched are all dependent upon the viewer. Then we apply these ideas to a person. One’s voice is seen as glorious in tone or rancid in quality. The face and body become a considerable work of art or a defaced panting, or something in between or to a more extreme. Judging a body and a face, though, as beautiful or ugly, is a much different action than judging a painting as either beautiful or ugly.
A person, unlike a painting or a poem, is conscious, capable of emotion and happiness. All of a sudden, their physical attributes become subject to criticism and judgment. What is the purpose, though, of finding someone attractive or unattractive? The simple and obvious answer is for thepurpose of mating and procreation. Now that the reason for appeal or unappeal, in a person’s beauty anyway, has been uncovered, another question remains open. If a person’s outter shell can be judged as ugly or beautiful, by one person or another, and since this judgment does not help us to determine their character, should we disregard beauty and ugliness as a deterent to a person’s true self?
Of those individuals who call themselves Freethinkers, artists, independent minds, lovers of intelligence and friends of liberty, it is the typical attitude that a person’s emotions and way of thinking is in fact a part of their intrinsic self. There can be no greater proof of this than experience: beautiful people may be cruel and heartless, as the ugly people can be intelligent and meaningful, and vice versa. A person’s beauty does not determine the way they think. It does not make them more kind or charitable, nor does it instill in them attributes of vice or cruelty. This fact, I imagine will meet with no argument from those whom have experienced the world. The Freethinkers, though, have further advanced this position, by incorporating this philosophy int their personal lives. They do not judge people on their image, and accept friendship and affection from someone regardless of theri looks, and they are not less scornful of a brutal person no matter their beauty. They have taken a rational position and they must be commended for that. In another way, some of them have incorporated their philosophy into their sexuality, either consciously or unconsciously. For example, they find someone attractive based on their ideas, their character, their way of thinking and personality. One’s physical body becomes esxually arrousing once they are identified with ideas of justice and goodness. They have not warded off human sexuality, so they have much more mindfulness and personal awareness than the puritans. In some cases, a Freethinker who fell in love with someone for their ideas, after the berakup, individuals they see resembling their initial love, even if socially considered unattractive, are considered attractive by the Freethinker.
So it happens, that the phrase comes to us, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and we find that beautiful and ugly are relative terms, subjective in that they are exsiting only in the mind. Our natural response to this is that a person cannot wholly be judged by their physical, since they are conscious. they are capable of thoughts, ideas, emotions. Thus we find every Freethinker and independent individual falling in love with a personality of a person, irregardless of physical appeal.
There is one fact that must be treated, though. An individual cannot have sex with a personality. As much as the idea is desired, physical affection cannot be given to a thought, an idea, or a character. It is necessary that a body is there. Admiration of an individual and their thoughts is never so pure or heart-warming as when there is a face for that individual, by which emotions and even ideas can be expressed. The look of ease, of a person laying down at the end of a long day, or a look of interest and intrigue, fascinated by the current occurrences, or a look of boldness and strength, defending what we believe in and what we fight for. The analytical expression, unsatisfied with what we know, delving through thoughts, facts, memories, to develope a more just theory — the expression of deep thought, it allows us a a greater admiration of the deep thought itself. Nothing can greater express sadness than a story one wished to levie by retelling, accompanied by tears.
This is just the face alone: eyes compliment diw th brows, a mouth given a tongue, and a nose, the rest covered with skin enveloping ten thousand muscle strands, all of which can combine to tell us thoughts and emotions. Anger and aggression, sadness and solemnness, pleasure and euphoria, exhaustion and rest — all feelings by which we can purely communicate to another by the contraction or relaxation of our face muscles. The blessing of the voice adds to whatever feeling we are comunicating, even if we are not speaking actual words. In fact, the emotion or facial expression delivers is dramatically heightened and empathically understood those vocal sounds which transcend all human language, particularly when we express a sudden pain, joy, or understanding.
Then, we are to consider the rest of the body. There are few words so reassuring, as a gentle, affectionate, and understanding touch. The idea of love can be written in a million poems and a thousand essays, which help us understand it in a reflective manner, but few things are so realistically understood as love when through the physical act of it; it is so logical to believe that experience is necessary to knowledge in this situation, just as it is impossible to know the true nature of terror without going through war, or other experiences. Lips, eyelashes, and other facial features, gently caressing, touching, or nuzzling the intimate or even common parts of the body: love-making, never so real or pure as can be demonstrated through experience. Those gentle parts, the neck, the stomach, the inner arms, find themselves also to be the most intimately felt. Perhaps it is the nature of evolution: ourselves becoming most protective of our most vulnerable parts, that they can also be the most intimate parts, because we feel that we want our lovers to feel those parts which we are most aware of. The other parts, the spinal column, the inner fore arms, the hands, though we are not only protective of them, we regard them during sex as gentle and intimate.
Understand, though, that up to this point, of the necessity of a body for physical expression and physcial love, I have said nothing of beauty, spoken no words on one’s complection as it is concerned to sex. I have only demonstrated the purity of expression when physical, when either in body and through the face. Yet there may be something rather unsettling, or otherwise seemingly contradictory about these thoughts. Those who have based their opinion on Freethought and independence, have argued that the physical complection, of beautiful or ugly, is not accurately indicative of a person’s inner character. But, on the other hand, the body allows us the most pure and affectionate method of expressing our desires.
I suppose that it must be admitted that one’s body and face is an important part of love and sexuality. Whether we find one’s body to be beautiful or not, the existence of such a body is important. But, beauty can even play a positive role in this. A body may in fact be considered indefferent, perhaps somewhat ugly or holmely. But, once that body has a personality, an opinion, an ideal, a character, these things alone may be enough for us to find them attractive physically. The same can be said of a body we initially find attractive, but then we hear a rather unintelligent, thoughtless mind speak, a rather cocky personality, and an otherwise unattractive character, and we find them ugly physically. It is not always the case, but it happens to be true often. Thus, beauty, no matter what it comes from, a physical complection, is necessary to a meaningful relationship.
Before ending this dissertation, there are still some thoughts on beauty that will not rest in my heart until I have fully explained them. As I stated before, there are many people who would find it immature or thoughtless to love or deeply care about someone just by their physical complection. But, it is almost a thing of serenity, when a young boy’s passions are enveloped around just the image of a girl. Granted, he may not be thoughtful in his quest, but he is listening to his desires. The thoughts and ideas that are spurning in his mind may be misguided, but they are gorgeous, wonderful, and even comforting. Fantasies may be played out where just a kindly personality is placed in the boy’s fictionaly apparition of her. He will feel joy when he imagines her impressed with every aspect of him, and very loving and caring of him. The same can be said of a girl and her affection for any handsome man.
With this, I end. I can only hope that I have enlightened some minds.

www.punkerslut.com
For Life,
Punkerslut

Allan Stafford
112
25 7

1. It starts with you
The happier you are with yourself and your life, the more attractive you are to your partner. Another way to look at this is: if you were someone else, would you marry you? Start today to work on being the kind of person you would want to know, date, and marry. If you’re not that kind of person, how can you expect your spouse to stay attracted or stay passionate?
2. There’s you, there’s him/her, and then there’s we.
You don’t have to give up your identity or be known as your spouse’s partner.
It also doesn’t work when two people each do their own thing without regard to their partner’s wishes and feelings. Marriage is, and should be, more than cohabitation. As the marriage vows state, “two shall be as one”. That “one” is neither you nor him. The “one” is a third entity: the relationship, the marriage, the “we”.
The “we” is what you share, what you have in common, the nurturing that cannot be provided on your own. Think companionship, intimacy, and sharing.
3. Leave behind your emotional baggage
Are you really over your previous relationship? If not, you can’t fully commit to your spouse. Likewise, if you are still Daddy’s little girl or Mommy’s boy, you are not in control of your own life. Therefore, you cannot fully enter into an adult relationship of mutual sharing and support. You can’t be accountable to your spouse if you have to keep pleasing Mommy or Daddy.
4. Your marriage comes first
Marriage is the strongest bond between two people. Parents are here and one day they are gone. Children grow into adults and leave to start their own lives. Your spouse is only person who is meant to stay with you the rest of your time on this planet.
Women who say their children come first are usually unable to let their children grow up and become independent adults. Instead of a mature adult-adult relationship, the roles are forever adult-child. So the children never emotionally leave home and are forever dependent on the parent.
These women are always surprised when their mates get tired of being number two, and decide to leave for someone else who WILL put them first.
5. Your marriage is your top priority.
You didn’t get married to commute two hours a day, work at the office 60 hours a week, and pay on a mortgage for 30 years. You probably got married to share your life, your hopes, your dreams-not your bills-with that special someone. During life’s ups and especially during life’s downs, keep in mind why you married in the first place. Not jobs, nor cars, nor your favorite sports team. At one time, your partner was the most important thing in this world to you. Act like it today and every day.
6. Don’t compare
This holds true in your life as well as in your marriage. There will always be a couple that seems happier, wealthier, sexier, and more perfect than you two are. So what? Their happiness doesn’t increase or diminish your happiness. Neither does their money, their jobs, their house, or their glamour. All that matters is whether you and your spouse have created a relationship that works for you.
7. Don’t wonder “what if?”
Wondering what it would be like to be with another person-for a night or for a lifetime-is self-delusion and is really unfair to your spouse. You see other people socially when they are at their best. You see your spouse when he/she is at his best, her average, and sometimes at her worst. If you could swap mates, guess what? You’d see that person at his/her worst, and you probably wouldn’t like what you see.
8. Realize that love can grow.
As much as you were in love when you got married, your love and commitment to each other can grow over the years. Marriage can get better, not worse, with time. The longer you’ve been married, the more history you have together.The triumphs and disappointments, the successes and the failures, all are part of sharing a life together. And that history is unique to you. No one else has that or can duplicate it. This is why a man who leaves his middle aged wife for a younger woman eventually wants to come back. With his wife he has a history-a shared past. With the new woman there is only the present.
9. Commitment means no matter what.
It’s as simple as making the decision to be totally committed to your spouse and to the relationship. No matter what happens financially, or health wise, or otherwise. No matter what. Once the two of you have decided to stay “no matter what”, there is no question of stay or go, yes or no. Now the emphasis is on problem solving. Write this down: all couples have problems. Happy couples learn to deal with their problems. Unhappy couples eventually just run away.
10. Believe that a happy marriage is not only possible, it’s yours for the making.
It won’t happen by itself. It takes intention, commitment, and practice. But the couples who have happy, blissful, and satisfying marriages are proof that it is possible. Just choose to be happy, and choose to be happily married.

Rick Freedom
638
25 7

It has become increasingly popular for couples to give lingerie as a gift, especially when you want to spice up your love life or turn the heat up a few notches. So, is giving lingerie an expression of love or lust? Or both? When a relationship has become more comfortable and you want to take it to a whole new level, giving not just lingerie but sexy lingerie can definitely make your relationship more interesting and exciting.
Sexy lingerie is provocative, attractive and extremely appealing to the senses, especially for men. Men get turned on very easily by anything that is visually stimulating. Lingerie if chosen and worn correctly can titillate the senses and drive your partner wild! So, sexy lingerie is a sure way to get your partner fired up and coming back for more.
There are many types of lingerie in the market today. Different types of lingerie can be worn for different occasions. I would personally favor exotic lingerie that are a little bit more unique in design, instead of the common usual stuff that you get at conventional lingerie stores. I would suggest that you try to choose something that is creatively designed and bold, so that you can make a great lasting impression on your partner. Let your intimate moments be so memorable that it will make every encounter special.
One of the most popular styles of exotic lingerie in the market today is the sexy thong. The sexy thong first hit the market in the 80′s and become mainstream in the 90s. In recent years, it has become one of the fasting growing categories in the lingerie industry.
A few years back, it was highly fashionable for women to wear loose, low cut jeans with a thong inside, together with clothes that showed the mid-rift. The thong and a little of the ladies’ upper buttocks would be purposely exposed by the drooping jeans or pants. This was an extremely sexy and fashionable way to dress just a few years ago.
You can find out more about sexy thongs, exotic lingerie and romantic dating ideas at http://www.1sexythong.com/Z

Celina Richards
3
25 7

The mere mention of etiquette brings to mind various images, mainly negative. Etiquette means observing set rules. It’s not about the quaint traditions but where wine is concerned etiquette matter.
The primary connoisseurs of fine wine are oenophiles who are stringent about treating, serving and tasting wine. Then there are wine lovers and those simply appreciating wine. For occasional enthusiasts, collectors and cellar owners, the essence of wine etiquette heightens the experience.
Determine Proper Temperature
Wine is altered by temperature and environment, putting the emphasis on proper storage. Keep red table wines standing in the dining room for approximately 24 hours in advance, for settling sediments, followed by room temperature. White and Rose wines require slight chilling of around 50′F or one hour in a refrigerator.
Sparkling wines including champagnes require longer chilling of a few hours. Temperature levels drown inconsistencies and enhance the taste. A handy tip is to allow 10 minutes for a wine in a refrigerator to chill and for the reversal, in room temperature.
Time The Uncorking
Uncorking a wine calls for basic guidelines. For red wines, remove the cork one hour in advance. Oxidation helps to experience the true flavor. The longer white wines are left open in room temperature, the more the loss in quality. Don’t uncork until just before serving.
Decant The Wine
It may appear pretentious to make such a lot of fuss, but there’s no denying that there is a whole new dimension to the taste. Red wine vintage and port wines are perfect for decanters as they build up fairly substantial bitter sediment at the bottom. Pouring slowly into a decanter therefore separates the wine from the sediments.
Decanting wine is also done for exposure to oxygen. Having been deprived of air and vacuum for years, air adds to the flavor of red wine. For uncorking use a container with an open mouth. The resulting chemical reaction exudes the aroma that is crucial for the tasting experience. For this purpose, red wine glasses have large rims. Having slowly decanted the wine, leave it for about an hour in room temperature. Eventually the difference in taste is unmistakable.
Pour The Wine
Wine etiquette dictates how a glass of wine should be poured. For bubbly wines that sparkle, pour along the side of the glass to preserve the all-important bubbles. Still wine is poured into the center of the glass allowing the flavor to float upwards.
Depending on the wine, never fill a glass more than two-thirds or halfway. On occasions when different wines are being sampled during a meal, the amount being poured needs to be even less.
Use The Right Glass
Highly diverse, wine glasses may prove confusing. Nevertheless they matter as they function with the temperature. The more intense aromas are better appreciated in glasses with wide but thin rims.
The opposite principle is true for white wine glasses. Narrower and more slender, the tulip shape is integral to the hallmarks of white wine. More blunt and less angular than champagne flute or dessert wine glasses, white wine glasses can be easily differentiated.
Follow The Drinking Rules
To the uninitiated wine etiquette may seem unnecessary. However it is an established fact that for the authentic experience of wine in all its subtleties, it is the only way…… Cheers!
Learn more of Wine Etiquette.

Tracy Jones
173
25 7

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14
Any way you look at it, dating can be tricky…especially when religion is involved. Being raised in a Christian home where tradition runs deep, you may find yourself in the midst of a major battle when your heart is given to someone with different beliefs. There is, of course, nothing wrong with dating a non-Christian, just keep in mind that you marry who you date. If this is understood, and you are truly willing to accept and deal with the repercussions, all the more power to you. All we suggest is that you consider a few things before jumping in.
What kind of dilemmas would you face in the future? Can a non-Christian help you spiritually, or will they gradually pull you down? It’s easy to compromise your standards and beliefs in order to stay appealing to that person, but is that really being true to yourself? It shouldn’t even be an option to alter everything you’ve based your life around because your beliefs have helped shape you into the person you are, the person that they fell for.
Then there’s always the issue of children. What kind of foundation will their lives be built on? Would they be encouraged to attend church and live the principles that you live by, or will they be brought up in the middle of a constant tug-of-war? It general, it just seems to be easier on everyone, especially kids, when both parties follow the same rulebook. Then again, there are those occasional exceptions to the rule.
We’ve all heard different stories of Christians dating non-Christians who eventually do turn their lives to God. They later marry and have strong, happy relationships with values centered on Christ. Or, there are those couples that just don’t let religion get in the way. Both are willing to compromise and let the other partner have their freedom to worship and live in a way that suits them. As promising as it sounds, though, it’s not always realistic. Many couples involved in “dual-faith” relationships will find themselves buried in conflict and heartache at some point, causing them to break up or divorce.
It’s to be expected that meeting new people, especially people that you’re compatible with, is going to be challenging. But, consider carefully whether short-term gain is worth ending up with the wrong person. Falling in love is easy, but it’s hard to imagine ever voluntarily walking away from the relationship because your partner’s beliefs contradict your own.
The bottom line is that it’s up to you who you date, because you’re the navigator of your future. No matter who you end up with, you’re bound to run into problems now and then. That just comes with the territory. From there, it’s up to you what happens. You’ll either choose to stick at it and work through the rough patches, or you’ll decide it’s too hard and back out. If it makes your decision any easier, just remember this advice: when a Christian and a non-Christian jump into a relationship, the scales are uneven and likely to tip! http://www.christianmingle.com/campaign.html?cat=link&src=articlecityCOM&adid=sitecat&newurl=index.html

Martin Hahn
366
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A lot of people probably has purchased one of the books written by the famous couple Florence and Fred Littauer. They discussed an ancient old personality quartet or four basic types of personality all humans seem to have. Why is it ancient old? It was actually the famous Greek physician Hippocrates who lived from 460 until 377 B.C. who introduced the four human ‘temperaments’: choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic, and melancholic. The famous Russian physiologist Pavlov has also used and refined the Hippocratic scheme. The Littauers, however, have made the quartet available for a wide audience because they have been able to make a practical tool. Their most important advice is: know yourself first before you can know someone else. The four personality types, as emphasized by Hippocrates and repeated by the Littauers, cannot be considered to be completely separate and distinct from each other. In reality, most persons represent ‘in-between’ types.
What are actually the typical characteristics of these four personality types? The choleric can be considered to be highly excitable: this person’s emotions are very easily aroused. This person is vehement in speech and action and his/her movements are carried out swiftly. He/she is bold and ambitious but tends to be incautious. The melancholic, in turn, can be seen as the opposite of the choleric because this person is highly inhibited. The melancholic person is characterized by slowness of thought and a tendency to be depressed. The melancholic has difficulty making friends, but he/she is reliable because constancy and determination are the other traits.
The in-between groups consist of the sanguine and phlegmatic types. The sanguine have a tendency towards excitement, whereas the phlegmatic have a tendency towards inhibition. The sanguine person is stable, yet active. He/she is courageous, hopeful, amorous and cheerful, but somewhat inconstant. He/she is courteous, lively, alert, and demonstrative. The phlegmatic person is stable and calm. He/she may even look cool, sluggish or apathetic. Normally quiet and reserved, he/she does not easily become friendly or antagonistic.
If one does not know a person very well, Hippocrates personality quartet can certainly be used as an effective tool during interactions. Communicating will then become easier if you know what you are and what the other person may be. However, personality is a ‘tricky’ thing with many limitations. There are actually many personality typologies available. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator offers sixteen different personalities and how can we know which personality fits us or another person? It will take a lot of memorizing and analysis before that is known. An interesting typology is called the Enneagram which divides all people into nine basic personalities. The Enneagram is actually similar to the personality typology offered by numerology. The only difference is that personality number five and seven are switched.
Aside from these typologies available in the market, the most important question which must be answered is: how can we use our personality effectively? If we can use our personality more effectively, we will become better communicators and perhaps even get more success in life. Much has been written about improving our personalities and the message is always positive: you can always become what you want. Of course one cannot change everything in one’s self, but attempts can be undertaken to improve our self-image and communication performance.
Usually the advice given in many written texts and repeated over and over again by numerous communication gurus can be summarized in the following points:
1. Concentrate on one thing at a time;
2. Understand how you came to be what you are;
3. Imagine yourself becoming what you want be;
4. Suggest to yourself that you can be what you imagine;
5. Act the part you want to play in life.
This list is not exhaustive because in the end it boils down to our ability to improve our own lives. Communication is of course an important skill in our attempts to improve our lives.
In communication, we need to constantly seek ways to improve our interpersonal communication skills. The way we convey our messages to others must be refined all the time. A very important element in acquiring good communication skills is self-confidence. You need to ask many questions to yourself: do you remain cools in emergencies? Do you avoid blaming others when things go wrong? Can you always be depended upon to do what you say you will do? Do you go out of your way cheerfully to help others? Do you have reasonable faith in humanity? Do you show an interest in the interests of others? Do you take an active part in any organizations in which you belong?
Another element which is related to the above issue is our ability to imagine ourselves becoming what we want to be. The power of visualization or imagination is extremely important if you want to change yourself or at least become a better communicator. The combination of will and imagination is very strong and will help you change in a positive way. If you want to change yourself, but your imagination dwells on thoughts of failure, then you will fail. This is called the law of reversed effort.
Finally, you need to be able to talk yourself into change. This technique is called affirmation. You should constantly repeat to yourself what you want to change> If you want to become a better communicator, you should repeatedly say to yourself: I am a good communicator! Avoid saying: I will become a good communicator because you might fail. You must picture yourself as already a person who is a superb communicatorZZZ

Nicolette Beard
524
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When a dream startles us awake, it demands our attention.
I opened the door to find an attractive Pakistani woman on my doorstep. She asked to come in to borrow a cake pan. I let her in and told her to look in the cupboards as I was fixing coffee for my family and preoccupied.
My parents were visiting for the first time; my sister and her new husband were also there. I was anxious to get the coffee started when the woman asked if I had a certain type of cake pan. I did not and told her she could go to the store nearby and probably find one. She resisted this idea and suggested that I could use a pan like that; why don’t I buy one?
I was incensed. In my mind, I had let this woman into my home, offered to loan her what items I had to make her stupid cake and then she had the nerve to suggest I buy the cake pan that she needed. I forced her bodily from my home.
In the light of day, this dream (like so many) seems stupid. But someone once advised that in order to unearth the cause of a dream, we must dissect the root of its emotion. I awoke enraged. What was the nature of this extreme reaction?
I began tentatively to view the experience from the woman’s perspective. Could it be that she wanted me to have the cake pan so that I might bake a cake for my family? Could it be that she wanted to share the joy of what if means to give to others? Was the cake a metaphor for the sweetness in life that I refused to partake?
I do not know the Pakistani culture, but I recalled an experience I had with some Armenian friends many years ago. They too offered me cake which I did not eat. Later a friend told me that this was a great insult. They did not show it, so I did not know, but in my righteous refusal of calories, I missed an opportunity for friendship.
I wonder how often we reject people and cultures because of our limited worldview.
Many years ago, when my son was a newborn, my husband needed to travel out of state. He didn’t want to the two of us to stay at home alone and insisted we join him for the 1500 mile car trip. I was too young to argue and was miserable the whole time. All I wanted was sleep.
A month later, after my six-week maternity leave was over and I had returned to work, he bought tickets to Tahiti for my birthday. Flying halfway across the world with an infant at home was not my idea of a vacation. I returned exhausted and sick with strep throat.
For years I harbored anger at his insensitivity and mentally criticized every gift he offered. In the light of my dream, I see his behavior more clearly. It’s simple really: He wanted to protect his family and to give to the woman he loved.
In an indifferent and self-absorbed world, it is often wise to question a person’s motive. But how many opportunities for community and connectedness would we gain if we looked at a person expecting the highest he has to offer?

Dr Tony Fiore
682
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Jose and Juanita have been married for 17 years, and basically love each other, yet have been fighting over the same issue almost every night of those years: She likes it cold at night and he likes it warm in their house and bedroom. She had just opened their bedroom windows for the night. When she left to visit the bathroom, she heard Jose follow her and close all the windows.
Let’s eavesdrop to see what we can learn about this fight and what to do about it.
-(curtain up)-
Juanita: (to Jose)”I can’t sleep unless the windows are wide open. You know that, but insist on closing them every night, just so I’ll be miserable. You are selfish and inconsiderate.”
Jose: (to Juanita):”This is my house too. Why should I have to freeze? You always get your way. It is so cold in here you could hang meat! Are you trying to get me sick? No NORMAL person would want it this cold!”
(curtain down)
IS THIS A SOLVABLE PROBLEM?
Depends on the specific marriage. For some couples, the solution would be a simple compromise of some sort; for instance, buy a room thermometer and agree to always keep the room at an agreed upon temperature both could live with.
In many marriages, however, a problem like this is not easily solved-it becomes “perpetual”-and trying to “solve” it only creates anger and tension. For Jose and Juanita, this unfortunately was the case.
Why is a simple problem like this not solvable for our couple and in many other marriages? Could be many reasons, but the usual culprits are:
(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle. This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore-it is about who will win or lose.
(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person resists.
For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.
CONFIDING MAKES THE DIFFERENCE
Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.
This is because now they are speaking from their hearts -combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner)
Juanita (should have said something like):”I feel that I don’t have to put up with this, although I also feel bad that you have to suffer. I tell myself that if you really loved me, you would want me to be comfortable at night.
I also ask myself why should I always give in? I work hard all day too and deserve some consideration. All I’m asking for is a decent night’s sleep, but then, I wonder if I am being too selfish.”
Jose (should have said something like):”I do really love you and I want you to be comfortable too, but it gets so cold in here at night for me that I can’t sleep.
We both want a good night’s sleep and want to be able to continue sleeping together in the same room. Let’s find a way to discuss it so it doesn’t make us so angry at each other.”
Granted, it is not easy to confide when in the heat of marital battle. Consequently, it is often better to first take a time out, calm down and then communicate what is in your heart. The following
communication tips will help:
FOUR COMMUNCIATION TIPS
Tip 1- Don’t only focus on the issue. Also discuss your feelings, thoughts, and inner conflicts surrounding the issue. Confide what is going on in both your heart and your mind.
Tip 2- Look at how you communicate with each other ABOUT the issue. Focus on the process of communication.
Tip 3- Give up needing to be right all the time. Wise and successful married people have discovered that often it is preferable to be happy than to be right!
Tip 4- Convey to your partner that you love them enough to want to join them so together you can find a way to deal with the issue or prob

Charles Welf
471
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Romance is the spice of life. It’s not difficult to visualize how dull and boring life would be without romance. Have you ever paused to wonder what it is that brings enthusiasm in life? Romance is that elixir that makes you vibrant, vivacious and full of vitality. Everyone has their own idea of romance and romantic ideas, what are your ideas of romance?
In the lines, by Shirley Bassey “I’d like to run away from you, but if you didn’t come, and find me … I would die.” the essence of love and romance has been beautifully depicted. Romance is something that gives comforting touch to one’s heart. Someone who’s sensitive about his or her beloved’s need, is romantic. Just being a hard-core romantic and not demonstrating your love openly is so unromantic. You need to put other work aside and show to your sweet heart that you care for him or her. The idea of romance can be as simple as a peck on a cheek, a warm hug or just uttering those three miraculous words “I love you.” These gestures appear romantic when your beloved is least expecting them, otherwise they are the boring hackneyed way of saying that you care. Novel romantic ideas are like, “life and blood” of any romantic relationship.
For some people romance means the spirit of adventure, a sense of anticipation of the unexpected, a view of exciting spectacles at every bend of the road. For many others romance involves the mysterious and the unknown. Like ‘magic casements opening on the foam of perilous seas,’ as Keats would put it. Romance sweeps in all the treasured experiences from the mysterious to the magical and the miraculous. Yet for most of us romance is an expression of love. When we talk of romantic ideas we refer to all the little things that can keep the flame of love burning bright in our hearts.
We all know that it isn’t enough to love a person; it is equally important to express our love in a relationship. Love without expression is as good as not there. You need to show your love, not only in words but also in gestures that speak louder than words. You have to devise novel ways of letting your love know how much you care. You have to find new ideas to express your love every day, if not every moment. Thinking of novel ways of saying ‘I love you’ is what romantic ideas are all about.
Everyone is not a poet, yet everyone needs to kindle the flame of love lest it fades away. This site on romantic ideas is a treasure house of fresh romantic ideas. The charm of an idea lies in its freshness, and nothing goes stale faster than ideas. So, look for absolutely novel romantic ideas to let the warm Love in!

Lee Dobbins
369
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Dating can be stressful and nerve wracking. You might feel like you are under a microscope and all your failures and faults are exposed in the open. But you can make things easier on yourself by boosting your confidence. You’ll be much more attractive to any date when you exude self confidence plus you’ll be able to enjoy yourself more and get much more out of the dating experience.
Since the whole point of dating is getting to know someone better, most people are nervous about making a good impression. Self doubts can creep in – are you smart enough? Attractive enough? Successful enough? That coupled with the threat of rejection is enough to make anyone’s confidence go south.
So how can you increase your confidence for your next date?
First off, don’t blow the date all out of proportion. It is just a date – one afternoon or evening. The rest of your life does not depend on it, although of course, you could be meeting your future spouse! Whether you are just looking for a fun night out or desperately trying to find Mr or Mrs right, it is best to just focus on the date itself. Take it for what it is and don’t put a lot of pressure on the event. Enjoy the person you are on the date with and the meal, movie or whatever – don’t have any great expectations other than a fun date.
Go into the date thinking of yourself as a person that has a lot of confidence. We’ve all seen them, the person that sweeps into the room and turns heads even when they might not be the most attractive or best dressed. If you picture yourself as confident then you will act this way – even when you don’t really feel it.
You’ve heard it before but the best way to have confidence on a date is to be yourself. Don’t try to impress your date by acting like someone you are not because you will not have the confidence to pull it off. If you hit it off with your date, you’ll be glad you weren’t pretending to be someone else as it will only be exposed later and could really much things up for you. Plus it just takes too much effort to pretend to be someone else and you won’t be able to enjoy yourself as much. And anyway, why wouldn’t your date like you for who you are?
If you feel insecure about yourself, focus on the other person. Become interested in their hobbies, likes dislikes and really think about what they have to say. When you put them in the spotlight it takes the spotlight off of you, plus you get to learn a lot about them. Ask questions and really hear the answers then ask more questions about the answers. Of course, you want to do this in a conversational way and not make your date feel like you are grilling them! While you don’t want to talk just about yourself the whole time you also don’t want to make it seem like you are avoiding answering their questions. When you do talk about yourself highlight your positive points.
Another way to take some of the pressure out of a date is to do something different instead of sitting at dinner and feeling insecure about coming up with 3 hours of conversation with someone you don’t know. Find a common interest, perhaps hiking or bird watching and make that date to do that. This way you can talk about your experiences related to t his interest and it will take a lot of the pressure off as well as boost your self confidence as you will be talking about something you know a lot about!
The main thing when dating is to remember that you are a valuable and special person. Don’t feel inferior to anyone and be confident – this will help win you many friends and, maybe even that special someone!

Stephen Kreutzer
461
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In 1900s, when California banned gin from being part of the ceremony, young lovers who were drunk and in love were able to get hitched in Las Vegas. These were the first recorded weddings in Las Vegas. It took only a few hours time to make the marriage official with stamped certificate and all. When the happy couple left the chapel a magical city of lights awaited them to celebrate. The first celebrity to take advantage of this option was supposedly Clark Gable. Since then, it has become the top wedding destination for VIPs as well as commonfolk. Take a look at this list of five reasons you might want to consider for marrying in the Entertainment Capital of the World.
1. The Late Days of Singleton
Before the notion of marriage becomes a reality, plan to spend the last few moments of Bachelorhood in Sin City! Enjoy a night on the town with your friends and have a ball before the big day! Would you like to enjoy some girl-talk before you say the final word? Go for a relaxing massage and get your bod pampered at the spa, while you talk about your future hubby.
2. Get Hitched, Fast and Simple
Are you ready for marriage? All you need is a social security number, a valid ID and $55 to get married in sunny Vegas. Don’t forget about the “love” part either! That is how easy it is to get married. You don’t need a wedding planner or a wedding singer. You don’t even need relatives! Just you, the one you love and, of course, the priest or justice of the peace. It could even be Elvis! Whatever you would like, Vegas can make it possible! But, remember: get a marriage license in advance to make sure everything runs smoothly.
3. Choose your Own Way
Would you like 2 or 200 wedding guests? Choose your own way to do things in Vegas. It has everything you need. A lot of wedding chapels have a variety of packages to offer. Whether you would like it plain or extravagant, they will have just the package for you! Everything you need is right there, from flowers and rings, to witnesses and cakes.Your 200 guests can amuse themselves in the beautiful and exciting city of Las Vegas! That will keep them busy so you can enjoy your first magical marital night.
4. Take an Enjoyable Walk to Your Honeymoon
In some cases a marriage might end before the honeymoon has even begun. A long flight on an airplane get be a little testy for some newlyweds. In Las Vegas that’s all different! When you walk out of the chapel (or garden, or Commissioner’s office), you are off on your honeymoon! Take a stroll along the Vegas strip and enjoy the lights, large and bright water fountains and the simple excitement of Vegas! You may also reside at one of the vast luxurious hotels and turn your wedding night into an unforgettable remembrance!
5. Living in Las Vegas
There are about 2,000,000 Americans that attest to the fact that moving to Las Vegas has been seriously considered for many couples beginning their new married life. Las Vegas very good infrastructure to protect it against the extreme weather climate. There is a basic need that Las Vegas covers twenty-four hours a day, and that is FOOD!
The blinketyblink of light driving you mad? Why not visit the beautiful Red Rock Canyon, the Valley of Fire or Lake Mead? Yes, Vegas also has breathtaking nature! Fill your memories with these gorgeous sites!
You want to have children? Some of the finest schools are located in Nevada. One of the top 10 high schools in the US is Clark County’s Green Valley High school.
Las Vegas is not just a place to get married, it’s a wonderful place to live! Once you see Las Vegas, you will never want to live anywhere else!

You may not agree, but it seems to me that blind dates are high on the list of things that everyone loves to hate. I have just one question – why?
Apparently, there are a number of myths about blind dates that are ruining their reputation. If you’re interested in exploding those myths and learning how to make blind dates productive and even enjoyable, this article is for you.
Myth #1: Blind dates are silly because you can just as well meet someone spontaneously.
Fact: Let’s face it. If you’re working full time, how many opportunities do you have to suddenly meet a potential dating partner? The majority of married couples will tell you: They did not meet at a club or in college. Someone introduced them. The sooner you accept that a blind date can be the most valuable tool in searching for your soul mate, the sooner your whole outlook on blind dates will take a positive turn – and so will your ability to utilize them.
Myth #2: Your first impression on a blind date is usually correct. Go with it.
Fact: The area where first impressions count least might just be blind dates. Anyone can be nervous on a first date, or have had an awful day at work. Be honest: Do you show who you really are inside on that first, blind date? Well, neither does your date. Instead, look at it as an icebreaker. Don’t make any decisions if they’re based on mere impressions. Just relax and enjoy the evening as much as possible. Don’t let first impressions get in the way.
Myth #3: If you don’t click right away, then you aren’t right for each other.
Fact: Although many of us expect to click instantly with the person who is right for us, in reality that doesn’t happen too often. Instant connections are rare, and for most people they take several meetings to develop. So if you find that you have a few things in common, or some aspects of your date’s personality appeals to you – that’s enough to go out on a second date.
Myth #4: If you don’t feel physically attracted very early on, you never will.
Fact: Even though physical attraction is an obvious requisite for marriage, it does not necessarily come instantly. If a man prefers women who are tall, dark and exotic looking, then when he goes out with a petite, blonde, blue-eyed woman it will take him another date or two to appreciate her looks no matter how beautiful she is. The thing is that, when you begin to like a person for who they are, you find yourself appreciating their physical appearance, too.
Now that we’ve dealt with the myths, we can get down to some practical advice: How to survive and enjoy (!) a blind date – and how to set the stage for date number two.
1) Don’t spend more than a few minutes talking about your job. Your date wants to see who you are, and if you have the personal qualities they think are important in a future spouse. You are not going to impress the other person by showing them what an accomplished business executive you are. A date is not a job interview. Show the softer side of your personality.
2) Be a good listener. Remember, you want to get to know the person you’re with. Show a genuine interest in your date by picking up on a hobby, interest or project that she mentioned. Let him know that you’re interested in what he’s saying.
3) Keep the conversation light. You do not want to reveal your deepest secrets to someone you hardly know and are not sure if you will ever see again. And they don’t want to hear you pour your heart out over whatever may or not be going wrong in your life. A good rule is to stick to “airplane talk” – the kind of information you would share with a complete stranger who is sitting next to you on a flight.
4) If it’s hard for you to make small talk, practice beforehand. Not everyone has the gift of gab. If you don’t, then practice ahead of time by going over possible topics of conversation. If you’re really shy, then role-play with a friend and walk yourself through that first date.
5) Some ideas for conversation on that first date: These ideas will help you stimulate the kind of conversation you want to have on a first date – conversation that will help you learn a little bit about each other’s values and way of thinking, and will also form the basis for more conversation on the second date.
Who do you most admire? How did they inspire you? What has been the most satisfying achievement of your life? Is there something you’ve always dreamt about doing? What is your most treasured possession, and why?
6) Don’t stretch the date out for too long. There is a limit to how much conversation two people can sustain when they go out for the first time. The ideal first date should last between two and two and a half hours, and should give both of you the opportunity to talk in a pleasant and relatively quiet atmosphere; a walk through a beautiful park followed by a good cup of coffee and dessert is great. Men, if you are dealing with social expectations that demand that you take her out for a costly evening, take this advice anyway. Don’t go for a five course meal. And if you’re going to a concert, make sure you have time either before or after to talk with each other.
Now that you’ve exploded the myths and gotten some great advice, you can put it to work. Next time you have a blind date, keep all this in mind and see the differ

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
186
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“I’ve waited so long for love to come into my life, yet now that it’s here, I’m depressed. I can’t figure this out,” complained Elayne in one of our phone counseling sessions. “Todd is really terrific. He’s all I’ve been wanting in a man – open, caring, and emotionally available. I really think there is something wrong with me.”
“When did you start to feel depressed?” I asked.
“Well, I think it started last week right after we spent a wonderful weekend together.”
“What happened after the weekend?”
“It was Sunday evening. We had just come back from an early dinner, and Todd wanted to watch a movie with me on TV. I told him that I wanted to go to the gym because I hadn’t worked out in a few days. He sounded disappointed in not watching the movie with me, so I didn’t go to the gym. I stayed and watched the movie with him because I didn’t want him to feel hurt and rejected.”
“And that’s when you started to feel depressed?”
“Yes. Can it really be because I didn’t go to the gym?”
“Well,” I said, “It’s not exactly because you didn’t go to the gym. You probably enjoyed watching the movie with him, right?”
“Right! A part of me did want to watch the movie with him, because I do love being with him. That’s why I can’t figure this out.”
“Elayne, I think that the problem is that you make Todd’s feelings and needs more important than your feelings and needs. You gave yourself up to Todd out of fear of his upset feelings. I don’t think you would have been depressed if you had decided that you really wanted to watch the movie with Todd more than you wanted to go to the gym. But it doesn’t sound like you took the time to go inside to see what you really wanted. What were you afraid would have happened if you had gone to the gym?”
“I was afraid that he would be angry at me and withdraw from me.”
“So you were willing to lose yourself rather than risk losing him, is that right?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I did.”
“So controlling his feelings and behavior was more important than taking loving care of yourself?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I didn’t realize that I was trying to control him by not going to the gym, but I can see that that is exactly what I was doing.”
“So, imagine that your feelings and needs are a child within you, and Todd’s feelings and needs are a child within him. If you put aside your child to take care of his child, how is your child going to feel?”
“Oh, I see! I feel depressed because I gave myself up and put my child aside to take care of his child! Wow, this relationship stuff is hard! I also feel trapped and resentful, like Todd is somehow not letting me do what I want to do. And as soon as I didn’t go to the gym, which is what I really wanted to do, I didn’t feel very attracted to him.”
“Right. And Todd may have been trying to control you with his disappointment. Has he felt rejected and hurt in the past when you didn’t do what he wanted?”
“Yes, he does this sometimes. I hate it when he feels like that. Now I can see that he is trying to control me with his hurt, and I’m trying to control him by giving myself up. I can also see that this is not going to work well.”
Elayne decided to talk with Todd about what she had learned. Fortunately, Todd was very open to understanding his own behavior as well as Elayne’s. Elayne made the decision to risk letting go of responsibility for Todd’s feelings and take responsibility for her own feelings and needs. Elayne’s depression quickly vanished as she started to take lovie of herself.

Tracy Togliatti
629
25 7

Nothing tells a woman you love her more than your time and attention. This article is going to cover the basics of giving her a special night of massage and passion and also offer some ideas that you may never thought of before!
It’s a popular gift item to get gift certificates for a professional massage. That is a very nice gift. It’s sure to bring stress relief and significantly improves physical and emotional health. There is only one thing that is lacking with this gift. That is passion. My suggestion is to give her a gift certificate for a massage from you! That’s right, you are going to give her a nice, long, slow body massage that will completely relax and refresh her. It’s going to be sensual and loving and your imagination can lead you to how the massage will end up!
The first thing to do is to learn the techniques of a good massage. For an extra special gift, enroll both of you in a massage class that you can take together and then practice on each other. The rest of your gift can be your own special “graduation” party for the two of you when classes have ended.
If you don’t have the time to enroll in a class, or can’t find one close to where you live, do some Internet research. Go to your favorite search engine and type in “How to give a massage”. I ran the search and found dozens of sites that will teach you to massage like the pros do! I’m not going to spend a lot of time in this article describing the information I found, because I’m more interested in sharing the complete event with you.
Now, before you give the massage there are a few things you want to make sure you have on hand that will help set the mood and will enhance the complete experience. You want to involve all of her senses during your special time together.
Set a time where there will be no distractions. To make the time extra special, book a room at a nice hotel close by your house. There will be no thinking about the dirty dishes or a ringing telephone when you are away from it all. Otherwise, turn off the phones and make sure your time will be alone time without interruption from children or a barking dog.
The room you choose to be in should be warm with no drafts. Find some extra soft blankets and put them on the floor, or even a long sturdy table if you have one of those handy. Your goal is to provide a hard, but comfortable surface for the massage.
Next you’ll want to make sure and have some beautiful music ready. There is a big selection of romantic music you can choose from. Set it at a comfortable listening level, making sure it’s not too loud. My personal favorite romantic CD is Euphoria, Sensual Soundscapes. This CD is ideally suited for massage and passion!
Next, turn off the lights and have a variety of lighted candles around the room. The more candles, the better, without creating a fire hazard. Try to find unscented ones if the massage oil you will be using is scented. If the massage oil isn’t deliciously scented though, find candles that have an earthy, not fruity smell. The earthy smells are more relaxing and sensual.
Pick massage oil that is also healthy for her skin. This will leave her feeling scrumptious long after the massage is over. HappyHer Massage Oil contains Soybean Oil, Olive Oil, Almond Oil, Jojoba Oil, and Vitamin E. It also comes in a huge assortment of light scents to pick one you think she will like the best. Remember, she may end up returning the favor someday, so get something that you can both feel good about having rubbed into your skin.
Now that you have the room ready, bring your partner in. You don’t want to start with the massage immediately and here is what a lot of articles fail to tell you. Setting the mood is the most important element of the entire time you spend together. Share a glass of wine, or gourmet tea. Look deeply in your eyes and talk about the things about her that you are grateful for. It doesn’t have to be too emotional if you aren’t comfortable with that, but talk about nice things and let her know in detail what you plan to do to her. Your goal is to establish an emotional and mental connection. She will feel more secure and loved and will enjoy the rest of the evening’s attention a hundred times more.
During the massage, don’t talk. Gently let her know that you don’t want any talking to interrupt her feeling the massage from the deepest levels. Now, take your time and enjoy using your hands all over her body. The last tip I’ll leave you with is to make sure and let her know when the massage has ended how beautiful she is to you. Massage can be very intimate and you both might feel vulnerable afterwards. Making sure you are reassuring to her will assure you that you melt her heart completely!
I hope this article has your creative juices running over what you can do for the woman who has your heart. If you would like more suggestions, please feel free to email me anytime!ZZ

Irina Sbitneva
278
25 7

Look around the (online dating) web and you will notice that the online dating scene is a lot focused on single Russian women and other East European women. The reason that in particular women from these countries are looking for a foreign partner is generally known, but will not be discussed in this article. But I do like to give you some tips when you must NOT dating or contacting Russian women.
Let me give you 6 valuable tips:
Tip 1.
If you are a single man and you don’t want to be single anymore then you probably already are using the Internet as a source to find a new partner. But fun dating, chatting and ‘playing around’ with people from your own culture or country is something different then being determined to find specific a Russian woman with the one and only purpose: to marry her. This means traveling to Russia (to meet her), possible language barrier, learning about the Russian (women) culture, be prepared for unexpected situations, like money expenses, possible scam situations (if you are looking in the wrong places) and many more.
If you are not convinced about yourself that this is all worth for you, then don’t start dating or contacting Russian women. A serious looking Russian woman who is a formal member of a serious established agency has already prepared herself before she decides to register herself as a possible candidate for serious looking single men from all over the world. She is not looking for pen pals or everlasting month’s of email correspondence, no she is looking for a life partner with one main purpose: to build a happy family.
Tip 2.
If you think that register yourself at some dubious free dating site would be enough to present yourself as a serious looking single man, who is looking for a serious marriage minded Russian woman with the expectation that many women will contact you first, then don’t start to find your future Russian wife in these places, because you will not find them here. These kind of sites can be fun of course, but are also hotbeds for possible scammers.
Believe me, I have unfortunately a lot of experience with men who started at the wrong places. Be smart and take a huge head-start by avoiding these places.
Tip 3.
There are people who register themselves in men’s catalogs with photographs as if they are looking like ‘Tarzan’s’ or use photo’s only wearing swimming shorts, just to impress young good looking ladies. And write a biography using 3 lines like “Hello, my name is [name], I am a single man looking for a young beautiful woman who also likes music, going out, having fun and drive fast cars, if you are interested, then please write me back”
If you identify yourself with that kind of persons, then don’t contact or try to impress Russian women in such way. Russian women are not looking for Brad Pitt look-alikes or muscles like Sylvester Stallone. They are not judging ‘looks’ at all, and you will find out why if you take the trouble to do this the right way.
Tip4.
If you think Russian women are looking for any (western) man just because you think they are looking for a new country, a better life, a wealthy man, no matter if he is 20 years older than she is, then please keep on dreaming. They just seek compatible partners for long term-relationships and marriage and want to love and be loved, that’s all no more, no less!
Tip 5.
If you don’t have a regular job or (enough) income or don’t have a house/apartment (rent or owned) big enough to live with a family, or if you have any serious criminal records (I am not talking about non paid parking tickets), then don’t try to bring a Russian woman into your country. You will not succeed. Not because of my personal advise which has nothing to do with this, but because of the strict regulations, procedures and rules that are imposed by the authorities when you have the intention to immigrate a Russian woman into your country. Please advise the official USCIS website by yourself: http://uscis.gov/graphics/howdoi/fiance.htm
Tip 6
If you think, that when she finally joins you in your country, you can start living your ‘normal’ life again and if you think she is capable enough to find her own way in your (for her) strange country, to find at once a job, to teach herself your language and find by herself new friends and if you think she should be ‘thankful’ that you have ‘pulled her out’ her poor mafia controlled and corrupted country, then don’t start even thinking about contacting a Russian woman. At least the first month’s she will need extra support from you to settle herself with you as a ‘just married’ husband-and-wife couple and she has to adjust to your country (customs), your culture, your language, your friends, your colleague’s, your shops, your train and bus schedule, your etc. and that takes time and patience from both of you.
But my (western) husband and I can assure you: It’s all worth it!
Please do not think I am some weird arrogant Russian woman and do understand that I am certainly not trying to discourage you to ‘date’ Russian women, on the contrary, I only want to give you some serious tips about the things that really won’t work and if you want to learn more, please visit my website http://www.russian-women-info.com and start reading my Information and Advice chapters.
Irina Sbitneva,
A Russian woman who owns and operates a website ‘Are you crazy enough to marry a Russian woman?’ about finding, contacting, meeting and marrying a Russian woman. Irina is a former scientist of the Institute of Immunology in Moscow and left Russia 5 years ago to marry her foreign d.

Dr. Robert Huizenga
88
25 7

I find this dilemma rather common for younger couples, probably mid or late 30s and younger.
Usually one reports, “falling out of love” and is truly disturbed by this shift. He/she (and this is not merely a female problem!) wants to “recapture” those feelings.
This person has found a “significant other” who has stirred those dormant feelings and this person once again “feels in love.”
They are determined not to “settle” for a less than an ideal relationship, which means, of course, feeling the love feelings.
Here are some Key Points for this kind of affair. (The 6 others are outlined in my E-book.)
1. Unfortunately, our culture (movies, songs, romance novels, soap operas, romance comedies) teaches us that this is how it’s supposed to be. “Falling in love” is the norm – the implication being, that if it doesn’t happen, or if it goes away, something is wrong – with you, your spouse or the marriage. A good relationship must first unlearn a great deal.
2. The person who was driven to find “that loving feeling” (reminds me of a song…) usually experiences a high degree of guilt and conflict. He/she is often married to a “good” person and the desire to “find that loving feeling” seems selfish (which it is) and immature (which it is). Intuitively (and this person usually has a great deal of intuition and sensitivity) it is known at another level that he/she is not on the right path.
3. This person usually has a need for drama and excitement. Life easily becomes a soap opera. Emotional juice from the fall-out of emotionally intense relationships reigns rather than living life from the core of who one is.
4. There is little understanding, or perhaps healthy models, of the shifts needed as a relationship matures. For example, “falling out of love” usually happens when the attractors become the distracters. For example: His love for fun and spontaneity, which drew her initially to him, becomes irresponsibility. Her stability and calm, which drew him initially to her, become control.
5. The person “looking for love” is actually looking for the ideal, someone out there, who will project back to him/her that he/she is OK. No, more than OK, close to perfect.
6. This person needs to be adored, or think another adores him/her, because there is a lack of inner strength and solid identity. The other becomes my world, because I lack a world. Being “in love” is the panacea for my emptiness.
7. Sexual intercourse does not need to be a part of these relationships. Sexual activity may indeed END the relationship or at least move it to the point where the attractors become, again, the distracters. The idealized images may be held together by long phone calls, gifts, holding, love letters, e-mails, etc.
8. This type of affair often occurs when there is a “lull” in the marriage relationship. The responsibility of raising children, starting and maintaining a career, paying bills, etc. become the focal point for the couple. Romance becomes a foreign word. People are especially vulnerable for this type of affair after the children are in school and/or the oldest child reaches early adolescence. (There are good reasons for this, from a family systems perspective, but I won’t get into that here.)
Tip: If your spouse is struggling with this type of relationship, make sure you hold and care for your self. Your spouse does not have the capacity to do this for you (or anyone) at this point. Yes, you are ok. Her/his affair says less about you and much more about the emptiness within her/him. It is time for you to know you better. Model for him/her what it means to be a person with a core, with integrity, with boundaries, with values, with meaning, with purpose and actively figure out what your needs are, and get them met. Maybe she will ask questions. Maybe she will not. Maybe soon. Maybe later.
For more information on the different kinds of affairs, what causes them, the probabilities of them ending a marriage and what you can do about it, my site.

Dawn Goldberg
678
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Each of us has a variety of roles we play in life. Some of my most important roles are as a woman, as a mother, and as a wife. I am currently reading a book that eloquently speaks to all three.
The book is The Bitch in the House, edited by Cathy Hanauer. It’s a series of essays written by women about being women: being wives, mothers, workers in our world. It mostly deals with the rage, uncertainty, and sometimes confusion over our lives. It’s incredibly well written (really, really, really well written – after all, most of these essayists are professional writers), and it has the potential to help bring us together as a gender.
Each essay is different and is written from the point of view, frame of reference, and experience of each individual woman. Many of the essays center around marriage, or the decision not to marry, and parenting, or the decision not to parent. These writers bare their souls about the mistakes they’ve made, the problems they have, and how they’re working toward their dreams. Each has found a different answer to her particular point of view.
The essay I just finished today had to do with a woman who, after one disastrous marriage, decided to avoid marriage altogether. Well (and you see this coming, don’t you?), she meets a new, great guy, they get married, and now she needs to reconcile the fact that she doesn’t want to lose her individuality with her true love for her husband. In her essay, she talks about how marriage differs from the courtship in that the mysterious, unknown woman he was courting is replaced by a woman whom he knows intimately, and for whom there are no surprises.
She talks about how she doesn’t want her husband to know her so well that he’s no longer intrigued. She says she doesn’t want him to know her “fall dance, winter dance, spring dance. . .That idea gives me the creeps. I do not ever allow my husband to think that he fully knows me, that he has that access.”
After reading about this woman who goes out into her garden where her husband is not allowed and smokes (which she says is completely forbidden) in order to remain somewhat a mystery, I took a look at what I have and want in my own marriage.
I have to disagree with her. I want my husband to know me. I want him to know my fall dance, winter dance, and spring dance. There’s a comfort in being known, in not having to explain what kinds of books I like or the fact that I really hate fake wood paneled basements (a strange leftover from childhood) or that I have trouble buying bras and panties (oh, yes, he’s intimately acquainted with all my foibles!).
I like being able to say one word, and he knows exactly what I mean. Now, that kind of intimate knowledge could lead to boredom, a kind of ennui about our relationship. I choose for it not to. Instead of feeling bored and sighing, “Oh, yes, I know what’s he’s going to say – how trivial,” we’re on a different level where we can skip past the explanation of what that means and on to the next subsequent thought or idea.
Something else that comes as a result of years together is all the shared memories. We can see a green Ford Explorer, and we both think back to the time when we were in college and saw a green Explorer with a baby seat in the back and a Christmas tree on the top – all of our dreams rolled into one vehicle (it was only missing a dog leash, as far as we could see). If I’m with someone else and see a green Explorer, there’s no shared frame of reference. And I would feel alone. And sad.
Now, I completely get that in a marriage much of the intrigue is gone. Once he sees you plucking your eyebrows and shaving your legs, one could say that some of the mystery is gone. However, that loss of mystery and intrigue is replaced by the comfort of a shared life. When we hear Peter Gabriel’s song, “In Your Eyes,” we immediately look at each other, both thinking back to the first movie we watched together, Say Anything (my husband has a romantic streak although he may not admit it in public).
Do I sometimes long for those days where we were just getting to know each other, and everything, including our physical relationship, was new and exciting? Sure. But there’s something else about those days. There was some fear and anxiety about them, too. What if he really gets to know me and doesn’t like me? What if he thinks I’m a flake (a real possibility)? And then, as we got more and more serious: is he going to want the same things I’m going to want?
Can it sometimes be annoying when he tries to finish my sentences for me? Absolutely. Especially when he nails it right on the head. Do I sometimes get satisfaction from those times that I do surprise him? You betcha. But for the most part, I want the comfort and safety in knowing that he knows me, just about every bit of me, and he still wants me.
I really don’t want to exchange that comfort for mystery. So, while I’m dealing with the rage, uncertainty, and confusion in my own life, I’ll do so with the secure knowledge that my biggest advantage is my husband, who loves me, knows me, and continues to be intrigued by me.

Enid Steiner
599
25 7

Have you ever wondered how to set up the perfect home when living with roommates? Well the wait is over. As you’ll discover creating the perfect home is a bit like baking the perfect cake – it’s all about the ingredients.
The key to setting up the perfect home with roommates is finding the right combination of ingredients for you. This combination will be different for each household as roommates have different ideas, thoughts and personalities.
It’s never too early or late to create your perfect home. You can plan your home with your new roommates before or when moving in, or alternatively with existing roommates to decide how you would like to live in the future. It’s a good idea to sit down with all of your roommates to discuss and find the perfect combination of these essential ingredients. This way you can make sure that all roommates are happy and everyone’s idea of the perfect home is created. Also, taking the time and planning how you would like to live, can save you time, money and hardship.
Simply, take these 10 essential ingredients, give them a bit of your own personal touch and you’ll be able set up the home that’s right for you.
1. Dwelling Type
Do you wish to live in a house, apartment or townhouse? The type of dwelling determines not only the rent but also the amount of maintenance that needs to be done. For example, when living in a house you will need to make sure the lawn is mowed and the garden kept tidy.
2. Lease
Will each person need to be on the lease or will the leaseholder sublet to other roommates? This is an important decision as it can have serious legal consequences for each roommate.
3. Rent
Does the rent include expenses like telephone, electricity and household items or will these be extra expenses and paid for separately? You will need to decide how and when the rent will be collected as well as how much money needs to be put aside for common household items like dishwashing detergent or light bulbs.
4. Extra Expenses
Will expenses like telephone, cable TV and/or Internet be divided equally or on a user-pays basis? When implementing a user-pays system, you will have to decide how everyone’s usage will be calculated, for example, each roommate may need to enter their own pin number when using the phone.
5. Conflict Resolution
How will disagreements and disputes be handled in the household? Having a plan will allow conflicts to be solved quickly and easily.
6. Grocery Shopping
Do you wish to share grocery shopping expenses and buy items as a household or prefer each person be responsible and buy their own food and grocery items?
7. Household Chores
How will the house or apartment be kept tidy and clean? Will each person be accountable for a few chores or will everyone tidy up after themselves? You may like to set up a roster so each roommate knows which chores they need to do.
8. Furniture and Shared Household Items
Will roommates need to bring their own furniture and how will common living areas be furnished? You may also wish to create a plan on how to deal with damaged furniture and breakages.
9.Entertaining
Do roommates need to check with each other before throwing a party or can friends of roommates come and go as they please? Roommates with different social habits often have different ideas about entertaining so having some guidelines may come in handy.
10. Special Household Rules
Do you wish to make any special household rules, for example, roommates need to give 2 weeks notice before moving out? It’s important that everyone knows these rules before they move in and agree to follow them.
These 10 key ingredients brings your household back to the drawing board and lets you put the pieces of the puzzle together one piece at a time. It clarifies what’s important to each roommate so that you can create a home that runs smoothly and happily. So, just remember, when you take the right ingredients and the right roommates, you can build the right home for you.
Happy Roommate Hunting

Elizabeth Greene
532
25 7

What a joy it is to know that you’ll be bringing all your closest family members and friends together to celebrate your wedding! As you begin to contemplate the type of entertainment that you’ll offer your guests, it dawns on you that it will be no easy task to find the perfect wedding band or DJ that will please your entire crowd. How can your band or DJ delight your parents without boring your friends? Or perform at a volume that will make your friends want to jump up and dance without blowing your parents and their friends out of the room?
Striking the perfect balance of wedding music to please everyone can be difficult, but if you do enough research you will be able to find seasoned professionals who are used to entertaining people of every generation and musical taste. Bands and DJs that are inexperienced can really miss the mark in this regard. It takes a number of years of playing “out in the field” to become adept at working with a crowd to see what works and what doesn’t.
You can start your planning by really digging into your research as to what songs and artists will please your parents. Everyone loves to dance to familiar tunes that bring back their high school days. Find out what songs were popular when they were growing up. It will make them feel young again and they will really appreciate your thoughtfulness at including “their music”.
If you spend some time listening to what your parents love to dance to, you will find songs that have broad appeal. These are the songs to request that your band or DJ play.
There are two good approaches to mixing in the “older music”. One way to do this is to start out the reception “European style”, with lighter and older music that is played at a lower volume. Show tunes, love songs, swing, big band music and oldies work well early in the night with this format. Older relatives are less shy than friends, so they usually love to get out on the floor early. Also, many of them have been to parties where “their music” has been left out or neglected, so that they will want to take advantage of a familiar favorite by getting up on the floor.
Later in the night, especially after dinner is completed, you can have your wedding band or DJ cut loose with the perfect mix of songs that you and your friends love. If you add in a ballad here and there, everyone will have a chance to catch their breath, and those who have been “sitting it out” will have another chance to get up and dance!
Another way to keep everyone happy is to mix things up all night long. As long as your band or DJ plays at a moderate volume, even the most upbeat music won’t be overbearing. If you can, seat your older relatives at tables farther away from your band or DJ’s speakers. Younger guests are less sensitive to volume and will object less to the higher levels of sound that will result from sitting in closer proximity to the sound system.
Be sure that any band that you consider has many years experience performing at wedding receptions and has an extensive song list. The more extensive the list is, the more likely you will be able to choose the right mix of songs for your crowd.
Don’t assume that your DJ will have all the songs that you want without letting him or her know your preferences well beforehand. Prepare your list and give it to your entertainers at least four weeks ahead of the party. In addition to requesting your favorite tunes, you can also mention which songs you do not want heard at your wedding reception. Clear communication with the bandleader or DJ is essential so that the appropriate music is played at your affair.
Your wedding day is your special day, but do not forget you are sharing it with many guests of various ages and musical tastes. With some careful planning and proper communication with your wedding entertainers, bridging the musical generation gap will become possible and significantly contribute to the success of your special day.ZZZZZZ

Lisa Stuart
670
25 7

If you are looking to attract and experience a relationship with the love of your life, something vitally important to not ignore is how you look each and every time you step out your front door into the world. You should look good every single time.
Now, that doesn’t mean you have to put on a three piece suit or that you have to wear your best dress just to run errands. However, it does mean that you shouldn’t wear your sweats that have paint on them from your last home improvement project or an old t-shirt that is full of holes. So, at the very least, just dress in a decent outfit and make sure your hair is brushed and a little makeup on if you’re a woman. You’ll find that your efforts are directly proportional to your results.
What happens when you make sure that you look good whenever you walk out your front door is that you will automatically feel better about yourself than you would if you had just thrown on those paint-covered sweats and old t-shirt.
When you feel good about yourself because you look good, it essentially opens the door and clears the way for others to feel good about you as well. And if you happen to run into someone attractive, anywhere you are, you then don’t have to give a second thought to how you might look. You have already taken the time to address the issue and so it will no longer be a worry.
Ask yourself how many times in the past you didn’t look the greatest and you saw an attractive person and you completely went out of your way to avoid them because you immediately realized how awful you looked? How would things have been different if you were dressed in something better and you had groomed yourself just minimally?
When you have the mindset that those extra few minutes in front of a mirror will serve to help you attract the love of your life, you’ll find that you want to do it and it won’t be a hassle. In turn, it will give you the confidence you might need to be more approachable or to approach someone. You really just never know when or where you’ll meet someone special, so look good first and foremost. Then, all you have to worry about is remembering to smile and doing whatever it takes to strike up a conversation.
Warmest Regards,
Lisa Stuart

Martin Smith
430
25 7

At any age both men and women find dating a challenge. Ladies, you worry about your make-up, whether you look fat, and your hair. Men worry about money, whether they will like the woman, and if their tie (if they are wearing one) is straight. Being liked and accepted is something both men and women worry about.
Your date can be less stressful if you do some things believe it or not. Make your date as comfortable as possible. It may seem like your date is on trial if you throw a lot of questions at them. Make most of your questions open-ended and let the conversation happen naturally. Questions that only need yes and no answers are fine occasionally but they can lead to tension and stilted conversation.
Forcing conversation doesn’t work. “Relax, be yourself and you’ll be fine.” is something people hear a lot. Sharing your interests with your date is fine but don’t forget to listen to them as well. You and your date will probably be nervous so try to relax, if you can. Is one of the most important things you can do.
You should definitely not do certain things on a date. Complaining and groaning about your ex all night will make them wonder what you will say about them, also do not talk all night about yourself. A lot of questions shouldn’t be asked as this is not the inquisition. Don’t be late, pick up your date on time and be ready to be picked up on time.
Don’t forget to say thank you for a good time for your date, it is important. An important part of dating is getting to know your date and your date getting to know you. You might want to try some that you have not done up until now. Alternate who decides where you are going, you could learn something new and you could just learn something very interesting.
An important concern, perhaps the most important is dating safety. With all the ways there are now to meet people, those with less than good intentions find it easier to act on them. Men pay attention because the suggestions that follow are addressed to women but you could be target too.
Go only to public places not isolated ones for the first few dates. You can do things to keep yourself safe besides meeting someone you’ve talked to online, in a very public place. Have friends to the same place and have them keep you in their sight at all times, do not go alone. The nice guy you met at the library may seem sweet but he may not be.
If you feel uncomfortable in any way, listen to your instincts and do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. Learn as much as you can about your date. Do you know where he lives? How does he make his living? Do not consider continuing to date him if he doesn’t want to tell you. Even if your date is the most wonderful person, be careful if they refuse to share personal information.
Offering too much information, I suppose could be a warning sign too. Although date rape drugs are put in alcoholic beverages; it can also be put tea, water, coffee, and soda. They could go in almost any beverage. If you leave the table it is a good reason to have a friend nearby to keep an eye on your table and on your date.
Consuming too much alcohol is never a good idea. If you are driving this is most important but you will want to keep your wits about you. The use of any safety device you can is good but keep it legal. Whether you are male or female a cell phone is the most important tool to have, because your car can be in an accident or breakdown. A cell phone could bring help that much quicker.
Your phone should be programmed so that only one number press is required to reach 911. You can program most cell phones with a particular key that when pressed dials 911 automatically. Cell phones have GPS capability programmed into them. Pepper sprays and high decibel personal alarms are two other safety tools.
Check with your local police and attorney to determine what is acceptable in your community. In many places pepper sprays are banned. Whether dating or not other safety advice is never go anywhere unfamiliar alone. Your seat belt should always be worn. If you are ordered to go with someone with a weapon some suggest that you take a stand right away.
To become safe scream, yell, bite, or kick, do anything you have to do. Aim for the eyes and the groin. Take the heel of your hand and shove it as hard as you can into the assailant’s nose. This next thing is something to do in almost any situation not just dating. Never give anyone too much personal information, be careful about how much you tell them.
I remember when personal safety wasn’t always a serious matter. Over powering someone and covering up crimes has developed new methods. Keep yourself safe by always letting someone know who you are going out with and where you are going.
Z

Bob Curtis
1
25 7

When we first meet someone, regardless of the way or medium that we meet, we are either attracted or not. Attraction, when pursued, eventually grows into levels of friendship and then may cross the barriers we build up, to protect ourselves, and grow into love.
Attraction usually involves an instant decision of like or dislike, based on our own subconscious criteria. If we meet someone in person, we tend to size them up physically. If we meet through letters or phone conversation or internet chat, we tend to size them up, over a longer term, by how well they converse and how interesting (or complimentary) they are while we interact with them.
It is true that people can act however they want, be whatever they want to be, over the internet. But eventually the true person leaks through the cracks and we begin to see their true self. Moral of the story? It’s best to be your real self. You may eventually want to meet the person on the other end of the conversation.
On the other hand, when you do meet the ‘real’ person on the other end, remember that you have grown to like that person because of what’s inside their mind and heart. You have found a potential ‘soul mate’ who thinks as you think and feels much the same way that you feel.
No one is perfect. We all have our own flaws and shortcomings. The concept of finding the ‘right’ person is good. The concept of finding the ‘perfect’ person is improbable and discouraging, because ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist.
The way this person looks, their physical appearance, isn’t as important as their inner looks, or soul. What we see is what we get, and hopefully the heart ranks the highest. We fall in love with someone’s soul, not the shape or size of their body. And although a certain number of things can be done to improve physical appearance, that shouldn’t be our main criteria or requirement for friendship or companionship.
We fall in love with their heart. With their inner self. With their true being. And that’s what matters moZZZZZ

Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
673
25 7

In my counseling work, I often work with clients who have a deep fear of commitment. These individuals generally say that they want to be in a loving relationship, yet they keep picking “the wrong people.”
Susan, 38, sought my help because she was in two relationships at the same time. This didn’t feel right to her, so she knew that she had to make a choice. Yet she could not seem to decide which relationship was right for her.
Susan had been in a relationship with Shawn for two years. Shawn, 43, was a delightful man, fun loving and sweet. However, Shawn would emotionally disappear for long periods of time, and he was clear that he did not want children – which was very important to Susan. In addition, Shawn was always living on the edge financially.
Then Susan met Calvin, who was totally different than Shawn. Calvin stayed emotionally present, had a job he loved and made very good money, and wanted to have children. Susan was very attracted to Calvin and in her heart she knew that he was a much better choice for her than Shawn. Yet she could not seem to let go of Shawn.
As we explored the situation, it became apparent that Susan couldn’t let go of Shawn because she was terrified of commitment. With Shawn there was no chance of being in a committed relationship – he was not really available. Yet Susan felt “safe” with Shawn. Safe from what?
Susan discovered that she was terrified of really being in love, which was a possibility with Calvin but not with Shawn. In her mind, being in love meant losing her freedom. When she thought of being with Calvin, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her concept of a loving relationship was that, “You are together all the time. I couldn’t just go and be with my friends or take a vacation with a friend. Commitment means giving up freedom.”
No wonder she felt safe with Shawn! As long as Susan felt she had to give herself up to be in a loving relationship, she would not be able to make a commitment.
Douglas, 34, another client of mine, has the exact same problem. When he is in a relationship, he is a very “nice guy.” He tends to try to please his partner because, in his mind, taking care of himself and doing the things he wants to do is selfish. Yet, in giving himself up to his partner, he ends up resenting her and ending the relationship. Like Susan, he is operating under the false belief that he has to give up his personal freedom to be in a loving relationship.
Both Susan and Douglas have a major false belief that is causing their fear of commitment: that loving another person means doing what that person wants instead of staying true to themselves and taking loving care of themselves. They both have a false definition of selfish. They think they are being selfish if they take care of themselves instead of care-take their partners. I offered them this definition of selfish:
Selfish is when you expect someone else to give themselves up for you – to not do what they want to do and instead do what you want them to do. Selfish is when you do not support others in taking loving care of themselves and instead expect them to take care of you.
Giving yourself up is a form of control. You want to control how the other person feels about you by doing what they want you to do. When you do what another person wants you to do from love and caring, with no agenda to get their approval, you feel wonderful. But when you give yourself up from fear of your partner’s anger or withdrawal, you will feel trapped and resentful. To be in a committed relationship, your first commitment needs to be to yourself – to your truth, integrity and freedom.
Learning to take loving care of yourself is the key to healing a fear of commitment. When you are taking loving care of yourself, you will be filled with love and you will have much love to share with your pa

April Masini
650
25 7

If you are ready to start winning in the dating world, follow this simple strategy for success:
Lesson 1: First Impressions
They are immediate, long lasting, and usually permanent. Regardless of how great you are, and no matter how sweet you can be once someone gets to know you, the reality is, your dating success will be based almost entirely upon the other person’s initial sense of who and what you are.
Lesson 2: If you want the part, look the part
Statistics show that how we appear speaks more about us, and is more important, than what we say verbally.
Lesson 3: Act the part
It is a fact that in our personal affairs, as in all our business dealings, we sell ourselves first. Poor attitude, image, and behavior will adversely affect your dating success, just as it will negatively affect your success in business.
Lesson 4: Be the part.
The initial impression you make on a prospective date predicts whether she (or he) will take the time to get to know you. Dating, as well as business, is all about sales. You must think of yourself as a product and the person you want to date as the buyer.
Lesson 5: Dating is about sales and sales is a numbers game
If you want to multiply your success immediately in dating (or just about anything else), learn, understand, and embrace the concept behind “the numbers game.” Accept and follow these tenets:
* You are a product
* You are the product’s salesperson, its packager, and its advertiser.
* The person you’re trying to attract is your customer. They make their buying decisions based upon presentation, packaging, and advertising.
* The world’s best salespeople don’t have a 100 percent sales rate, a 75 percent rate, a 50 percent or even a 25 percent rate. The world’s best salespeople are lucky to maintain a 10 percent sales rate and count themselves lucky if one out of every ten “pitches” results in a sale.
Lesson 6: Confidence = success
The number one quality both men and women seek in a date or a mate is confidence. Confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salesmen must possess in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from someone who has no confidence in themselves or the products they represent.
Lesson 7: Establish a goal
A confident person is one with a plan and a goal. What’s yours?
Lesson 8: Know your target market and give them what they want
Understand to whom you are trying to sell yourself and what they are interested in buying.
Lesson 9: Analyze the competition and do things better than they do
Just as you would study a competitor in business or a rival sports team, study your dating competition if you want to win!
Lesson 10: Take action and follow through
Deal with your fear of rejection. Stop investing your energy and self-worth in outcomes. Instead ofthinking of ‘misses’ as ‘failures,’ think of them as ‘practice shots’. Dating is a process. Stop placing so much importance on what the person you are interested in thinks of you. After all, you don’t know if you would even like them once you get to know them, do you?
Set small goals and accomplish them, one by one. Get passionate about your goals and your life. Enthusiasm is contagious, if you are excited about your life, people will be excited about being with you.
Dress for success. Always put your best foot forward And don’t forget to perfect your sales pitch. If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same result.
Bonus Lesson: Live as if there may be no tomorrow
Realize there are no guarantees, no dress rehearsals, and (usually) no second chances. Make each day “your day,” one in which you did all that you could do.

Ruby Boyd
591
25 7

There are many positive correlations between love, sex and health.
Being so, it has produced many questions…..

Have you wondered if an active sex life can truly alleviate pain?

Do sexually active people have fewer colds and bouts of flu?

Is it true that married people live longer than single or
divorced people?

Can an active sex life help prevent disease and illnesses by
strengthening our immune system?

I have these answers and more, read on….

An active sex life is both stimulating and rejuvenating to the
glandular system. When we make love the pituitary gland, the
thyroid gland, the adrenal glands, the prostate and testes in
men, and the ovaries in women are thoroughly exercised. The net
result is that people in love look and feel better about themselves.

Activation of the sex center in the brain has health effects on other
brain centers. Every cell in the body gets this message and is
strengthened by it.

An active sex life strengthens our immune system. Scientists have
compared the nerve endings of happy, loving and sexually-fulfilled
people with unhappy and sexually-unfulfilled people. Apparently,
large numbers of immune-system cells were gathered near the nerve
endings in the “happy” people. A similar microscopic exam of
“unhappy” and depressed persons showed no such gathering of immune-
system cells.

Scientists theorized that the nerve endings in the “happy” group were
releasing neurotransmitters. These are chemicals, like adrenalin and
acetylcholine, that facilitate the transmission of nerve messages.

Scientists concluded that these neurotransmitters could attract, feed, and strengthen the various immune-system cells. During sex, the heart beats twice as fast, pumping blood to the pelvis, breasts, nipples, and surface of the skin, helping get rid of toxins and bringing in nutrients.

We also breath twice as fast, bringing in more oxygen. Muscles are
tensed and relaxed, alternatively. Of course, not much good is realized by those who rush through lovemaking in ten minutes or less. But for those who spend a leisurely hour or two, the benefits can be
considerable.

You, and you alone can determine the success or failure of your sex and love life; your physical, mental and spiritual health; and almost every other aspect of your life.

Amy Lee Johnson
475
25 7

How can there be a wedding without wedding speeches? The bride’s father is the first to do the honors, followed by the groom and then by the Best Man. At some weddings even the maid of Honor may be asked to speak a few words. The guests wait for the speeches to end before heading for the bar, and joining the celebrations.
It is not that wedding speeches are not fun. They are. Good speeches can add life and zest to wedding celebrations. But these speeches are few and far between. The majority of the speeches fall flat, because the speaker has not made adequate preparations.
Most wedding speeches are today delivered as a ritual. The bride’s father is too busy making arrangements and has not spent sufficient time reciting his lines; the groom is too overwhelmed by the occasion to stand up and deliver; and the Best Man is busy enjoying the attention to worry about the speech.
So, what should be done? Should the guests suffer the speeches in silence at wedding after wedding? Or should the speakers realize the importance of the occasion and do justice to the responsibility entrusted to them?
The speakers clearly must rise to the occasion. They must put in the same effort in their speeches as the families of the bride and groom have done in making the wedding arrangements. They must remember that they have not been asked to deliver an impromptu or an extempore speech. They had enough time and warning to get their speeches ready. Now that the time has come they must not let the guests down.
The best wedding speeches, of course, are those that are delivered at the spur of the moment. But those who are gifted give these speeches. The rest have to work hard to prepare their speeches. They must spend some time putting their thought on paper, ideally at least a month before the big day.
When doing so they should not look for smart one-liners to liven up their speeches but talk about the groom, the bride, the family and friends. The speech should not forget the guests who have taken time off their busy schedules to be present for the wedding. It’s a great family occasion, and the speeches must capture this spirit.
A good idea is to rehearse the wedding speeches. This helps eliminate unnecessary words or sentences. The speaker does not have to stutter to locate a word or a sentence. His thoughts flow smoothly. More important, they are suited to the occasion, and add to overall joy and festivities.

Christine Smith
545
25 7

Emotional abuse can be defined as the systematic tearing down of another human being through such methods as rejection, isolation, terrorizing, put downs, and more. Most people don’t consider emotional abuse a serious matter, they think of it as one form of misunderstanding in a relationship. They also think that it only qualifies as abuse when a woman is punched or slapped around. Unfortunately, the wounds from verbal abuse can run just as deep and take longer to heal than the black eyes and bruises of physical abuse.
When a person endures such behavior for a prolonged period of time, they can become a shadow of their former selves. The bad thing about emotional abuse is that it is gradual, so much so that the woman involved may not even realize that she is a victim of abuse. Everything may look normal, but the relationship just isn’t right.
What most people don’t understand is that an emotionally abusive relationship doesn’t start out that way. In the beginning, your partner was probably caring and attentive, sweeping you off your feet. Once you were convinced that “he was the one,” things slowly began to change. Maybe there was a little comment about the house being dusty, so you made a mental note to always keep the house clean. Maybe he just picked at his food, so you began to go out of your way to only cook what he liked.
Over time, you began to shift your focus from your needs to keeping the peace and making him happy. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing to an extent; we all try to do things to please our mate. It becomes a problem when your whole focus in life revolves around keeping him happy. Your relationship becomes dysfunctional when you begin to feel that everything wrong in the relationship is your fault and that if you can somehow fix your flaws, then everything will be okay.
When you begin to believe that you aren’t good enough, smart enough, or just aren’t plain “enough” for your partner; you begin to lose all sense of yourself. It no longer matters what you want out of life, and you’ve forgotten what it means to be happy. You end up being a robot; merely surviving from day to day as you feelings become numb from dealing with the emotional abuse.
Here are some things to consider to determine of your relationship is heading towards emotional abuse.
• The main issues in your relationship always remains unresolved.
• You quit bringing up subjects to discuss with your partner because you think nothings going to change.
• You feel that you are the one who should do everything just to find peace in the relationship.
• You cannot express your opinions freely because you’re afraid it might be wrong or it may trigger his anger.
• You are holding yourself not to get angry because you don’t want to pick a fight with him.
• You give in to his sexual demands just to gain peace.
• You do all ways to please him but in the end you still get unnoticed?
• You are being blamed for his misfortunes in life?
• You are always told to clean the house.
• You are being blamed for him having his affairs with other woman because he said you are not meeting his needs.
• You live on a strict budget but he spends his money freely with everything he wants without considering you.
• You feel like you’re not an equal partner; that his needs and wants always come first
• You always think that he is right and you are wrong.
• You often feel like you’re just not good enough.
• He say “I love you but…,” making his love conditional on something you do or don’t do.
• He often has outbursts over trivial things.
• You find yourself second-guessing your every move so that you don’t anger him.
• He continually questions where you’ve been, who you were with, and whether you’re having an affair.
• He makes snide remarks and rude comments about your close friends and family.
If you experience these things you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship. You probably feel a sort of emptiness and unhappiness about life in general. While everything may look normal on the outside, the continual struggle to be perfect and keep your man happy is probably wearing you down.
If emotional abuse plays a part in your relationship, you need to remind yourself that you aren’t to blame for the situation. You deserve just as much happiness and stability in your life as your partner does. Seek help from friends and other counseling centers if you need to get advice about elationship.